I've had dating failures all year, this one frustrates me the most since I did everything right

[boltnrun]

24 minutes ago, MALayhee800 said:

I was legit having fun with around 60 people that night and thought it was going to payoff

Payoff in what way?

This was just one woman. You seem to have a lot of positives in your life, so I can imagine the right woman will come along.

And 30 is not old lol. Not even close.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, moodindigo91 said:

I agree that having zero expectations will be better overall. I would refrain from having any expectations until you are in a committed relationship with someone tbh. Don't give up! Allow yourself some time to feel like crap about this specific rejection and then pick yourself up and keep moving forward as soon as possible. 

Oh I meant you can expect to go on a date with a person only if there is a time/place plan for a date.  And then if there is no future plan for another date assume there is no date and move on - that way if in the future a plan is made you are not "waiting" -you are living your life.  

I don't think there are any guarantees even in a committed relationship and I don't mean that negatively.  We all have to balance the risks.  I wanted marriage and family so it was always worth the risk of someone declining to date me or ending a relationship.  I never felt I was entitled to date or entitled to find the right person to marry.

[Tinydance]

17 minutes ago, MALayhee800 said:

'm going through more than dating woes, I'm just not happy with my situation in life right now. If I had the power to go back and change certain things, I would change them without hesitation. I'm inching to 30 and I'm officially old in 4 months; I honestly prefer being 14 years old and having to deal with juvenile bullying than put up with anything superficial garbage working adults have to put up with on a daily basis. My life as a kid was pretty average, but at least I was young and the world was a much brighter place from the perspective of my young and vibrant brain.

I appreciate it, I'm just irritated because I was legit having fun with around 60 people that night and thought it was going to payoff, just set myself up for disappointment.

Well sometimes it actually does pay off though. I guess the problem is we just don't always know how or when. Some of dating is more luck but unfortunately it does require constant effort to be putting yourself out there. For example, I've done a lot of speed dating, singles events, online dating. I had dates from them but nothing ever really happened in terms of a relationship.

With speed dating, you had to pay for all the events, sometimes a lot of money. I had to spend maybe about 2 - 3 hours at the event doing 10 + speed dates, talking to everyone. I was always very generous to tick a lot of people just to get to know people more and give them a chance. Sometimes I got no matches, sometimes had a few but they didn't reply, or had one or two dates. But nothing ever came of it. Whereas one of my acquaintances from school went on a singles cruise and found his wife there. They have two or three kids. He's just a pretty average guy but his wife is actually attractive. I mean, we just don't know why on that particular singles cruise his wife was there and she specifically took a liking to him rather than to some other guy. Some of it was probably luck but if he never went on the singles cruise then he wouldn't have found her.

The same thing goes for parties, online dating, Meetup groups, anything. You can go there and not find anyone but one day you might actually meet someone. I mean, if dating really upsets you and rejection is too much then you can have a break. As you said, focus on yourself and your business.

If you feel like having a few drinks and playing video games, sure why not. But I think to get so upset over a woman you met only once and just chatted a bit is just unnecessarily hurting yourself. I know you were hoping to go on a date but surely it's not like you had feelings for her? I think you need to try to be emotionally stronger and just let these things roll off your back, you know? Why get drunk over a woman that you hardly knew really.

[moodindigo91]

19 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Oh I meant you can expect to go on a date with a person only if there is a time/place plan for a date.  And then if there is no future plan for another date assume there is no date and move on - that way if in the future a plan is made you are not "waiting" -you are living your life.  

I don't think there are any guarantees even in a committed relationship and I don't mean that negatively.  We all have to balance the risks.  I wanted marriage and family so it was always worth the risk of someone declining to date me or ending a relationship.  I never felt I was entitled to date or entitled to find the right person to marry.

I know what you meant, but I still think it's better to have little to no expectations while dating. Unless you've gone on several dates and you're discussing being exclusive with one another. I 100% agree there's no guarantees even in committed relationships, but you should still have certain reasonable expectations of your partner. After all, you've decided to commit to one another and share your lives together. You don't do that when you're dating. You're just looking for someone who has the potential of living up to the expectations you would have of a partner. That's why I say, no expectations or very few, especially if you haven't made it explicit that you want to date someone and/or vice versa. 

