She messaged me...1 year later

[temporarycontrol]

I've made previous posts about this before. Here's the long story short of our history.

Used to flirt, talk, be into each other. I find out she has a boyfriend, we start to talk less and less, and I eventually just stop talking to her. We used to be old coworkers, not so much anymore.

 

So 1 year went by, and I haven't heard from this girl since. She ended up working for a different organization than I did (same field of work, just a different company). I get a random email from her stating "Hey I know we lost touch, and I feel bad about how things ended. I'll be applying at your company soon, and I hope you don't have any sort of animosity towards me". I didn't really say much other than "no animosity, I hope you're doing well. Good luck applying! Take care". 

She acts all surprised that I'm surprised I'm still speaking to her and we exchange emails back and forth. She starts texting me (she must still have my number - I did not give her my number again) and we start exchanging texts here and there about...once a week? I try to keep my personal info vague, not tell her a lot about my travels and hobbies and whatnot and try to just stay friendly. She leaves me a voice message telling me "My life's been crazy, it would take forever just to catch up with you. You mention that you went to a few concerts! Are you seeing someone? How exciting! tell me more about her". I ignore that completely and I just tell her yeah the concerts were great and if she wants we can just catch up over brunch one of these days. That was two weeks ago and I haven't heard since.

Normally I'd just ignore her and block her number, but two things are stopping me:

1. I still have feelings for her. I shouldn't, but I do. I haven't asked if she's still with her bf and she's made no sort of...hint towards it? Mind you we talk maybe once every two weeks.

2. She could just be trying to catch up and put our past behind us. Yeah we were flirty and talked a LOT over the phone and once I found out she had a boyfriend we both just kind of stopped talking. Maybe she's just trying to be nice since she'll be working at my company (different department - I wouldn't work with her ever) and she doesn't want it to be awkward around me.

As of right now we stand at an awkward point. I told her hey we should catch up some time over brunch and we can totally talk about our lives over the past year!....to no response. I did wish her a happy birthday and she did thank me and wished me well. But other than that....radio silence. Should I just leave it? Is she just being nice and trying to catch up? 

Thanks!

 

[boltnrun]

Her boyfriend would probably have a problem with her going out to brunch with a guy she used to "flirt" with. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, temporarycontrol said:

. Hey I know we lost touch, and I feel bad about how things ended. I'll be applying at your company soon, and I hope you don't have any sort of animosity towards me.

You did the right thing sidestepping the personal questions. Her motives are unclear, perhaps she's the type who networks through flirting. 

Try not to reach out again and especially don't ask her out. If she's the type to feign interested for career advancement, step as far away as possible.

[MissCanuck]

None of this sits right. 

It's not her business if you're seeing someone, and it's actually laughable that she invited you to tell her about it. Girl, please. She hasn't spoken to you in ages, and she isn't entitled to a peak into your love life like she's an old pal. So, good on you for not responding to that. 

My guess is that either she's hit a rough patch with her boyfriend and wants some attention, or she's recently single and looking for an ego-boost. Either isn't good. If she had genuine interest in reconnecting (and she was available to do so), she would have accepted your brunch date invitation. 

Consider it a dead end and don't bother keeping in touch. 

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, temporarycontrol said:

I'll be applying at your company soon, and I hope you don't have any sort of animosity towards me".

I think this was the main concern of hers. It has nothing to do with you "per se". Just with the fact that you could maybe put in a good word for her or not. I am sorry to say, but you are of no concern of her there. If she wanted she would have contacted you in a year. But i bet she didnt even congratulate you your birthday. Nore that she know when it is.

As such, you should be of no concern for her. Feel free to just ignore her. Through messages, at work if she gets the job, everywhere you see her.

[Big Stan]

She is using you as an emotional tampon.  You have a responsibility to yourself to only invest your time into people willing to invest it into you.  Block her and move on. 

[temporarycontrol]

Thank you all for the feedback. If anyone else has anything to add, please do! I value everyones comments.

I kind of expected as much. I never thought she was genuinely interested in talking to me again, but it just hurts to think someone I thought was (at one point) such a great person could be using me and treat me like I'm nothing. Sucks.

[smackie9]

Why not just ask how her and her BF are doing, then proceed to tell her you are not interested in keeping in touch and to leave you alone. Straight and to the point.

[Andrina]

When she at one time thought it was okay to flirt with another man when she had a bf, what makes you think her ethics have changed and that she'd be outstanding gf material?

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.