Do we have a chance if he was my doctor and we are both married?!

[HLDrago]

7 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

Why don't you put your plans, ideas, and questions to his wife?  Or maybe your children?

A little self-respect may go a long way, no?

I do have plenty of respect for myself or I wouldn’t be here asking for advice before I lose it entirely ok?! I would have no problem hanging out with his wife and kids or them me and mine. I genuinely did want to be friends with him and he me for months until things started getting a little blurry with how we interact with each other. When I say I love him. I do. Not like oh I wanna run away and get married or again even I don’t know romantically but I do love him. I spent months getting to know about his interests and siblings, likes and dislikes, we even have talked about our sex lives and previous relationships. I would feel this way about anyone that I had bonded to this way it doesn’t have to be romantic or sexual kind of love. I am upset and asking for advice because I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me and what that means because he didn’t 

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me and what that means because he didn’t 

Because he's a creeper who hits on his patients. He's trying it on with multiple women because he thinks he's a hot stud who should be able to bang as many women as he can get. Apparently you agree, at least with the hotness factor.

It would be a really bad decision to have an affair at all, let alone with someone with zero morals like this guy. His poor wife.

[HLDrago]

3 hours ago, redswim30 said:

 He is bored.  He's a newlywed.  A NEW-LY-WED.   He doesn't have feelings for you, he wants a piece of tail, then go back to his real family.  And when the wife gets upset, to call you the "crazy girl that made me do it".  And imagine how great he'll be to you if this is found out and he loses his job- it's unethical for doctor to flirt/be suggestive to patients.  Depending on where he works, he could even lose his license to practice medicine. 

You want to feel good about yourself.  You want to believe you love him.  What you have isn't love, it's infatuation.  You are imagining him to be someone he isn't. This man is NOT Prince Charming. 

I know rom-coms often make it seem like a "fun" scenario to be caught between two people.  The reality is a lot more ugly with a lot more people getting hurt and lives getting damaged.   And that's without adding anything really ugly into the mix like a restraining order, the wife stalking you, the wife finding out and telling your husband, your husband divorcing you, your kids hating you, and lots of other "fun" things that can happen here. 

NO.  You cannot be his friend. You aren't friends, you just want to cheat on your spouses together.  That's not a friendship, that's a booty call.  There's ONE way you can be together- Tell you husband you're divorcing him because you want to see other people and tell this man that you want him to divorce his brand new wife so the two of you can be together and deal with the massive fallout.  But I'm betting he will just run for the hills and find a new woman to use as his toy.   Great man that he is. 

OP, I hope for both your family's sake that you WAKE UP.   If you don't love your husband anymore, then get divorced and find someone single to date. 

I think most of that was pretty good advice. Thanks! Can I just add that both my kids are in college and my husband and I don’t sleep in the same room. He actually stays in the apartment off our house. We are technically for all purposes separated until we get our settlement. I am not trying to really date him either since i just found out he is married. I do love him like I would anyone I had made a connection like that with but it isn’t necessarily sexual or romantic. We do have a lot of chemistry between us but I think maybe it’s better left unexplored and I don’t intend to see him again. Not because I think he is a dog or pig cause I do still deeply care about him but because I think he maybe has not so friendly feelings for me and I know there is something there for me too and it just seems like it will go nowhere but way south 

[HLDrago]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Because he's a creeper who hits on his patients. He's trying it on with multiple women because he thinks he's a hot stud who should be able to bang as many women as he can get. Apparently you agree, at least with the hotness factor.

It would be a really bad decision to have an affair at all, let alone with someone with zero morals like this guy. His poor wife.

You’re right and it’s prolly really naive of me to think like I was special or he just liked me. Ugh I feel so stupid because he was so convincing. I didn’t give in for like months and then finally he started hugging me all the time and it felt right and comfortable but I guess maybe that’s how you should feel with a doctor. Anyways you’re right I am super stupid. He was just bored and I was just available I guess 

[boltnrun]

Just now, HLDrago said:

You’re right and it’s prolly really naive of me to think like I was special or he just liked me. Ugh I feel so stupid because he was so convincing. I didn’t give in for like months and then finally he started hugging me all the time and it felt right and comfortable but I guess maybe that’s how you should feel with a doctor. Anyways you’re right I am super stupid. He was just bored and I was just available I guess 

I didn't and wouldn't call you stupid. You believed you were the only one because you wanted to believe. But I can guarantee you are not the first or only woman he's trying to have illicit sex with. 

