Can't block him

[sweetlady]

I know some guy and I've known him for a long time since 2016. He would said we are friends and I really bought into it.

When this person first reached I was weary of their intentions as they are married. I was in new relationship but decided to get to know them properly. He was one of them guys that kept popping up checking on me.

So we got closer talking on social media site thought actually he not bad did buy into we are friends. He gave us that label. Anyway he actually would flirt and suppose I did. We just joking but stuff he said made me think what are we here. He would visit me at work. Sometimes we met just a chit chat after nothing like he took me out anywhere. But he was really there for me.

I realized I was feeling closer to him probably depended on and expected a lot of him. Probably thought of him as someone I would run to if my current relationship failed.

So I realized how much of a fool I been when we had the what are we talk. He said we are friends but yes I do flirt with a grin on his face. I put it on him do you want to sleep with me still. When really I got closer to him realized I liked him probably more than I should. But hid that from him but think he realized. We had a past experience where it very nearly happened but said no. Glad I didn't realized he lied about him being separated.

So he backed off and then I told him I was expecting a baby. He was happy for me etc. Now we hardly talk and I really miss him he just won't go out my head. I should block him but feel I can't.

That's because I know my guy has female friends whom like me he liked and they have had the same thing like I had with this guy.

I don't know why I can't stop thinking of him. The more I try it's like he stuck in my head.

I know he opens wounds of the past as he is a reminder of that time in my where I was going through stuff. 

Today I worked and wished I see him. I shouldn't feel like this.

I miss him too much it's wrong he married and I am in a relationship. But need to leave him be. 

Definitely what I thought about him wasn't true. It was made up person in my head which he probably not. He has the right to cut me off..I not beneficial now I am pregnant. I don't feel so like bad.

The worst part he looks at my stories. I can't block him I maybe detaching from him is me not letting go of my past or still think he will be my knight in shining armour.

It's stupid but this really bothering me now. Wish he block me as I can't.

 

 

[boltnrun]

You can block him, you just choose not to.

Does the father of your baby know about your infatuation with this married man?  Does your partner know this man visits you at work?  Does your partner know about the flirting and about how you nearly slept with this man?

[smackie9]

Girl what it was, was an emotional affair. Those can and can be more intense than a physical one. It's cheating, he's cheating on his wife, he's having multiple affairs. Block/delete...and when the euphoria/ attachment wears off you will see it for what it is, and how unhealthy the experience was. The guy is one slimy dude. You definitely don't want to ruin your life and what you have.

[sweetlady]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You can block him, you just choose not to.

Does the father of your baby know about your infatuation with this married man?  Does your partner know this man visits you at work?  Does your partner know about the flirting and about how you nearly slept with this man?

He knows about him but doesn't know he came to my work a few times. Actually my guy warned me be careful his wife might find out. He once grabbed my phone saw a conversation I had laughed.

My guy can't really talk he know how I am uncomfortable I am about this female friend well they did like each other..so suppose thought let me have someone there too.

I don't actually care what my guy think but just want to try stop thinking of this guy. Stop thinking he rescue me. I honestly don't want to block him but he hasn't messaged me in a long time.

It's like we gone back to strangers again. I feel upset now.

I want to tell him I miss talking to him. I don't know what this is as I do love my guy but don't feel secure. 

What am I expecting from this guy I don't know. I constantly wondering about us meeting thinking of conversations. Like he will say how come I don't message him. I will say because it's best I leave you alone. He will say he always there. I kind of tell him it's best we don't talk I walk away he grabs my arm says why am I been like this. All these crazy thoughts it's starting to drive me insane. 

I don't even think I love him it's just stupid.. I hate that I miss him and I don't even know why.

I know I have to try to block him but he still has my number he still can contact me he knows where I work.

The only thing I think might end this this thing is this conversation in my head except he probably won't even want to talk to me. He won't do anything like maybe I do want him too. Maybe he just go out my life like the rest of the guys I known in my past.

I convinced myself we are friends and told myself I would never have this happen again. When I tell a guy how I feel for them. I mean a friend or whatever he is. 

Would love to understand my feelings. 

