My son has gotten a woman pregnant and is already a dead beat

[smackie9]

I think everyone get a little frightened in these situations. I think he will come around once he's had more time to think about it. 

[Wiseman2]

20 hours ago, MikalJoyner said:

Today a 24 year old woman reached out to me via Facebook. She messaged me videos of my son harassing her to get an abortion. Also my son was texting her trying to bribe her to abort the baby with money. My son didn’t tell me he had a child on the way

Have you ever met this woman? It seems your son did not want to discuss this with you or want you involved in it. She seems a bit unhinged to contact you rather than work things out with your son and get support form her own family.

[boltnrun]

Of course he didn't want to discuss it with his mother! He was hoping his bullying and threats would force the woman to agree to abort and that way no one would ever know.

I can imagine why she might act a bit "unhinged". It's extremely upsetting to not only be pregnant and have the baby's father not want to be involved, but to be threatened, bullied and bribed by him. Coming from someone who went through something similar (left alone and pregnant), I was extremely emotional and distressed. Maybe even "unhinged".

I do agree that a paternity test should be done before any financial support is provided. 

[Lambert]

I think you're right to want a relationship with the child.

It's very rough right now and you're son may come around... at 20, the human brain is not fully developed to understand risk and consequences. Thoughts that things can't happen to them, they only happen to other people etc are typical.

Maybe in time he'll change or she'll take him to court.  

An unexpected pregnancy is a huge emotionally charged time for sure.  but I've seen, once the baby comes, it changes everybody.  A new baby is a happy time even with challenges. 

I hope he comes around. his reaction was way harsh but that's not your responsibility.

I can tell you, I only had one living grandmother and she was very loving and kind. She's gone now, but I'm so glad we had such a strong relationship. I hope you do get the chance to be in their lives.  A grandmother's love is like no other.  

[MikalJoyner]

41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you ever met this woman? It seems your son did not want to discuss this with you or want you involved in it. She seems a bit unhinged to contact you rather than work things out with your son and get support form her own family.

From my understanding my son has been harassing her for weeks and she has reached her breaking point she stated she just wanted him to leave her alone 

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, MikalJoyner said:

From my understanding my son has been harassing her for weeks and she has reached her breaking point she stated she just wanted him to leave her alone 

Have you ever met this woman? She can get a restraining order. Have you suggested to your son to cease contacting her? He offered her money for an abortion, which she can decline and of course it's her choice if she decides to keep the preganacy.

[MikalJoyner]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you ever met this woman? She can get a restraining order. 

No my son admits he has gotten her pregnant and have me her number etc 

[Wiseman2]

Just now, MikalJoyner said:

No my son admits he has gotten her pregnant and have me her number etc 

 So you never met her and don't know her and your son did not wish to discuss it with you or get you involved? It would be best to stay out of it, in that case. Particularly if she wants your son not to contact her. .

Your son is a grown man and he attempted to fund an abortion. He is not "being a deadbeat". That would only be the case if she proves paternity, petitions for child support and he gets taken to court to have his wages garnished rather than voluntarily paying the required amount.

[Andrina]

It sounds like you might be the type of mother who enables her son, and enabling is never in the best interest of your grown child. When he knows you will soften the blow and fill in the blanks when he should be the one stepping up to the plate, he will continue to weasel his way out of situations.

If you live in the U.S., this country never lets children starve to death. There are programs if parents need it called WICK. Free formula, etc.

These two grown adults made the decision to have unprotected sex and now must live with the consequences. Don't go running to bail them out and finance the support of this child, even if it's your grandchild. You have your retirement funds and own livelihood to keep up with. 

Of course, reasonable purchases like a box of diapers when the baby is born and few outfits are normal gifts grandparents like to give.

They have to figure out how to ensure the baby's well-being without regular significant monetary sacrifices on your end. 

Good luck during this stressful time.