[Batya33]

30 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

I know what you meant, but I still think it's better to have little to no expectations while dating. Unless you've gone on several dates and you're discussing being exclusive with one another. I 100% agree there's no guarantees even in committed relationships, but you should still have certain reasonable expectations of your partner. After all, you've decided to commit to one another and share your lives together. You don't do that when you're dating. You're just looking for someone who has the potential of living up to the expectations you would have of a partner. That's why I say, no expectations or very few, especially if you haven't made it explicit that you want to date someone and/or vice versa. 

Yes we agree. My only expectation is that if there is a plan for the date time and place the person will probably show up barring an emergency.  I think that's a reasonable expectation and the only reasonable expectation in early dating.  

Yes to reasonable expectations.  When I say no guarantees I mean basically people can die, get injured or sick, and also people can change -their values, their religion, their lifestyle.  A marital commitment helps in the legal and financial sense so that in many cases if the partner "changes" the other partner's lifestyle has a better bet of staying stable financially, etc. 

I have a friend who got engaged and about 5 days later was run over by a bus.  They married within a year and stayed married for several years and then divorced.  But yes he married her and they had a child.  But when they got engaged he was engaged to a woman who was mobile, who was working full time at a demanding career, who had her own place.  After, she spent months in hospital/rehab (still had her own place just didn't spend much time there), had to cut way back at work, made getting pregnant of course much harder and was in constant, awful pain.

I said no to a marriage proposal by someone I had been crazy about for years but after rocky times I was on my way out - and apparently he didn't think I was.  What I didn't know is he proposed in part because he was struggling with his sexual orientation and did not want to be.  He told me this 10 years later when we met for coffee- our first real conversation since we broke up the night he proposed. Again - had I said yes I would have assumed I was marrying a heterosexual man -no inkling of anything different.  He also wanted to be heterosexual and live a straight, married lifestyle. 

I'm not being negative -he actually was deceiving himself, not wanting to deceive me.  But life can be tricky that way.  What's trickier is not letting it get you jaded.  (He has been happily commmitted and married for almost 25 years now, to a wonderful man).   

When I got serious with my husband we knew there were no guarantees we'd have our dream of a biological child.  Reasonable expectations that we would remain in love, committed, loyal, close - yes for sure.  I wouldn't have taken my wedding vows had I not had those expectations.

OP - I simply meant that expecting that just because you have a fun night out and connect with people that it will result in going on a date with one or more of the women there is an unrealistic expectation and bound to lead to bitterness if it hasn't already.

[Andrina]

Yes, do take a break since you're not in a good mindset right now. I too was frustrated after my first marriage ended with lots of upsetting experiences. You do have to be realistic, though, that it takes a huge amount of effort to find a SO as an adult. The days are gone where you were surrounded by hundreds of people your age in high school and college.

In my case, I had a few friends try to set me up, I did OLD, joined Meetup.com groups, took lessons in tango, salsa, East Coast swing. Went on dates with 30 men over a 2 and a half year period. 

What helped me get into a better mindset was reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. It helped me to improve the reel going on inside my brain, and once I started employing the book's advice, I finally met my future husband--a real keeper.

Think about what more you could be doing to get yourself out into the world. Being a volunteer museum or zoo docent? Taking a class in cooking or watercolor painting? So many fun things you could try. 

Good luck.

[Mammalyssa]

Guys this is the same person as the too ugly thread 100%. Mentions the same things, as in teenage relationships being easier... same structure for replies. Same "I've done everything there's nothing I could change" attitude. 

 

Go ahead if you want to trudge through another 10 pages of talking to a brick wall... 😅

[MALayhee800]

17 minutes ago, Distressedmamma said:

Guys this is the same person as the too ugly thread 100%. Mentions the same things, as in teenage relationships being easier... same structure for replies. Same "I've done everything there's nothing I could change" attitude. 

 

Go ahead if you want to trudge through another 10 pages of talking to a brick wall... 😅

I'm actually not, but whatever makes you sleep well at night.

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Payoff in what way?

This was just one woman. You seem to have a lot of positives in your life, so I can imagine the right woman will come along.

And 30 is not old lol. Not even close.

I'm getting a few small grays beneath my bottom lip, I have no head gray hair yet, but I'm getting old. I just miss being younger, life just continues to get harder as you age. I typically prefer older women, but if I want kids I'm gonna have to put my preferences aside and be more practical. I have had more time to think about it after her reply, if she were so desperate for kids, why you're waiting at age 36 confuses me; I also don't have the whole story with her ex, maybe this was for the best. I'm still angry that it was a waste of my time.

