What to do to get this guy back?

[Jessicat1990]

This guy from work likes me (He really opened up to me from his heart) I feel bad as I let him down, he would say sweet things he would buy me things.

I had to stay over night in hospital he was the only one who came to see me. He even picked up my medication for me.

I hid the fact I had a boy friend from him. Then he bumped into me in a bar and seen me with my boyfriend he just walked out and drove away he won’t talk to me now.

[boltnrun]

How does your boyfriend feel about your desire to "get" this other guy "back"? Is he on board with you having two boyfriends? I'm sure you must have told him.

And I would say good for the other guy for walking away. Seems like he has some integrity and a sense of self worth. 

[Jessicat1990]

I want the guy back on friend terms. He was in tears when he drove away.

[MrMan1983]

4 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

I want the guy back on friend terms. He was in tears when he drove away.

Why did you hide that you had a boyfriend? Were you partly interested? 

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

I want the guy back on friend terms. He was in tears when he drove away.

So why did you choose not to tell him you have a boyfriend?

And again, what's your boyfriend's opinion on this situation?

[Kwothe28]

"Oh no, why it isnt the consequences of my own actions!"

You friendzoned the guy and enjoyed attention. All the while not telling him you have a boyfriend. Because if you told him, attention would stop. So at the end, you got what you deserved. Leave the man alone. He got enough hurt from you as it is.

[Jessicat1990]

10 hours ago, boltnrun said:

So why did you choose not to tell him you have a boyfriend?

And again, what's your boyfriend's opinion on this situation?

I’ve not told my boy friend the whole truth he just thinks the guy is just a colleague.

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, Jessicat1990 said:

he won’t talk to me now.

Rightly so. 

You are not being honest with him or your boyfriend. To be blunt, you don't deserve to have him as a friend. Leave him alone. 

[Jessicat1990]

If he won’t talk I may tell his boss he won’t talk then they will get him to talk.

[Jessicat1990]

12 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

"Oh no, why it isnt the consequences of my own actions!"

You friendzoned the guy and enjoyed attention. All the while not telling him you have a boyfriend. Because if you told him, attention would stop. So at the end, you got what you deserved. Leave the man alone. He got enough hurt from you as it is.

He has blocked me in on social media and blocked my number.  He isn’t nasty to me he just won’t talk or stay in the room if I enter he works in the office I work in the warehouse (He got me a job there) I may tell his boss he won’t talk.

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Jessicat1990 said:

He has blocked me in on social media and blocked my number.   I may tell his boss he won’t talk.

If he blocked you it's best to leave him alone. Why would you tell his boss? It's a personal matter that you were seeing him. 

[kctiger]

16 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

If he won’t talk I may tell his boss he won’t talk then they will get him to talk.

And you think this is a viable option to get someone to talk to you again? You need to grow up. This is not how you handle personal matters and it certainly will not put you in a positive light in his eyes. 

And was he the only coworker who came to see you in the hospital or are you saying your boyfriend didn't even come see you? I'd unpack that situation unless I'm misunderstanding. 

[MissCanuck]

15 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

If he won’t talk I may tell his boss he won’t talk then they will get him to talk.

If you want the police showing up at your door to issue you with a restraining order...yep, sounds like a fine idea. 

[Jessicat1990]

6 minutes ago, kctiger said:

And you think this is a viable option to get someone to talk to you again? You need to grow up. This is not how you handle personal matters and it certainly will not put you in a positive light in his eyes. 

And was he the only coworker who came to see you in the hospital or are you saying your boyfriend didn't even come see you? I'd unpack that situation unless I'm misunderstanding. 

My boyfriend didn’t come to see me at the hospital either! 

[Batya33]

20 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

He has blocked me in on social media and blocked my number.  He isn’t nasty to me he just won’t talk or stay in the room if I enter he works in the office I work in the warehouse (He got me a job there) I may tell his boss he won’t talk.

Please don't involve your workplace and especially not your boss. He is not required to be in the same room with you. He is there to do his work. You are there to do your work.  Not stir up drama.  Also why would you want him to talk to you out of fear or obligation?

[Jessicat1990]

24 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Please don't involve your workplace and especially not your boss. He is not required to be in the same room with you. He is there to do his work. You are there to do your work.  Not stir up drama.  Also why would you want him to talk to you out of fear or obligation?