Best thing to do is detach completely from this creeper and stay detached. Remove his contact info from your devices and mark his messages as spam. I promise you'd feel even worse if you did have sex with him only to find out he has three or four other women on the side.

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

I think most of that was pretty good advice. Thanks! Can I just add that both my kids are in college and my husband and I don’t sleep in the same room. He actually stays in the apartment off our house. We are technically for all purposes separated until we get our settlement. I am not trying to really date him either since i just found out he is married. I do love him like I would anyone I had made a connection like that with but it isn’t necessarily sexual or romantic. We do have a lot of chemistry between us but I think maybe it’s better left unexplored and I don’t intend to see him again. Not because I think he is a dog or pig cause I do still deeply care about him but because I think he maybe has not so friendly feelings for me and I know there is something there for me too and it just seems like it will go nowhere but way south 

Separated is still married.  Married people cannot date.  I understand your reasons for staying married and have the same opinion that you shouldn't date until after your divorce is final no matter why you are staying married.

[HLDrago]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That is not how I read it. "Maybe I'll see you at the gym" is not asking for an affair. I stand by my statement about this being a romance novel fantasy. Not some married "pig" running after a former patient.   She is assuming he wants an affair because she didn't know about his private life and that he's "bored". How probable is it that a newlywed chiropractor is bored and chasing someone he was required to treat?

 

He PROMISED to meet me not I will maybe see you there. While he is hugging me he is literally telling me he will see me later on. We go to the same gym because he told me to go to that gym for a certain machine for my back so I didn’t even know it was his gym til I saw him there one night. Omg as I am typing this I realize what a stupid stupid stupid idiot I am. He like really never liked me at all did he?! Is he really just trying to hook up with me?!

[HLDrago]

Just now, Batya33 said:

Separated is still married.  Married people cannot date.  I understand your reasons for staying married and have the same opinion that you shouldn't date until after your divorce is final no matter why you are staying married.

You’re right because my husband and I do have a lot of history who knows maybe one day we will work it out lol

[HLDrago]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I didn't and wouldn't call you stupid. You believed you were the only one because you wanted to believe. But I can guarantee you are not the first or only woman he's trying to have illicit sex with. 

Best thing to do is detach completely from this creeper and stay detached. Remove his contact info from your devices and mark his messages as spam. I promise you'd feel even worse if you did have sex with him only to find out he has three or four other women on the side.

Thank god I had car trouble that night or I think my situation would’ve turned out way different and worse. Thanks for your help I sincerely took it to heart and appreciate it 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, HLDrago said:

You’re right because my husband and I do have a lot of history who knows maybe one day we will work it out lol

Why is that something that's a joke to you? I understand you're in a difficult situation and I'm sorry.  It's a blessing in disguise that this happened because next time you'll probably make a different choice/react differently. 

[HLDrago]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Since you were there, what did he say?😂

He said while he was holding me very tightly against his whole damn body with my arms around my neck and his cheek against mine…

”Dont worry. You’ll see me really soon I promise.” 
 This is after we had made plans and a time to go to the gym that night. I had car trouble he got jealous because I called my soon to be ex husband which is why I initially came here for advice because this changed the game between the boundary or friends and something else. The last time we had physical contact after my last appointment was more romantic in my eyes because of way he hugged me and things he said to me. Am I wrong please tell me because that would save me sooo much trouble 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

He said while he was holding me very tightly against his whole damn body with my arms around my neck and his cheek against mine…

”Dont worry. You’ll see me really soon I promise.” 
 This is after we had made plans and a time to go to the gym that night. I had car trouble he got jealous because I called my soon to be ex husband which is why I initially came here for advice because this changed the game between the boundary or friends and something else. The last time we had physical contact after my last appointment was more romantic in my eyes because of way he hugged me and things he said to me. Am I wrong please tell me because that would save me sooo much trouble 

I don't see it as romantic.  I see it as one person trying to get cheap thrills by being sexually inappropriate with another person.

