Should I be concerned about my bf?

[MiaC23]

I (18F) have been with my boyfriend (19M) for nine months. Our relationship has been great and loving, and we enjoy each other's company. However, he recently went off to college and I we have started to see each other less and less (he's only an hour away, but visiting requires both of us to have an empty space in our schedules, which is unusual). 

I love my boyfriend very much, but he has begun to take up a habit (he is my first bf so I'm not sure if this is just normal or not). I know that guys this age are usually quite horny, but it seems like every time I get the chance to see him, he is very eager to have sex, which is not a problem by itself, but mind you I don't get to see him often anymore and would really like to have some quality time together that is not purely sexual (it is not comfortable for me, at all really).

He respects when I say that I don't want to engage in these acts at the moment, but because I can tell he is disappointed, I often give in anyway and we spend much of our time together this way. He has also been pushing me to do things that I'm not entirely comfortable with, such as wearing a thong, more suggestive clothing, and sending him "sexy" photos of myself. Every conversation we have by text ends up with him asking for photos, and again, I send them because I don't want to disappoint him as his gf. But his communication with me has gotten weaker over the past couple weeks, which is likely due to him being busy at college/his sport, but I can't help but think he is scouting for other girls who can better fulfill his desires.

I just don't know how to navigate this. I am not a confrontational person (everyone describes me as "shy" and "sweet"). Our relationship is great aside from this and he is a wonderful boyfriend, but sometimes I can't help but feel somewhat used. I know he can't really control his horniness, and I don't want him to feel like he is doing anything wrong by feeling this way. I can't talk to my family about this, even though they are always very supportive of me, because we are religious and they would be disappointed at even the hint that I have been sexually active. I have just been bottling this feeling up and don't know whether I should be concerned or not. Any help would be appreciated ❤️ 

[Seraphim]

Never never never never send pics you don’t want to see on the internet or don’t want your family and friends to see. 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, MiaC23 said:

 sometimes I can't help but feel somewhat used.

It's fine to be affectionate when you see each other. Perhaps it seems concentrated due to the distance.

Yes he's evolving in college.  Do not have unwanted sex, do not wear things you don't want to and most of all stop sending racy images. None of these activities further your relationship.  Please don't buy into the myth that you have to agree to satisfy his "horniness".  

Be true to yourself and don't do things just to hang on to anyone. If you're uncomfortable or feeling "used", step back and be yourself.

[Andrina]

As Seraphim said, those sorts of photos are a big no-no. Though you love your bf and can't imagine him sharing your photos, many have thought the same as you and have suffered the consequences.

A good boyfriend won't make you feel used or ask you to do things you're not comfortable with. That in itself tells you that you should pay attention to your feelings and red flags.

Birth control doesn't always work, so you're putting yourself at risk for a pregnancy with someone you're lacking confidence with.

Lastly, with 9 months in, you haven't established a concrete foundation to be able to withstand an LDR to span 4 years. Especially as he's surrounded by hundreds of women his age daily, and he seems to value the act of sex versus a more balanced type of quality time together.

Most relationships starting at 18 won't end in a lifetime thing. Most people like to experience a myriad of relationships, where they learn what they want and don't want in a partner. Plus, you'll be doing a huge amount of evolving in the next decade, so what you want now could be totally different 5 or 10 years from now. 

IMO, you're more stressed than satisfied and that's enough to end things. Don't be a doormat. You'll only attract abusers. It's fine to be sweet and shy as long as you have a strong spine and say no when you feel strong enough about something. If a person walks away or loses interest because of that, good riddens.

[Batya33]

Agree especially about the pics! Also it's odd that you two have a hard time finding time in your schedule - why are you two so low priority -then it's a priority to him for you to have sex with him when he can "find time" -is it usually him that can't find time? I know of several marriages that started with the couple meeting in high school/college including my friend's 26 year old daughter.  I don't think he's invested enough in the relationship other than sexually.  I don't think you two are compatible anymore and not because of age or even location.  I'm sorry!!

[Kwothe28]

He is a horny softmore on college. Ofcourse he is horny 24/7. That doesnt mean you should indulge him just because of fear that he would find some other woman there. If he is like that and wants to replace you, he will replace you with or without you sending him naked pics every day. Dont indulge him in that. Also, communication is probably worst due to the distance, not due to you not sending him enough naked pics. It happens when you are in LDR. 

Should you be concerned? Yes and no. He is quite horny so there is that but other then your fears, there are no indications that he would actually cheat. I would be more concerned about your future. For example do you plan to go to same college or different one? And where do you see yourself? Because he is already in college of his choice but you need to think about your own choices. 

[smackie9]

Girl you never send photos...he could be sharing them with others, AND when your relationship is over those images could end up on the web which means forever. Yes he's a horny guy you barley see each other so of course sex will be on his mind all the time...it's his age. Life is about compromise. Tell him you need balance in this relationship. Have your sex, and then go out and do something that's planned.

[Cherylyn]

He doesn't sound like "Mr. Wonderful" to me either.  You need a new boyfriend who knows how to treat you better. 

[SooSad33]

6 hours ago, MiaC23 said:

He respects when I say that I don't want to engage in these acts at the moment, but because I can tell he is disappointed, I often give in anyway and we spend much of our time together this way. He has also been pushing me to do things that I'm not entirely comfortable with, such as wearing a thong, more suggestive clothing, and sending him "sexy" photos of myself. Every conversation we have by text ends up with him asking for photos, and again, I send them because I don't want to disappoint him as his gf.

Sounds to me like he's in ways, struggling to adjust to his college life.  It is a BIG change for both of you at this time.

A request for such things sex/ sexy pics imo, is a norm for such a situation.

If you don't mind sex when he arrives to see you, fine... But, you let him know you do also want to go do other things, lol.

As for all the pics he requests, limit them.  Share what YOU want to, no more.  He can deal with it, if he doesn't always get what he wants. 

It's been 9 mos together and time will tell, to see IF your relationship is strong enough to withhold both of your love for each other.  If he has respect & real love for you, he will NOT cheat.

 

[catfeeder]

Why are you twisting yourself into pretzels just to try to keep this guy?

You can find a better one.