What to do to get this guy back?

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, Jessicat1990 said:

He has blocked me in on social media and blocked my number.  He isn’t nasty to me he just won’t talk or stay in the room if I enter he works in the office I work in the warehouse (He got me a job there) I may tell his boss he won’t talk.

So not only did you friendzoned and lied to a man, but now when he rightfully so, wont have any contact with you, you want to report him to his Boss?

Tell me again how you want to ammend all this? By not only not taking accountability but reporting him to the Boss and get him in trouble at the job who he found to you? 

I literally have no words lol

[Jaunty]

Why don't you just leave him alone and concentrate on your relationship with your boyfriend.  Next thing you know, he won't be talking to you anymore either.

[Jessicat1990]

55 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Why don't you just leave him alone and concentrate on your relationship with your boyfriend.  Next thing you know, he won't be talking to you anymore either.

Yes it’s probably for the best.

[gamon]

5 hours ago, Jessicat1990 said:

He picked me up from hospital when I was ready to come out he gave me the Easter egg he won at the company raffle

Sure hope that wasn't the grand prize.

[Jessicat1990]

Just now, gamon said:

Sure hope that wasn't the grand prize.

He even got me a Xmas present 🎁 

[boltnrun]

So what?  He gave you gifts because he thought he had a chance to be your boyfriend and he was trying to do nice things for you.  But when he found out you were using him he didn't want anything more to do with you.

I recommend you leave him alone.  And stop lying to your boyfriend.

[gamon]

21 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

He even got me a Xmas present 🎁 

Was it a book of fiction?

 

[Cherylyn]

22 hours ago, Jessicat1990 said:

This guy from work likes me (He really opened up to me from his heart) I feel bad as I let him down, he would say sweet things he would buy me things.

I had to stay over night in hospital he was the only one who came to see me. He even picked up my medication for me.

I hid the fact I had a boy friend from him. Then he bumped into me in a bar and seen me with my boyfriend he just walked out and drove away he won’t talk to me now.

Sorry to say that deceit is the same as lying and after a person had been burned,  there's no recovery from that type of pain.  Even though my story is not the same as yours,  the pain is reminiscent of something that had occurred to me and those types of hurts are seared very deeply.  The only way to heal and move on is to eliminate certain people who've inflicted that pain.

You can't get him back.  You let a good one get away by not telling the truth up front.  He wasted his  heart and goodwill on you which was beyond disappointing and painful for him.  

In the future, be honest so you won't waste anyone's time and energy on you.

To your credit,  you feel guilty.  I can't tell you how many people in my life would never admit fault nor take the blame for what they've done.  Never in a million years.  The "best" I would get out of them would've been a nasty argument,  full on denial,  gaslighting and accusing me of wrongdoing instead.  Crazy.  

Just live and learn for your future.  Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat.  It was not all in vain.  Glean your wisdom and do better in your future.  You will be OK.

Since you work together,  perhaps there is a way for you to humbly and sincerely apologize to him without any expectations whatsoever in return good,  bad or indifferent.  It's the best you can do at this point.   You need to figure out the best way to go about this apology if you want to do it, that is.  Tell him you made a terrible mistake,  you're truly sorry you didn't tell him about your boyfriend and you're very sorry you hurt him.  Tell him you are grateful that he picked up your medication and for the gifts.  Sincerely and humbly thank him.  If anything,  at least he'll know your remorse so both of you can move on.  Offering amends is the best you can do.   Since he refuses to talk to you,  perhaps you can write a brief letter to him and make sure he receives it.  Or, text or email.  Something.  Anything.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Jessicat1990 said:

He even got me a Xmas present 🎁 

A married man at my work tried to pursue me once.  He'd leave me complimentary voice mails, especially if I was out of the office that day -like how he missed me etc - how cute I looked in my outfit the other day.  He was so sweet.  Until he started leaving those voice mails his interactions with me were friendly but not flirty - so I was kind of blindsided and I was not interested in him that way.  Nor would I have ever responded to a married man even if I were interested. 

Then he made a pass at me and I told him to stop.  He did.  Then this sweet guy threatened to smack his female boss and got fired.  (It was one reason why I didn't report his harassment of me).  

[Jessicat1990]

7 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Sorry to say that deceit is the same as lying and after a person had been burned,  there's no recovery from that type of pain.  Even though my story is not the same as yours,  the pain is reminiscent of something that had occurred to me and those types of hurts are seared very deeply.  The only way to heal and move on is to eliminate certain people who've inflicted that pain.

