I am quite certain that my soulmate and I have crossed paths, but she has kids and man.

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Citizen89 said:

 

So her kids needs is that they should be with her more than her father? Explain that.

Despite your demand that I "explain that", that is not at all what I said.

[Batya33]

Just now, Citizen89 said:

 

So her kids needs is that they should be with her more than her father? Explain that.

Her children need parents who act in their best interests whatever that looks like. Her having an affair with a coworker would not be in their best interests.  In some families there is shared custody, others, sole custody, others, it's constantly changing/evolving because kids are human beings with needs and wants.  Just like you. Unlike you they are entitled to the care and attention of their mother.

[Citizen89]

Just now, Andrina said:

Mature, mentally healthy people don't begin a new relationship before being well out of an old relationship.

Mature, mentally healthy parents in a divorce have to make their kids a priority by getting their children used to the new dynamic. This can't happen when their parents are seeking band-aids with new romantic partners, and having their parents distracted during this critical time.

Mentally healthy single people walk away the millisecond they realize a person is taken. He or she would say, "Oh, I see we have some chemistry but I can't ethically communicate with someone taken. When you've been divorced a year, and more likely out of a rebound period, give me a call and if I'm still single, we can talk about meeting up."

And finally, a mentally healthy parent won't introduce their kids to a bf/gf until confident the relationship is serious, which is way beyond the honeymoon period, where all fantasies of the newbie partner fade and the reality of who the person really is takes center stage.

Chemistry might fool a naive person into thinking they've met their soulmate, but realistic people know that chemistry is only a starting point, and there are so many levels to find out about a person before seeing if they are a lifetime partner. One thing we already know about the both of you is that you each practice poor ethics as far as honoring the sanctity of a relationship. She's fine flirting with other men while married, and no, being mentally out of the door, if that's the case is NO EXCUSE. And you don't consider the sanctity of her marriage. If you wouldn't want your gf or wife chatting up a man willing to flirt with her, you don't engage in this behavior either. Karma is a witch and will come back to bite you on the tush.

I wouldn't say what happened so far constitutes cheating. Although I would be interested to see her husband step in when she is smiling, head to the side, twirling her eye, speaking to me.

To me it's not emotional cheating, even. It's not quite there yet.

[Batya33]

Just now, Citizen89 said:

I wouldn't say what happened so far constitutes cheating. Although I would be interested to see her husband step in when she is smiling, head to the side, twirling her eye, speaking to me.

To me it's not emotional cheating, even. It's not quite there yet.

Yes.  It's inconsistent with being in a marriage.  If that is what you are interested in that also is about you.  It doesn't sound like you are interested in developing a relationship with a soulmate but rather the thrill of chasing an unavailable woman and fantasizing that she feels the same way.  Big wake up call for you to start making a life for yourself that has appropriate ways to have fun, adventure, personal growth maybe?

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Citizen89 said:

I wouldn't say what happened so far constitutes cheating. Although I would be interested to see her husband step in when she is smiling, head to the side, twirling her eye, speaking to me.

To me it's not emotional cheating, even. It's not quite there yet.

You're contradicting yourself.  First you claim she wants you, flirts with you, removed her wedding ring because she wants to be with you, meets up with you and is your "soulmate" and now you're saying none of that behavior is cheating.  You admit she wouldn't behave that way in front of her husband, but if it's not cheating why wouldn't she?

I can see you don't want to see anything that interferes with this fantasy you've created.  But unless and until she files for divorce and physically separates from her husband, all you are is the dude at work she meets up with and flirts with.  You are not her "soulmate" and you certainly are not her kids' stepdad.

[Andrina]

4 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

I wouldn't say what happened so far constitutes cheating. Although I would be interested to see her husband step in when she is smiling, head to the side, twirling her eye, speaking to me.

To me it's not emotional cheating, even. It's not quite there yet.

If you or she wouldn't act that way with her husband in the room, it is emotional cheating. Go for a relationship where things don't need to be a secret. It's the ethical thing to do, and the safer thing. About a third of the Dateline shows I watch where someone is murdered were because of love triangles.

[Citizen89]

 

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You admit she wouldn't behave that way in front of her husband, but if it's not cheating why wouldn't she?

Do you think it's emotional cheating?

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Citizen89 said:

Our next meeting she treated me like her meta boyfriend and our romance just increases the more we see each other, 

Are these work meetings? Has she ever asked you to go for a coffee/lunch break? Has she ever asked about seeing you outside of work?  

[Citizen89]

6 minutes ago, Andrina said:

If you or she wouldn't act that way with her husband in the room, it is emotional cheating. Go for a relationship where things don't need to be a secret. It's the ethical thing to do, and the safer thing. About a third of the Dateline shows I watch where someone is murdered were because of love triangles.

I would act the same.. I haven't flirted.

[Citizen89]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Has she ever asked about seeing you outside of work?  

I have learned from another source that she will arrange something in a months time for other employees. So she does actually have a plan.

[bluecastle]

5 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

I have learned from another source that she will arrange something in a months time for other employees. So she does actually have a plan.

Wait. So your interpretation of her planning an event for other employees is that it’s a secret way to see you out of work?

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

 she will arrange something in a months time for other employees. 

But has she ever sought out any one-on-one time, for instance going out after work or even a coffee break?  Has she said anything specifically that she has any interest other than being coworkers? 

 

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

I have learned from another source that she will arrange something in a months time for other employees. So she does actually have a plan.

Why do you have to get your information about your "soulmate" from other sources?  If she wants to be with you so badly wouldn't she tell YOU her plans?  And what does her arranging an event for other employees have to do with being with you in a romantic relationship?

