I am quite certain that my soulmate and I have crossed paths, but she has kids and man.

[Citizen89]

There's a lot of things to unpack. Suffice to say, our chemistry was like no other. I didn't think about it at first, but the more I looked into her eyes, the more I raised suspicions in my mind that this is indeed my other half.

She ultimately went off in the conversation and was super energetic. I find out later that she has two kids and a husband. She has despite this sent out several signals that she wants out and is now actively flirting with me.

Our next meeting she treated me like her meta boyfriend and our romance just increases the more we see each other, and attraction. Even though the words are neutral, it's the way they are said.. and her demeanor. 

Her husband? Never mentions him. If I ask about her personal she just replies "fine". Looks sad when doing so.

What makes this tricky is that she has two small kids, so I'm asking the good folks in here what that means for me, if anything. Will I be part of that?

She has been with her husband for over 10 years.

Discussion: Can the kids be kept separate from this mega romance that blossomed? I don't mind kids at all, it's more the fact that their ages are critical.

[Kwothe28]

I am generally a romantic person. However, even I dont believe in a concept of soulmates. As that would mean you only have one person that you can share interests and make a life together. How "unique snowflake" are you if you can only find one such person in an entire world? You can always find several of them at least through life. Where your interest would match and where you can make a harmonious relationship together.

Additionally, you are talking like that about a woman who already has a husband and a family. If you want somebody to share you life with, stay away from married women. That is "affair territory", not "relationship territory". Aside of short term fun, it will bring you no good in a long track. Nore you are in any condition for serious relationship if you look at married woman who wants an affair as something for relationship.

Also what do you mean "if kids can be kept separate"? How do you think your affair will work? "Hi kids, this is my lover, the guy I am cheating your dad with, say Hi to him"? I feel like you have no concept in what you are thinking of starting or how it will work aside of meeting somebody that is interested in you and thinking you met "soulmate" there.

[Citizen89]

Just now, Kwothe28 said:

I am generally a romantic person. However, even I dont believe in a concept of soulmates. As that would mean you only have one person that you can share interests and make a life together. How "unique snowflake" are you if you can only find one such person in an entire world? You can always find several of them at least through life. Where your interest would match and where you can make a harmonious relationship together.

Additionally, you are talking like that about a woman who already has a husband and a family. If you want somebody to share you life with, stay away from married women. That is "affair territory", not "relationship territory". Aside of short term fun, it will bring you no good in a long track. Nore you are in any condition for serious relationship if you look at married woman who wants an affair as something for relationship.

Also what do you mean "if kids can be kept separate"? How do you think your affair will work? "Hi kids, this is my lover, the guy I am cheating your dad with, say Hi to him"? I feel like you have no concept in what you are thinking of starting or how it will work aside of meeting somebody that is interested in you and thinking you met "soulmate" there.

 

She intends on leaving him. Took the wedding ring off and it has stayed off....

[Kwothe28]

3 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

She intends on leaving him. Took the wedding ring off and it has stayed off....

They always "intend to leave" their spouses when they start affairs. That is probably no1 excuse they give to their lovers. While in reality they have no intention to do that, spouse probably doesnt even know that they want to leave, let alone about how they cheat on them. She is "feeding" you what you want to hear. Nothing else.

[Citizen89]

6 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

They always "intend to leave" their spouses when they start affairs. That is probably no1 excuse they give to their lovers. While in reality they have no intention to do that, spouse probably doesnt even know that they want to leave, let alone about how they cheat on them. She is "feeding" you what you want to hear. Nothing else.

No words uttered about him. I knew she was married before the ring was taken off. She doesn't need to do it. I see love in her eyes and she gets subdued, bordering on sad, when her private life is brought up. 

Anyway, assuming she does divorce, where does that leave me in relation to those two kids? What is the norm in terms of small kids?

[boltnrun]

Small kids need a mother who doesn't engage in affairs behind their father's back.  You have no role in these kids' lives.

[Citizen89]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Small kids need a mother who doesn't engage in affairs behind their father's back.  You have no role in these kids' lives.

I don't believe she will. She will get a divorce.

[Citizen89]

 

Barrie Levine

J.D. (retired) from Boston College Law School (Graduated 1981)

"As a divorce attorney (formerly), I gave many initial consultations.

If a person came in without a ring, it meant the marriage was over and they wanted to advertise their availability as a single. "

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Citizen89 said:

 

Barrie Levine

J.D. (retired) from Boston College Law School (Graduated 1981)

"As a divorce attorney (formerly), I gave many initial consultations.

If a person came in without a ring, it meant the marriage was over and they wanted to advertise their availability as a single. "

Has she told her husband she is divorcing him?  Has she in fact consulted a divorce attorney?  Has she filed divorce papers?   Does she continue to share a home with her husband?

[Citizen89]

Just now, boltnrun said:

Has she told her husband she is divorcing him?  Has she in fact consulted a divorce attorney?  Has she filed divorce papers?   Does she continue to share a home with her husband?

No idea. My guess is that she sits tight for a while and see how things unfold with me. Which is probably a smart move.. But who knows she might have filed it.

[boltnrun]

So you don't even know if your "soulmate" is still living with her husband?  Or sharing a bed with him?

I bet if you do ask her she will come up with a dozen reasons why she "can't" divorce him "yet".

[Citizen89]

Just now, boltnrun said:

 

I bet if you do ask her she will come up with a dozen reasons why she "can't" divorce him "yet".

Same divorce attorney...

"If the ring was on, it didn’t mean that I could save the marriage, but that the couple respected marriage in general and were willing to go through a legitimate negotiation process."

