Confused about his intentions

[mbianchi24]

So, there’s this guy I’ve been crushing on for a little while now. We’ve only spoken a couple of times in the past month or so. The first conversation was mostly small talk, so I couldn’t really discern his feelings about me. Recently, though, I saw him again at a party, and we had the chance to talk again. He was definitely engaging me in conversation and asking me questions, but at one point he started talking to his other friends and seemed to forget I was there. As much as it hurt, I had to admit to myself that he wasn’t that interested. 

Then, just as I was leaving, he said bye to me and pulled me into a hug. Even after we pulled away, he was still holding my hand. Then he said I’ll see you next time and winked at me… so, definite flirting there. And he made me feel amazing. But I can’t ignore the way he seemed to forget about me earlier, and that hurt. Not to mention it was super confusing given the attention he gave me later on. 

I’m just not sure what to do about him. Am I reading too much into the physical contact? I’m already a chronic overthinker, and over-analyzing this whole situation is starting to stress me out. 

[Andrina]

46 minutes ago, mbianchi24 said:

Then, just as I was leaving, he said bye to me and pulled me into a hug. Even after we pulled away, he was still holding my hand. Then he said I’ll see you next time and winked at me

A guy who so easily is touchy-feely like this, along with the wink, has a lot of practice. 

In my lifetime of experience, he knows you have a crush on him and it boosts his ego, but yeah, he's just not that into you.

After two times of seeing each other, a guy who was into you at this point would've asked for your number in case he never again bumped into you anywhere. Especially one who isn't shy, like him. 

I always went for earthy types of guys who lacked these smooth moves. If you see him again at another party, don't let him touch you like he's your bf unless he's asked for your number. Even then, if he's moving too fast with physical touch, let him know to cut it out. Just because he's cute, you have to see over time if he's worthy of your company.

For now, I'd try not to fantasize about something that doesn't seem promising.

[mbianchi24]

@Andrina I had a feeling that was the case, but yeah, that makes complete sense. I appreciate you being honest with me. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, mbianchi24 said:

. We’ve only spoken a couple of times in the past month or so. 

How do you know him? Work, school, friends? He seems like a flirt but has he asked you out? Does he have your contact info? Is he seeing someone? Just keep being friendly when you run into him. Perhaps next time ask him if he would like to go do something together.

[Cherylyn]

His intentions aren't serious.  He's just a flirt and rather slick.  I'd beware if I were you.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, mbianchi24 said:

Am I reading too much into the physical contact?

Unforutunately, yes. 

He's just having a bit of flirty fun, but you should not take it to mean more than that. Since this is already stressing you out, I would cut it off and keep moving. He's not going to be the guy you date next. 

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, mbianchi24 said:

So, there’s this guy I’ve been crushing on for a little while now. We’ve only spoken a couple of times in the past month or so. The first conversation was mostly small talk, so I couldn’t really discern his feelings about me. Recently, though, I saw him again at a party, and we had the chance to talk again. He was definitely engaging me in conversation and asking me questions, but at one point he started talking to his other friends and seemed to forget I was there. As much as it hurt, I had to admit to myself that he wasn’t that interested. 

Then, just as I was leaving, he said bye to me and pulled me into a hug. Even after we pulled away, he was still holding my hand. Then he said I’ll see you next time and winked at me… so, definite flirting there. And he made me feel amazing. But I can’t ignore the way he seemed to forget about me earlier, and that hurt. Not to mention it was super confusing given the attention he gave me later on. 

I’m just not sure what to do about him. Am I reading too much into the physical contact? I’m already a chronic overthinker, and over-analyzing this whole situation is starting to stress me out. 

No need to analyze. If a man is interested in dating you - ignore all signs. The only relevant “sign “ is if he asks you out on a date he plans in advance. He’s not shy and he knows you’re interested. So even more reason not to read into signs. If you want to know if he finds you attractive looking? Probably. Does he enjoy flirting with you ? Yes.
But it seems ti me you want to know if he’s interested in dating you. And for that never a need to overthink or analyze with very rare exception. And I wouldn’t ask him out since he doesn’t seem shy and knows you’re interested. 

[Talha Ubaidullah]

Don't get stressed and avoid over thinking. Everything will be fine.

[rainbowsandroses]

17 hours ago, mbianchi24 said:

Then, just as I was leaving, he said bye to me and pulled me into a hug. Even after we pulled away, he was still holding my hand. Then he said I’ll see you next time and winked at me…

Well, given he never asked for your number or asked you out, this reads to me like he's some sort of "player" and as others have said a flirt.  