You can't get him back.  You let a good one get away by not telling the truth up front.  He wasted his  heart and goodwill on you which was beyond disappointing and painful for him.  

In the future, be honest so you won't waste anyone's time and energy on you.

To your credit,  you feel guilty.  I can't tell you how many people in my life would never admit fault nor take the blame for what they've done.  Never in a million years.  The "best" I would get out of them would've been a nasty argument,  full on denial,  gaslighting and accusing me of wrongdoing instead.  Crazy.  

Just live and learn for your future.  Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat.  It was not all in vain.  Glean your wisdom and do better in your future.  You will be OK.

Since you work together,  perhaps there is a way for you to humbly and sincerely apologize to him without any expectations whatsoever in return good,  bad or indifferent.  It's the best you can do at this point.   You need to figure out the best way to go about this apology if you want to do it, that is.  Tell him you made a terrible mistake,  you're truly sorry you didn't tell him about your boyfriend and you're very sorry you hurt him.  Tell him you are grateful that he picked up your medication and for the gifts.  Sincerely and humbly thank him.  If anything,  at least he'll know your remorse so both of you can move on.  Offering amends is the best you can do.   Since he refuses to talk to you,  perhaps you can write a brief letter to him and make sure he receives it.  Or, text or email.  Something.  Anything.

I’ve even asked mutual friends to talk to him.

[Cherylyn]

10 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

I’ve even asked mutual friends to talk to him.

If access to him is futile,  the only thing you can take away from this hurtful experience is to know how to behave towards others in the future. 

You are a good person because you've learned empathy.  Most people in my life are not good as you.  They would never admit wrongdoing in a million years.  You have a conscience which is highly commendable.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  You feel guilty and you are sincerely remorseful which is something I praise you for.  Tell yourself you've learned from your mistakes and will be a better person in the future so there will be no more repeated offenses.  It's part of life to learn these lessons.  We all do.  No one is spared.

[boltnrun]

32 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

I’ve even asked mutual friends to talk to him.

What does your boyfriend think about your efforts to get this guy "back"?  What does your boyfriend think about him buying you gifts?

[Jessicat1990]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

What does your boyfriend think about your efforts to get this guy "back"?  What does your boyfriend think about him buying you gifts?

My boyfriend doesn’t know.

[Cherylyn]

11 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

My boyfriend doesn’t know.

Then it's double deceit.  Ouch.  You could "do the right thing" by being honest and transparent and revealing this info to him at the risk of losing him but I doubt you'd want to take this route!   Then again, this boyfriend of yours didn't visit you at the hospital nor go to the pharmacy to pick up and deliver your medication for you.  Your boyfriend doesn't sound like a great guy.

If you want to keep your boyfriend, that's your call.  It's your decision however way you decide. 

All you can do is learn from experiences and choose what you want to do. 

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

39 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

My boyfriend doesn’t know.

If you do succeed in luring the other guy "back", how long do you think you'd be able to keep him a secret from your alleged boyfriend?  And do you expect the other guy to be satisfied with being your side dude?

[Jessicat1990]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

If you do succeed in luring the other guy "back", how long do you think you'd be able to keep him a secret from your alleged boyfriend?  And do you expect the other guy to be satisfied with being your side dude?

The guy from work (I doubt will come back) if anything he will be polite at work to me only say hello etc. He definitely won’t enter a relationship with me.

[Tinydance]

I was surprised to see your username has "1990" in it. That would mean you're 33 years old if you were born in 1990? I'm sorry but you actually sound immature for being in your mid 30's. Sorry to be harsh but I think you really need to think about your actions and what you're actually doing. 

First of all, this guy actually isn't your real friend. His interest in you was romantic, not friendship so it's not actually being real friends because one person always wants more. Even if you didn't have a boyfriend but you were leading that guy on the whole time because he liked you but nothing was going to happen. Also that guy was actually spending money on you, buying you presents and you were accepting them. He was courting you and he was doing that because he thought that maybe you liked him as well and that you were single. As you can understand yes he is really angry that he spent time and money courting a woman who never mentioned that she has a boyfriend and wasn't actually single the whole time.

Keep in mind though that even if you didn't have a boyfriend but how do you think you can be friends with someone who actually likes you romantically? Some people actually get angry if you're friends with them but they like you and they get jealous if you talk to other people and things like that. A friendship just wouldn't work unless both people are not into each other.