He got me a sweet valentines card saying I mean the world to him he brought me flowers when I was in hospital and now he won’t have anything to do with me. I’d best leave him alone. What if in 6 months he wants to talk again?

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

He got me a sweet valentines card saying I mean the world to him he brought me flowers when I was in hospital and now he won’t have anything to do with me. I’d best leave him alone. What if in 6 months he wants to talk again?

That's so nice! Maybe because he realized you had a bf or maybe he is involved with someone else. What if the sky falls? I'd focus on the present and not on wild "what ifs".  I'm glad you are feeling better. 

[Jessicat1990]

He picked me up from hospital when I was ready to come out he gave me the Easter egg he won at the company raffle and used to always ask how my day is he would tell me I’m beautiful and wrote me a beautiful poem from his heart.

[MissCanuck]

Is the only reason you want him around to stroke your ego?

Because you haven't said one word about what you like about him. You seem to be using him for attention and favours and gifts. 

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

He got me a sweet valentines card saying I mean the world to him he brought me flowers when I was in hospital and now he won’t have anything to do with me. I’d best leave him alone. What if in 6 months he wants to talk again?

This part is somewhat unclear. Were you cheating on him with your BF or were you cheating on your BF with him? Either way he felt deceived and used.  

[Batya33]

12 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

He picked me up from hospital when I was ready to come out he gave me the Easter egg he won at the company raffle and used to always ask how my day is he would tell me I’m beautiful and wrote me a beautiful poem from his heart.

Awww.  That's soooo sweet. What nice things do you do for yourself? Today I took a really good shower after working out and used my face cream with the great scent while wrapped in my good turkish towel then made myself perfect coffee the way I like it all while my husband and son are sleeping so it's peaceful and quiet and me time. 

Certainly the people who are close to you should treat you with respect and kindness especially if you are in the hospital - my husband had his BFF run out to get me dum dum lollipops while I was in labor giving birth to our son since sucking candies were not permitted and I was so dry/dehydrated! - I needed that far far more than a poem (and yes he's given me many romantic gifts and cards over the years).

With respect -figure out why you're so needy for petting-type attention.  From people who you work with or are just friends with especially.  Here's one way to figure it out -start doing for others.  Every single day.  Small and large kindnesses whether it's volunteer work or plain ole common sense thoughtfulness. That way you'll rebalance away from this self-absorption/neediness.  

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, Jessicat1990 said:

I’ve not told my boy friend the whole truth he just thinks the guy is just a colleague.

You're lying to your boyfriend in addition to lying to this guy. 

1 hour ago, Jessicat1990 said:

If he won’t talk I may tell his boss he won’t talk then they will get him to talk.

So now you're planning to try to get him in trouble at work just so you can get more gifts and attention from him? Do you expect him to appreciate you going to his boss? 

Where this selfish, entitled attitude coming from? I'm not sure why you think it's acceptable to lie to people and use them to get gifts and attention. Not nice.

[Andrina]

What is the ethical thing you should have done, as far as the feelings of your co-worker and to be faithful to your bf? You should have said, "Just so you know, I have a boyfriend."

So when you don't act like a decent human being, yes, things will blow up in your face.

And you have to respect other people's wishes. You and the co-worker have, or had, two different goals. When one person has a crush, friendship isn't possible, as the person with the crush is emotionally caught up on a dead-end, when they should be seeking something with a person available to date.

You're the opposite of the person this co-worker thought you were. He had the wool pulled over his eyes, and now he's steering clear. Leave the poor guy alone. You've done enough damage. And if you can't be faithful to your bf by welcoming flirtatious behavior from other men, free him to be with someone who knows how to be a good partner. Take this as a learning experience. As long as you learn from mistakes, you can feel good about improvements, moving forward.

[Jessicat1990]

I didn’t treat my boyfriend or co worker with respect. I regret it now. I can sort things with my boy friend. But I feel bad after what I put my co worker through he is a good human. He was sweet to me he genuinely liked me when it was cold he gave me his scarf to keep warm (small things to show he cared) I took him for granted.

[Andrina]

12 minutes ago, Jessicat1990 said:

But I feel bad after what I put my co worker through he is a good human.

Well, it's good you have empathy. It shows you have room to grow as a human being. With time, the pain for everyone will lessen.