My Girlfriend is pregnant and no longer communicates as she used to.

[JonB54]

Hi guys,

So I've been in a relationship for 7 months with this girl and everything was amazing borderline perfect, we were inseparable, telling eachother how much we love each other and always texting when I am away( work or because I'm living in my own house only 20 mins away ).

 

She recently got pregnant we both planned for it to happen she's now 6 to 7 weeks pregnant and for the past 3 to 4 days she has not been affectionate at all, she takes hours maybe even days to reply to text that she usually replies after 5 to 10 minutes. It all happened so fast within a day it seems, I felt I was doing everything right, I moved in with her, I made sure everytime she went to work I would clean the house up and down, made sure the clothes and dishes where done, vacuumed, made sure her dog was walked so that when she got home she would just relax and prepare herself for a good rest and sleep.

 

I don't know where I have gone wrong, I also do work 12 hour night shifts but even then she does not message me goodnight when we used to all the time. 

I am hoping that this is just a hormonal stage that she is going through and just needs the time and space to see herself through, I am and will always be supportive of her but I feel like she is ready to call it off with me after all we have been through.

I have currently decided to live back at my house while she Is being like this in the hope that her space is all she needs.

She has messaged me saying we need to talk so right at this moment I'm feeling the worst is going to happen and after all we been through it's kinda crazy feeling that I don't like.

 

Again I'm still hoping it's just the pregnancy and hormones just messing with her.

Any help?

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, JonB54 said:

 I've been in a relationship for 7 months with this girl. she's now 6 to 7 weeks pregnant. I feel like she is ready to call it off with me after all we have been through.

I have currently decided to live back at my house while she Is being like this 

Sorry this is happening. How old is she? Do you both work? Do you both have your own homes? 

What do you mean by "all we have been through"? What are the issues? What do you mean by "she Is being like this"?  Being like what?

It seems like way too much way too soon. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like you get along as a couple and now have complicated things with a pregnancy before you where even living together. 

What exactly is your fear that she "needs to talk"? Are you concerned she's breaking up or terminating the pregnancy? 

It was a mistake to camp out at her place. Then go back home and avoid her while "she's like this" . Please define "like this". 

Please try to communicate with her in person and decide what you want to do about the relationship and the pregnancy situation.

Unfortunately you'll have to be able to talk openly and honestly about how you two are going to manage this. 

[Kwothe28]

38 minutes ago, JonB54 said:

She has messaged me saying we need to talk

Nothing ever good came out after any person said that so probably a break up talk. Sorry if it is.

Anyway, you will have a child together so you will have to stay in contact because of that. Its kinda weird that she would break up in a situation like this but who knows what is going on in her head.

Also, what was the problem with living together? You will have a child together so what was the issue with living together as well instead of just messaging each other?

[JonB54]

40 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How old is she? Do you both work? Do you both have your own homes? 

What do you mean by "all we have been through"? What are the issues? What do you mean by "she Is being like this"?  Being like what?

It seems like way too much way too soon. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like you get along as a couple and now have complicated things with a pregnancy before you where even living together. 

What exactly is your fear that she "needs to talk"? Are you concerned she's breaking up or terminating the pregnancy? 

It was a mistake to camp out at her place. Then go back home and avoid her while "she's like this" . Please define "like this". 

Please try to communicate with her in person and decide what you want to do about the relationship and the pregnancy situation.

Unfortunately you'll have to be able to talk openly and honestly about how you two are going to manage this. 

She is 36 and I'm 34, we both had decent jobs I work in the airport industry and she work in the brain injury field.

Yeah i think also it happened way to soon I know sometimes you need to build long into a relationship, going into this one though we had deep conversations stating we both had a feeling that we have known each other before and what we were looking for hence we took the leap into starting a family.

 

So what I meant when he's being " like this " is that she just never talks much anymore, no affection all of a sudden.

