Am I being gas lighted? How do I know, bad breakup.

[L143myself]

How do I know if it’s gas lighting? And did I do the right thing?

 

Me (F28) just ended things with my partner (M30) of 1 year the other day.

 

I stayed in a relationship in which my partner was emotionally unavailable to me - hopefully no one judges me I think it’s something I need to work on myself but I need to know if I’m just losing my mind or if what I was dealing with was true.

 

I’ve never met his family or his friends. He claims that his friends know about me and I kept being very patient and understanding with him and not forcing the situation but I started to get 🚩 red flags. I approached him about the topic a few weeks ago and mentioned I’d really like to meet his friends and wondering why I haven’t yet after so long. In the past he said he’d invite me over once his uncles moved out (he lives with his brother too) uncles moved out and I still was never invited over unless his brother was out of the house (which was once). 

He told me that he would invite me out but that his friends usually don’t get together unless it’s someone’s birthday - but that’s not true because he just went to his friends the other week but he claims it was more of a guys hangout. He told me that after his midterms that he would arrange something with his friends and didn’t know it would mean that much to me (this isn’t the first time we’ve talked about it, so he knows I wanted to since December) and said that meeting friends and family is not really important to him and he’s more of a private person. After this he said that if the relationship wasn’t moving fast enough for me that I could leave if I wanted to. 

 

Okay so a little back drop :

 

My love language is words of affirmation and I’m pretty sure his is gift giving and physical touch (actions). He has been emotionally absent, I think I can count on my hands how many times he has said I looked nice or beautiful, has never told me he misses me, ever. I’ve talked to him about this before and he was trying until he just stopped and then if I ever was feeling emotionally alone or needing reassurance it always appeared that it was never the right time to talk to him about it, and that if I was bringing up the concern he would be dismissive of my feelings and subject change. 

 

In the relationship when we go out - we either pay for each other. We’re both financially stable and he does pay more than I have - I do offer to pay here and there for food or outings (which is all we really share financially). 

 

He told me that I was a good woman and that my heart was big (some of the few words he did tell me). And then after an amazing day out together - he lost his cellphone . I ended up finding it on the ground and I guess there was a ton of missed calls. I had no way to reach him because he went home to look for it. I ended up using the quick message to one of the callers just to let him know his phone is safe, nothing more nothing less so he would be assured everything was fine. And yes I do trust him and have no reason to believe there was any cheating.

 

He came back to my place and when I told him, he said he wished I didn’t do that. I apologized and told him I was just being thoughtful and that I honestly didn’t look at anything else. He shut down immediately and did not cuddle me, was completely cold and distant.

 

The next day - I knew he wasn’t happy. He came over and we talked. He told me that I was using him and that I was just taking him for a ride. He said I stopped offering to pay for  outings and events and just expected him to pay. He said he was miserable and felt exhausted only having a one way relationship. Never did I use him or never offer to pay. He said that i went long periods of time without offering to pay for anything and that wasn’t true. I said why didn’t you tell me your concerns and he went on to say that he has talked to me about this “three times before” and I honestly tried super hard to remember, we’ve only had a few conversations on total in our relationship and none of them have been about spending or chipping in more. I feel like I’m being gas lighted? Is this gas lighting? I honestly have no idea, I’ve been questioning my actions. He told me that he wanted me to just offer to pay without having being told (so i feel like he’s even admitting never mentioning this to me) because he wants to see my “true character”. And now he says he can see my “true colors” and that I always claimed to be a good person and that I wasn’t a user but that I used him and took advantage of him. All which have me questioning my character and having me defend it. My head is spinning and he is unable to admit any faults in our relationship nor apologize to me. I never ever wanted to hurt him and now he’s saying that I hurt him. He was one of my good friends prior to dating him, and he knew I’d be wrecked if I ever lost him as a friend, and now he wants nothing to do with me and thinks I treated him terribly. Can someone help me to understand or validate my feelings? Can someone tell me how to move on because I feel so lost :/

[boltnrun]

His girlfriend probably asked him about the message you sent from his phone.

You were right to end this whatever it was.

[Andrina]

Go no contact, and you will eventually move on. Given time and distance away from him, you will realize he did you a favor by breaking up. Use the time to boost your self-esteem, because if you don't, you will continue to attract, and be attracted to, men who aren't worthy of you.

If you don't have a support system of friends, try some new hobbies to find others to share fun times with. 

