Nervous for a date

[MissCanuck]

4 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I wasn't jealous of my friend

That's not how it reads when you desrcribed her with "her chest hanging out."

Do you see how that sounds?

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I wasn't jealous of my friend. It reminded me how that used to be me. I was more sad for myself. I used to get hit on all the time. Honestly, I'm 31. I don't think I would ever dress like that now. My other friend caught her husband because she dressed more modest. He kept meeting girls with their chests hanging out, and he instantly liked her because she wore more regular clothes, a nice sweater and jeans. And now they are married with a child. 

Why should anyone catch anyone let alone by how she dresses? My mom used to say -chase him till he catches you -with a wink and a smile.  I wore teeny tiny mini skirts in my teens and 20s and all the feminine/sexy clothes to go out dancing - either as a single gal or with a date -it was a blast.  I had lovely cocktail dresses and formal dresses for formal events and loved dressing up.  Not to catch a husband LOL.  Reminds me of the Oklahoma play we saw recently -and I've seen before -but -well -that was a different time maybe????

Have you instantly liked any person -I mean liked in a genuine way -based solely on how the person dresses??  Really??? And what sort of person would love to hear that about themselves. For sure if your friend is delighted with how she caught her husband -totally cool/more power to her.  You write a lot about how you want to be admired and cared for for who you are not -as a main focus -as your "how we met! story" how you dress on a night out - and that you don't want to catch anyone in that way - in that superficial way.  

[boltnrun]

My friend group consisted of several ladies who were all very attractive, and a couple who are literally model beautiful.  My best friend is what many men would consider their dream woman...a size 2 with natural double Ds. A blue-eyed redhead with lovely facial features.  Her sister is equally beautiful and has an equally stunning figure.  Our other friends were a very cute brunette and her very pretty blond sister.  We got a lot of attention when we went out, mainly because of them.  But there were several men who chose me to approach, maybe because I am not beautiful and was therefore less intimidating or more approachable?  IDK  I didn't resent them for their beauty and I didn't tell myself "well, those men are after their breasts so they just don't even notice me."  I did what I could with what I had to work with.  I dressed in a way that flattered my figure (at the time I was a size 4 with an athletic build) and made sure I was always clean and smelling good.  But I couldn't (and still can't) control whether or not men chose to approach me rather than my beautiful friends.

And trust me, I dated some duds.  I really did.  Even had relationships with some awful men.  That's how I know how much of a disservice you'd be doing yourself if you tried to convince yourself to continue dating a man who is so very inconsiderate of you and your time.

[rainbowsandroses]

29 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I hope you're not trying to make this thing with Flaky Guy work because he accepts you as you are.  It's great that he does. 

He may not though, which may possibly explain this entire situation.  Possibly. 

Jmo but I do think it's a bit odd that in two dates, there was NO kiss or any other type of physical affection.

I get going slow but nothing?  That's way beyond slow imo.  

And of course the cancelled dates, not initiating, etc.

It's certainly something to consider anyway.

In any event, congrats Alex on losing 20 pounds! 👍

It was only two weeks ago on July 7 you posted you were 245 so a 20 pound weight loss in two weeks is quite a bit.  Its important you're losing it in a healthy way.

Are you exercising?  Hope so.  Exercise increases endorphins which helps your energy, mood etc.

So if I may ask, are you and your guy still on for tonight?  Are you cooking dinner?  If so, what are you making? 

 

 

 

[Jaunty]

17 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I wasn't jealous of my friend.

Jealous or not, the way you described how she was dressed was very judgey.  You really want to watch that.  

17 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

 

 My other friend caught her husband because she dressed more modest. He kept meeting girls with their chests hanging out, and he instantly liked her because she wore more regular clothes, a nice sweater and jeans. And now they are married with a child. 

If a woman "caught" a husband with her outfits then her marriage is a sad joke.   I am genuinely concerned about you because it really sounds like you have swallowed a bunch of crap from lame magazines, "Lifetime" movies, and sitcoms - and you are using that junk as a roadmap for your life.   

 

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Are you cooking dinner?  If so, what are you making? 

I hope you're not cooking for him, Alex.

If Mr. Lazy won't even come up with a date plan he can bring a pizza and a six pack of PBR or a bottle of Barefoot wine.  I think you said he's got financial issues but he shouldn't be taking advantage of you by getting an expensive, carefully prepared meal for free. 