[boltnrun]

19 minutes ago, MALayhee800 said:

I'm still angry that it was a waste of my time.

How much time did you "waste"? Several months? Several weeks? If it was less than a week that's just a blip.

And if you're old I guess I'm a decomposing corpse 😆

[catfeeder]

4 hours ago, moodindigo91 said:

Perception is very much something you can control, and having a positive perception of most situations will have tremendously positive impacts on your daily mood and life in general. 

Yep, it will also impact the way you are perceived by others through your attitude and the energy you give off.

Nobody will come along and make you happy. That's an inside job, and it will influence who will be willing to come along and be happy WITH you.

Quote

Try to perceive dating and rejection as being positive. You're dodging bullets, weeding out unsuitable partners, making room for the ones who are more compatible. I heard something a long time ago that I repeat to myself often, and that is something like "rejection is protection". They're doing you a favor, saving you time and probably heartache. 

Yes, building relationships--with family, with friends, with lovers--it's a process. It's work. As with any kind of work, our perceptions will determine whether it's rewarding and fun work, or whether it's a miserable trudge.

Perceiving it as miserable only keeps the flow of misery going--and nobody is attracted to that. You can't fake your way around it, people pick it up.

So just as with the times in school you remember as being hard but your optimism about your future pulled you through, consider ways to get that back to enjoy your next 60 or more years.

There is a lot of reading you can do to help yourself change your habitual thinking, and you can also work with a counselor or a therapist or clergy or support groups or reading groups.

Nobody else can do this FOR you. It's a decision.

[Tinydance]

2 hours ago, MALayhee800 said:

I'm actually not, but whatever makes you sleep well at night.

I'm getting a few small grays beneath my bottom lip, I have no head gray hair yet, but I'm getting old. I just miss being younger, life just continues to get harder as you age. I typically prefer older women, but if I want kids I'm gonna have to put my preferences aside and be more practical. I have had more time to think about it after her reply, if she were so desperate for kids, why you're waiting at age 36 confuses me; I also don't have the whole story with her ex, maybe this was for the best. I'm still angry that it was a waste of my time.

What do you mean she's waiting at 36? Do you mean just  because she wants kids and she's 36 that she HAS to go out with you because her "biological clock is ticking"? I'm sure she's not just waiting doing nothing but she's trying to meet a guy she actually likes. When I was 36 and I wanted kids, I was trying to give people a chance but if I just wasn't interested I wasn't going to be with just literally any guy just to have kids. I knew I was older but I didn't think I was old to the extent that I had no chance at all to find anyone I actually like or that I was menopausal or something lol

I don't really understand why you're so angry that talking to this woman was "a waste of time". If you look at everything from a negative angle then you might start considering a lot of things to be a waste of time. For example, going to the supermarket and a product is sold out so you get angry that it was a "waste of time" to go there. Not everything in life will always produce the result you want so I think it's better to just accept that rather than get angry about it.

Besides, how much time did you really waste? You just sent her a few messages, right? Fairly minimal effort in my opinion as far as trying to date goes. Like actual bare minimum you need to do really.

You keep mentioning you're 30 now and you're "old" but I'm not really sensing a mature attitude. You've really lost it just because basically a stranger you don't really know didn't want to go out with you. You're saying you're going to get drunk over it, give up on dating all together. I understand it's disappointing but if everyone reacted like this then everyone would be single.

[Tinydance]

Also on the topic of age. Provided you're not living a dangerous lifestyle like heavy drinking, smoking, drugs, etc. Or working dangerous jobs like Crocodile Hunter or walking the trapeze or something lol Your life expectancy is probably about 80 + years old. So you still have 50 years to date and meet people. That's the way I always thought of it in regards to myself. Also being a man you can have kids anytime. I mean yeah you probably don't want to leave it too late like being in your 50's or 60's but you still have time.

[MissCanuck]

You've really lost perspective if you think 30 is old. 

 

[DarkCh0c0]

Okay, so you almost got somewhere with this lady. Keep doing those events and at some point you will find a lady that will say YES.

Just ask her out before she leaves or take her phone number and ask her out next day/ asap.

Rejections are redirections. Perhaps you should be thankful she said no as she sounds like she still has feelings for an ex, which is a no-go.

