First date 'spark'

[Squigg]

I went on a first date recently with a woman from a dating app. The date went really well, conversation was great and we both agreed. Towards the end of the date she said we should meet up again and I agreed. Had a quick kiss at the end of the night and she texted me the next morning. I thought everything was good then she said she wasn't sure she felt a spark and it was niggling at her. I don't want advice about her specifically she'll either get back in touch with me or she wont, it was only one date after all. 

 

What I'm curious about is does everyone look for that 'spark'. For me an initial attraction is important but I think it takes a couple of date to get rid of the nerves and really know if there is something there worth exploring, especially someone from a dating app where you are basically meeting a total stranger. Would be curious what people think about it. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Squigg said:

 then she said she wasn't sure she felt a spark and it was niggling at her. 

Unfortunately one and done first meetings are very common. Keep in mind you're both still talking to and meeting others.

In this case, even though you had a good time, she's not interested for whatever reason. 

"Spark" is just an invented term for not interested. Try not to take it personally. At least she didn't waste your time or lead you on.

[Batya33]

31 minutes ago, Squigg said:

What I'm curious about is does everyone look for that 'spark'. For me an initial attraction is important but I think it takes a couple of date to get rid of the nerves and really know if there is something there worth exploring, especially someone from a dating app where you are basically meeting a total stranger. Would be curious what people think about it. 

This was a first meet -not a date -which mattered to me because first meets can often be short and first time meeting in person -a lot to take in.  How I did it when I dated (I met over 100 men in person) -if I was on the fence -not sure if there was potential for a spark, but I had a nice time, I gave it up to 4 dates.  If by the 4th date I didn't enjoy kissing him or have the desire to kiss him I stopped seeing him.  Sometimes it was less than 4 dates.  

Also sometimes it is an excuse.  I went out with someone twice in 2005 - unfortunately I spoke to him a lot on the phone which in hindsight I shouldn't have done because he got attached I think. 

The first date was fine.  The second date was a disaster -he was very needy/clingy/and brought me an ice cream cake (because I'd said I liked them for my bday -but it wasn't my bday) so then I had to put it in my freezer and I felt obligated to invite him over after for cake.  It was so hard to get him to leave (but he did act like a gentleman).   I knew I was turned off (I had felt potential on date one) - and the reason there was no chemistry was because his behavior was such a turn off.

He also lived an hours drive and he knew it would be very hard for me to come visit him (and I lived in the city which he loved). I did not want to give it another chance especially given him having to drive. I told him I didn't feel chemistry and  thought we shouldn't see each other again (he was very insistent we make plans to see each other again and I'd told him tentatively ok -three hours later I called him to tell him no, and the lack of spark). 

I didn't tell him the real reason was I was so turned off by his behavior -so it wasn't like I didn't feel that elusive "spark" -i knew exactly why.  He was so appreciative on the phone at my sharing that.  Until the next day when he harassed me with nasty emails.  But that's another story.  

So - just assume she has her own standards, assume there might be more to the story (like someone called her who she likes better or on reflection she realized you two are not a match) and don't assume this is some general notion about feeling a spark or otherwise.   

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Squigg said:

What I'm curious about is does everyone look for that 'spark'.

Depends. "Spark", "Chemistry" or whatever they call it is just something that they feel at the moment. Certain attraction. Some people are good at creating that attraction initially, some need time. In lots of times its used as an excuse. You know "I dont feel anything romantic about that person". No matter how the date went.

Though, in your case, since its dating apps, assume there is somebody else. Even average women get 100+ likes a day and can choose whoever they want. So, in that kind of competition, just assume she has somebody else in mind and that its "candy shop" mentality. You had fun and OK date. And that is all that matters there. So dont take it to heart and move on to the next one. Ive discovered in most of those cases, its better that nothing happened. And that they were one and done.

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Squigg said:

For me an initial attraction is important

When someone says there is no spark when you've only just met, what they are usually trying to say is that don't feel that intitial attraction. 

I wouldn't overthink it. It's disappointing, sure, but we can't be the right match for everyone. It's best that she doesn't waste your time if she feels this way after just one date. 

 

[Cherylyn]

My husband and I had the spark on our first date otherwise we wouldn't have been interested in the second date so on and so forth.  We were engaged within a year and married the following year. 

From my first date with him, I knew immediately that he was "the one."  He's very humble yet internally self confident without being cocky, modest, very intelligent and emotionally intelligent.  He's very handy and knows how to fix everything.  I defer to him a lot. 

After observing all sorts of unappealing men from my parents' friends, childhood community, neighbors, some colleagues and cross sections of society, I wanted the best or none at all.