[rainbowsandroses]

18 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I hope you're not cooking for him, Alex.

I hope she decides to pass on him altogether! 

Alex, my advice is focus on you and feeling good about yourself so you're not comparing yourself to other women and contributing your lack of dating success on the fact you don't dress like a hoe.

Please, get over that, that is NOT it. 

[rainbowsandroses]

24 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

If woman "caught" a husband with her outfits then her marriage is a sad joke.   I am genuinely concerned about you because it really sounds like you have swallowed a bunch of crap from lame magazines, "Lifetime" movies, and sitcoms - and you are using that junk as a roadmap for your life.   

Totally on board with this.^ 

I truly do hope you're listening Alex, there's been some valuable info and advice posted throughout this thread you'd be wise to adhere to.

[Kwothe28]

16 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

If a woman "caught" a husband with her outfits then her marriage is a sad joke.

Actually that part makes sense. If he had bad experiences with "skimpy dressed" women, somebody who is dressed more modestly would look good to him.

Now if he married her just because of that, that would indeed be crazy. But I can see how he could initially like her because she dressed in a certain manner.

Also Alex hating on her friends because they got married and have boyfriends is nothing new. Though hating on her friend because some sleezeball that probably wanted just sex approach her and not Alex, is a new even for her lol

[Alex39]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I hope she decides to pass on him altogether! 

Alex, my advice is focus on you and feeling good about yourself so you're not comparing yourself to other women and contributing your lack of dating success on the fact you don't dress like a hoe.

Please, get over that, that is NOT it. 

He's been messaging me today asking about my night last night and sending me cute pictures of his dog. Plans are on for tonight. I'm not cooking him dinner. He's coming here. I'm hoping for a kiss. It's date 4. Maybe that's why he wants to chill inside. Every other date we were in a pretty public area, so maybe a kiss just wasn't happening due to the space we were in. 

[Alex39]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

He may not though, which may possibly explain this entire situation.  Possibly. 

Jmo but I do think it's a bit odd that in two dates, there was NO kiss or any other type of physical affection.

I get going slow but nothing?  That's way beyond slow imo.  

And of course the cancelled dates, not initiating, etc.

It's certainly something to consider anyway.

In any event, congrats Alex on losing 20 pounds! 👍

It was only two weeks ago on July 7 you posted you were 245 so a 20 pound weight loss in two weeks is quite a bit.  Its important you're losing it in a healthy way.

Are you exercising?  Hope so.  Exercise increases endorphins which helps your energy, mood etc.

So if I may ask, are you and your guy still on for tonight?  Are you cooking dinner?  If so, what are you making? 

 

 

 

So I was originally 250. At that time I lost 5, so since then I lost about 13 to 15 more, so around 20. Yeah, 20 in two weeks would have been crazy. 

[Sindy_0311]

4 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I'm hoping for a kiss. It's date 4

I guess he is hoping for more than just a kiss… 

[Sindy_0311]

Alex, the guy initially asked you out tonight to meet his friends. He said that, you felt honored, and now the date downgraded into a Netflix and chill one. It’s Saturday night. He should have invited you to go out, for a drink, movies or whatever. But he didn’t… I think the guy never has any intention to introduce you to his friends, it was just a way for him to get you easier. Please do NOT sleep with him tonight… 

[Jaunty]

28 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

 He's coming here. I'm hoping for a kiss. It's date 4. Maybe that's why he wants to chill inside. Every other date we were in a pretty public area, so maybe a kiss just wasn't happening due to the space we were in. 

Be honest:  If things get physical with him, will you be more hurt when he makes it clear to you that he just wants to see you when nothing else is happening?  And that he's comfortable to cancel when something promising pops up at the last minute?

I agree that there's nothing wrong with "practice dating" a man who's obviously pretty much of a dud, since you enjoy his company.  But when the making out and sex get involved,  I can't really imagine you being fine, or capable of pretending to be fine, with being a casual afterthought.

What do you think about this?  So far, you've carefully avoided all the questions about how you're feeling when you continue to engage and chase after he has dissed you.  I think it will feel worse next time.

Of course it remains to be seen whether this hangout / netflix & chill scenario actually happens.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

38 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

He's coming here. I'm hoping for a kiss. It's date 4. Maybe that's why he wants to chill inside. Every other date we were in a pretty public area, so maybe a kiss just wasn't happening due to the space we were in. 