[HLDrago]

4 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Oh yes, somebody did. You to the OP

Just because you are trying to spin your own narrative here, doesnt erase that you accused her of an insurance freud and how she wants to get with the doctor because of the settlement. You can try to spin your words as much as you can, but you did. Again, not very wise of you, Wiseman...

 

Yes, because no married man in the history was seen chasing a hot woman around for sex. And doctors to patients? That is unheard of. Right? 🤣

I was gona let this go with the laugh, but you wont so I wont too. 

So again, you accused her of something because in your narrative she is some delusional woman that wants to commit an insurance freud. By sleeping with her chiropractor. 

You also accused me of accusing chiropractor to some crime. Even though I didnt see the crime there. He is a pig because he is a pig. Married guy chasing around patients, whispering into their ears and meeting them outside the work. Pig behavior. Deal with it.

I just wonder why you are so adamant of this? I know I am stubborn sometimes so yes, if we have to write we will write until tomorrow. But you? I dunno why you have to invent your own narrative. When she hasnt even mentioned that she needs him for court or anything. Its evident she has a big crush on a guy and that is about it. For all we know she just needed chiropractor. But hey, as long as you can spin it in your head and then try to get out how you dont accuse anyone of crime, right?

Thank you! Neither of us really did anything too wrong but gray line the situation and maybe blur the lines a little. I am not some fraudster and neither is he. We are just 2 really hot people that worked closely together for many months and developed a real connection at least i thought. The not telling me about his wife maybe is his right but then maybe he should tell is wife about how he hugs or holds me and what he says to me or that he has in fact met up with me at the gym even while I was still a patient. The verdict is still out for me whether he is a pig or not. And I didn’t lie about being married technically he didn’t either we just didn’t tell each other. I was pretty honest about it I just left out the part that we are still really good friends and hang out all the time. He just left out he was married at all. He still hasn’t told me I just found out from his other co worker who I am also just FRIENDS with which is why I thought him and I had maybe a future friendship or something too

[Rose Mosse]

43 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

I think you’re right. I think I have him on a pedal stool and not really taking a minute to step back and see the whole picture. He is a hot guy and I am a hot girl. He wanted my attention and got it so I think that’s why he didn’t tell me. Which I am not mad about that. I think I am probably likely upset because he didn’t care enough about me to tell me and treated me like I would be some side thing instead of a friend. 

 

40 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

You’re actually really on point. We aren’t anything anymore. After reading all this I don’t think we are friends he just wanted some attention because he was bored. I just fell for him and I wish I hadn’t been sorta childish and stupid about it because I think it was all a game I didn’t know I was playing lol. He was just having fun and I developed feelings I guess no harm no foul because lines were maybe a little crossed but nothing that can’t be fixed 

 

23 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

I think most of that was pretty good advice. Thanks! Can I just add that both my kids are in college and my husband and I don’t sleep in the same room. He actually stays in the apartment off our house. We are technically for all purposes separated until we get our settlement. I am not trying to really date him either since i just found out he is married. I do love him like I would anyone I had made a connection like that with but it isn’t necessarily sexual or romantic. We do have a lot of chemistry between us but I think maybe it’s better left unexplored and I don’t intend to see him again. Not because I think he is a dog or pig cause I do still deeply care about him but because I think he maybe has not so friendly feelings for me and I know there is something there for me too and it just seems like it will go nowhere but way south 

Keep focusing on your life, the possible end of your marriage. Confusion usually happens when things aren’t aligned or at ease, issues conflict with who you are or what you want.

Listen to your instincts. You do not have to call or think of someone as a pig or dog. Calling someone you care about or have spent time with all kinds of names ends up hurting you in the end. It’s spending way too much energy in a negative way and letting it affect you similarly. You both obviously share some chemistry but you’re second guessing acting further on it. Whenever you feel confused go back to the big picture and ask yourself where you’re going. Does this thing or situation or person fit where you’d like to be?

It may have worked in a different lifetime under different circumstances but right now this is what you have so figure out whether it works for you or it doesn’t. Someone with a proven record of low integrity overall isn’t necessarily someone who may step up for you or remain on the same page. He can change and behind your back too. Is this worth a so-called “friendship” or do you have better things to do? It sounds like you’ve more or less decided not to pursue this but like the idea of knowing someone has a crush on you. And that’s fine. Nothing else needs to be done.

