Friends canceling plans last min

[Stephaniee]

Hello everyone,

Is it normal that friends cancel 10 mins or when its time to meet up ?
This happened to me quite often, they always say that they are busy or something came up. Although we had agreed to this time and date from before.
They say let's hangout but dont make plans i am the one who has to suggest a place and time. But when we go out as a group and someone else suggest time and place they show up.
Sometimes one of my friends call me, when she finishes her story she'll say" i have to go" when its time for me to talk or tell her something that happened to me
Am i being too sensitive ?
are all friends like that?
(I am not saying they are bad people, I just get lonely and want them to be there for me)

[Batya33]

No you are not. Last minute cancellations are fine for true emergencies or sudden illness like a sudden migraine and the person knows just taking meds won’t help in time. When I encounter flakiness maybe I give one more chance and then no more plans that are one on one. 
As for phone calls sometimes if I have to go and the person didn’t get to speak or share I’ll apologize then when I can talk I’ll text to schedule a time or call back. I would distance myself from these people. And it will make you appreciate the reliable friends even more. 

[catfeeder]

29 minutes ago, Stephaniee said:

Is it normal that friends cancel 10 mins or when its time to meet up ?

Normal, no. Maybe a one-off. So how many friends do this, and how often?

It might be a signal that your friend group is too small yet no longer intimate enough for you.

While you don't need to ditch them, consider reserving time for them only when they invite you. Meanwhile, stretch toward interests that don't include them. This would position you to form new acquaintances, one or more of whom could evolve into the kind of mutually respectful and intimate friendship you desire and deserve.

As for a friend who unloads on the phone then cuts you off, if this is an ongoing thing, skip taking her calls, text back instead, and stop reaching out to her. She's not interested in you, just an audience.

Don't invest too much heartache about this. Friendships shift and diverge and even come back around throughout our lifetime. The ones who matter won't mistreat you--all others are just placeholders.

Head high.

 

[Kwothe28]

Dont think I had any friends or dates canceling laqst minute. Its customary to at least tell you few hours in advance if something happened so they wont make it. So you shouldnt prepare or organize something else. If they cancel you on a whim like that, that means they just straight up dont respect your time at all. And that you should rethink your friendships.

[Jaunty]

Sometimes it happens.  If it's a pattern, maybe you need some better friends.

[Andrina]

3 hours ago, Stephaniee said:

They say let's hangout but dont make plans i am the one who has to suggest a place and time.

Don't ever be in something one-sided. Don't let your loneliness get the upper hand so that you won't just let these friends fade away, which would be in your best interest to do so, if they aren't making equal effort. 

If they are canceling last minute, to me it looks like they were cowardly in accepting the invitation, and then wriggling out of it since they never wanted to go in the first place.

Sometimes friendships work for a time, but that state of things is not guaranteed to last for a lifetime.

Time to start getting out into the world in different ways to meet new people. Unless you live in an extremely small town, there should be Meetup.com groups in your area where people get together socially for a variety of activities. Look it up, and you might be pleasantly surprised. 

But also, look at your own behavior to see if there is anything you're doing to alienate people. Do you complain too much? Talk too long instead of a normal give and take between two people? Just food for thought. You might be part of the problem, or you and your friends might have just grown apart and have opposite ideas about friendship.

Good luck.

[catfeeder]

52 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Sometimes it happens.  If it's a pattern, maybe you need some better friends.

Yeah, come to think of it, I've had a friend and a family member do this once. I just made mental note to not feel lousy if I ever had to do it to them.

But anyone who flakes more than once is someone I wouldn't bother to make plans with anymore.

[Cherylyn]

No, you're not too sensitive and if you say you are, you're gaslighting yourself!

You need new friends who know how to behave with common sense courtesy and respect.

No, not all friends are like yours.  My friends are very considerate.

Pump the brakes on in person socializing since your friends are unreliable. 

 

 

[Jarvis]

On 3/6/2023 at 12:09 AM, Stephaniee said:

Hello everyone,

Is it normal that friends cancel 10 mins or when its time to meet up ?
This happened to me quite often, they always say that they are busy or something came up. Although we had agreed to this time and date from before.
They say let's hangout but dont make plans i am the one who has to suggest a place and time. But when we go out as a group and someone else suggest time and place they show up.
Sometimes one of my friends call me, when she finishes her story she'll say" i have to go" when its time for me to talk or tell her something that happened to me
Am i being too sensitive ?
are all friends like that?
(I am not saying they are bad people, I just get lonely and want them to be there for me)

It is understandable to feel disappointed and frustrated when friends cancel plans or do not prioritize your conversations. While it is normal for people to have busy schedules and unexpected events come up, consistently canceling plans or not showing up can indicate a lack of consideration for your time and feelings.

It is not necessarily the case that all friends are like that, as everyone has different priorities and communication styles. However, it is important to communicate your needs and expectations to your friends. Let them know how their actions make you feel and see if there is a way to address the issue and come to a mutual understanding.

If your friends continue to consistently cancel or not prioritize your conversations, it may be time to reevaluate the nature of the friendship and whether it is meeting your emotional needs. It is important to surround yourself with people who value and respect you.
 

[Jibralta]

On 3/5/2023 at 1:39 PM, Stephaniee said:

are all friends like that?

Only if you choose these types of people as friends.

You do have the choice to find new friends, you know.