It's very immature that you were going to make this guy's boss or your friends force him to talk to you. You're acting like he's not an adult but some kind of puppet that just has to do what you want. Understandably he's angry and hurt but even if he wasn't, he doesn't HAVE to talk to you. People are friends with people by their own choice. So if he doesn't want to be friends with you for whatever reason, you can't just force him or make other people force him.

Also what's happening in your relationship that made you enjoy all this attention from another guy? Also why didn't your boyfriend visit you in hospital at all? To me it sounds like your relationship with your boyfriend isn't actually going well and that's why you turned to the other guy.

[Jessicat1990]

10 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I was surprised to see your username has "1990" in it. That would mean you're 33 years old if you were born in 1990? I'm sorry but you actually sound immature for being in your mid 30's. Sorry to be harsh but I think you really need to think about your actions and what you're actually doing. 

First of all, this guy actually isn't your real friend. His interest in you was romantic, not friendship so it's not actually being real friends because one person always wants more. Even if you didn't have a boyfriend but you were leading that guy on the whole time because he liked you but nothing was going to happen. Also that guy was actually spending money on you, buying you presents and you were accepting them. He was courting you and he was doing that because he thought that maybe you liked him as well and that you were single. As you can understand yes he is really angry that he spent time and money courting a woman who never mentioned that she has a boyfriend and wasn't actually single the whole time.

Keep in mind though that even if you didn't have a boyfriend but how do you think you can be friends with someone who actually likes you romantically? Some people actually get angry if you're friends with them but they like you and they get jealous if you talk to other people and things like that. A friendship just wouldn't work unless both people are not into each other.

It's very immature that you were going to make this guy's boss or your friends force him to talk to you. You're acting like he's not an adult but some kind of puppet that just has to do what you want. Understandably he's angry and hurt but even if he wasn't, he doesn't HAVE to talk to you. People are friends with people by their own choice. So if he doesn't want to be friends with you for whatever reason, you can't just force him or make other people force him.

Also what is what's happening in your relationship that made you enjoy all this attention from another guy? Also why didn't your boyfriend visit you in hospital at all? To me it sounds like your relationship with your boyfriend isn't actually going well and that's why you turned to the other guy.

My boyfriend doesn’t appreciate me where as the colleague did appreciate me. He melted my heart with the poem he wrote me and I took him for granted. I asked a friend to chat to my colleague he only said it’s private.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Jessicat1990 said:

My boyfriend doesn’t appreciate me where as the colleague did appreciate me. He melted my heart with the poem he wrote me and I took him for granted. I asked a friend to chat to my colleague he only said it’s private.

So then why are you with your boyfriend?

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Jessicat1990 said:

My boyfriend doesn’t appreciate me where as the colleague did appreciate me. He melted my heart with the poem he wrote me and I took him for granted. I asked a friend to chat to my colleague he only said it’s private.

But why do you want to be with your boyfriend if he doesn't appreciate you and couldn't be bothered to visit you in hospital? If you're not happy with him then wouldn't it be better to find someone else? I understand you felt cared for by your friend but I just don't see any scenario in which you could actually be friends with him because he actually had feelings for you. I think the only way you could have him in your life is if you were his girlfriend. People usually don't want to be just friends with someone they like romantically. If you like him romantically too your option is to tell him you like him and you'll leave your boyfriend for him. That's not to say he'll forgive you but it's something you could try if you like him too. But if you don't feel the same then I think there's nothing you can actually do. It's not fair to him to be friends with him.

[Jessicat1990]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

So then why are you with your boyfriend?

I don’t know it’s safe with my boyfriend. I’ve asked colleagues to talk to him and he just replies it’s private but he respects me.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Jessicat1990 said:

He got me a job there.

Are you worried about getting fired? Or if there's gossip about what you did? 

[Tinydance]

4 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

I don’t know it’s safe with my boyfriend. I’ve asked colleagues to talk to him and he just replies it’s private but he respects me.

Do you like the other guy or you see him only as a friend?

[Jessicat1990]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Are you worried about getting fired? Or if there's gossip about what you did? 

A colleague said they could invite him out after work and I will be there or I could leave him chocolate on his desk.

[Tinydance]

I don't think you should be asking his colleagues to talk to him. You shouldn't be getting other people involved, it's none of their business. If he doesn't want to talk to you don't force him.