More excuses, ugh.

Alex, there are plenty of ways to indicate physical attraction when out in public other than exchanging saliva, come on!!

Anyway, it's kinda obvious at this point you're in your own world and nothing anyone says is going to bring you out of it.

So all we can do is wish you luck and hope it works out the way you hope.

9 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Of course it remains to be seen whether this hangout / netflix & chill scenario actually happens.

Agree.

And I'm torn between hoping it happens and hoping he flakes again.  Assuming of course if he flakes again you'd be done with him for good which personally I'd love to see. 

[boltnrun]

Alex, it seems clear that you just want a boyfriend and the quality of man doesn't seem to even be a factor.  At least you can say you have a boyfriend, right?

I presume you've told your mom about him, painting a completely different picture ("Mom, we're DATING!").

None of us can force you to want to date the right man for you.  

I just hope you don't have sex with him.  Please, please don't.  No matter what pretty words he says.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

Plans are on for tonight. I'm not cooking him dinner. He's coming here. 

Oh great, so HE'S cooking?  Bringing over groceries as well?

Or is he bringing take out?  

I'll be on pins waiting for update, keep us posted! 🙂

 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

I'm not cooking him dinner. He's coming here.

Is he bringing dinner?  Or is he ordering takeout?

[rainbowsandroses]

16 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I just hope you don't have sex with him.  Please, please don't.  No matter what pretty words he says.

I don't think he will.  Sorry to say but based on everything posted, the attraction simply isn't there for him.

My take is for him, this is more a 'friendship' and will be shocked if he tries for anything physical.

Alex is a place holder when nothing better to do and he's too lazy to plan for anything nice hence the Netflix and Chill at hers.

I'm really sorry Alex.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't think he will.  Sorry to say but based on everything posted, the attraction simply isn't there for him.

My take is for him, this is more a friendship and will be shocked if he tries for anything physical.

Alex is a place holder when nothing better to do and he's too lazy to plan for anything nice hence the Netflix and Chill.

I'm really sorry Alex.

My prediction is he will ask/try to have sex with her.  I don't think he's that into her as far as long term serious girlfriend though given how he has treate her thus far but I think he's attracted to her and will be interested in getting sexual.  

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

My prediction is he will ask/try to have sex with her.  I don't think he's that into her as far as long term serious girlfriend though given how he has treate her thus far but I think he's attracted to her and will be interested in getting sexual.  

OK fair enough we shall see!

Part of my opinion comes from the fact there's been nothing from him in three dates indicating physical attraction so it would be kinda weird if he suddenly just went all in with no lead up.

But I could be wrong. 

[kim42]

So I read almost the entire thread and I have a question, and I don't mean this in a bad way.

Alex, why is this man so important for you? I'm sincerely trying to understand why you like him.

[Jaunty]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Part of my opinion comes from the fact there's been nothing from him in three dates indicating physical attraction

I tend to agree with this.  Many guys will up their game and act very interested when they think that sex is on the table, if they're into it.   Sadly our OP has been very demonstrative that she is 100% available at a moment's notice, and he certainly hasn't upped his game in any way. 

But ...  when he's in the house alone with her, he might get a generalized passing urge and decide to act upon it.   

 @Alex39 I am not saying that you're "easy" or anything like that.  I have no idea how you conduct your sex life and I am not judgmental about that either.   Since you have behaved like you are completely at his beck and call, it's normal that he would think he can have sex with you if he feels like it.

Please don't put yourself in that position.  It will NOT make him your boyfriend, at least not if you expect more than what you've been getting from a "boyfriend."  You would be "backup/ hangout girl" but with sex included.   You clearly are not the FWB type.  So don't.  

 

[Sindy_0311]

41 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

My prediction is he will ask/try to have sex with her.  I don't think he's that into her as far as long term serious girlfriend though given how he has treate her thus far but I think he's attracted to her and will be interested in getting sexual.  

Completely agree. I think he will try to have casual sex/relationship… or a FWB sort of thing… 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Completely agree. I think he will try to have casual sex/relationship… or a FWB sort of thing… 

I agree.  Alex has shown time and time again she values him more than her own self.  So why wouldn't he get some sex out of this deal?  He doesn't even have to spend a dime on her. "Hang out" at her place for free.

Alex, I'm sure he likes you just fine.  But no man who's seriously interested in a woman will keep cancelling on her.