Ex returned to my life, but things aren’t the same

[RelationDilemmas]

My girlfriend and I took a break that I originally requested in hopes of better dealing with a personal issue.  We both acknowledge and have talked about how we share the deepest connection of love that we’ve both ever experienced. However, she ended up in a two month rebound that she regrets. The same day she ended things and called me

Over the last two days we both shared our sincere apologies to each other and I am helping her through processing the breakup. I’m being patient and I want her in my life (she will be my wife one day) While we were together, she has asked for time to organize her feelings.  In our conversations I also shared everything in terms of my deep love for her and while her behavior shows she wants to be together romantically, we’ve kissed and have been really close to each other, she is still a bit reluctant to share her feelings in return and needs some time.

As a result I am a bit in flux of what I should do to balance my interest in wanting things to be good again between us and not pushing her away.  I know she loves me that’s clear Until she decides to “show her cards” I feel a bit uneasy about her really being in my life again. 

Any thoughts advice or ideas would be helpful.

[kctiger]

What personal issue caused you to want to take a break from the woman you believe will be your wife one day? Has that been worked out? 

[Wiseman2]

She seems to rightfully be protecting her feelings. "Breaks" and on/off relationships indicate chronic unresolved incompatibilities and issues.

Especially since you broke up with her after only dating 10 mos.

Since you initiated the break, you'll have to be patient and see if she can trust you again. People who bolt at the first hint of a problem are considered risky.

Try to work things out individually and together as far as why you needed a break in the first place.

[SooSad33]

18 hours ago, BDilema said:

My girlfriend and I took a break that I originally requested in hopes of better dealing with a personal issue.  We both acknowledge and have talked about how we share the deepest connection of love that we’ve both ever experienced. However, she ended up in a two month rebound that she regrets. The same day she ended things and called me

*And you add that you feel a bit uneasy about really having her be in your life again - then you are far from ready for her.....

You two took a break for reason's.  And she went elsewhere, then came running back.  None of this is showing any stability.

I feel you should remain on your own and stop interacting with her... she is your weakness.

And I think YOU need more time to figure yourself out - on why you ended this with her to begin with.

 

And from your last post:

"I guess I'm trying to understand how I can help her heal and realize what I know she knows in her heart already. ".

- YOU are the one who ended things, by pulling away as you had issue's to deal with.

So yeah, I feel it is best you stop all of this.  She's messed up now and so are you! ( And as already mentioned, you can't help her realize anything - you pushed her away, now trust has been affected here, etc).

Again, I say you remain at a distance with no expectations and you BOTH take a break and calm yourselves down!.

 

In ways I feel you have regrets for your actions... But you did it for reason's...right?

 

 

[RelationDilemmas]

2 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

*And you add that you feel a bit uneasy about really having her be in your life again - then you are far from ready for her.....

You two took a break for reason's.  And she went elsewhere, then came running back.  None of this is showing any stability.

I feel you should remain on your own and stop interacting with her... she is your weakness.

And I think YOU need more time to figure yourself out - on why you ended this with her to begin with.

 

And from your last post:

"I guess I'm trying to understand how I can help her heal and realize what I know she knows in her heart already. ".

- YOU are the one who ended things, by pulling away as you had issue's to deal with.

So yeah, I feel it is best you stop all of this.  She's messed up now and so are you! ( And as already mentioned, you can't help her realize anything - you pushed her away, now trust has been affected here, etc).

Again, I say you remain at a distance with no expectations and you BOTH take a break and calm yourselves down!.

 

In ways I feel you have regrets for your actions... But you did it for reason's...right?

 

 

I've already outlined that it was due to a severe personal issue from my past that I'm now over. It was justified for requesting space, and really didn't have have anything to do with her, I made the mistake but shes back now and understands my regrets in my decision but is also understanding as to why I requested space.  

[RelationDilemmas]

20 hours ago, kctiger said:

What personal issue caused you to want to take a break from the woman you believe will be your wife one day? Has that been worked out? 

It has since been worked out but it was regarding an physically abusive long term partner.  

[Andrina]

I don't believe in breaks. They are not necessary and do a lot of harm.

