Musicislife23 Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 I’m 40 and my girlfriend is 51. She works a lot and provides for her 2 kids still at home. I’ve been with her off and on for over a year and we decided to move in together. I never see her hardly at all, and I brought up some concerning things. I live in the same town as her, but she drives an hour round trip for work and won’t come see me. She thought it was bad I brought that up. I wanted to make sure she wanted a husband and not just a roommate. She didn’t like that I brought that up. No sex in our relationship. I know I probably shouldn’t have said anything, but I figured if we are moving in together she’d want to see me more. Now she doesn’t want me to move in. I’m thinking I ruined everything and saying I’m sorry won’t work. I feel like I’m not a priority, but yet she makes me seem like I’m wrong for even questioning things. Any advice? I’m seriously losing my mind. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 1 minute ago, Musicislife23 said: . She works a lot and provides for her 2 kids still at home. I’ve been with her off and on for over a year. she doesn’t want me to move in. Unfortunately her household and children and working need to be her priory. Why is the relationship on/off? Moving into her place with her children after a year of on/off won't solve any problems. It's just a sexual and economic convenience. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrina Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 Off and on relationships usually mean the relationship isn't right for you, and what you've written besides that confirms this. No sex. You don't feel like a priority. Nobody is holding you prisoner, so why aren't you leaving to find a satisfactory relationship? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 You are not wrong for bringing up these serious issues. In fact she is wrong for dismissing your feelings and making you feel bad for even wanting to talk about them. This is how relationships are supposed to work. One person is concerned or upset so they talk to their partner about it, the partner listens and validates their feelings and takes it to heart so a compromise or solution can be found through communication. That is not what is happening here. So lets run down your relationship: -No sex -She doesn't want to hear about your feelings -She could care less if and when she sees you -You are left waiting for crumbs from her This isn't a healthy relationship, it doesn't sound like a relationship at all really. Why are you with her? Lost 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicislife23 Posted June 17, 2023 Author Share Posted June 17, 2023 We broke up in December and got back together a week later. Then we broke up in January for a few weeks. We decided to make things work, and her kids liked me so we thought we should go forward. She thinks I’m just doubting our relationship now. Which I just wanted some reassurance that I’m what she wants as a husband. I feel like we don’t communicate the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicislife23 Posted June 17, 2023 Author Share Posted June 17, 2023 I should correct what I wrote. We haven’t had sex in 7 months. She said it would happen but it hasn’t. I love her a lot, and that’s why I stay with her. Yet you know she isn’t someone that likes having tough conversations. I figured it was better to have the convo now then wait til we live together. Now it seems she doesn’t want that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 In a year, you've broken up twice and haven't had sex for over the half the relationship. What about this seems like a relationship that has a snowball's chance in hell of working out? (Hint: It doesn't) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 Quote I never see my girlfriend. Maybe its time for glasses perscription. 😁 Jokes aside, it doesnt seem like a good fit. She maybe likes that her kids like you and that she has somebody with her. But she doesnt seem dedicated to relationship. Doesnt try to see you, doesnt want sex from some reason, nore really cares about what you think. She seem more interested in in just having somebody to split expanses then in having you as an individual and as an equal partner. You really dont get anything there and you shouldnt stay when the situation is like it is. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicislife23 Posted June 17, 2023 Author Share Posted June 17, 2023 I have seen her on Valentine’s Day and her birthday. Sometimes I can get her to meet up with me, but it’s not for very long. We do talk over text mostly. She said i was wrong for asking to hang out on her off day because she wants to rest. She said our relationship isn’t healthy and she doesn’t want me around her children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrina Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 Your self worth is in the gutter. Perhaps work on that first and maybe you'll have better luck in the dating world. Love doesn't conquer anything when one's major needs aren't met. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 32 minutes ago, Musicislife23 said: . She said our relationship isn’t healthy and she doesn’t want me around her children. Unfortunately this seems like another breakup. She's not happy, you're not happy. Consider this the freedom to find someone more compatible who wants what you want. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 1 hour ago, Musicislife23 said: I have seen her on Valentine’s Day and her birthday. Sometimes I can get her to meet up with me, but it’s not for very long. We do talk over text mostly. She said i was wrong for asking to hang out on her off day because she wants to rest. She said our relationship isn’t healthy and she doesn’t want me around her children. Even if she does an about face and decides she wants to move in together again, I would not do it. Why set yourself up for an eggshell walk where you LIVE? With nowhere else to go? Whatever you want to call this, it’s not a healthy relationship. I’d skip her and move on to find someone with whom you can speak freely and feel comfortable and loved. This woman is not her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 Looks a lot like a classic one sided relationship where you love her and do all the heavy lifting and she hardly ever makes time for you. I think you know it is time to end this although there isn't much to end is there? It's not like you will miss the sex or the intimacy or the companionship or the support or even the friendship. If you think about it breaking up with her will actually make your life happier because you will no longer be giving your heart to someone that doesn't appreciate you one little bit. Lost 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 It sounds like you're not compatible. She seems to have no time for you... the answer to that is not to move in together though! Not after just one year and issue's. And if her response is to be upset with you, then maybe this is just out of her control. She's a busy woman and it sounds like you can't accept her lifestyle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 4 hours ago, Musicislife23 said: She said our relationship isn’t healthy and she doesn’t want me around her children. The fact that you think you two are still a couple after she said this is mind-boggling. It's very clear she doesn't want you, OP. You need to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 But you are right...this isn't working. 'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink' She doesn't want to meet your expectations, and you can't force her to do so. You have to let go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethI Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 Don't accept a half hearted girl when u can have a woman who is all in. I think you should have a talk with her and then judge if she is serious or just wasting your time. Good luck! All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 She has too much on her plate. Her kids come first, running her household and you're dead last. Sorry to break it to you, but that's the hard truth. She doesn't have time nor energy for you. She works a lot, endures a long commute, caters to her children and there nothing left of her to spare. She's burning the candle at both ends. 🔥 It would be better for you to be with a woman without baggage. Then both of you can invest in each other without being tugged and pulled in all directions. If you don't want to lose your mind, be realistic and practical. That's my advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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