Met a fine woman, need advise

[Giotemantiker]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Does this mean she had sex with a man who approached her at the bar?

Yes. With one of them.

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Giotemantiker said:

She couldn't accept my invitation. I see a difference there, don't you?
What if I asked her for the next weekend and she agreed on it? She didnt say or text anything that clearly excludes this yet?

Grasping at straws. She wouldnt go out with you.

Also

4 hours ago, Giotemantiker said:

"Hi, thank you for your lovly words and your offer. By the way you are not the only you asking me. But I am busy tomorrow and on a birthday party the next day. Have a great and successful time in <City>"

Read between lines. This means "I have so much interest from men that you just dont interest me to bother with you". 

She is a beatiful girl that just wants fun and nothing serious. You asking her out doesnt interest her. Even implication of "I got so many men around me" is kinda narcissistic and insulting to say to somebody asking you out. Why should you care that she has interest from men and rides a D carousel every week? You should have just bow out. And you even doubled down after that. Have some more respect for you and dont accept that kind of behavior from girls.

[boltnrun]

13 minutes ago, Giotemantiker said:

Yes. With one of them.

So why would STDs not be a concern? She apparently has sex with randoms from the bar. Which is certainly her right, but it puts her in a high risk category.

[catfeeder]

39 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

4 hours ago, Giotemantiker said:

And one time she hooked up with one of them.

Does this mean she had sex with a man who approached her at the bar?

That was my impression, too. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Giotemantiker said:

  Her answer was devastating, 
" I am busy tomorrow and on a birthday party the next day. Have a great and successful time in <City>"In

You never even went on one date yet. You didn't even wish her a happy birthday. 

You seem way too forward  asking to be invited inside. It's rather obvious and transparent what your goal was. She may have already put you into the "horndog looking for a quick hookup", pile from that maneuver.

Yes she probably was a bit put off by the pushiness.  She doesn't have to apologise to you for being busy. No thank you is fine. Her message was polite and appropriate not "devastating".

Leave her alone for now. She knows your contact info and she knows you're coming on to her. It's just too forward to invite yourself in when you know her for a few hours and your role was supposedly the moderator of some type of bar game meetup group.

I would not go into her moral character.  Or character assassinations about her integrity. It has nothing to do with it. Either a woman is interested in you...or not.

She was busy.  Whether that's true or she's not interested, don't contact her until she contacts you.  If she does contact you ask her on a proper date.

[DarkCh0c0]

I don't get it. What's so fine about her?

She sounds like a player and a good one. She knows she's attractive and that she can get any man hooked including yourself. This woman even allows stranger men to touch and kiss her without even knowing her/talking to her. Ick!! Talk about a lack of boundaries and hunger for attention and risks.

And as you see, she intentionally deceived you while telling you she has too many fish in the sea. How un-classy and arrogant.

And you think she is fine? Or did you mean hot? A hot mess for sure.

She doesn't want to see you. You can move on. Please increase your dating standards and when someone like her is so upfront about her pursuits like this, ask yourself if this matches your values.

[MissCanuck]

Dude, this woman is playing games with you. 

She is not interested. And she lacks class and decorum. Aim for higher-quality women. 

[greendots]

14 hours ago, Giotemantiker said:

Thank you. I understand.
Didn't it work out for me quite good? - even by not behaving like she is used to? We ended up at hers and it was me leaving her that night, not the other way round.

It didn't work out for you at all as you haven't gone out on a date yet. Remember that she doesn't know you well and her perception of you is based on whatever transpired that night. So, you ending up at hers signaled that you're like the rest of the men who are only after her temporarily. Even if you're really interested in her and aren't like them.

Thus, you want to garner attention from her so be different. If she goes to the meet-up group again, be friendly, fun, etc. Maybe that no will turn into a yes.

[smackie9]

You want to get with this girl, you are going to have to go back to that Karaoke bar. Just remember you are in competition with the other men. Bring more confidence to the table.

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You want to get with this girl, you are going to have to go back to that Karaoke bar. Just remember you are in competition with the other men. Bring more confidence to the table.

And bring condoms since this woman sleeps with random men who pick her up at the bar.

[Giotemantiker]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You want to get with this girl, you are going to have to go back to that Karaoke bar. Just remember you are in competition with the other men. Bring more confidence to the table.

Confidence is not a problem. There were 5 other men that night and she decided so stick with me. This is not my concern. And yes, she said she goes there quite often and I might go there just on my own to find out what's going on.
I'll post when there is any news. But for now, it's still silent, so I guess you are all right about her.
It's a pity, but if that's what she needs these days I can skip on her.
We are in a message group with the others, she texted there a few minutes after I left her flat that night in a very happy mood. It's still a mystery what's really going on in her mind. Maybe I challenge myself to find out, just out of curiosity more than serious interest in the woman she really might be.

The more time passes, the more I can see it from a distance. As you can.

[Giotemantiker]

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

And bring condoms since this woman sleeps with random men who pick her up at the bar.

She had 3 guys in her whole life, so why do you talk her down like that.

Don't get me wrong, she is my type. I guess sex was on the menu for her - but she did not try to seduce me. I passed because I have serious interest getting to know her still. I made that clear to her that night. I dont do ONSs.
 

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, Giotemantiker said:

She had 3 guys in her whole life, so why do you talk her down like that.

