Help with relationship please people as am lost.

[sabotagedshots]

Right so I have known this women for about 13 years but lost contact and got back in touch through her sister week ago.

When I seen here i still had that sparkle for her, when I was younger I was to shy to even talk to her because to me she was a super star and couldn’t get my words out to talk.

When i got back in touch she just got out of a breakup that ain’t gone well. I asked her to be my GF because when i seen her i still seen we have chemistry together. She thinks am so funny dunno why but does.

her reply to me asking her was “See I did have a think a long one but I’m just staying single for now as because to my current situation with social kids etc… and need to sort my self out for them and myself before I settle down, it’s a. Hard one coz I have real trust issues for one, and 2 just all the stress and drama was hard emir deal with but like to stay mates for the time being and who knows what will happen.. still go out and do things but like I say we never no what could happen in the long run hope ya understand xxxx”

Is it as simple as wait you till am ready and we be together or is it a nice way to say no am not going to. Bare in mind she has a heart of gold and wouldn’t want to upset me.

Side note I asked her for some photos so can have her on my wallpaper on phone with my dogs, I said i want them so every morning i wake up I will remember to check up on you, find out if need any help and just have you on there because I have always loved you. She said oh that's fine and let me have some.

we have plans for laser quest and going out soon with her sister as well. Am I flogging a dead horse or will I get this person i been longing for most of my adulthood. Sorry my English grammar is not the best.

thanks david

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, sabotagedshots said:

Am I flogging a dead horse or will I get this person i been longing for most of my adulthood.

She politely declined you for now, so you give her space. Obviously, she's not ready to jump into another relationship as she's dealing with the last one, so she's right in that she can't be in partner mode now.

I'd say limit your contact, go about your life, date other people, ect. Check in after a few months if she's ready, but for now let it go and give her space. You don't really know her, so you don't know how things would go between you two anyways.

[sabotagedshots]

Hey thanks for your reply, yeah I lost contact with her but her sister younger sister my best friend. I tried to ignore her today and they then started a Facebook group chat and harassed me till I replied. It seems she want me around but not to close. This is why am confused

[smackie9]

You are friend zoned so don't look any further than friendship. Stay friends and date other people. If she comes around to date then fine, but don't wait around for it to happen.

[DarkCh0c0]

49 minutes ago, sabotagedshots said:

It seems she want me around but not to close. This is why am confused

As @smackie9mentioned, you're friendzoned. She sort of wants you close enough as friend, but not close enough as a date. Limiting contact will help give you both space and will make things less awkward.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, sabotagedshots said:

got back in touch through her sister week ago.

OP, to clarify, you got back in touch a week ago? Or was there a typo here? 

[sabotagedshots]

No typo MissCanuck.... I still known about her and what's going off and she did with me because her sister my best mate..... When i seen her was like two peas in a pod and she was nearly crying from laughing. flirted a lot etc... But then said that after I properly asked her to be my GF. Just because we lost contract didn't mean we still don't know each other. 

 

 

Her sister don't know but she personally thinks give it few months max and I will 100% have her but want advise from a neutral position. 

[Andrina]

First off, what mistakes have you made? Asking someone to be your gf when you've never even been on a date with them. Sorry, but crushing on her from years earlier and basically being acquaintances doesn't give you the info you need to wisely make that move. A person who seems great as a friend and/or an acquaintance doesn't automatically make them an ideal partner. To learn this, a person would actually have to accept a dating situation with you, and still it would be 3 or 4 months of a honeymoon period where you're only scratching the surface of who a person is, if it even gets that far.

Plus, you'll be scaring away women with moving so fast, since that's not the normal pace of things.

As for her, she comes with a warning label, and you should always listen carefully when people  spout those warnings. You don't ignore the warnings just because the person is flaming hot. 

She wants to be your friend because she likes the ego boost, and doesn't care one iota that you might be lead on, and that your feelings will be hurt when you finally realize you're wasting your time. 