This relationship will have taught you some lessons about what you deserve and who you should avoid in the future. You're likely too close to the situation to see the big picture right now, but with time, I hope you'll begin to see the light.

Take care.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, L143myself said:

 I stayed in a relationship in which my partner was emotionally unavailable to me 

Sorry this happened. It's unclear why you would enter his phone. If this along with the pile of other complaints was what precipitated the breakup.

However his character assignations about your "taking advantage" is just manipulation to end things.

At some level you know there's been red flags all along. Sadly you seem overinvested and he pushed back.

 It seems the relationship was almost anemic and hanging by a thread.  In a way you dodged a bullet for several reasons. He kept you at arms length, he had one foot out the door at all times and you were quite incompatible.

Take a deep breath and reflect away from him so you can sort things out.

Reframe why you need constant reassuring. That's not really a "love language". In fact needing someone's approval and validation puts you in a vulnerable  almost needy position.

Your sense of self and worth is inside you, not what this man thinks or says. This is more of a symptom that you were overinvested in him. His chronic coldness is more about being with the wrong man than love languages .

 

 

[Cherylyn]

It doesn't sound like he gaslit you.  He was expressing how he felt despite your memory serving you correctly which is unfair to you because to you, what he said wasn't true. 

This is an example of gaslighting:  While engaging in an argument or discussion, a person tells you this:  "You overreacted."  Or, "you're too sensitive!"  "You're delusional."  Name calling, name labeling of all sorts and turning around blame from him to you.  Then you're left defending yourself to clear your name. 

Gaslighting is deflecting,  changing the subject and forcing you to change your perception of the facts. 

Gaslighting is psychological warfare at its nastiest and ugliest.  You can't win.  The only way to empower yourself is to go NC (no contact) permanently, dissolve and exit the relationship.  This is how you'll attain freedom and relief.  Good riddance!

[Kwothe28]

When people break up they sort of "overexaggarate" something they mind about you so the reasoning would be valid. "You sometimes dont pay when we get out" is a criticism. But "You are using me and I pay for everything" is a huge reason if he wants to get out. So he used that as an excuse. I would look at it more in that context then in context of gaslighting. And that he just invented a reason to get out.

Now why is that is another thing. You claim that there is nobody else. But he clearly hid you for a year. Its not natural not to know his friends and family after all that time. And its a sign that either you are very casual or that he hides you from some reason. Both are very alarming when it comes to serious relationship. Pair that with him getting so mad that you messaged somebody. And its pretty clear that you messaged somebody that you werent suppose to and that it created him trouble. Sorry but I think you were a "second woman" here. And that its good you broke up. In time you will not question yourself and see it too.

[L143myself]

12 hours ago, Andrina said:

Go no contact, and you will eventually move on. Given time and distance away from him, you will realize he did you a favor by breaking up. Use the time to boost your self-esteem, because if you don't, you will continue to attract, and be attracted to, men who aren't worthy of you.

If you don't have a support system of friends, try some new hobbies to find others to share fun times with. 

This relationship will have taught you some lessons about what you deserve and who you should avoid in the future. You're likely too close to the situation to see the big picture right now, but with time, I hope you'll begin to see the light.

Take care.

Hey thanks for the response.

I’ve been staying with a few friends of mine and trying to keep busy right now. Trying to get back to business as usual but it still hurts.

He sent me a long message of some hurtful things and how I’m not a genuine person and that he is happy that I’m out of his life. It’s so painful to get these messages so I ended up removing him. I just don’t really understand how someone could care about you or say they do one minute and do a complete 180 the next like I meant nothing ::

[L143myself]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. It's unclear why you would enter his phone. If this along with the pile of other complaints was what precipitated the breakup.

However his character assignations about your "taking advantage" is just manipulation to end things.

At some level you know there's been red flags all along. Sadly you seem overinvested and he pushed back.

 It seems the relationship was almost anemic and hanging by a thread.  In a way you dodged a bullet for several reasons. He kept you at arms length, he had one foot out the door at all times and you were quite incompatible.

Take a deep breath and reflect away from him so you can sort things out.

Reframe why you need constant reassuring. That's not really a "love language". In fact needing someone's approval and validation puts you in a vulnerable  almost needy position.

Your sense of self and worth is inside you, not what this man thinks or says. This is more of a symptom that you were overinvested in him. His chronic coldness is more about being with the wrong man than love languages .