I based that comment on what you wrote, which is that she had sex with a man who approached her at the bar.  Someone who does that is likely at high risk for STDs even if the man used condoms.  That is why I advised you to use condoms so you can protect yourself.

[jul-els]

Her interest level is low. She has many suitors and enjoys it. You can take that for what it is, or move on. I don’t see where she qualifies as a “fine woman”, unless you’re looking for something casual. That’s what she has to offer, and based on her reply to you, probably not even that. Don’t go gaga. 

[Batya33]

You didn’t have five men to compete with.  They were all complete strangers to her so unless you’re saying you “won” because she felt the most physically attracted to you - so what - because that doesn’t mean she’s interested in going on a date with you and it doesn’t mean she’s interested in giving up her gig as ogled arm candy where she just has to sit pretty and can be a vacuous piece of lint because she gets off on men wanting to kiss and feel her up. 
you don’t need to know what’s going on in her mind. She might not know. It’s irrelevant.

She is not interested in dating you because she turned you down and did not try to reschedule or suggest an alternate despite knowing that you find her sexually attractive and want to date her.
It’s much easier for her to be arm candy. She likes easy. it’s apparently too much effort for her to make a plan for a date with you likely because she enjoyed your long talk and the attention the night you met and she’s cool with leaving it as one and done. 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Giotemantiker said:

Maybe I challenge myself to find out, just out of curiosity more than serious interest in the woman she really might be.

There's nothing interesting to learn about it. 

She likes attention. She claims to be an object of great desire. Her ego is big. That's all. 

[Giotemantiker]

45 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You didn’t have five men to compete with.  They were all complete strangers to her so unless you’re saying you “won” because she felt the most physically attracted to you - so what - because that doesn’t mean she’s interested in going on a date with you and it doesn’t mean she’s interested in giving up her gig as ogled arm candy where she just has to sit pretty and can be a vacuous piece of lint because she gets off on men wanting to kiss and feel her up. 
you don’t need to know what’s going on in her mind. She might not know. It’s irrelevant.

She is not interested in dating you because she turned you down and did not try to reschedule or suggest an alternate despite knowing that you find her sexually attractive and want to date her.
It’s much easier for her to be arm candy. She likes easy. it’s apparently too much effort for her to make a plan for a date with you likely because she enjoyed your long talk and the attention the night you met and she’s cool with leaving it as one and done. 

Ya, I guess she is an attention w**** then, even after she denied being one 😞
I never met such a woman before, almost felt for it, right? Interesting experience tho.
Lesson learned I guess 😉

[boltnrun]

Just now, Giotemantiker said:

Ya, I guess she is an attention w**** then, even after she denied being one 😞
I never met such a woman before, almost felt for it, right? Interesting experience tho.
Lesson learned I guess 😉

Didn't she tell you she kisses and had sex with men who approached her when she went to the bar alone? She did give you all the info you needed, but perhaps you thought you were "different" from all those other men. 

Anyway, you can hold out for a different type of woman.

[Giotemantiker]

1 hour ago, jul-els said:

Her interest level is low. She has many suitors and enjoys it. You can take that for what it is, or move on. I don’t see where she qualifies as a “fine woman”, unless you’re looking for something casual. That’s what she has to offer, and based on her reply to you, probably not even that. Don’t go gaga. 

Casual or not, it's not that I think that far. I have desires like we all do and I met someone I felt good to be around with. So for now, I don't care where it is going, but I care that it is going. But with every day passing, I care less, because she eems to care even less 🙂

[Giotemantiker]

Just now, boltnrun said:

Didn't she tell you she kisses and had sex with men who approached her when she went to the bar alone? She did give you all the info you needed, but perhaps you thought you were "different" from all those other men. 

Anyway, you can hold out for a different type of woman.

No, her words were: "Every time I go here, someone kissed me and paid for my drinks". Every time is like 3 or 4 times. She had sex with one of them.
Of course I am different, I didnt kiss her (at the bar), I didnt pay for anything and I didnt sleep with her.
But that's the point here. Because we are different, it does not work out for us. I see that now.
But still I feel a little sorry for her, I hope you understand. I am SURE that's not really what she really wants and does/did it out of frustration, boreness or whatever.

[MissCanuck]

6 minutes ago, Giotemantiker said:

Ya, I guess she is an attention w**** then, even after she denied being one

OP, you are going to be very disappointed in life if you expect people to actually admit to their unsavoury traits. Watch their behaviour. That will tell you what you need to know. 

[MissCanuck]

2 minutes ago, Giotemantiker said:

I am SURE that's not really what she really wants

I think it's exactly what she wants. 

She enjoys it and welcomes it. You are in denial about this person. 

[Giotemantiker]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

OP, you are going to be very disappointed in life if you expect people to actually admit to their unsavoury traits. Watch their behaviour. That will tell you what you need to know. 

I hope you know how difficult it is to watch behaviour, think twice and review everything WHILE you are next to a woman you begin to like more from minute to minute.

[Giotemantiker]

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I think it's exactly what she wants. 

She enjoys it and welcomes it. You are in denial about this person. 

Guess we'll never really find out who is right here.
Nevertheless I will keep that in mind and watch closly if this story continues. Chances are low, I admit.

[boltnrun]

8 minutes ago, Giotemantiker said:

I am SURE that's not really what she really wants and does/did it out of frustration, boreness or whatever.

Did she tell you this?