Yeah I'm just concerned about the potential break up. I know I'm going to be a great father/parent to the child.

 

 

 

[JonB54]

16 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Nothing ever good came out after any person said that so probably a break up talk. Sorry if it is.

Anyway, you will have a child together so you will have to stay in contact because of that. Its kinda weird that she would break up in a situation like this but who knows what is going on in her head.

Also, what was the problem with living together? You will have a child together so what was the issue with living together as well instead of just messaging each other?

Well the only reason I'm not staying there is because its a bit awkward at hers now she's quite detached. 

So I took it up on myself to give her some time away from me a time to sit down and think what she needs and wants and then hopefully can talk about it when she's ready.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, JonB54 said:

 for the past 3 to 4 days she has not been affectionate at all.

Is this what you mean by "detached"? A lack of sex for a few days? Either way you two are going to have to talk about what to do about the pregnancy and if you want to stay together.

Packing up and leaving because she wasn't texting or affectionate enough to "give her space" seems like it made matters worse and that you're definitely not in a place to have a relationship no less a child together.

[Batya33]

Creating a life needs more than some woo woo sense you know each other from before. But now you’ve down this. I’d now shift gears to being the best expecting father you can be. I’d likely stop dating her. And no need to live with her. Start making financial plans to be a good co parent , perhaps see if the local hospital offers parenting classes including CPR. Talk to your mom about what role she sees herself  having.  Go to the doctor appointments if it will help your girlfriend.  
You moved very fast and now your responsibility is to make sure your future child is not penalized by your choices. If as it turns out you two can resume a romantic relationship then you’ll see but right now focus on the pregnancy and how to support in that way.  Good luck !

[Andrina]

I'm surprised at your ages you'd know it's best not to make major relationship decisions so close to moving out of the honeymoon stage and before the 1 year mark. That's usually moving in together or marrying too fast, whereas you even skipped all of that and decided to have a child together. Though children bring joy, they also bring tons of stress, and a couple has to have a solid foundation to handle that appropriately.

If it were me, I'd let her take the lead in communication and get-togethers. It's not like you should end the relationship now, as it's not the right time for you to venture into the dating world again. But if she's not ending it with you, give her time to see if she makes any efforts with you or not. And if months go by with you feeling dissatisfied with her behavior, you can have the talk with her about being co-parents only.

If that ends up being the case, make every conversation about the child and refrain from speaking about each of your personal lives, and don't blur the lines by seeking intimacy when either of you have dry spells. Your future relationship with another partners will benefit from that decision. Take care.

[smackie9]

Communication is your only answer to this. Yes you both need to talk, about everything. Go have some conversations...maybe take a day off and spend time together and work through this. 

[catfeeder]

What kind of conversation did you offer about moving out, and what was her response?

[MissCanuck]

19 hours ago, JonB54 said:

had deep conversations stating we both had a feeling that we have known each other before and what we were looking for hence we took the leap into starting a family.

But in reality, you haven't. The truth is that are you still getting to know each other and you both fast-forwarded your relationship to an extreme degree. You two are plenty old enough to know better than that. However, here you are. 

19 hours ago, JonB54 said:

So I took it up on myself to give her some time away from me

What does this mean? Did you talk to her about this, or did you just up and leave? 

[Wiseman2]

20 hours ago, JonB54 said:

She is 36 and I'm 34. we took the leap into starting a family.

I know I'm going to be a great father/parent to the child.

It's unfortunate that you only found out how incompatible you are after the pregnancy. However it seems that was the goal here, more  so than a relationship maybe because the clock was ticking?

Surely you realize it's odd to start planning a pregnancy before even establishing a relationship more solidly. You're describing a situation that almost seems more like a sperm donation than a relationship.

Leaving because she wasn't "affectionate" for 4 days also seems quite extreme.

Not sure how you two are going to coparent since you both wanted this to happen, but you'll have to figure that out . Either way your communication and expectations seem to need some work in order for this to work out.