 

[Seraphim]

Wow, I feel so bad for her kids. Whether you realize this or not she is tied to this man FOR LIFE . They share children. 

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

Same divorce attorney...

"If the ring was on, it didn’t mean that I could save the marriage, but that the couple respected marriage in general and were willing to go through a legitimate negotiation process."

 

That's great that you can find random quotes that make you feel like your "soulmate" is going to leave her husband.  But has SHE said any of those things?  Has SHE told you she isn't sleeping with her husband anymore?  Did SHE tell you she has told him she's divorcing him and she's moving out?

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

That's great that you can find random quotes that make you feel like your "soulmate" is going to leave her husband.  But has SHE said any of those things?  Has SHE told you she isn't sleeping with her husband anymore?  Did SHE tell you she has told him she's divorcing him and she's moving out?

Also wait until he finds out the dad has rights in regards to HIS kids and he will be involved in the “ soulmate “ issue. 

[Batya33]

If you two are soulmates you still will be a year after her divorce is final especially if you keep your distance from her and her family until that time.  There’s never a rush if - if - your bond is that strong. And if you rush it that’s about you not about what’s best for her or in the best interests of her children. 

[itsallgrand]

Just now, Batya33 said:

If you two are soulmates you still will be a year after her divorce is final especially if you keep your distance from her and her family until that time.  There’s never a rush if - if - your bond is that strong. And if you rush it that’s about you not about what’s best for her or in the best interests of her children. 

My thoughts exactly.

If you actually care about her as a person, you will step away and allow her to settle her marriage however she needs to on her own. 

If she does divorce and after real time to get herself straight, and you wish to date her and she wishes to date you, then you can reassess.

[Citizen89]

31 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

That's great that you can find random quotes that make you feel like your "soulmate" is going to leave her husband.  But has SHE said any of those things?  Has SHE told you she isn't sleeping with her husband anymore?  Did SHE tell you she has told him she's divorcing him and she's moving out?

This is one of those: when did you stop beating your husband?"

Where on earth is she suppose to stay if she has two small kids and shares a house with a husband? She took her ring off the minute I told her I'm single... And we had only seen each other twice at that point. 

 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Citizen89 said:

This is one of those: when did you stop beating your husband?"

Where on earth is she suppose to stay if she has two small kids and shares a house with a husband? She took her ring off the minute I told her I'm single... And we had only seen each other twice at that point. 

 

What does that mean (bolded)?

She could get a job to support herself.  She could petition the court for spousal and child support.  She could petition the court to allow her to stay in the family home.

I am divorced.  I had a job.  I rented my own apartment, moved out and filed for divorce.  And I'm also a mother.  If she truly wants out there are a lot of things she could do.

Does she put her ring back on when she goes home to her husband?

[Citizen89]

23 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

My thoughts exactly.

If you actually care about her as a person, you will step away and allow her to settle her marriage however she needs to on her own. 

If she does divorce and after real time to get herself straight, and you wish to date her and she wishes to date you, then you can reassess.

Do you see any reason why I should say no to start dating her if she divorces? If so, please state why and what I can expect. And will the inclusion of two kids make this problematic?

[Citizen89]

Just now, boltnrun said:

What does that mean (bolded)?

She could get a job to support herself.  She could petition the court for spousal and child support.  She could petition the court to allow her to stay in the family home.

I am divorced.  I had a job.  I rented my own apartment, moved out and filed for divorce.  And I'm also a mother.  If she truly wants out there are a lot of things she could do.

Does she put her ring back on when she goes home to her husband?

Yeah but she took the ring off last week, coincidentally when she learned that I'm single.  I did not tell her directly but it was relayed to her. I don't know if she puts it back on when she arrives home. 

[Citizen89]

46 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Wow, I feel so bad for her kids. Whether you realize this or not she is tied to this man FOR LIFE . They share children. 

I do too. But if she doesn't want to be with him.. I might as well be with her since she felt it was so strong of a connection that she wants out.

[boltnrun]

10 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

Yeah but she took the ring off last week, coincidentally when she learned that I'm single.  I did not tell her directly but it was relayed to her. I don't know if she puts it back on when she arrives home. 

You met up with her twice and decided she's your "soulmate"?

You don't know if she plans to divorce her husband.  You don't know if she shares a bed with him.  You don't know if she still has sex with him.  You don't know much about her, really, except she's the type of woman to take up with a man while married to another man.

Her kids are not your concern. She should be doing what's best for them if it's rededicating herself to their father or deciding to divorce him and coming to a custody and support agreement. She needs to decide if she wants to divorce their father or if she intends to deceive him by allowing him to support her financially while she engages in an affair.

[Citizen89]

12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You met up with her twice and decided she's your "soulmate"?

You don't know if she plans to divorce her husband.  You don't know if she shares a bed with him.  You don't know if she still has sex with him.  You don't know much about her, really, except she's the type of woman to take up with a man while married to another man.

Her kids are not your concern. She should be doing what's best for them if it's rededicating herself to their father or deciding to divorce him and coming to a custody and support agreement. She needs to decide if she wants to divorce their father or if she intends to deceive him by allowing him to support her financially while she engages in an affair.

No, we've met four times in total by now. As for her location, she came by to say hello to me in a city she no longer lives in. There are some indications that she doesn't live with her husband anymore.

When she did that and I asked how things are.. she looked stunned and visibly unhappy. 

[itsallgrand]

28 minutes ago, Citizen89 said:

Do you see any reason why I should say no to start dating her if she divorces? If so, please state why and what I can expect. And will the inclusion of two kids make this problematic?

I can't really answer that because it's unknown what will happen. You have to wait and see how it flushes out. And that's a good chunk of time. In the meantime, you could be dating women who are available now.