The more I try to occupy my mind the I just can't stop thinking of him.

 

 

 

 

 

[sweetlady]

16 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Girl what it was, was an emotional affair. Those can and can be more intense than a physical one. It's cheating, he's cheating on his wife, he's having multiple affairs. Block/delete...and when the euphoria/ attachment wears off you will see it for what it is, and how unhealthy the experience was. The guy is one slimy dude. You definitely don't want to ruin your life and what you have.

You are right.

I stupidly let him back in my life and fell into the trap.

I feel such a fool. 

Him backing off just hurts I suspect he talking to someone else. 

I never even fancied him yet he got to me in a different way. Probably emotionally and it's killing me. 

How would I even deal with seeing him in person if I blocked him. 

I am torturing myself. 

I have cried so many times make this stop and tbh even if so blocked him I would only unblock him. I just hope I can forgot him when my baby born. I focus on my  baby, and other child. I just think of my guy. 

Sometimes I want to tell him something but don't want to disturb him. I stupidly messed up last conversation too.

He going to know something up. 

[Andrina]

If you weren't pregnant, I'd say you and the baby's father should just breakup because neither of you know how to be a worthy partner to each other. 

Basically, for the sake of the child for him or her to live in a happy household, please get couples therapy. The priority now is your children, and you owe that to someone who didn't ask to be born, and especially not into a toxic environment.

Mature, healthy adults work on being a faithful partner, and putting daily effort into building a beautiful life with each other. How about pulling out all the stops and working on that? That means putting all exes and love interests in the past, blocking and deleting. If that's not going to happen with you and your man, best to just breakup now instead of exposing a child to love triangles.

[Kwothe28]

So, let me get this straight: You know this married guy? And you are expecting a baby with somebody else? Yeah, those two dont come together nicely. Ever.

You are expecting a baby with somebody who you dont love while you are pining for some married guy. Its safe to say you yourself are not emotionally mature for a real relationship. So its no surprise to what kind of mess your love life is. Just block the guy and get on with it.

[boltnrun]

Imagine if you had a conversation with your children.  Tell them "Mommy is with Daddy, but both Mommy and Daddy like other people.   Those other people we like are married to someone else but we don't really care, we want to be with them anyway.  And we're not concerned about how their spouses feel, we just want what we want."

If you wouldn't say that to your children, why would you act like that?

[MissCanuck]

Why did you stay with your boyfriend?

I understand you are pregnant now so it's more complicated, but what kept you there before? It's clear you don't love him and it doesn't sound like he's that into you either, if he's also got a too-close female friend.

Were you afraid of being alone? 

[sweetlady]

17 minutes ago, Andrina said:

If you weren't pregnant, I'd say you and the baby's father should just breakup because neither of you know how to be a worthy partner to each other. 

Basically, for the sake of the child for him or her to live in a happy household, please get couples therapy. The priority now is your children, and you owe that to someone who didn't ask to be born, and especially not into a toxic environment.

Mature, healthy adults work on being a faithful partner, and putting daily effort into building a beautiful life with each other. How about pulling out all the stops and working on that? That means putting all exes and love interests in the past, blocking and deleting. If that's not going to happen with you and your man, best to just breakup now instead of exposing a child to love triangles.

Things are good now with me and guy now because I am pregnant.

At the beginning I told my guy I may not be able to have children. Well kind of knew something was preventing me. So after chatting to health professionals telling them I was trying with new partner had op. That was very stressful I had thought we end. Suppose this where I let this male friend in my life. I was very insecure felt my guy may leave me. He said he had 1 children and I had one. You could tell he wanted a baby.

I didn't just get pregnant for him I had to ask myself would I regret not having another baby. So thought I don't mind having another. Yes I am happy now it was a miracle has brought me and my guy closer.

But one issue he knows I am uncomfortable with this female friend. I just have someone there although for me it's backfired I think. I realized how unhealthy whatever I had was. I just won't block.

Maybe still keeping potential guys there. I know my guy doing the same. 

At the moment we are good but I feel we won't last.

This where other guy in my mind comes to my rescue. But I know it won't happen like that my life won't end in one happy love story.