Of course, if you're dealing with a problem, or overload of something such as temporary extreme overtime, or studying for major tests at the end of a semester, etc., you can then tell a partner that the regular dating situation and communication has to lessen quite a bit until everything is completed/resolved.

That's a big difference than giving each other the freedom of being single.

21 hours ago, RelationDilemmas said:

her behavior shows she wants to be together romantically, we’ve kissed and have been really close to each other, she is still a bit reluctant to share her feelings in return and needs some time.

So now there is this loosey-goosey lack of rules and a clear roadmap of how to interact with each other because you are not a committed couple.

To make things clearer, ask her to give you the "rules" of how she wants things done presently, as far as how often communication can happen. If one or both of you can initiate communication. If you're getting together, and if so, how often, and who can initiate that. And if kissing will continue to happen or not.

Sounds ridiculous to have to have this awkward conversation, but you're the one who caused things to regress in the first place.

IMO, when one or both people are willing to free their partner to be single, they really don't care enough. Perhaps you're just missing being part of a couple. If the issue you had was so problematic, why did it only take 60 days to resolve?

Hopefully you've learned a lesson on how to deal with problems while still staying connected to a partner. Isn't it nice to have a partner's support when you're dealing with problems, which are always a part of anyone's life?

[Geroge Bensen]

On 1/5/2023 at 12:49 AM, RelationDilemmas said:

My girlfriend and I took a break that I originally requested in hopes of better dealing with a personal issue.  We both acknowledge and have talked about how we share the deepest connection of love that we’ve both ever experienced. However, she ended up in a two month rebound that she regrets. The same day she ended things and called me

Over the last two days we both shared our sincere apologies to each other and I am helping her through processing the breakup. I’m being patient and I want her in my life (she will be my wife one day) While we were together, she has asked for time to organize her feelings.  In our conversations I also shared everything in terms of my deep love for her and while her behavior shows she wants to be together romantically, we’ve kissed and have been really close to each other, she is still a bit reluctant to share her feelings in return and needs some time.

As a result I am a bit in flux of what I should do to balance my interest in wanting things to be good again between us and not pushing her away.  I know she loves me that’s clear Until she decides to “show her cards” I feel a bit uneasy about her really being in my life again. 

Any thoughts advice or ideas would be helpful.

I think your relationship is damaged,

 

On 1/5/2023 at 12:49 AM, RelationDilemmas said:

My girlfriend and I took a break that I originally requested in hopes of better dealing with a personal issue.  We both acknowledge and have talked about how we share the deepest connection of love that we’ve both ever experienced. However, she ended up in a two month rebound that she regrets. The same day she ended things and called me

Over the last two days we both shared our sincere apologies to each other and I am helping her through processing the breakup. I’m being patient and I want her in my life (she will be my wife one day) While we were together, she has asked for time to organize her feelings.  In our conversations I also shared everything in terms of my deep love for her and while her behavior shows she wants to be together romantically, we’ve kissed and have been really close to each other, she is still a bit reluctant to share her feelings in return and needs some time.

As a result I am a bit in flux of what I should do to balance my interest in wanting things to be good again between us and not pushing her away.  I know she loves me that’s clear Until she decides to “show her cards” I feel a bit uneasy about her really being in my life again. 

Any thoughts advice or ideas would be helpful.

It is a big red flag that she hooked up with another person, if you had personal issue's and this women will be your wife, why didn't she stand by you or reach out to you more? Why would you not communicate your issue's with her? 
I wouldn't trust a woman who does that, the relationship is damaged unless you have no care she hooked up with some one else when you broke up.

[smackie9]

The only way to deal with this is too communicate it to her. It takes two to repair issues in a relationship so she needs to be involved. 

[Betterwithout]

Sorry, but I can't help but hear Ross from "Friends" yelling  "we were on a break!!!!!".

But seriously, I think a good calm discussion of where you are both at to clear the air.  

Trust and respect is lacking in your relationship, so that needs to be fixed.

I've had one of these heart to hearts with a previous girlfriend. It's difficult and awkward and sometimes leads to breakup revelations, but necessary and for me it saved years of anguish.