Is this ghosting or slow fade?

[Ariya]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you would like closure, why not invite him out/over to talk.? If he sidesteps it, ask what's up so you can get out of this limbo 

I agree, i think a lot of people would do that for closure...

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, Ariya said:

You are right, its a form of torture...otherwise i wouldnt be here....UNLESS, i make peace with myself and move on, i am on/off on that.

You could potentially have your answer today if you just ask to talk to him. After six months I wouldn't think you'd be afraid to ask for a conversation. You may be nervous about his answer, but delaying or choosing to stay in limbo and/or "hoping" he comes around on his own just prolongs the situation. 

[Jaunty]

I'm really sorry you're going through this, it makes me angry on your behalf.  You've shared enough with this man where one would feel a reasonable expectation for him to speak to you about what's going on rather than just fade away.  

I'm not a fan of people looking for "closure" by talking to a person who has left or whatever - but I think in this situation it would be empowering for you to ask him to explain to you how you two got from there to here.  And then say goodbye.  

[Ariya]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You could potentially have your answer today if you just ask to talk to him. After six months I wouldn't think you'd be afraid to ask for a conversation. You may be nervous about his answer, but delaying or choosing to stay in limbo and/or "hoping" he comes around on his own just prolongs the situation. 

i hear you. i actually am prepared for his answer, nervous yes, but i think i already know in my heart what he is going to say....i guess, just need to hear it from him for that last nail on the coffin

[Ariya]

Just now, Jaunty said:

I'm really sorry you're going through this, it makes me angry on your behalf.  You've shared enough with this man where one would feel a reasonable expectation for him to speak to you about what's going on rather than just fade away.  

I'm not a fan of people looking for "closure" by talking to a person who has left or whatever - but I think in this situation it would be empowering for you to ask him to explain to you how you two got from there to here.  And then say goodbye.  

Yes, i also believe closure comes from within...i have done that in the past with jerks...but this man is a bit different than all the jerks  i encountered. He was always there for me, going above and beyond for me with his actions, he doesnt sweet talk...that's why its so hard to believe that he turns out to be another one of them...

[Lambert]

1 hour ago, Ariya said:

i dont know about him, but i do miss him very much...no matter what, we had a good connection at one point, so yeah i do miss him, but also willing to accept and let go at this point.

Well, then I think that is the approach you should take in talking to him. 

Scrap the angry or aggressive tone of a text.  Maybe just ask him if he would like to meet for a cup of coffee and then ask him-- why has he been so distant?  You were trying to be respectful of his space, but now you're thinking this is over.  Why?

It may hurt your pride if he officially ends things.  But something my mom always said would apply here--- consider the source.  If this is how he handles things, you dodged a bullet in the long run.  Maybe he shouldn't be gun shy of women in general, he should be looking at himself and where HE IS LACKING.

[Ariya]

44 minutes ago, Lambert said:

Well, then I think that is the approach you should take in talking to him. 

Scrap the angry or aggressive tone of a text.  Maybe just ask him if he would like to meet for a cup of coffee and then ask him-- why has he been so distant?  You were trying to be respectful of his space, but now you're thinking this is over.  Why?

It may hurt your pride if he officially ends things.  But something my mom always said would apply here--- consider the source.  If this is how he handles things, you dodged a bullet in the long run.  Maybe he shouldn't be gun shy of women in general, he should be looking at himself and where HE IS LACKING.

Yes, it is difficult to put down pride/ego in this situation...i go between being compassionate ( to myself and to him) and being angry/hostile....in general, i am a pretty nice person, but people often take my kindness as weakness unfortunately.

[Lambert]

20 minutes ago, Ariya said:

Yes, it is difficult to put down pride/ego in this situation...i go between being compassionate ( to myself and to him) and being angry/hostile....in general, i am a pretty nice person, but people often take my kindness as weakness unfortunately.

I think I am very similar to you.... Too understanding etc.  I am working on my boundaries and so far I have not regretted it. 

But back to you.... I think the way he is treating you is disrespectful.  Saying something and continuing this relationship will only allow him to continue this behavior.  I try to remember people know what they do.  Once the respect in a relationship is gone it's like trust.  It doesn't come back.  