Your smartest move would be tell her to let you know if she ever wants to try going on a date with you. In the meantime, you're choosing not to hang out.

It'll be plain dumb to hold out hope while spending time with someone you want more from. When two people have opposite relationship goals, it never works. Because if you're spending all your emotional energy and time on her, available beautiful women will pass right on by without notice by you, and you will have missed golden opportunities.

[Kwothe28]

11 hours ago, sabotagedshots said:

but like to stay mates for the time being and who knows what will happen.. still go out and do things but like I say we never no what could happen in the long run hope ya understand xxxx”

At best she is keeping you as "a reserve" in case her other options dont work out. At worst you are friendzoned. Both of those options are not good for you. If you are asking why "reserve" is not good, well, how would you feel if you are the second or third option to somebody else? How about if she does makes it work with somebody else? While she is keeping you there and you go on the dates with her and entertain her?

Also, I would take her excuses as just that, excuses. If she wanted to be with you, she would be right now. She wouldnt wait until "she sorts herself out before she settles down"(btw that is a code for "I would like to ride a D carousel before somebody marries me) but she would be with you. Its extremely disengenius of her to keep you there with "Oh but we never know what is going to happen in future" part. You need to move on. You deserve somebody who would actually want to be wiith you. And not spin you around while she does what she wants.

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, sabotagedshots said:

But then said that after I properly asked her to be my GF. Just because we lost contract didn't mean we still don't know each other. 

It was still way too soon to ask her to be your girlfriend, OP. 

You've only been back in touch 7 days. You have never been on a date with her. Asking her for a full-on relationship was you putting the horse miles in front of the cart. No woman in her right mind would agree to that, to be very blunt. 

I think she is trying to be gentle with you, but she doesn't want what you want. You have to slow your role and not rush these things. Get to know someone (or get reacqainted). Ask for some dates. Then suggest getting into a relationship. Not the other way around. 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, sabotagedshots said:

Her  sister don't know but she personally thinks give it few months max and I will 100% have her 

Why not ask her out if you are interested rather than go through hearsay from her friends and family?

[sabotagedshots]

I did i asked her directly myself.

 

What i mean i was really embarrassingly shy when was younger around her couldn't even say hi. I then went to prison and lost contact of her. When i got out her sister said she's in a relationship got kids with him etc. So i kept my distance to be respectful to her. I always got her sister to tell me what's going on with her anything interesting etc. She still asked the same of me to her sister so both didn't forget each other. 

 

When she split up in June was a bad one really bad one bless her. I thought well not going to be shy as was and don't want to loose her again and asked her to be my gf and her reply was ^^^.

 

The sad thing is I never have crushed or lusted after her I on heart do love her and when she moved on i was so sad I had to do the same. My feelings never changed for her. When she's with me I feel like am in the safest spot on the planet. We do get on really well always have done. Her sister thinks just wait, I have known her sister for 15 years and girl in question excluding time not spoken about 3 years.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, sabotagedshots said:

When she's with me I feel like am in the safest spot on the planet. We do get on really well always have done. 

 Did you ask her out recently and spend time with her recently? Is she interested in dating or just friends?

You need to stop focusing on hearsay. It doesn't matter what the sister thinks. It's unclear why you keep asking the sister what she thinks if you two are seeing each other. 

[sabotagedshots]

This problem sorted mate. I got hold of her and said look you left to many questions in your answer i want to know chance for the future or not. She said see you as good mate. Now denies leading me to think maybe more.

 

Said i might love you and think highly of you but leading me on shows your not as special as i thought you was over the year. Being in my life is a privilege not a right. For you lead me on (more things the next day as well) thinking i have a chance to be with you when am locked in friends zone was wrong, and you can't admit you done wrong. So sadly that privilege is now revoked banned her everywhere straight after.

 

I might love her but I got self respect

[goddess]

16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not ask her out if you are interested rather than go through hearsay from her friends and family?

I agree, Wiseman.  Merry Christmas to you.