Try and take such guys with a grain of salt, you'll be much better off. 

An interested man will ask for your number and reach out shortly thereafter and schedule a date.  I realize not everything is black and white especially in social circles, but that's typically how it goes. 

This guy was just too 'smooth' almost too confident.   Just my experience but an interested man may be a bit nervous in your presence which I always found quite endearing. 

 

[Batya33]

I think it’s fine to flirt and not want to date the person. Doesn’t mean the person is a player. It’s not fine if one person asks out another person - person says no but continues to flirt.  

[mbianchi24]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Just my experience but an interested man may be a bit nervous in your presence which I always found quite endearing. 

That’s also a good point. He definitely wasn’t giving off those vibes at all. These replies are helping me see the situation differently, probably for the better. 

[SooSad33]

19 hours ago, mbianchi24 said:

He was definitely engaging me in conversation and asking me questions, but at one point he started talking to his other friends and seemed to forget I was there. As much as it hurt, I had to admit to myself that he wasn’t that interested. 

Then, just as I was leaving, he said bye to me and pulled me into a hug. Even after we pulled away, he was still holding my hand. Then he said I’ll see you next time and winked at me… so, definite flirting there. And he made me feel amazing. But I can’t ignore the way he seemed to forget about me earlier, and that hurt. Not to mention it was super confusing given the attention he gave me later on. 

IMO, yes you are an 'overthinker' 😉 .

It was a party, of course he's going to go engage with his other friends as well, so let that go! 

IF he is truly interested, he'll let you know, one way or another. Eg. make comments on your post if on FB, or just reach out & talk to you more.

How well do you know him? From school, work?

 

[Batya33]

30 minutes ago, mbianchi24 said:

That’s also a good point. He definitely wasn’t giving off those vibes at all. These replies are helping me see the situation differently, probably for the better. 

No need to look for vibes. If your question is is he interested in dating you the answer is no because he hasn’t asked you out in a date he planned in advance. You can ask him out but given how flirty and extroverted he is I don’t think it’s necessary.  He’s not desperately shy or anything. Even if he was - even really shy men ask a woman out if they’re interested in dating her especially if she shows interest 

[mbianchi24]

10 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

IMO, yes you are an 'overthinker' 😉 .

It was a party, of course he's going to go engage with his other friends as well, so let that go! 

IF he is truly interested, he'll let you know, one way or another. Eg. make comments on your post if on FB, or just reach out & talk to you more.

How well do you know him? From school, work?

 

I know him from church. My church hosts social events for young professionals, so that’s how we got to know each other. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, mbianchi24 said:

That’s also a good point. He definitely wasn’t giving off those vibes at all. These replies are helping me see the situation differently, probably for the better. 

I can relate. I think the vibe/energy we project is extremely important.  

I've noticed when I'm talking with a man and his vibe/energy is a bit nervous (as is my energy cause I'm attracted to him), it's a good thing and indicates strong interest/chemistry.  Sexual tension.  Just my experience.

At that point, I may give it a gentle nudge myself and suggest something casual and light.  Like coffee, a drink. 

But here, I am envisioning how he ended things -  see you next time with a wink, ugh.

I'm projecting of course but that just seems like a "playerish" thing to do, I could be wrong! 

Since you will most likely see him again, see what happens and play it out. 

If me, I'd probably ignore him. Lol.  If he's into you, it might bother him and light a fire up his butt he needs to make a move instead of doing nothing and just flirting!

Doing so has had positive results for me in the past.  🙂

 

 

[mbianchi24]

15 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I can relate. I think the vibe/energy we project is extremely important.  

I've noticed when I'm talking with a man and his vibe/energy is a bit nervous (as is my energy cause I'm attracted to him), it's a good thing and indicates strong interest/chemistry.  Sexual tension.  Just my experience.

At that point, I may give it a gentle nudge myself and suggest something casual and light.  Like coffee, a drink. 

But here, I am envisioning how he ended things -  see you next time with a wink, ugh.

I'm projecting of course but that just seems like a "playerish" thing to do, I could be wrong! 

Since you will most likely see him again, see what happens and play it out. 

If me, I'd probably ignore him. Lol.  If he's into you, it might bother him and light a fire up his butt he needs to make a move instead of doing nothing and just flirting!

Doing so has had positive results for me in the past.  🙂

 

 

Yeah, I already decided I’m going to leave it up to him to approach me next time. Whether he does or not, at least I’ll know if he’s interested. It’s definitely not something I want to try to force.