Can't block him

[MissCanuck]

Unless you address the obvious underlying problems in your relationship, you will continue to look for attention and validation from other men. 

Your relationship is not going to suddenly become satisfying and happy, OP. What you see is what you get there. It sounds like neither you nor your actual partner are committed to each other. That won't end well. 

[sweetlady]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you still see him at work? You're right that blocking won't necessarily stop the daydreaming and obsessing.

It almost seems like this romance fantasy you had about him was to escape the reality of your unhappy relationship with your BF.

He did the right thing cutting contact upon your announcement about the pregnancy.

Since you are going to doctors anyway for the pregnancy, ask for a referral to a qualified therapist. You have a lot to sort out and unpack. 

A therapist could help you explore your unsatisfactory relationship and help you improve your self esteem as well as focus on the stress of starting a new family with this BF in addition to blending your other children into this.

This guy represents your inner turmoil more than whatever your situation with him was.

At the moment just going too see how things go. 

Later on if I end up single then definitely will reach out to therapist. 

Just seeing what my partner movements are because a lot going on. 

He told me recently that these jobs he does working away he want to continue doing. I basically told him if he does this he will have to move out. If our relationship was strong maybe wouldn't have reacted like this. It's because you can tell he loves being away. He don't seem to want to here at times.

From the moment I met my partner I was preparing for us to end. I have cried and cried been so bad. Like now I am at the point he can just go. I know he just used me for something but also threatened him about this too.

I taken up my child already from a home and left a man. I will do the same with my baby too he won't see me.

Like I said it's strange he being very nice maybe because of the baby. 

I actually think him going away to work he preparing us for him not being here. Well while I hated him going away I know I like being on my own. 

I think it's definitely the hurt that led me to opening up the communication with this male friend. 

I honestly probably end up single again I will be shocked if things do work out between us. Like I said that how I will stay.

There's an up side to being single and down side being single..the same goes for all the stress that can happen in an relationship.

Either way I be fine. I have my own plan.

 

[sweetlady]

14 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Unless you address the obvious underlying problems in your relationship, you will continue to look for attention and validation from other men. 

Your relationship is not going to suddenly become satisfying and happy, OP. What you see is what you get there. It sounds like neither you nor your actual partner are committed to each other. That won't end well. 

I know this why I just can't wait now until my baby born.

I don't think I be seeking validation from a man again. Totally done only me can make myself better.

I realized how I use to be I fallen into that old pattern. I let this guy reconnect with me because of my issues with my current partner.

[MissCanuck]

Have you ever had a healthy relationship?

I am asking that sincerely. 

[sweetlady]

The only thing I worry about if we I see this male friend. Hopefully him backing off for good. But glad he never got what he wanted physically. Yes he got me in a different way but not physically.

Just going to take it step by step until I see how my current relationship goes. 

I know I have changed with my partner. I don't even care too much what he does. He currently waiting on next job. 

But won't even call him if he away. He calls me because normally when men chase me at the start. I normally the message and message and sometimes guys start backing. Once I am done it's like I am done.

I won't bother with them and they seem to come back. But this no doors will be open again. If my current relationship works out which still I hope we work out. But if sadly we end that's it for me for relationships.

The door shut can't see me being happy with no one else. The pain I feel is so bad deep rooted at what I allowed in this current would shock you all is far worse. I been well and truly used only told one friend and my mother. My father suspects as he keeps asking about him.

Like I said we are fine and if you see us you think we are okay. He cooks, cleans really tried despite his situation and the fact he knows I hate him talking to this female friend. 

I use to look in his phone but now I feel you think what is the point. I know he has conversations with these females. These females friends I met but no way I am stupid. Then he chats on dating site he told me recently he helped someone look at that same site he knows I went mad at him for. I can't be bothered to stress myself at the moment. I will address everything when the time is right.

He seems to be opening up more and I am like not there like I was. 

 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

51 minutes ago, sweetlady said:

. I basically told him if he does this he will have to move out. 

Is it your house? How long have you lived together? Do you have joint custody with your children's father and does he pay child support?

How often and for how long does your BF go away for work? 

Did you want another child or was trying to hang on to him part of that decision?

It's odd that in one moment you want a family with him and to hang on to him and then the next you're talking about throwing him out if he continues to work away on location.

Unfortunately it seems like you have difficulty being alone and a man whose job takes him away often is a challenge for you.

[SooSad33]

Well, it seems obvious that you are struggling with a lot and have a lot of confusion going on between your situation with your man and this other guy.

BUT, the other guy is married/ in a relationship?  Then I'd say he does not have a lot to offer you and sounds like he's using you as an emotional crush.

You mentioned how he hasn't spoke much with you lately.  Then, that may be best so you can work on dealing with your own relationship...

I do also agree with you considering some therapy, as it sounds like you've had a rough past?  So, this is most likely spilling into your present relationship- well with the whole situation. ( And keep in mind, it is much easier for a woman to get emotionally invested in a guy before he ever feels as much for her).