Unfortunately, a month has passed and the great bond you were building is broken.  You might think you are missing out on something by not contacting him, but maybe let it be for now.  I think going after him is a waste of time. 

Whether it's for closure or to resurrect the relationship. 

1.  You can't get closure from someone else.  Closure comes from the time that passes and it no longer being important to you. 

2.  If you do reconcile, the damage is done.  You'll never know when he's going to just bail on you again.  

The very best thing you can do-- move on.  As they say live well lived is the best revenge.  He's a damaged guy and he hasn't done the work to be a better man and partner.  Anyone he is with is going to be deal with this kind of weird crap.  And frankly, you can do better.  

[Ariya]

31 minutes ago, Lambert said:

I try to remember people know what they do.  Once the respect in a relationship is gone it's like trust.  It doesn't come back.  

This ☝️ exactly my thought, he knows what he is doing, he wasnt confused about me up until end of January, he knew to reach out and check in without me having to yank it out of him. It was easy flow between us, sometimes i reached out, sometimes he did...it was never like this.

So yeah, i am not really looking for closure but more to make sure it wasnt a misunderstanding because i did start a second job ( during the week at night for only 2-3 hours per night, its a temporarily situation to help out a friend) and maybe he thought i was too busy for him ( but i did explain to him i will absolutely save the weekend for him no matter how busy i get)

[Andrina]

3 hours ago, Ariya said:

i might send that message to say "Your silence speaks volume, at this point, i assume we are broken up, i would have been nice if you could be honest with me"

You're lacking in some self-worth, because many of your statements are totally about how he's feeling and that the decision is in his hands.

How about that you feel ignored, confused, hurt that a man who is supposed to love you should want to hear your voice at least once a day, and this guy doesn't. That a man invested in you would miss you and make clear plans with you regularly. That a man who loves you should make sure he treats you right to keep you in his life.

Doesn't the fact that this isn't happening show you he doesn't care enough?

So why are you leaving the decision in his hands?

You should be telling him, "This relationship isn't working for me. I've decided to move on."

About the text regarding his grandchild? My guess is that his family is asking him, "What does your gf think of the new baby?"

So he feels dumb or worse and gets an answer from you so he doesn't look like a @#&* to them.

You mention "polite" texts? Wow, after 6 months, this, and so many any things you mentioned, is so far from where you should be after this amount of time together.

He likely enjoyed the beginnings of intimacy with a new partner, but now where you should be entering a deeper level, he just doesn't have it in him.

Sorry about this failed relationship, but believe me, when you meet someone worthy of you, you'll appreciate him that much more. I know that happened to me.

Take care and let us know how it goes.

[Sabman]

From a male perspective I would do one last thing. 
simply text to say that “it was nice to have met you, but I’m writing to wish you well on the path that you choose, which is clearly without me. Take care. Have a good fulfilling life.”

he will either float on or jump into action. 

[Lambert]

48 minutes ago, Ariya said:

( but i did explain to him i will absolutely save the weekend for him no matter how busy i get)

Exactly.  

Don't start gaslighting yourself.  You are a good person.  He is a dud.  

[reinventmyself]

19 hours ago, Sabman said:

From a male perspective I would do one last thing. 
simply text to say that “it was nice to have met you, but I’m writing to wish you well on the path that you choose, which is clearly without me. Take care. Have a good fulfilling life.”

he will either float on or jump into action. 

Yes and no . . just be careful and make sure you are prepared to fully stand behind this declaration to close the door on this.

To have him 'jump into action' could be interpreted as merely trying to suss a reaction out of him.  It would smell a little passive aggressive and manipulative if someone did this do me.  You might initially get a reaction out of me, but I would also turn on it if I felt it was said to just get a rise out of me.

Another argument for having real time adult conversation with him.  Things of this nature shouldn't be handled through a text.

[reinventmyself]

. . . then there are those 'ah ha moments' when I wasn't clear about someone and spun all these same arguments in my head -

"if he really cared he wouldn't be willing to risk losing me'   

That's been reason enough for me to end it.