Girlfriend wants space

[DBanner]

My girlfriend of over a year told me at the beginning of march that she was having doubts about being in a relationship because she thought she didn’t have enough time to heal from her previous relationship, where she was engaged and cheating on by another man. It’s been over three weeks and we haven’t really spoken about anything, and we work together on the same shift. Things are awkward at work, but she asked for both time and space. I have severe anxiety and my depression is getting worse by the day, I don’t know what to do, I want to approach her and try to talk it out, but I also want to be mature and respect her wishes. I don’t know how to proceed.

[Wiseman2]

58 minutes ago, DBanner said:

. I have severe anxiety and my depression is getting worse by the day. I want to approach her and try to talk it out.

Sorry this is happening. It's unfortunate you have to work together.

Focus only on your own physical and mental health. See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Running back to the source of your pain won't resolve it. Sadly she's not ready, willing or able to have a relationship at this time. Don't wait for her or try to get back together.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, DBanner said:

I want to approach her and try to talk it out

Unfortunately, this isn't really an issue that can be talked out (beyond deciding that you two need to part ways, for example)

She isn't over her last relationship. That is something she needs to work through alone, and you can't be expedited. How long ago did she and her ex break up before you two got together?

Since you've been together for a year, it seems a little odd that this is coming to a head only now. Had you previously seen any signs that she might not be ready for another boyfriend? 

[Kwothe28]

After a year together I seriously doubt her last relationship before you was an issue. But she served you a convinient excuse. If she has doubts but doesnt even talk to you, consider it over, sorry.

[SooSad33]

9 hours ago, DBanner said:

It’s been over three weeks and we haven’t really spoken about anything, and we work together on the same shift. Things are awkward at work, but she asked for both time and space. I have severe anxiety and my depression is getting worse by the day, I don’t know what to do, I want to approach her and try to talk it out, but I also want to be mature and respect her wishes.

Sadly, this is why NOT getting involved with co workers is emphasized so often 😕 . In the end it makes things very awkward.

I am sorry for what you're experiencing - but by sounds of it, neither of you should have gotten involved.  You, with your mental health & her still not over her last relationship.

I suggest you remain at a distance and leave her be now.  Expect no more in this. And if she's a friend on FB etc, remove her and delete her number.. you pretty much need to erase her from your life now. I find the less you know the better!

If it's too much on you, is there a way to find work elsewhere?

 

[DBanner]

3 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Sadly, this is why NOT getting involved with co workers is emphasized so often 😕 . In the end it makes things very awkward.

I am sorry for what you're experiencing - but by sounds of it, neither of you should have gotten involved.  You, with your mental health & her still not over her last relationship.

I suggest you remain at a distance and leave her be now.  Expect no more in this. And if she's a friend on FB etc, remove her and delete her number.. you pretty much need to erase her from your life now. I find the less you know the better!

If it's too much on you, is there a way to find work elsewhere?

 

My mental problems have only returned recently because of what we’re going through, it’s been a few years since it’s been like this. I don’t have any friends, she was the closest person in my life and we did almost everything together. I’m not ready to completely write her out of my life,  but I don’t know how long I should wait before I need to make any kind of decision. I’m 23 and work at a nice job for my age where normally one would have to have a degree to be in, which I do not. In other words, finding another job would be next to impossible.

[MissCanuck]

25 minutes ago, DBanner said:

I don’t have any friends

Why is that?

It's a heavy burden to be the centre of someone's universe and their only social outlet. As a woman, I can tell you that men with no real life outside the relationship are some of the hardest to date.

I asked before, but you may have missed it:
 

11 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

How long ago did she and her ex break up before you two got together?

11 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Had you previously seen any signs that she might not be ready for another boyfriend? 

 

[DBanner]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

Why is that?

It's a heavy burden to be the centre of someone's universe and their only social outlet. As a woman, I can tell you that men with no real life outside the relationship are some of the hardest to date.

I asked before, but you may have missed it:
 

 

They were apart for about a little over a year, we went through the same thing a couple of months into our relationship but she inevitably decided to stay after she took some space for about a week. I’m not sure why this is all coming back again, but I’ve just been trying to give her space and the waiting has been making my anxiety resurface.

[smackie9]

Sounds like a long slow rebound. Plus the honeymoon stage of your relationship is over…that’s when some start to see and feel differently about the relationship. It’s normal for things to run their course. There is nothing you can do but distance yourself and start living your best life.  You need to learn to stop being so dependent on her to give you a life. That weighs heavy on a person and stalls progression for the long haul. 

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, DBanner said:

They were apart for about a little over a year, we went through the same thing a couple of months into our relationship 

Is it possible she's still talking to him and sort of on/off?

Either way you're doing the right thing giving her space and taking time for yourself. 

Sounds like you have a good job, so focus on that.

[Cherylyn]

Honor and respect her wishes by giving her all the time and space she wants. 

She was on the rebound.  She needs to heal her broken heart.   💔  Back off a lot.  Do not approach her,  don't text,  etc. 

Concentrate on your health and your career.  Also,  don't allow one person to be the center of your universe.  Work on yourself and gradually invest in a social life. 

[Andrina]

2 hours ago, DBanner said:

I don’t have any friends, she was the closest person in my life and we did almost everything together.

Many romantic relationships will fail when you don't have a fulfilling life BESIDES dating. As others have said, it's smothering and scary to a woman when she's the sole center of a man's happiness bubble.

1 hour ago, DBanner said:

we went through the same thing a couple of months into our relationship

As Dr. Phil says, the best predictor of future behavior is recent past behavior. If you two happened to get back together, history will repeat itself.

My suggestion is to stay alone and work on creating a satisfying life solo. That means getting yourself out into the world to meet people through activities and hobbies for eventual friendship, whether it be in just a group form, or one-on-one if you find someone you gel with.

It's the secret to being more attractive to potential dates, that you have interesting stuff going on in your life. And a support system, learning to enjoy your own company as well as others, will make you more resilient when breakups happen, which mostly everyone experiences.

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, DBanner said:

we went through the same thing a couple of months into our relationship but she inevitably decided to stay after she took some space for about a week.

OP, it's going to hurt to hear, but the truth is simple: when someone repeatedly needs "space" in a relationship, they are in the wrong relationship and it's not going to work out. 

That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. But it's pretty clear she isn't into this the way you are, and she's had one foot out the door for a long time. It is going to be best to realize she's isn't the one for you and this will inevitably come to an end. The right young lady for you won't need to take space from you, and especially not more than once.