What do the two of you do when you meet up alone (without anyone else present)?  Does she declare her love for you, say she wants to be with you after her divorce, anything at all like that?

The more you explain the more I'm starting to believe you've made this entire scenario up in your own head.

[Citizen89]

Just now, boltnrun said:

Why do you have to get your information about your "soulmate" from other sources?  If she wants to be with you so badly wouldn't she tell YOU her plans?  And what does her arranging an event for other employees have to do with being with you in a romantic relationship?

What do the two of you do when you meet up alone (without anyone else present)?  Does she declare her love for you, say she wants to be with you after her divorce, anything at all like that?

The more you explain the more I'm starting to believe you've made this entire scenario up in your own head.

Oh sure I can be wrong. But I am not wrong about her ring getting taken off in a very timely fashion. 90% of communication is non verbal for that matter.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Citizen89 said:

 she has two kids and a husband. She has despite this sent out several signals 

Even if you have a crush, she still goes home to her husband and family every night and has not done anything inappropriate. Nor indicated she wants to see you outside of work.  She seems to be professional with you. Keep in mind, it's part of her job to interact with you.

[Citizen89]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Even if you have a crush, she still goes home to her husband and family every night and has not done anything inappropriate. Nor indicated she wants to see you outside of work.  She seems to be professional with you. Keep in mind, it's part of her job to interact with you.

It's debatable if flirty body language is inappropriate, especially if she isn't aware of it but just naturally attracted to me.

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

Oh sure I can be wrong. But I am not wrong about her ring getting taken off in a very timely fashion. 90% of communication is non verbal for that matter.

You didn't answer any of my questions.

How many times have the two of you spent time together outside of work and without anyone else present? Has she said anything about wanting to be in a love relationship with you? Does she text, email or message you in a personal manner?

You are choosing to interpret these so called "non verbal" signs in a way that supports your fantasy. However you haven't been able to provide a single example of when she's told you she has romantic feelings for you. Other than deciding she took off her wedding ring for you which could have absolutely no connection to you at all.

What is your relationship or dating history? Have you ever had a long term relationship? Or been in love?

[MissCanuck]

This woman has never indicated she is even interested in you. 

As far as I can tell, you have a crush on your coworker. That's it. The rest is major projection on your part and seeking confirmation bias in "signs" that are actually randmom behaviours that have nothing to do with you at all.  You aren't even dating her. 

My guess is this woman has no clue you are in love with her and isn't aware that you're micro-analyzing everything she does to spin a story in your mind about being your soulmate. Me thinks you are seeing things that just aren't there. 

[Citizen89]

Just now, boltnrun said:

You didn't answer any of my questions.

How many times have the two of you spent time together outside of work and without anyone else present? Has she said anything about wanting to be in a love relationship with you? Does she text, email or message you in a personal manner?

You are choosing to interpret these so called "non verbal" signs in a way that supports your fantasy. However you haven't been able to provide a single example of when she's told you she has romantic feelings for you. Other than deciding she took off her wedding ring for you which could have absolutely no connection to you at all.

What is your relationship or dating history? Have you ever had a long term relationship? Or been in love?

She talked about her first meeting with me to other people and with me she said: I don't know how you felt.... I could tell already back then that it had an impact on her. She magnified the event.

But taking the ring off was pretty unexpected, that it would happen right after.  I've had countless women fall in love with me. I have attachement issue though so I reject them. I don't want to reject her.. 

[boltnrun]

I'll ask again...

9 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

How many times have the two of you spent time together outside of work and without anyone else present? Has she said anything about wanting to be in a love relationship with you? Does she text, email or message you in a personal manner?

It's a huge jump from 

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

smiling, head to the side, twirling her eye,

to "will I be her kids' stepdad"?

This is a fantasy.  That's all.

[bluecastle]

13 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

I've had countless women fall in love with me. I have attachement issue though so I reject them. I don't want to reject her.. 

Interesting. 

So women who have been available and have openly expressed interest in you trigger a lack of interest on your part. 

Whereas this woman, who is unavailable and has expressed zero clear interest in you triggers interest. 

That there sounds like a case study in the same attachment issue. You can't "reject" her, after all, since she is not available and not asking for anything. But you can write fantasy novels in your head. 

[boltnrun]

Definition of limerence

[bluecastle]

Adding to the above: That she is married, that she has kids, that you're aware that sincere availability on her part requires some very heavy lifting—and that an actual relationship would involve navigating two small human being and an ex-husband—well, it sounds like what is appealing about her is that the odds are stacked firmly against the fantasy becoming reality and that you find some very palpable comfort in that. 

[Citizen89]

Just now, bluecastle said:

Adding to the above: That she is married, that she has kids, that you're aware that sincere availability on her part requires some very heavy lifting—and that an actual relationship would involve navigating two small human being and an ex-husband—well, it sounds like what is appealing about her is that the odds are stacked firmly against the fantasy becoming reality and that you find some very palpable comfort in that. 

It all depends on the state of mind of her husband. If he felt that the relationship had run its course it obviously makes this transition easier.  I might even be able to shake his hand.

 

The thing that scares me is that she was probably so overwhelmed by me and our connection, that her husband might be completely shell chocked. it's not out of the question...

[bluecastle]

Just now, Citizen89 said:

It all depends on the state of mind of her husband. If he felt that the relationship had run its course it obviously makes this transition easier.  I might even be able to shake his hand.

 

The thing that scares me is that she was probably so overwhelmed by me and our connection, that her husband might be completely shell chocked. it's not out of the question...

This, in addition to your remark about the “countless women” who have fallen for you, triggers in me the well-worn phrase of delusions of grandeur.

I mean, did you actually literally just say that what scares you is your own power over her?