Guy at work keeps giving me mixed signals

[Stephaniee]

I met a guy at work 4 months ago, he seemed shy but always tried to talk with me and we texted as well. But then he started becoming hot and cold sometimes he talks and next day he ignores me completely. Once there was a misunderstanding then he told me that he cares about my opinion and that I influence his mood but the next day he acts as if nothing happened! 

when he texts and I dont respond on the same day, he gets sad and says I am busy. But when we go out as a group, he ignores me

he is inconsistent and i dont understand him 
Do you guys think he doesn’t like me and just trying to be nice?

[smackie9]

Hot cold means insecurity. This guy has no confidence in himself, and lives with fear of rejection. This isn't always fixable, this is the way he is. You could try to be more warm/interactive, pull him out of his shell, be the bold one....but is it really worth it to experiment with that? 

[Batya33]

I originally met my husband at work and he was very shy.  Is this person single? Do you supervise him or does he supervise you? Do you want to know if he's attracted to you or if he wants to date you?  Often two different things.  

[Andrina]

In my experience, it means he likes the ego boost that you have a crush on him, but just isn't that into you enough to ask you out. When he's in the mood for an ego boost, he plays nice. When he's not feeling it, he goes cold.

Don't let him bat you around like he's a cat and your his toy. 

2 hours ago, Stephaniee said:

when he texts and I dont respond on the same day, he gets sad and says I am busy.

He's not your bf and you're not accountable to him for timely communication, or to communicate at all, other than work. 

I'd tell him you'd rather not continue texting each other, and to go back to just being co-workers who are pleasant to each other. Yeah, that's awkward, but how he's emotionally affecting you isn't right. You'll also be able to emotionally move on from your crush more easily to be able to bond with a guy who actually wants to date you.

[Jaunty]

He's probably just an insecure young guy who is figuring out how to act.  It is unlikely to have very much to do with you personally.  

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Stephaniee said:

I met a guy at work 4 months ago.

There are many people who don't want romantic complications at work. Be polite, friendly and professional, but don't pursue him. 

Step back from the texting outside of work. Instead, invest your time and energy into a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men.

Trying to turn coworkers into romantic interests is awkward for everyone and can backfire. Step away from him except as a coworker.

[catfeeder]

On 2/3/2023 at 3:59 PM, Stephaniee said:

Once there was a misunderstanding then he told me that he cares about my opinion and that I influence his mood

Do you know what he meant by this? I don't understand it. 

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

He is trying not to make himself look needy and desperate. According to most women, being clingy and needy is a turn off. So he is trying to stay away from that

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

He is trying not to make himself look needy and desperate. According to most women, being clingy and needy is a turn off. So he is trying to stay away from that

Most people distance themselves from adults who act that way other than rarely.  Not a gender thing.  No need to "try" - if you're a reasonably confident person you simply will not act that way.

[Stephaniee]

@iamwhatyoumademe1129

Well, he called  me and in the midlde of the conversation he was like "i consider you as a friend 😞 " so i think i got my answer.

Another friendzone 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Stephaniee said:

@iamwhatyoumademe1129

Well, he called  me and in the midlde of the conversation he was like "i consider you as a friend 😞 " so i think i got my answer.

Another friendzone 

Well  - no - he works with you so he likely is confirming that you're co-workers on friendly terms.

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

On 2/10/2023 at 11:39 AM, Stephaniee said:

@iamwhatyoumademe1129

Well, he called  me and in the midlde of the conversation he was like "i consider you as a friend 😞 " so i think i got my answer.

Another friendzone 

That sucks. It's all good. At least you got your answer. Now, move on to the next one.

[Lambert]

Always take hot and cold, as cold.  Those people are either damaged in some way, unsure of themselves, or don't have good intentions.  Either way, it's not a good situation for you.  And you just can't win.  Ignore anyone that does not come flat out with what they want and are doing.  Then listen to what they say.  If they friend zone you, so be it.  If they flake on you, ditch them.  Multiple changes to jerk you around will only prolong the problem and damage your self esteem.  Make space in your life for a good partner to come.  One that respects you.  No questions about it.  

[boltnrun]

Is this the guy you're planning on asking out on a date?

[Jaunty]

On 2/10/2023 at 9:39 AM, Stephaniee said:

@iamwhatyoumademe1129

Well, he called  me and in the midlde of the conversation he was like "i consider you as a friend 😞 " so i think i got my answer.

Another friendzone 

I wouldn't call it that.  You are workmates.  You have a friendly relationship with a co-worker.  That is perfectly normal.  Many people don't want to date those they work with.  It can become very messy and unpleasant when it doesn't work out or comes to an end.  

[Stephaniee]

6 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Is this the guy you're planning on asking out on a date?

Lol no🤣 

I stopped talking to him