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

You've really lost perspective if you think 30 is old. 

 

I have to admit, I’m 32 and don’t like it 😅

 

x 

[mylolita]

5 hours ago, MALayhee800 said:

I'm actually not, but whatever makes you sleep well at night.

I'm getting a few small grays beneath my bottom lip, I have no head gray hair yet, but I'm getting old. I just miss being younger, life just continues to get harder as you age. I typically prefer older women, but if I want kids I'm gonna have to put my preferences aside and be more practical. I have had more time to think about it after her reply, if she were so desperate for kids, why you're waiting at age 36 confuses me; I also don't have the whole story with her ex, maybe this was for the best. I'm still angry that it was a waste of my time.

I agree MA,

 

If you are not looking to settle down yourself very soon, or in a position too, I would be looking at actually younger women, because women 35 plus will probably have children seriously on their radar. Some won’t of course, but the likelihood will increase as you get into the 30 plus bracket. 
 

With regards to your bisexuality, I think this does add another layer of complication, unfortunately for a man as well. 
 

If I can add, I am a 32 bisexual woman, married for 9 years but have been with my husband for 15 years, with three children. I have to say, it’s always been “there”, but I properly realised my sexuality and got a chance to act on it for a good year or two alongside my husband who was my fiancé at the time. All I will add to this is, there are “levels” of bisexuality, and I think this is important. If I had to state it, I’m like, 95% all about men. That little 5% of me is more like a sexual kink. I have no interest in dating women, getting into proper relationships or having anything romantic with them. It’s not an important part of me or my sexuality and if I never acted upon it again for the rest of my life, I am cool with that.

 

I think, how big and important that bisexual aspect of yourself is should be taken into consideration. If you do end up in a serious relationship with say, a woman, who is straight but accepting of your sexuality, do you think it would be an issue to never act on that part of you that is attracted to men for potentially the rest of your life?
 

Or realistically, I think you might have less trouble, and more liberal mind sets, trying to date within the LBGTQ community, and attending those kind of events? Because being bisexual is a really big deal breaker for someone who is straight, and if you are finding it hard to date anyway, you might see your chances go up and a much broader sense of acceptance in those scenes!

 

Best of luck!

 

x

[Batya33]

 "if she were so desperate for kids, why you're waiting at age 36 confuses me; I also don't have the whole story with her ex, maybe this was for the best. I'm still angry that it was a waste of my time."

 I waited so I could have a child and act in the child's best interests -to me that meant being in a happy marriage or nearly married (we started trying before we got married, we already were planning marriage and happy and in love).  I felt desperate for a child at 36 and much earlier but I didn't act on that desperation by having a child where it wouldn't have been in the child's best interests.  Cause being a parent is not about "me" or my desire to be a mother -my desire that started for me in my teens -such a strong desire - it's about the child almost totally.  We got married and had our son at age 42.  

What's this waste of time thing - there are no guarantees that someone you want to date wants to date you -so you move on as soon as you see it's not going to happen - she didn't make a plan with you and not show up without a good excuse -that is a waste of time -what you're describing is called "dating" and I did years and years of it -it's really time consuming.  What was worth it for me was I wanted a husband and opportunity to have a child.  Totally worth it.  

 

 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, mylolita said:

Or realistically, I think you might have less trouble, and more liberal mind sets, trying to date within the LBGTQ community, and attending those kind of events? Because being bisexual is a really big deal breaker for someone who is straight, and if you are finding it hard to date anyway, you might see your chances go up and a much broader sense of acceptance in those scenes!

I agree that someone who is bisexual would be more comfortable all else equal dating someone else who is.  I don't think it's about acceptance.  I accept people who are LGBTQ and have for over 35 years when I first started meeting people who were gay (or who were open about it) - I have friends, aquaintances, colleagues, family members, etc.  My acceptance had nothing to do with my dating preferences as I would not have dated someone bisexual or bicurious.  Just like I accepted people who chose to have multiple sexual partners, straight or otherwise but I preferred not to date someone who was into casual sex/multiple partners. 

So I wouldn't suggest to the OP that he will have more success finding dates among people who "accept" the LGBQT community even if they are straight (like people who go to LGBQT events or clubs with their friends who are gay, etc even if they are straight -as support). I know of many people with liberal mindsets but not when it comes to choosing a serious romantic partner.  But yes a bisexual person likely would be more comfortable dating him. 