I do suggest you focus on what you've got right now.  Don't consider running into the arms of another man, who has nothing to give to you.  He's quite selfish if you ask me!  I feel for his wife in all of this.  I think you should think of her as well.

And yes, you can block him.. and should he go by your work, you can avoid him and b e honest with him that you see him no more than just a 'friend'.  And he can see to expect nothing more from you.

So, yes, focus on you and your child.  Not the negatives of 2 men that are hanging around!  Get yourself together & more stable.  Get to feeling better about yourself & your life before you consider getting involved again.  And please do NOT be leading this other guy on and do not get involved with him at all! 

[sweetlady]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is it your house? How long have you lived together? Do you have joint custody with your children's father and does he pay child support?

How often and for how long does your BF go away for work? 

Did you want another child or was trying to hang on to him part of that decision?

It's odd that in one moment you want a family with him and to hang on to him and then the next you're talking about throwing him out if he continues to work away on location.

Unfortunately it seems like you have difficulty being alone and a man whose job takes him away often is a challenge for you.

It's my name on tenancy he knows I won't add him on this. 

My first child has no involvement with them but pays maintenance.

Originally I wasn't sure if I could have children but had given it a lot of thought despite the situation. So he was giving mixed messages at beginning saying he had a child I got one but then it was like I can't seeing it being just that child I had. A lot of interference from a aunt saying if she fall pregnant or if she doesn't it's okay. I knew that it's was what was making me insecure because we tried and tried and nothing. I took my time getting myself sorted. I was approaching 40 so had to think would I regret this decision.  I had an op really they even told me IVF would be likely chance but surprisingly it happened fast. Obviously very happy now. 

I can't see myself having after child in the future but it made feel happy now less insecure that I can have children. I also have another issue that I have to tell each guy so I thought my partner now didn't mind at all.

It's not about being on my alone is what people would say yet another relationship failing. My first is a teenager and yes it does scare me to be starting over again with a new baby. But it's what I did want too.

I prepared myself early on we would end. Because I felt I would lose him anyway. I felt a failure knowing I couldn't get pregnant up until this May we been together since 2018.

Yes I did put my foot down if this type of job he wants he can move out. Now he switched to he will do a job that's doesn't involve him going away. I am still weary of his plans.

Even now this morning he gone to a class and made a joke he was going to somewhere I said fine go. 

He knows I don't like being without him but not realizing that sometimes I find it better when he away. My eldest and me love our time together. I suppose I have concluded that I am really focusing my eldest and my baby now whatever happens.

The strangest thing my partner and I seem to be okay at times but feel what he done and hurt me I can't get past. 

Once baby born I will know his plans. He hopefully will be more stable. That's if a decision that we are waiting for doesn't go our way. Then it will end us for sure. Either way I know I may lose him but like I said things keep changing.

 

 

[sweetlady]

2 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Well, it seems obvious that you are struggling with a lot and have a lot of confusion going on between your situation with your man and this other guy.

BUT, the other guy is married/ in a relationship?  Then I'd say he does not have a lot to offer you and sounds like he's using you as an emotional crush.

You mentioned how he hasn't spoke much with you lately.  Then, that may be best so you can work on dealing with your own relationship...

I do also agree with you considering some therapy, as it sounds like you've had a rough past?  So, this is most likely spilling into your present relationship- well with the whole situation. ( And keep in mind, it is much easier for a woman to get emotionally invested in a guy before he ever feels as much for her).

I do suggest you focus on what you've got right now.  Don't consider running into the arms of another man, who has nothing to give to you.  He's quite selfish if you ask me!  I feel for his wife in all of this.  I think you should think of her as well.

And yes, you can block him.. and should he go by your work, you can avoid him and b e honest with him that you see him no more than just a 'friend'.  And he can see to expect nothing more from you.

So, yes, focus on you and your child.  Not the negatives of 2 men that are hanging around!  Get yourself together & more stable.  Get to feeling better about yourself & your life before you consider getting involved again.  And please do NOT be leading this other guy on and do not get involved with him at all! 

This what I am going to do. My eldest and my baby coming next beginning next year is my focus.

I forgot to say I had a lot of issues with my current job. Everyone leaving so it's been tough.

So I even thought long and hard about my future in terms of work. Like I may go back after baby 1 or definitely when he 3. I can't rely on men no more. What happened with my eldest father I don't want to happen again. I won't know what will happen until baby born. Yes I haven't thought about my current partner at all in the future especially if he making his own plans for himself.

The other guy I do need to forgot and just move on. It's like I did depend on him a lot expecting to much from him. I would run to him if I had problems. For me now he probably did the best thing in backing off now pregnant. Thanks to the advice given.

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, sweetlady said:

Now he switched to he will do a job that's doesn't involve him going away. 

Once baby born I will know his plans. He hopefully will be more stable. 

Why do you have to wait for the baby to be born to have stability?

Do you mean if your relationship will continue or if he will find steady work?

Why don't you know his plans?

[sweetlady]

26 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why do you have to wait for the baby to be born to have stability?

