Is he interested if he doesn’t text in between dates?

[Sunshineandroses]

I (25F) met this guy (42M) online last week. Usually I don’t date men too much older than me, but we had a lot in common and I was very attracted to him. 

He lives about 2 hours away from me in a different state, but he was in my city visiting family so we went out on Saturday. We spent 7 continuous hours together because he kept extending the date and suggesting other things to do together. We had great conversation, a lot of similarities and I felt like I could be myself around him. As it was getting later in the evening and places were closing, he asked if I wanted to just “chill” and go back to my apartment, or go to another bar, etc. not sure if that’s a red flag? I said no to go back to my place but we did go to one more bar. After he walked me to my car, I asked if I could kiss him and we had a full on makeout. He was a little nervous during our date to show physical affection I think so I decided to make the move to kiss. He asked me after if I wanted to hang out again and he said I should come up to see him. I also have friends in his town so I could make a day trip out of it. 

He texted me the morning after and said he had a great time with me. I texted him back to make plans for next weekend to go see him but he took hours to respond to each of my messages. I figured he’s just busy, whatever. So we made the plans for me to come up and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s been 2 days.  It is different than our communication style before we met. I’m just nervous because I have gone on almost 10 previous dates since I started dating again a few months ago, and 50% of those men have ghosted me even though the dates went well. The others just fizzled out. Only one person reached out to me saying he didn’t feel a connection after the second date.

Is it a red flag is he doesn’t reach out in between dates? Confused if he lost interest after meeting me.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Sunshineandroses said:

I (25F) met this guy (42M) online last week. 

He lives about 2 hours away from me in a different state, but he was in my city visiting family so we went out on Saturday. .he took hours to respond to each of my messages. we made the plans for me to come up and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s been 2 days

Sorry this happened. Is he married?

[Sunshineandroses]

No he’s single.

[boltnrun]

Did he suggest you stay with him for this "date"?

[Sunshineandroses]

No, we didn’t even make plans on what we were going to do together.

[Kwothe28]

32 minutes ago, Sunshineandroses said:

he asked if I wanted to just “chill” and go back to my apartment, or go to another bar

I think he just expected sex. Same with you taking a trip to him. He expects some action and not a real relationship. Hence why his interest level is not really there. If you decide to come to him, just know what to expect there.

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Sunshineandroses said:

No, we didn’t even make plans on what we were going to do together.

So he just expected you to travel two hours and then what? Wait for him to suggest a date idea?

[Wiseman2]

47 minutes ago, Sunshineandroses said:

he asked if I wanted to just “chill” and go back to my apartment, or go to another bar, etc. not sure if that’s a red flag? we made the plans for me to come up and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s been 2 days. 

I think you already know he's just looking for hookups. Is he living with someone?

[catfeeder]

Sorry to say, he may have just wanted to go to your place to hook up, but beyond that, he's not demonstrating much of an interest.

There's no way I'd bother with him 2 hours away.

[Andrina]

As someone who did OLD for 2 and a half years, my suggestions are these:

Date guys within a 45 minute drive. 

(Two hours apart grows old really fast, is expensive, and you end up on dates that are way too lengthy at the beginning--not the normal pace. And/Or dates that don't happen often enough)

Don't go to one another's homes until you feel ready to be intimate. When you have chemistry with someone, you might go too far too fast and regret it while in the privacy of a home. If you want to know if a guy truly wants longterm if that's your goal, he will be patient and wanting to get to know you on dates outside of the home.

I made a limit of what age range gap I was comfortable with, though tweaked it as I went along. You're young and might not be thinking of the consequences of dating someone 17 years older. This is very different life stages. And you really have to think about longterm. If it actually worked out, he'd be doing everything 17 years before you--retiring, having normal elderly problems you are far away from experiencing. You might have to take care of elderly parents as they age. Do you want to add to that another person to do the same for? After caring for my aging parents (my mother has now passed), I was really happy to not have to do this with my husband as well, (he's 3 years younger than me) because it's tiring.

Lastly, it takes far longer to see skeletons in the closet of someone who lives far away, if there are any, plus one of your would have to uproot if things actually worked out.

It's easy to think of OLD as a small world, but it's really not. Date more wisely for better success.

[Batya33]

I think he was expecting to hook up or have sex given the age difference and the travel distance.  Also stay sober during a first meet -he is a stranger for all practical purposes.  I think you know he didn't want to just "chill"

[DarkCh0c0]

12 hours ago, Sunshineandroses said:

He asked me after if I wanted to hang out again and he said I should come up to see him.

Nope. Nope. I strongly advise you against this. A gentleman who is serious about you would not suggest this. Instead, he would make other outdoor plans and dates and follow up via text. Who knows if he's really not married or if he doesn't pull this same act with other ladies online.

Plus, the whole asking if he can go to your place is a red flag for you to run from. It has booty call all over it.

Don't stick around to see how red is the red flag. Just run. Block and delete him and then revise your dating standards and strategy as suggested by Andrina above.

[smackie9]

 This is not what you want right? Date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. It's a no brainer this guy isn't interested in anything more than a hookup.

[moodindigo91]

21 hours ago, Sunshineandroses said:

I have gone on almost 10 previous dates since I started dating again a few months ago, and 50% of those men have ghosted me even though the dates went well. The others just fizzled out.

I would say that this is pretty much the average experience of dating. 

Anyway, as for this guy. There's a lot of red flags. Not even considering the fact that he hasn't texted you in 2 days, but he lives in another state, 2 hours away, is much older, and seemed to exhibit some interesting behavior on your date (like he was maybe trying to get you drunk so you would go home with him?). All of this just sounds too complicated to be worth it. If you feel unsure, there's a reason for it. You should let this fizzle out.