I had a bisexual female friend who married a straight male in the 1980s-she had decided to live a straight lifestyle but did tell him she'd had one or two female lovers in the past -he was ok with it apparently but later said she had not told him (this was during the divorce).  So just be careful about how you share the information and when.  

[MALayhee800]

5 hours ago, mylolita said:

I agree MA,

 

If you are not looking to settle down yourself very soon, or in a position too, I would be looking at actually younger women, because women 35 plus will probably have children seriously on their radar. Some won’t of course, but the likelihood will increase as you get into the 30 plus bracket. 
 

With regards to your bisexuality, I think this does add another layer of complication, unfortunately for a man as well. 
 

If I can add, I am a 32 bisexual woman, married for 9 years but have been with my husband for 15 years, with three children. I have to say, it’s always been “there”, but I properly realised my sexuality and got a chance to act on it for a good year or two alongside my husband who was my fiancé at the time. All I will add to this is, there are “levels” of bisexuality, and I think this is important. If I had to state it, I’m like, 95% all about men. That little 5% of me is more like a sexual kink. I have no interest in dating women, getting into proper relationships or having anything romantic with them. It’s not an important part of me or my sexuality and if I never acted upon it again for the rest of my life, I am cool with that.

 

I think, how big and important that bisexual aspect of yourself is should be taken into consideration. If you do end up in a serious relationship with say, a woman, who is straight but accepting of your sexuality, do you think it would be an issue to never act on that part of you that is attracted to men for potentially the rest of your life?
 

Or realistically, I think you might have less trouble, and more liberal mind sets, trying to date within the LBGTQ community, and attending those kind of events? Because being bisexual is a really big deal breaker for someone who is straight, and if you are finding it hard to date anyway, you might see your chances go up and a much broader sense of acceptance in those scenes!

 

Best of luck!

 

x

That's a risk I'm willing to take if someone older is of better character than a younger woman, but I'm aware I can't have both. I need some time to calm down, I was out of line last night and after waking up I feel a little better.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, MALayhee800 said:

That's a risk I'm willing to take if someone older is of better character than a younger woman, but I'm aware I can't have both. I need some time to calm down, I was out of line last night and after waking up I feel a little better.

This is a really good thing -your self-awareness and your self-honesty.  I hope it continues to serve you well -it's not an easy thing.

[boltnrun]

It's OK to have an initial knee jerk emotional reaction. You didn't act on it by lashing out or doing something unwise and/or unsafe. So no harm no foul.

There are literally millions of women out there. Tens of thousands of them are single. Many of them will want to date you. It is like searching for treasure but the end result is worth it.

BTW, my son's spouse is bisexual but fell in love with him and is totally committed and faithful to him.  They were very upfront with one another from the beginning.

[mylolita]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I agree that someone who is bisexual would be more comfortable all else equal dating someone else who is.  I don't think it's about acceptance.  I accept people who are LGBTQ and have for over 35 years when I first started meeting people who were gay (or who were open about it) - I have friends, aquaintances, colleagues, family members, etc.  My acceptance had nothing to do with my dating preferences as I would not have dated someone bisexual or bicurious.  Just like I accepted people who chose to have multiple sexual partners, straight or otherwise but I preferred not to date someone who was into casual sex/multiple partners. 

So I wouldn't suggest to the OP that he will have more success finding dates among people who "accept" the LGBQT community even if they are straight (like people who go to LGBQT events or clubs with their friends who are gay, etc even if they are straight -as support). I know of many people with liberal mindsets but not when it comes to choosing a serious romantic partner.  But yes a bisexual person likely would be more comfortable dating him. 

I had a bisexual female friend who married a straight male in the 1980s-she had decided to live a straight lifestyle but did tell him she'd had one or two female lovers in the past -he was ok with it apparently but later said she had not told him (this was during the divorce).  So just be careful about how you share the information and when.  

I meant accept them in a relationship - for example, you accept them and have no issue with anyones sexuality but for yourself, you would want a straight male I take it!
 

When it comes to dating and getting into a serious relationship, not always but sometimes, if your sexuality is a little more fluid, shall we say, it can be easier finding a partner who is willing to date and get into relationships with bisexual people within a gay, bisexual, generally liberal community. 
 

