Does he like me or is he just being nice?

[jessica_r]

So I met this guy on a little get-together on our uni campus a month ago. We knew each other kind of from passing since we had two classes together but never really spoke. On this get-together we exchanged a few looks and then he and his friend just came up to me and my friends and we were hanging out the entire evening. At some point he gave me his number so we can stay in touch about the homework for the subject we have together (there are weekly assignments that we need to do). My friends did tell me they felt like a vibe going on between us but that could've just been the alcohol. My favourite moment was us watching a football game on his phone and he kinda leaned into me more. 

Anyways, I texted him the next day, sending him a part of my homework we talked about at the get-together. It was a short exchange, nothing special. A few days later I reached out about the class being online (I found out through another professor and there was nothing about it on our uni website) and since then we've been talking. At first he would answer once or twice a day. Then after some time he started answering pretty often, every 15-20 minutes I would say. 

Last week we had a lecture together and he texted me before saying "are you on campus already?" I responded saying I would be there in 10 minutes or so and then he said "me and my friends are sitting in the last row if you want to sit with us". I came on campus, saw him in the classroom and said hi. As I was going to the part where you can leave your coat I could see him put his phone down and stretching while smiling big. I sat down a seat away from him and we talked and joked before the lecture. Throughout the lecture we didn't really talk but I noticed he was fidgety (not sure if that's how he usually is) and I also saw him glancing towards me a few times. After class we talked some more, said goodbye before the holidays and what I remember is him looking 3 more times behind him towards me while smiling as he was leaving. The next 2 days we texted on a pretty constant basis but then he just disappeared for 3 days 🙂 I know he probably went home to spend the holidays with his family, but this confused me. He then reached out yesterday responding to my last message and saying "also merry Christmas! ☺️". I of course responded back wishing him the same hoping he would strike some kind of conversation with me, but he didn't. 😕

Any advice? 

[greendots]

Man, did your story transport me back in time to a place where I was playing it safe with a guy. Only saying 'enough' never too much, being careful about how I acted, etc. Long story short, he was playing the same game. No one ever made a move forward. Big mistake on my end.

Don't make that same mistake. If you are interested in him or want to get to know him better, tell him. Ask him out for coffee. 'How about we grab a coffee tomorrow at 4pm' is not a date, but a great opportunity to see where things go and how his interest levels are. Also, sit next to him, look him in the eye, smile, laugh at his jokes.

A guy who's interested will make it clear. However, you need to reciprocate in an obvious way so he knows you're interested in him as well.

[Kwothe28]

I am gona be frank. Nothing in your story suggests that he likes you. A guy who is interested in you would firstly take your number, not give you his. Then text you about something else other then homework and classes and call on date. And not dissapear to probably see his "home girlfriend" and not answer your message in 3 days. 

So, unless he takes a real interest about you, and by that I mean asking a real questions about you and your life, flirting or even calling on date, i dont see that he is interested in anything else then college buddy who would provide him homework. Sorry.

[Batya33]

I would invite him to hang out somewhere outside weather permitting - walk in the park, a bike ride, like that. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, jessica_r said:

  🙂 I know he probably went home to spend the holidays with his family, but this confused me. 

If you like him, wait until you are both back on campus and invite him to a party, event, etc.

Step away from the texting for now. Are you friends on social media?

[lostandhurt]

Don't let him control what happens here.  If you like him then make it clear by asking him out on a coffee date or juice bar or what ever.  Make sure you frame it that way so there is no misunderstanding on what is being asked.  Not all guys are confident enough to be bold so sometimes you have to take the lead which is perfectly fine.  If you wait for him to make a move and he is shy then it may never happen.

 He is giving you a lot of signs that he is interested so put your fears of being rejected or looking silly aside and ask him out to lunch while you are on your winter break.  Even if you do it through text it is better than not trying at all...

 Lost

[Batya33]

I would do an active date first - a walk, a visit to a museum, a bike ride, a hike -too awkward to sit across from each other IMO.

[Andrina]

5 hours ago, jessica_r said:

At first he would answer once or twice a day. Then after some time he started answering pretty often, every 15-20 minutes I would say. 

This sounds like you're always the one to initiate contact. Is this correct? 

Better to gauge someone's interest by seeing if they put in equal effort.
 

From my own past experiences, I'm guessing it's an ego boost that he knows you have a crush on him, but he's just not that into you.

I've never had luck making the first move with guys like this, but if a guy is clueless or very shy, I've known women who've had luck in those sorts of situations.

I'd probably give clues that you'd say yes if he asked you out. In person, you could compliment him on something--his hair or shirt. Give him an opening, bringing up something that sounds like fun that you want to do on the weekend. A new club or restaurant you want to try.

I'd make a personal timeline of how long you'll allow being texting buddies without an invite. If he doesn't progress to that, no need to waste any more time on thinking he's romantic material. You can either remain acquaintance buddies, or let the texting fade away.

[smackie9]

When you like a guy, you need to be in his space, not sitting a seat away from him....always be near him. Smile, flirt, dress nice/feminine, be engaging. If he is leaning or touching, reciprocate. 

[jessica_r]

On 12/26/2022 at 9:51 PM, Wiseman2 said:

If you like him, wait until you are both back on campus and invite him to a party, event, etc.

Step away from the texting for now. Are you friends on social media?

No, we’re not.. we just text on whatsapp

[Coily]

I'll go out on a limb and suggest this guy IS interested. Though I would say rejection shy, that's why he hasn't been bold enough to ask you on a date. Some guys are extremely bad a judging a woman's interest in them, and end up playing these moments trying to find a green light to take the risk.

I would add there are some men who on a Uni campus feel very cautious about approaching women these days. So I'd say if you are interested go ahead and ask him to do something low key together.

Best of luck, and i hope it turns out better than you ever expected.