 

 

Reasoning for entering the phone was that he lost his phone near my apartment. He went home and I guess his brother called the cell phone. I ended up finding it outside. Went and saw he had a missed call and figured it was him seeing where his phone was. Sent a quick text just letting the number know the phone was found. Didn’t look through anything as I felt no reason too. Just wanted him to know it was all good. And yes now reflecting back I see it wasn’t the best decision but I did apologize and I wasn’t meaning to cause an issue.

Yes, I did overlook all the red flags. And I see that. I do have work on myself to do and to determine why I let myself stay when things weren’t good. I thought I found my person in him when things were good they were great. And then I wouldn’t know who I was getting from day to day. 
 

I just feel upset that he felt he needed to test me throughout the entire relationship 😕 he never could trust me even if I gave him my entire trust. 
 

he knew that his friendship meant so much to me as we were friends before we dated, and that I was more afraid to lose him as a friend than anything else. And now he’s taken that away and wants absolutely nothing to do with me , it hurts me to know that. 

[L143myself]

7 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

When people break up they sort of "overexaggarate" something they mind about you so the reasoning would be valid. "You sometimes dont pay when we get out" is a criticism. But "You are using me and I pay for everything" is a huge reason if he wants to get out. So he used that as an excuse. I would look at it more in that context then in context of gaslighting. And that he just invented a reason to get out.

Now why is that is another thing. You claim that there is nobody else. But he clearly hid you for a year. Its not natural not to know his friends and family after all that time. And its a sign that either you are very casual or that he hides you from some reason. Both are very alarming when it comes to serious relationship. Pair that with him getting so mad that you messaged somebody. And its pretty clear that you messaged somebody that you werent suppose to and that it created him trouble. Sorry but I think you were a "second woman" here. And that its good you broke up. In time you will not question yourself and see it too.

Okay yeah that makes sense , still hurts though. But I knew I didn’t use him, I cared about him and could care less about money. But the way he expressed himself it led me to feel terrible, like a terrible person who treated him like ***, when all I wanted to do was treat him good. It hurts to know he thinks of me that way,‘it’s so painful 😣 

Why am I so affected by that? Why do I care what he thinks if he was the way he was to me? Why do I want his approval? And why would he want to get rid of everything that reminds him of me, I feel so hurt that he wants nothing to do with me at all

[Kwothe28]

34 minutes ago, L143myself said:

Why am I so affected by that? Why do I care what he thinks if he was the way he was to me? Why do I want his approval? And why would he want to get rid of everything that reminds him of me, I feel so hurt that he wants nothing to do with me at all

I read something a while ago that Ive already said here once or twice: The reason why we stay in a bad relationship despite other half mistreating us, is because no one else would put up with them. You ignored all the red flags, allowed him to mistreat you and allowed him to tell you some very hurtful stuff(how you are a bad person and using him). Any other person would be long gone by then as they wouldnt want to be mistreated. But you chased his validation hoping that he would introduce you as his girlfriend to his family and friends. That is something that you would need to workout why you allowed it. 

Just out of curiosity: how secretive was your relationship? Did he, for example, allowed you to publish joint pictures on social media? Did he introduced you as his girlfriend to people you would greet when you go out? Did you even hang out with other people, for example your friends, as a couple?

[Andrina]

1 hour ago, L143myself said:

I feel so hurt that he wants nothing to do with me at all

Once the line of friendship crosses into a romance, it's really not in your best interest to remain friends. A future love interest in your life would most likely not be comfortable with that.

You took a risk in your life and it didn't pan out. Happens to most of us. Feel lucky you have the block function on your phone. Something like 15 years ago, I dated a toxic person for a year who broke up with me. My self esteem had been poor and I didn't want that breakup. Once I got time and distance away from him, I realized the breakup was a blessing. The block function didn't exist on my phone at that time, and four months after the breakup he texted me. 

I can say it through me for a loop, and really played a number on my emotions. I pissed him off by no longer being under his spell, however, and his parting words were venomous, validating my now clear view of him as a toxic person.

It's good you will no longer allow him access to hurt you. Stay strong and keep him blocked.

[MissCanuck]

17 hours ago, L143myself said:

And yes I do trust him and have no reason to believe there was any cheating.

Really? Because everything about this guy is screaming that he was leading a double life. 