It wouldn’t be where I would date but my political ideas are normally at a complete loggerhead with that community and, my bi-sexuality in my case is a tiny minor link to me, and only sexual - so I don’t crave romantic and deep relationships with women. I’m not sure if the OP would want a relationship with a man or whether he wants just a relationship with a woman? 

 

x

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I meant accept them in a relationship - for example, you accept them and have no issue with anyones sexuality but for yourself, you would want a straight male I take it!
 

Well it's more than that - if I were dating I would only date heterosexual males and I would be very upset if a man who was not didn't tell me that ASAP.  I know and know of people who are LGBQT and are not liberal.  In fact I had a conversation with my hair stylist the other day who I hadn't seen in almost a year (sigh) who is gay and he said he supported policies that kept businesses open during the height of the pandemic and realized this might be at odds with the general LGBQT community. His focus was on his salon's survival during the pandemic -it did survive with significant adjustments, thank goodness.

[mylolita]

57 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Well it's more than that - if I were dating I would only date heterosexual males and I would be very upset if a man who was not didn't tell me that ASAP.  I know and know of people who are LGBQT and are not liberal.  In fact I had a conversation with my hair stylist the other day who I hadn't seen in almost a year (sigh) who is gay and he said he supported policies that kept businesses open during the height of the pandemic and realized this might be at odds with the general LGBQT community. His focus was on his salon's survival during the pandemic -it did survive with significant adjustments, thank goodness.

Of course, so straight women can be completely non-homophobic but, if you are gay, or kind of, part gay (I am even comfortable with calling it that myself since I am too, bi-sexual) they won't entertain any relationship with you. This is totally fine and very normal.

All I was suggesting is, if the OP is going to "straight bars" or, places where heterosexual people hang out to get together (I don't know if you are or not OP!) then, this could be very difficult. Not many straight people are comfortable getting involved with bisexual partners. I'm just being realistic here.

And not to get into politics but, being conservative in your views is unusual within the LGBQT community, which is probably why your stylish said he was "at odds with the general LGBQT community" when he didn't go along with your usual liberal policy. I'm at odds with their general gist too, politically, so to speak. I don't get involved. I'm strangely traditional, considering how sexually liberal I am! 

Anyway, I suggested the LGBQT community because I didn't know whether the OP had even tried it for dating. It's worth a try. It depends also whether you identify with that bisexual part of yourself. Is it a big factor in your life? It's not in mine at all, it hasn't affected my relationship with my husband, but I know being bisexual adds another big layer of complication to many relationships.

Something to think about for the OP maybe as another option to meeting women. If not, no harm done, simply a suggestion. 

x

[Batya33]

I like your advice to the OP. I'm not "non-homophobic" -maybe others are but that's not how I define my values in the way I accept diversity in people including diversity in sexual orientation. I'd never think of myself in such negative terms because acceptance of diversity is a positive mindset combined with positive actions that show it as needed.

I also think it's complete nonsense to assume a person who is gay will be more open to multiple partners or more likely to cheat etc - I have no clue whoever came up with that nonsensical connection -I know of several gay people in long term committed relationships and know of heterosexual people who have a propensity to cheat and/or prefer casual sex arrangements with multiple people.

I don't think a person who is in the LGBQT community is necessarily more sexually open or liberal despite being attracted to members of the same sex or both sexes or whatever.  I think it depends on the individual -just like heterosexual people can be sexually open to various types of sexual activities and/or fetishes, kinks etc so can someone who has a different sexual orientation. 

A person who considers themsleves gay or who just knows they are gay may be a person who has felt that way forever, might be someone who is experimenting, might be a person who is very uptight about having sex, might want to save themselves for sex within a committed relationship only or might be open to having multiple partners of the same gender. 

Just like I don't think people who are promiscuous and heterosexual necessarily are more "sexually open" or openminded -they simply might be people who just do what they feel like doing at the moment whether it's a double scoop of ice cream for lunch or sex with a random person --or they might be very closed off -closed off to the emotional vulnerabilities of commitment and instead choose to have casual sex partners only to avoid being open.  Or a variety of other reasons -whatever floats their boat just like marriage floats mine lol.  

So for the OP if he insists on not revealing he is bisexual right away it's probably better that he dates other bisexuals (I mean a particular bisexual might be seeking a straight person but that would be odd) who will be more accepting of being bisexual -assuming they identify that way for similar underlying reasons.