This why I won't contact him and think he realized this male friend something.

It's probably for the best now. I feel worried about when baby born. This could be when he contacts me. 

I am worried for my relationship but prepared for us to end. I thought too much ahead. I have grieved already.

It's just this male friend just can't stop missing him. There's nothing now anyway to say we are having emotionally affair.

Weirdly things have been good with my partner. But still insecure because something happened recently where I saw my partner scroll down his conversations and see he been talking to that so called female friend. Plus there was an event but day before he had to go help prepare. That female friend was there. The actual event in my face they both pretended like they always do they don't talk. Like I didn't know they probably did talk day before and he probably said he won't be able to her in front of me. 

I am trying to focus on my baby coming and my other children.

I won't lie both men are doing my head in. 

I am hoping this male friend disappears and current partner and I work out. I probably will block other guy. Just don't feel 100% secure.

I know everyone right in what they say.

 

 

[sweetlady]

12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Imagine if you had a conversation with your children.  Tell them "Mommy is with Daddy, but both Mommy and Daddy like other people.   Those other people we like are married to someone else but we don't really care, we want to be with them anyway.  And we're not concerned about how their spouses feel, we just want what we want."

If you wouldn't say that to your children, why would you act like that?

I am still totally in love with my current just with him I feel so hurt. I realized even with a baby he won't change. But trying for baby.

The other guy just on my mind like everyday nothing actually happened or we no longer talk like we use to. Well we known each a long time.

If my partner and I were solid and he wasn't talking to this female friend making me feel uncomfortable saying nothing going on when I know full there is. 

All this wouldn't be happening me thinking of another guy hoping he rescue me. Thinking unhealthy thought. Torturing myself.

 

 

 

[sweetlady]

19 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Why did you stay with your boyfriend?

I understand you are pregnant now so it's more complicated, but what kept you there before? It's clear you don't love him and it doesn't sound like he's that into you either, if he's also got a too-close female friend.

Were you afraid of being alone? 

I think no afraid of being alone done the single mum thing before. It's failing another relationship I won't to keep hoping it will work out.

It complicated with my partner. I know I keep thinking of this other guy probably to escape. I felt actually maybe I was using him to start with but backfired I starting like him more that I should.

Maybe one day can come back say everything but now just hoping I forget male friend and my partner and I work out.

If it doesn't then go solo and probably won't have a relationship for a very long time. Maybe I will stay single.

I concluded I can't ever again do this.

 

[Mammalyssa]

He was grooming you under the guise of friendship. You fell for it. 

Thats so deceitful! To both you and his wife!

None of that was genuine. This man cheats on his wife - he is the lowest of the low. 

You need to turn that energy into being angry at him. Look at him now, you're pregnant so he's no longer interested. He was trying to lure you into bed my dear. And then once he achieved that and things started getting too serious or tricky he would have dumped you. 

Block him on social media and be done with him. What a nasty piece of work.

[sweetlady]

49 minutes ago, Distressedmamma said:

He was grooming you under the guise of friendship. You fell for it. 

Thats so deceitful! To both you and his wife!

None of that was genuine. This man cheats on his wife - he is the lowest of the low. 

You need to turn that energy into being angry at him. Look at him now, you're pregnant so he's no longer interested. He was trying to lure you into bed my dear. And then once he achieved that and things started getting too serious or tricky he would have dumped you. 

Block him on social media and be done with him. What a nasty piece of work.

Because he was always there checking on me. Thought to myself I got him wrong. I thought maybe he just being a decent friend.

Then if I would say I never got sleep he would talk about sex with my partner. I be like no wasn't awake because of that. I use to actually laugh it off through the messages. But really I should of said something. Then he said he saw me with my guy and he said he didn't want to say hi because I was with him. That was like but you put the label as friends. Now your confusing me..

This why I had to meet him after work to ask him what are. But like I said don't think he was honest with me and I wasn't honest with him. I would have rather him say yes he wanted to sleep with me but he like no we are friends. Really felt stupid but sensed the this was not a friendship.

So now he backed off I know he chatting to someone else. I suppose if that's the case and he doing the dirty behind his wife back I am not apart of it. She won't suspect me as we haven't spoken for a long time if he acting up. 