17 hours ago, L143myself said:

he said he wished I didn’t do that

No kidding. He probably had a very hard time explaining to his girlfriend who the heck had his phone and why he wasn't answering it himself. 

3 hours ago, L143myself said:

he never could trust me

This is so typical of someone who is cheating. They know what they are doing when your head is turned, and assume you are capable of the same. It's projection. 

2 hours ago, L143myself said:

And why would he want to get rid of everything that reminds him of me

So his real girlfriend doesn't figure out the whole story. You inadvertently blew his cover and now he's scrambling to get you out of his life and cover his tracks. 

Seriously. I have a friend who was once in your shoes. Dated a man for nearly two years and was practically a secret the whole time. He always had excuses about not bringing her around friends or family. Want to know why? He had a whole other relationship of six years. That was the woman his loved ones knew as his girlfriend - they had no clue my friend even existed. He'd been cheating for 2 years and neither woman knew about the other, though looking back, both saw signs that something wasn't right. 

Don't ever allow someone to keep you in the shadows like this. It's usually always because they are hiding a messy truth from you. I would put on this man having a girlfriend, and you are the unwitting, secret "other woman."

 

[catfeeder]

One mistake I've made with endings was drilling from a belief that I must gain all answers and full clarity 'right now'.

That's a wheel spin, and it won't work. It keeps you saturated in anxiety and pain--for zero payoff and a waste of your time and focus.

Instead, I moved my focus onto the people in my life who I'd neglected. I really showed up for them-not-me. I got out of my own way, and this stopped me from obsessing and feeling lousy.

This created the gap I needed to review things later, from a NEW perspective.

This taught me what matters--and what does not.

When a relationship doesn't work for you, it doesn't matter 'why' or 'how' you get out of it--just get out of it.

Head high.

[Batya33]

I have a hard time imagining you being good friends with someone who treats  you in this way. I don’t think love languages have any relevance. It’s a throwaway label most of the time. You two didn’t play nicely together and he says hurtful things in a hurtful way that is uncalled for IMO. 

I think you dodged a bullet. I wouldn’t keep going out with someone who was reluctant for me to meet their friends or family for all that time. I also think he was dating or trying to date someone else. 

[L143myself]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I read something a while ago that Ive already said here once or twice: The reason why we stay in a bad relationship despite other half mistreating us, is because no one else would put up with them. You ignored all the red flags, allowed him to mistreat you and allowed him to tell you some very hurtful stuff(how you are a bad person and using him). Any other person would be long gone by then as they wouldnt want to be mistreated. But you chased his validation hoping that he would introduce you as his girlfriend to his family and friends. That is something that you would need to workout why you allowed it. 

Just out of curiosity: how secretive was your relationship? Did he, for example, allowed you to publish joint pictures on social media? Did he introduced you as his girlfriend to people you would greet when you go out? Did you even hang out with other people, for example your friends, as a couple?

I knew his brother from class (we were all in the same class together). Started to date and he never told his brother for the entire relationship.

He told me he was a very private person. Lived with his brother and 2 uncles. Told me that the place would be too crowded and to wait until his uncles moved out. Uncles moved out and still didn’t follow through with it. I did get invited to his house once but only when his brother was out on a work trip. I looked at the entire house and it didn’t seem like he was hiding anything, showed me around the entire place. 
 

We did go out in public and held hands and did all the PDA. We took eachother out for food , activities etc. 

Early on in the relationship we did bump into one of my friends at an event and I introduced her to him and he told me “I could care less about meeting your ***in friends” and told me he didn’t sign up for this. He then told me that he would give me “a pass” and let this go and go along with the night and pretend that everything is fine. Instead I ended up making an excuse to my friend for why me and him had to leave the event. 
 

the red flags were there the entire time and I was blind sided by them 😩

never did I meet anyone in his life. He told me he mentioned me to his friends, and said they wanted to meet me but it never happened. He knew it was important to me.

i revisited the conversation again a week before we ended things about meeting his family or friends because it was becoming a red flag to me. And then he said that he will the next time they get together, but that they only get together really for birthdays. And then proceeded to tell me if I wasn’t happy with the pace of the relationship then I could leave if I wanted to. 
 

He also told me he had no social media - but then I found out he had Facebook. He never mentioned it to me at all and I didn’t question it either when I saw it. We didn’t have any photos public together or he wouldn’t allow it.

