Discuss with him or leave it

[sweetlady]

It's a long story but would you discuss with your DP why he avoiding his daughter mother. Although I know why he can't stand her but they share a daughter who a teen now. She tried sending me a friend request I blocked her because he said too. Obviously wouldn't add her but his reaction threw me.

Do you leave your DP to sort his ex and not get involved or would you encourage him to see what she wants?.

It's not massive issue tbh. But feel like I need to say something to him being his partner. As something bothering me with the situation. 

Today he hasn't mentioned her but I do wonder what he thinking about her friend requesting me and I am glad he was honest telling me that it was her. He could of lied to me and said she no just block. I was waiting for the day she make contact with him but only way is through me. As he not on social sites at the moment which I know why. This doesn't bother me at all.

 

 

 

[HeartGoesOn]

What is a "DP?"

 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, HeartGoesOn said:

What is a "DP?"

 

"Dear Partner".

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, sweetlady said:

It's a long story but would you discuss with your DP why he avoiding his daughter mother.

How long have you been together? Do you live together? Does he share custody/have visitation? 

Their co-parenting and his relationship with his child's mother is between them, so just let them do what they need to. There's no need to try to control this.

[jul-els]

I think DP means domestic partner. I would just leave it be and not stir the pot. His child is something he has to deal with on his own terms. If he wants your opinion, he’ll ask for it. Otherwise I’d leave it alone. 

[sweetlady]

Thanks all for advice.

I spoke to my partner sister in law. She told me leave it for now. 

I suppose it's unfair to post when people don't know everything so hard to comment.

 

[sweetlady]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

"Dear Partner".

Darling partner I think

[sweetlady]

Such a simple answer to question thank you all for answering me. And thanks to partner sis in law.

All day been waiting for answers on site but was spoken to horribly.

 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, sweetlady said:

but would you discuss with your DP why he avoiding his daughter mother. Although I know why he can't stand her but they share a daughter who a teen now. She tried sending me a friend request I blocked her because he said too. Obviously wouldn't add her but his reaction threw me.

Are you worried they're somehow still involved and that she's trying to warn you? Or?

[HeartGoesOn]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

"Dear Partner".

TY, Bolt.

[Jibralta]

7 hours ago, sweetlady said:

She tried sending me a friend request I blocked her because he said too.

I don't understand why you didn't accept her friend request. Is this^ really the only reason??

[Mammalyssa]

I would be wondering why he instructed you to block her. I would be messaging her to see what she has to say if I were you. It sounds to me like he's trying to keep you from finding something out from her.  Who knows maybe he's a serial cheater and she wants to warn you. If she turns out to be a psycho you can always hit the block button when you realise that to be the case!

[sweetlady]

Thanks for your advice but going to listen to my partner's sister in law.

She has told me leave it for now. 

Too much going on here

[sweetlady]

7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Are you worried they're somehow still involved and that she's trying to warn you? Or?

Nothing like that he can't stand her. Very long to go into.

 

[SooSad33]

Sounds like a little too much drama going on? ( sounds like your bf has some issue's re: ex).

IF you haven't been involved with him very long, tread carefully here.

Yes, as sin said, stay out of it.

[sweetlady]

4 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Sounds like a little too much drama going on? ( sounds like your bf has some issue's re: ex).

IF you haven't been involved with him very long, tread carefully here.

Yes, as sin said, stay out of it.

We been together 5 years. But it's complicated let him deal with his ex. Like I said my partner sis in law told me leave because some stuff needs to be sorted first. Plus I am pregnant at the moment. 

 

 

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, sweetlady said:

 Like I said my partner sis in law told me leave because some stuff needs to be sorted first. Plus I am pregnant at the moment. 

This is all very vague. What needs to be sorted?

Why does your parnter's sister-in-law get a say? It's not up to her. 

[sweetlady]

I want to know why he avoiding his ex about their daughter. He going to have to speak to her at some point. But my sis in law knows the whole situation and she just said leave it for now. I will don't need the stress..other stuff need to be sorted first. I blocked his ex like he said and it's best for now. It's down to him to talk to her not me but being his partner felt like I need to say stuff but realized it's not right time.

So I agree with his sister in law to let this for now. As last time I spoke to her she mentioned about helping his daughter. It was a bit of discussion on her future in his country with his family. So we both think she wondering what will happen with their daughter now as my partner mother passed away. She well looked after no problems but we want to take things a step further but at moment certain things are not set in stone or stable. It's just his ex could stop the plan we have. It's complicated nothing really major just wanted to have talk with him and say you need to find out what she wants. But we also could be opened up a whole different can of worms so best leave it for the moment. Especially until maybe next year. 

[sweetlady]

It's not an issue right now.

Just glad I spoke to his sis in law because was wondering after getting that friend request if I should speak to him. He seemed on edge think what does she want. She has access to their daughter but she might know one day she be with her dad and she can't see her. Although nothing finalised yet we just having discussions at the moment. I do think we need to act fast before anything she still her mother. But it's not my place it's his daughter and it not mentioned his ex since that night. I am actually worried what he thinking but he can't hide from her she found me and knows he offline and might be only way to communicate with him. But what's weird she hasn't message me. I haven't blocked her on messenger so it's odd. I won't she a bit of a strange woman.

[smackie9]

OK so the pregnancy is probably the trigger for this all coming to the surface. The ex might be wondering how it will affect the relationship with the daughter, and her child support, if there is any. I can see why she tried to contact you. You mention her having no access to the daughter in future? Why?

Listen to the sister-in law, she's your greatest ally in this. She's watching out for you.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, sweetlady said:

I want to know why he avoiding his ex about their daughter. He going to have to speak to her at some point.

The best partnerships work because people stay in their own lane and both people are responsible for their own business. His ex and coparenting is solely his/their business. But ask yourself why you want to inject yourself in this?

[sweetlady]

46 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The best partnerships work because people stay in their own lane and both people are responsible for their own business. His ex and coparenting is solely his/their business. But ask yourself why you want to inject yourself in this?

Yes I get you.

Nothing to worry about so will leave it to him.

Just wanted to have chat with him to be careful but guess I might jump the gun. Worry over nothing.

Think if he was really unsettled he would of spoken to his family but not.

He doesn't actually affect me as such. That's why I listened to his sis in law and left it alone.

[Cherylyn]

It's alarming that he avoids his daughter's mother since they had a child together.  There are some instances where contact is necessary in order to keep the peace and have a respectful rapport as a parent. Since he doesn't exercise discretion,  I'd be alarmed if I were you because this type of character flaw could impact you soon or in the future.  He could very well not treat you well. 

I wouldn't accept a friend request from his ex and I wouldn't appreciate being commanded to block her.  He should respect your decision to use your own discretion.  Perhaps his ex reached out to you for a friend request in order for her to have more access to his ex through you.  Perhaps she wants you to warm up to her so she can use you as a buffer to communicate to your DP for her.  I wouldn't have accepted her friend request because it's better not to get involved with his ex in any capacity.

I wouldn't advise your DP to do anything.  He's a grown man,  he's a father and it's his life however way he navigates it.  Don't get involved.  Don't meddle.   

Your DP does not sound like a prize.  You need to question whether you want to be with this guy or if you prefer a man of integrity.  Having a relationship with him is complicated and messy.  You can do better.

[Andrina]

What kind of father is he to his daughter? How far apart do they live from one another? How often does he speak to her on the phone and see her?

[Lambert]

I just wanted to say,  I think you should only talk to your partner about things in your relationship. Involving a third person (your sister in law) is not a healthy practice.