We did both talk about our children and partners. I don't think his wife knew about me if I was meant to be his friend. My guy new he was my friend. But not that I was confused at what the situation was. I never told him when I was working. I knew he would be there each weekend on Saturday looks to see if I was working. Because I was away for a weekend and think we were messaging and I said I was away he said I know went past your work. But after the what are we talk he stopped the flirty messages and turning up at my work. Plus telling him I was pregnant did the trick of getting him off my back.

I suppose I miss what I thought was a friendship and that he was my fall back if anything was happening with my partner.

I do realize my mistake and need to block him and definitely just stop the overthinking about him.

Concentrate on my family. 

 

[jul-els]

You can block him. You just choose not to. You got emotionally attached to him and that stings right now, but it will subside. Getting attached was not the best thing for you, but you can do what’s best for yourself now by blocking him and moving on with your life.

[DarkCh0c0]

Have you considered your abortion options regarding the baby? (If it's not too late)

That aside, I agree with everyone. You need to block him to help yourself. Otherwise, you can't move on. Keeping in touch with him is like being someone trying to get sober at a bar. It doesn't work!

Once you block him everywhere, you will get closure and be able to slowly see things more clearly.

[sweetlady]

4 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Have you considered your abortion options regarding the baby? (If it's not too late)

That aside, I agree with everyone. You need to block him to help yourself. Otherwise, you can't move on. Keeping in touch with him is like being someone trying to get sober at a bar. It doesn't work!

Once you block him everywhere, you will get closure and be able to slowly see things more clearly.

No this baby was wanted so happy to be pregnant. 

I do need to block but will end up unblocking him. I need to let go.

 

 

 

[jul-els]

The only way to heal it is to feel it. By choosing to continue to look at his profile you are choosing to continue your pain. By blocking him, you will get to the other side of it.

[sweetlady]

1 hour ago, jul-els said:

The only way to heal it is to feel it. By choosing to continue to look at his profile you are choosing to continue your pain. By blocking him, you will get to the other side of it.

I have stopped looking at his profile.

What is driving me crazy is looking at who views my stories and he does. But he doesn't as much as then. Going to the message part and seeing him online and thinking who is he talking too and how come he hasn't ask how I am.. We spoke on my birthday as his is day before.

I honestly don't think blocking him going to make me feel any better. It will make me worse.

I just need to move forward and let this pass if he doesn't want to contact. Really sort myself out.

It's about me overthinking and just letting it go. 

Last option is to have another talk with him. Say I can't do this and tell him I need to block him. But he should do it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sweetlady]

Even the site we talk on I log out can't enjoy it no more as we don't talk. I try too but nothing to look forward too.

In time I know it get better and I just focus on my family. 

[sweetlady]

I have restricted him. I can't see him on the message part no more.

I haven't blocked but it's a start. I doubt he would care anyway.

Go forward rather back. 

Thanks to all comments.

[Batya33]

It doesn't seem to me that you are motivated to be a mom because you want what is best for a child - it seems to me it's part of some plan to try to bond more with your partner.  At least that's how it comes across.  

[sweetlady]

I have restricted the person and been reading up what that means on the site we talk on. He doesn't contact any other way.

I think I made a start and it's painful.

Just need to close the door to the past move forward and look forward to having my baby now. 

Now I can't see them on the message part. I won't know if they view my stories. So taking steps now.

I feel a bit numb it's the right thing. 

 

[sweetlady]

Thank you all.

 

[Wiseman2]

Do you still see him at work? You're right that blocking won't necessarily stop the daydreaming and obsessing.

It almost seems like this romance fantasy you had about him was to escape the reality of your unhappy relationship with your BF.

He did the right thing cutting contact upon your announcement about the pregnancy.

Since you are going to doctors anyway for the pregnancy, ask for a referral to a qualified therapist. You have a lot to sort out and unpack. 

A therapist could help you explore your unsatisfactory relationship and help you improve your self esteem as well as focus on the stress of starting a new family with this BF in addition to blending your other children into this.

This guy represents your inner turmoil more than whatever your situation with him was.