[boltnrun]

I can assure you there was someone else who he presented as his actual girlfriend.  And she likely knows nothing about you OR he dismisses you as a "friend" or someone who just won't leave him alone.

5 minutes ago, L143myself said:

he told me “I could care less about meeting your ***in friends” and told me he didn’t sign up for this. He then told me that he would give me “a pass” and let this go and go along with the night and pretend that everything is fine.

You stayed after this?  Oh no...

Please block his contact info and never allow him into your life again.  I don't care what pretty words he says, he should not get one single second of your time after that performance.

[catfeeder]

Just now, Batya33 said:

... I don’t think love languages have any relevance. ...

I'd agree in this case. The guy's 'language' was to keep you a secret. That's not 'love', it's an agenda. 

Love yourself by moving forward and never looking back.

[L143myself]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Really? Because everything about this guy is screaming that he was leading a double life. 

No kidding. He probably had a very hard time explaining to his girlfriend who the heck had his phone and why he wasn't answering it himself. 

This is so typical of someone who is cheating. They know what they are doing when your head is turned, and assume you are capable of the same. It's projection. 

So his real girlfriend doesn't figure out the whole story. You inadvertently blew his cover and now he's scrambling to get you out of his life and cover his tracks. 

Seriously. I have a friend who was once in your shoes. Dated a man for nearly two years and was practically a secret the whole time. He always had excuses about not bringing her around friends or family. Want to know why? He had a whole other relationship of six years. That was the woman his loved ones knew as his girlfriend - they had no clue my friend even existed. He'd been cheating for 2 years and neither woman knew about the other, though looking back, both saw signs that something wasn't right. 

Don't ever allow someone to keep you in the shadows like this. It's usually always because they are hiding a messy truth from you. I would put on this man having a girlfriend, and you are the unwitting, secret "other woman."

 

The thing that makes me think he was loyal was that he was usually at my place for the most part. Left all his stuff at my place. Spent a lot of time with me. But now that I’m thinking about it, it was totally possible. More than possible 😕 

[Cherylyn]

19 hours ago, L143myself said:

How do I know if it’s gas lighting? And did I do the right thing?

 

The next day - I knew he wasn’t happy. He came over and we talked. He told me that I was using him and that I was just taking him for a ride. He said I stopped offering to pay for  outings and events and just expected him to pay. He said he was miserable and felt exhausted only having a one way relationship. Never did I use him or never offer to pay. He said that i went long periods of time without offering to pay for anything and that wasn’t true. I said why didn’t you tell me your concerns and he went on to say that he has talked to me about this “three times before” and I honestly tried super hard to remember, we’ve only had a few conversations on total in our relationship and none of them have been about spending or chipping in more. I feel like I’m being gas lighted? Is this gas lighting? I honestly have no idea, I’ve been questioning my actions. He told me that he wanted me to just offer to pay without having being told (so i feel like he’s even admitting never mentioning this to me) because he wants to see my “true character”. And now he says he can see my “true colors” and that I always claimed to be a good person and that I wasn’t a user but that I used him and took advantage of him. All which have me questioning my character and having me defend it. My head is spinning and he is unable to admit any faults in our relationship nor apologize to me. I never ever wanted to hurt him and now he’s saying that I hurt him. He was one of my good friends prior to dating him, and he knew I’d be wrecked if I ever lost him as a friend, and now he wants nothing to do with me and thinks I treated him terribly. Can someone help me to understand or validate my feelings? Can someone tell me how to move on because I feel so lost 😕

The part where he wants to see your "true character,"  currently seeing "your true colors," claiming to be a good person and took advantage of him is a form of gaslighting because he's deflecting blame away from him onto you so you're left defending yourself.  The person who gaslights will never admit fault nor apologize in a million years which is typical.  This is their trick and they're a master expert at gaslighting.  It's their narcissistic trait for which there is NO cure.  

You move on by eliminating abnormal, bad, hopeless people from your life.  I understand how you feel because despite our stories not being the same, my feelings have parallels with yours.  Tricky people are mentally sick.  You can't do anything with them except enforce healthy boundaries which includes estrangement.  Estrangement equals peace.  

Let time heal your wounds.  As your wisdom becomes ingrained in you and you do what is common sense, you will grow stronger by the day.  You will see.   

[L143myself]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I can assure you there was someone else who he presented as his actual girlfriend.  And she likely knows nothing about you OR he dismisses you as a "friend" or someone who just won't leave him alone.

