2nd Date: Dealing with a Busy Girl - Is She still Interested?

[James90]

Hey guys,

 

So I went on a date with a girl, it went incredibly well… where from what I can tell we’re really compatible. We kissed also.

During the date after I asked when can we meet again, she jokingly mentions she’s got a busy couple of weeks leading up to Christmas and is starting some new strict diet without sugar and that her mood might be quite bad. 
 

After the date she said I’m basically what she hoped I would be. Says she can’t wait to meet me again etc. 

A couple of days later she’s slower to respond but has been busy. Says she can’t wait to see me too when I tell her this but is just not as responsive. Often taking hours to respond or leaving me at read and it’s seemingly getting longer now with the responses. I sent her a message this morning and she still hasn’t responded 12 hours later but has viewed my Instagram story. 
 
She had said she would like for us to call some time before we meet but yesterday unfortunately she told me her work schedule has changed and she has to go down to London and won’t be back until Sunday. But that she would be up for meeting next week. This meant we had to cancel our second date on Friday but move it to next Tuesday. Again last night she says it will be nice to see me and that she’s sorry for being crap at responding.

I know it sounds almost silly because she does seem keen and she is giving me a level of reassurance but I’ve been ghosted before and she is seemingly being far less responsive than usual. So on the one hand I respect the fact she’s busy and her mood may be affected by this diet but also she should probably be making a bit more effort to respond. Im also from the sounds of it not going to be able to speak to her like we had arranged so I’m feeling there’s a couple of opportunities where plans have been cancelled from her end and a lack of responsiveness too. I’m also trying not come on too strong but I do have a tendency of doing this. Is she losing interest? It’s hard to know how to keep her keen and what to do to make sure I keep her interested. Do I just simply message her less, give her space etc? I have noticed this was effective before the 1st date but I’m wondering if it’s beyond that point now. I have messaged her quite a bit more than she has me since the 1st date and I’m worried she’s losing interest. I’m also what girls what consider to be a nice guy just FYI. 

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

thanks, 

 

James

 

[Kwothe28]

And you "swallowed" her diet BS excuse? Damn, she must be hot...

If she couldnt wait to see you, you would have saw her by now. She wouldnt have to cancel your date to go to London to party there and see God knows who. 

I wouldnt count seriously on that one.  People at the start are at their best and try to show interest. If her best is just empty words how she would like to see you while she ignores your messages and cancels dates, you shouldnt count on her for anything serious. Because even if you manage to do something, she would always be like that toward you.

See how the date goes. But again, I wouldnt count on that one.

[moodindigo91]

7 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

And you "swallowed" her diet BS excuse?

Yeahhhhhhh I agree. She's giving you more excuses than anything.

As a woman who is single and dating, who also has a busy schedule with a full-time job, a demanding workout schedule, and a dog to take care of, I am still making time to squeeze in dates with the men I am interested in. 

In any event, it just seems like even if she is into you as much as she tells you, she is not going to make the time for you that you would want. 

[DarkCh0c0]

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

She cancelled the second date, so she's not interested.

Absolutely cut contact and move on. Your time is valuable and should not be taken lightly by someone who actually cares about you. Even if she comes back and messages you to say hi, don't reply back. Her loss really.

[catfeeder]

I don't think figuring her out is a burden you need to take on. Just pull back, and if she's interested enough, she'll step up. If she doesn't, then that's your answer.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not a fan of the classic "been busy excuse."   When one cares about another person they find the time, make the time and clearly show interest.  Also, she wouldn't risk having you move on, and never seeing you again.

Rather than waste my time, and wait for her to throw a few crumbs, I'd move on.  You can do much better.

 

[Capricorn3]

2 hours ago, HeartGoesOn said:

I'm not a fan of the classic "been busy excuse."   When one cares about another person they find the time, make the time and clearly show interest.  Also, she wouldn't risk having you move on, and never seeing you again.

Rather than waste my time, and wait for her to throw a few crumbs, I'd move on.  You can do much better.

^ I second this entire post. Nailed it.

[Andrina]

A few hours of not responding is fine, because people do work and also might be spending uninterrupted time with a friend or family member. Twelve hours, however, is ridiculous. When you yourself are into someone, would you behave like this--not replying to a text during the entirety of your waking hours that takes 30 seconds to type out? 

If not, then why do you excuse this crappy behavior just because it's a hot lady?

In the future, don't be double texting when she hasn't replied. Let someone show equal effort, and if they don't, it's a good gauge of their lack of interest so you're not grasping for straws and wasting any more time on someone who's just not that into you. A person who isn't into you and a coward prefers the slow fade. Let them fade away, so you can meet someone who shows you how crazy they are about you.

[James90]

She now just seems to be throwing me a few breadcrumbs and when I tried to confirm a time for the new date she didn’t answer my question. Thanks for your advice. You were right. I think she’s now just trying to lead me on/ mess me about with no intention of wanting to get to know me. 

[boltnrun]

When my husband and I were dating he literally drove 30 minutes at 5:30 am just so he could take me to work and spend 15 minutes in his car with me. He also walked 20 minutes on his break at work just so he could wave hello to me when I was at my job. 

If someone wants to see you they'll carve in the time.

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

When my husband and I were dating he literally drove 30 minutes at 5:30 am just so he could take me to work and spend 15 minutes in his car with me. He also walked 20 minutes on his break at work just so he could wave hello to me when I was at my job. 

If someone wants to see you they'll carve in the time.

One of my boyfriends would come to my office when I had to work really late just to have takeout dinner with me.

[smackie9]

I agree when the excuses are long winded, you are getting the blow off.

[mylolita]

I second everyone else's opinion OP!

When someone wants to see you, they'll see you - and especially in that initial dating phase, they should be jumping through hoops of fire not to let you slip away!

She's so so at best. Be thankful her true colours and intentions have been revealed at the start, now you can move onto better things and not waste any of your precious time!

If something matters to someone, they make time, whether they work 24 hours a day or none, it doesn't matter - they will be there. 

It's often a really good indicator of what people really value, if you observe what they give their most time too. It reveals everything about someones priorities.

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