Do you mean if your relationship will continue or if he will find steady work?

Why don't you know his plans

He told me what he plans to do for work. But we still waiting on a decision. 

I think he telling me he go back to construction but change his mind. 

I will need him until I get on my feet after baby born. Then I will see where we are at.

At the moment we seem to be okay.

 

 

[sweetlady]

30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why do you have to wait for the baby to be born to have stability?

Do you mean if your relationship will continue or if he will find steady work?

Why don't you know his plans?

I tell you we was screwed from start. But that part of it I won't talk about. 

He basically stuck with me himself has not choice. Very difficult situation despite the other issues.

Thanks for advice.

 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, sweetlady said:

At the moment we seem to be okay

Your standard for "okay" seems to be very, very low. 

Nothing about your relationship sounds okay. It sounds lonely and unfulfilling and generally a relationship of convenience. 

[smackie9]

23 hours ago, sweetlady said:

You are right.

I stupidly let him back in my life and fell into the trap.

I feel such a fool. 

Him backing off just hurts I suspect he talking to someone else. 

I never even fancied him yet he got to me in a different way. Probably emotionally and it's killing me. 

How would I even deal with seeing him in person if I blocked him. 

I am torturing myself. 

I have cried so many times make this stop and tbh even if so blocked him I would only unblock him. I just hope I can forgot him when my baby born. I focus on my  baby, and other child. I just think of my guy. 

Sometimes I want to tell him something but don't want to disturb him. I stupidly messed up last conversation too.

He going to know something up. 

You are just grieving the loss of this relationship, no different than losing a loved one. It's going to take time to heal.

[sweetlady]

We are alright at the moment. There has been a lot of issues but it's like the hurt from the past then caused me to have a lot of pain and it's not the same for me. I am only trying because I am pregnant now.

I am buying some time until baby is born. To see what happens.

In terms of the other guy whom I originally posted about. I feel so much better to have done what I done.

I can move on from him concentrate on my family.

 

 

[sweetlady]

2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You are just grieving the loss of this relationship, no different than losing a loved one. It's going to take time to heal.

I do feel better today.

 

[sweetlady]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Your standard for "okay" seems to be very, very low. 

Nothing about your relationship sounds okay. It sounds lonely and unfulfilling and generally a relationship of convenience. 

There is a lot going on and you only know the half of it. 

I have my own plan.

[sweetlady]

Update

I feel upset at this male friend I let in my life. I restricted him but realized he could see my stories and then I made him unfollow me.

I have been thinking a lot how I got here.

My current relationship seems to be okay now.

I do overthink and worry a lot and taken a step to try find a therapist.

I just think I haven't done myself good reading other threads and it's triggered a lot in the past. With guys I met. Yesterday I had a friend suggestions on social media and showed a person who raped me when I was 17. A lot I been through never got therapy not sure how I have managed to stay strong tbh. I believe the therapy will help me and get me even more stronger and push me in a direction where I am able to sort situation and break the pattern.

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, sweetlady said:

 taken a step to try find a therapist.

If you are pregnant, you're under a physician's care. Ask your physician for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Discuss your anxiety with your doctor.

Review your social media privacy settings. Remove/block any dead weight and unnecessary followers/friends. Remove undesirables from ALL your social media, devices and contact lists.

Be mindful of who can see your content and what you share about your private life.

[Batya33]

I agree with getting a therapist and also start to look into community resources as far as caring for your baby -you don't seem to be in a stable relationship or feeling stable so I'd start working on that now so you can act in the best interests of your child and prepare for single motherhood since you are unmarried and in an unstable relationship.  Good luck!

[sweetlady]

On 11/15/2022 at 11:52 AM, Batya33 said:

I agree with getting a therapist and also start to look into community resources as far as caring for your baby -you don't seem to be in a stable relationship or feeling stable so I'd start working on that now so you can act in the best interests of your child and prepare for single motherhood since you are unmarried and in an unstable relationship.  Good luck!

The strangest thing is my partner and I are getting on fine. He been so great lately I can't say he done anything wrong.

I just leave him be. It's strange because maybe the stuff we went through passed now.

We do seem closer because of the baby but like I said we have turned a corner for now.

I will go to see a therapist because I still need to discuss the past with guys and make sense of present. I haven't addressed a lot of stuff.

There's a lot to work through.

I am not scared to be single I did it before and I know there's a lot of help out there. But right now I will see how things go in my relationship. 

Maybe I have totally changed. I won't look in his phone. I suppose I don't even care what he does. I don't think he doing anything he always at home with me at the moment because he just waiting on a job to come up. His type of work slow but also waiting for an important decision too.

It's all a bit odd maybe it's me because I have been reading a lot of posts on here and other sites and triggered some past stuff.

With that guy which my post was originally about. He tried to message Sunday and I still think of him each day. But I feel better to not be talking to him. I expected too much from him and I know he won't come to save me. I do feel sad but I know we done.

I am just focusing on my baby and work. As I have had a lot of changes at work. It's also been hard feel like a big sense of loss but only people have left my work..