Is it games or am I not a priority?

[Missluluz]

So I have been dating this guy for a couple of months. In the beginning he was always making time for me, and showed a lot of interest in me and everything however I was always the one to initiate communicating but he would always plan to see me etc. Then he started acting a bit different, like I wasn’t a priority and kinda like he wanted ME to chase HIM. I’m always putting in most of the effort communication wise. He would tell me he would want to hangout on certain days and then I wouldn’t hear from

him on that day until after he would tell me that he was actually busy and he’s sorry. I know for a fact that he does have a lot going on and he is a busy person that has a lot on his plate responsibility wise so I never took it to heart, life happens and at least he was trying to make time. We went a few weeks without seeing each other or talking much, but he ended up asking me to hangout and we did finally, when we hangout he is so loving and attentive, and acts like he really likes me. He told me he has just been very busy and didn’t have much time to spend with me, but he’s going to stop being as busy soon so he will have more time. He mentioned that he felt like I wasn’t communicating enough with him like messaging him enough, which is strange because I’m the one that always initiates everything, he rarely messages first now. I stopped talking to him for awhile because I felt the effort was one sided I wanted him to come to me but then he felt as if I wasn’t into him anymore or forgot about him. Since  then I have asked him twice to meet up with me, once he told me he was already hanging out with his friends and couldn’t so I said we can another time. I have tried to make plans with him again and he said that we possibly could meet up as long as his friends don’t want to do something with him that night. I thought that was rude to pretty much say he would ditch me if his friends wanted to do something. 
 

I am very confused by his behavior, because he acts like he is for sure interested in me when we are together and talking, but then at times can seem very uninterested in me or almost manipulative? Sometimes I think he acts this way to get me to chase him on purpose. I can’t tell if he is genuinely not as interested in me as he claims to be, or he plays games. I would like another’s perspective. 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Missluluz said:

I have tried to make plans with him again and he said that we possibly could meet up as long as his friends don’t want to do something with him that night. I thought that was rude to pretty much say he would ditch me if his friends wanted to do something. 

It seems he's getting comfortable (or too comfortable), so lay back. Let him miss you and come to you. If his "friends" (could be other dates) come first, reconsider the relationship.

He's treating this like a FWB situation in the sense of when you're here great, but then out-of-sight-out-of-mind. Decide if he's worth the headaches and effort.

[DarkCh0c0]

Girl, see...

20 minutes ago, Missluluz said:

I was always the one to initiate communicating but he would always plan to see me etc

YOU have set the pace this way. You got him used to the fact you will do the initiating, calling, pursuing, ect. No wonder when you don't do it, he won't neither.

20 minutes ago, Missluluz said:

He would tell me he would want to hangout on certain days and then I wouldn’t hear from

That tells you ALL you need to know: he's not that into you. 

He's not interested. He acts flaky. And he's just not serious about you. A man who is serious about you would make it known and wouldn't leave you guessing.

I suggest you cut contact with him and move on. He has shown you who he is with his actions and he's not that into you. He's a waste of your time.

And for next dates, only stay with someone who matches your energy and initiative. Otherwise, again, they waste your time by keeping you on the hook as f buddy or back up plan. Don't be any of these and immediately cut contact when the energy is not matched. You are worthy and deserve someone who makes you feel special and like a priority.

[Cherylyn]

He's not serious about you.  He's stringing you along and making you do all the work.  You need to move on.  He's not worth it. 

[Kwothe28]

If in couple of months he is not even making plans to see you, you are not dating a guy. You are just one of his "combinations". Meaning that he see you when he see you and when he has nothing else going on and that is it. That is not dating.

[boltnrun]

Sure he's going to be nice to you when he does actually get around to spending time with you! He wants to be sure you're available to him whenever he doesn't have anything else going on.

By chance are you having sex with him when you see him?

[Andrina]

2 hours ago, Missluluz said:

Since  then I have asked him twice to meet up with me, once he told me he was already hanging out with his friends and couldn’t so I said we can another time. I have tried to make plans with him again and he said that we possibly could meet up as long as his friends don’t want to do something with him that night.

As far as what's in this paragraph, your first mistake was double asking. He already had plans, so the ball was in his court to then suggest an alternate date, which someone truly interested in you will ALWAYS due in a timely manner. Think about what you would do in the same situation. I doubt you'd leave a guy hanging you were really into who asked you out if you already had plans. I bet you'd say, I can't go out on Friday, but I'm free Saturday. How does that day work for you?

Moving on to the last sentence, the fact you didn't break up with him as soon as he uttered those cruel words to you means your self-worth is lacking. Again, would you ever speak to anyone like this? Doesn't sound like it. 

You deserve so much better than this idiot. But you need to get to the point where you really believe you're worthy of someone great. If you don't achieve that, you're bound to repeat this pattern of not recognizing toxic people soon enough, and hoping the happy beginnings will return when the present has taken a nasty turn.

Take care.

[Batya33]

Why did you let him "chase" you -why should anyone chase the other- if you like each other then sure in traditional dating often the man does more/most of the calling/initiating dates in the beginning but the woman should show interest so the man is not "chasing" -and when the woman suggests plans or calls or whatever -how is that "chasing?"  Do you want to be chased to feel important? Or do you want a man who will ask you out on dates he plans in advance -which you enthusiastically say yes to, and you show your interest and also appreciation that he made these plans, or suggested fun activities to do and sure after a bit of time has passed you ask him out, you suggest plans, activities, etc.  

I think the dynamic was set up in a way set up to fail - he had fun  chasing you -thrill of the chase -but once he cooled down a bit he cooled down tooo much.  I'd seek out a dating situation where it's far more balanced and be honest with yourself about whether you find it important for some reason for a man to "chase" you.   I asked out men and I wasn't chasing them.

[HeartGoesOn]

When someone truly cares about you, they make the time, find the time in order to be there for you.

Keep in mind that if you feel the need to fight for a persons attention, you've already lost your value.  Time to raise the bar...

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, Missluluz said:

I have tried to make plans with him again and he said that we possibly could meet up as long as his friends don’t want to do something with him that night. I thought that was rude to pretty much say he would ditch me if his friends wanted to do something. 

You are right, it was rude. 

And it's also your cue that he is not that into you anymore. It's time to drop him. He's got other priorities and so should you. This one is fizzling and I would walk away. 

[smackie9]

You date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated..you have been trying to get this going since the get go. You are wasting your time. And hell not responding or letting you know he had to cancel is rude. This guy has no manners, and to turn blame on you because you didn't initiate enough is a big red flag. This guy can screw off. Always look for a gentleman that puts his best foot forward, by showing up, being reliable, takes the lead, make an effort. This guy has don't none of that. He rewards you with some affection....big f-ing deal.

[jul-els]

If someone consistently cancels or changes plans last minute, it means they don’t respect your time. It should be unacceptable to you.