You stayed after this?  Oh no...

Please block his contact info and never allow him into your life again.  I don't care what pretty words he says, he should not get one single second of your time after that performance.

It hurts to think that there could have been someone else. Now it makes me wonder all the times he wasn’t with me if he was actually out with another woman and not at a friends place at all. I guess I will never truthfully know.

Trying to reflect back on it all. He did spend a great deal of time with me. And didn’t seem like the type to cheat on someone. But unfortunately I will never actually know. He also would take me out a lot too, but I guess that doesn’t mean he wasn’t with someone else…😩. He just didn’t seem like that type of guy but I also didn’t think he was this type of guy either to turn it on me and just leave as if I meant nothing. That’s what hurts the most .

[boltnrun]

22 minutes ago, L143myself said:

The thing that makes me think he was loyal was that he was usually at my place for the most part. Left all his stuff at my place. Spent a lot of time with me. But now that I’m thinking about it, it was totally possible. More than possible 😕 

Having stuff at your place is not the same as you having your stuff at his place.  Leaving things at your place is easy.  He could have easily had another woman over to his place and you would never have known.

1 minute ago, L143myself said:

And didn’t seem like the type to cheat on someone.

So what explanation do you give yourself for why he refused to have you around his friends and family?

Of course that's all irrelevant now.  I'm glad you ended it because this was going nowhere.

[catfeeder]

33 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Having stuff at your place is not the same as you having your stuff at his place. 

Of course that's all irrelevant now.  

These would be my two takeaways.

Quit obsessing. You made a good choice, so lean into it and do your healing. Stop reliving what doesn't even matter anymore.

[arjumand]

"I could care less about meeting your f&^ing friends..."

And you stayed after that? You really need to get into some therapy and figure out why you would even spend one minute with a guy who is nasty, dismissive of you and then felt it was okay to forgive you for having the nerve to introduce you to a friend. This guy is a complete loser, but the fact that you spent a year with him means there is truly something wrong with your self esteem and you need to figure that out and fix it. 

 

 

[L143myself]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

The part where he wants to see your "true character,"  currently seeing "your true colors," claiming to be a good person and took advantage of him is a form of gaslighting because he's deflecting blame away from him onto you so you're left defending yourself.  The person who gaslights will never admit fault nor apologize in a million years which is typical.  This is their trick and they're a master expert at gaslighting.  It's their narcissistic trait for which there is NO cure.  

You move on by eliminating abnormal, bad, hopeless people from your life.  I understand how you feel because despite our stories not being the same, my feelings have parallels with yours.  Tricky people are mentally sick.  You can't do anything with them except enforce healthy boundaries which includes estrangement.  Estrangement equals peace.  

Let time heal your wounds.  As your wisdom becomes ingrained in you and you do what is common sense, you will grow stronger by the day.  You will see.   

I thought it felt off because I felt like I had to really defend myself and who I was. I almost felt attacked by his claims and he kept going on and saying the same thing in different ways. It has also happened in the past before (something similar) where I felt I needed to defend my character. The argument in the past never got resolved and I ended up apologizing , and nothing on his end. Then he told me I was just causing trouble and being bratty. 
 

I’m sorry you’re going through a similar situation with how you’re feeling as well - almost comforting to know that the similarities in how were meant to feel almost validate our truth and bring us back to a reality that can be quickly lost in.

As the days go by I feel a little better and it’s helpful to have some insight from this forum and friends/family. 
first day back at work since it happened and it’s tough getting back into the little routines. It still stings at times but I’m hopeful 

[L143myself]

29 minutes ago, arjumand said:

"I could care less about meeting your f&^ing friends..."

And you stayed after that? You really need to get into some therapy and figure out why you would even spend one minute with a guy who is nasty, dismissive of you and then felt it was okay to forgive you for having the nerve to introduce you to a friend. This guy is a complete loser, but the fact that you spent a year with him means there is truly something wrong with your self esteem and you need to figure that out and fix it. 

 

 

I agree, I’m looking for answers. I look back on it and was in the whirlwind of feelings. I knew it felt wrong and I still stayed. I don’t even know why I did. Maybe I liked the companionship but still when I look back I deserved more than what I was given. I overlooked his actions 100%. I wanna be stronger for my next relationship and I want to heal properly. I think I take words to heart even though I know different and I’m not sure why but I’d love to find out.