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

he should tell is wife about how he hugs or holds me and what he says to me or that he has in fact met up with me at the gym even while I was still a patient.

Guarantee he isn't telling his wife about all the female patients he's trying to have illicit sex with.

If his wife had been present would you have allowed this long, intimate hug?

If not, you know you don't view him as just a "friend".

[HLDrago]

1 minute ago, Rose Mosse said:

 

 

Keep focusing on your life, the possible end of your marriage. Confusion usually happens when things aren’t aligned or at ease, issues conflict with who you are or what you want.

Listen to your instincts. You do not have to call or think of someone as a pig or dog. Calling someone you care about or have spent time with all kinds of names ends up hurting you in the end. It’s spending way too much energy in a negative way and letting it affect you similarly. You both obviously share some chemistry but you’re second guessing acting further on it. Whenever you feel confused go back to the big picture and ask yourself where you’re going. Does this thing or situation or person fit where you’d like to be?

It may have worked in a different lifetime under different circumstances but right now this is what you have so figure out whether it works for you or it doesn’t. Someone with a proven record of low integrity overall isn’t necessarily someone who may step up for you or remain on the same page. He can change and behind your back too. Is this worth a so-called “friendship” or do you have better things to do? It sounds like you’ve more or less decided not to pursue this but like the idea of knowing someone has a crush on you. And that’s fine. Nothing else needs to be done.

Thanks I really do appreciate it! I am just glad I reached out and got solid advice before I did something I would have regretted. 

[Cherylyn]

57 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

I agree. I just wanted to be friends but I think too many cats out of the bag maybe to be put back in lol. I plan to move on and never see him again I think 

I agree.  Forget friendship.  It's too awkward, won't work and mentally unhealthy.  You have to really move on without him in your life and out of respect for HIS WIFE.  She comes first and foremost.  Get out of the picture for everyone's sake. 

[Cherylyn]

Ignore him at the gym or become a member of a new gym.  Treat him as a stranger.  Concentrate on your life and being a good, very moral mother even when your children are not with you.

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, HLDrago said:

He hasn’t talked to me since. It’s been over a week.

So you were supposed to meet at the gym after your last session and haven't heard from him since? Was there ever contact outside of office related communication? Why was he consoling you saying "don't worry (you'll see me again)"? Was the hug the only nonprofessional touching?

[HLDrago]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

So you were supposed to meet at the gym after your last session and haven't heard from him since? Was there ever contact outside of office related communication? Why was he consoling you saying "don't worry (you'll see me again)"? Was the hug the only nonprofessional touching?

He was there to meet me but got upset that I came with my husband. I did because of the aforementioned car trouble. I personally don’t have anything to hide as my chiro knows about my husband and my husband knows about him. So I don’t understand why he is so upset. And yes he tried to call me this morning but I didn’t answer. We have hugged in multiple ways multiple times and cheek to cheek sorta stuff when we do it but yes that’s the only non professional touching we have had. He gives me massages for migraines usually but that’s really it and is pretty professional I think even though I am the only one he does it for…so he says 

[HLDrago]

Just now, HLDrago said:

He was there to meet me but got upset that I came with my husband. I did because of the aforementioned car trouble. I personally don’t have anything to hide as my chiro knows about my husband and my husband knows about him. So I don’t understand why he is so upset. And yes he tried to call me this morning but I didn’t answer. We have hugged in multiple ways multiple times and cheek to cheek sorta stuff when we do it but yes that’s the only non professional touching we have had. He gives me massages for migraines usually but that’s really it and is pretty professional I think even though I am the only one he does it for…so he says 

And also yes we did meet at the gym before when I was still a patient but it was very casual and not like a date or anything 

[boltnrun]

11 minutes ago, HLDrago said:

even though I am the only one he does it for…so he says 

A man who hides the fact that he's married and who makes plans to meet up with female patients outside of his office and who is messaging you outside of professional matters is not exactly someone you can count on to be honest with you.

[jul-els]

2 hours ago, HLDrago said:

Why would you want to be involved with someone, romantically or platonically, who’s married and hits on his clients? You’re not thinking it through. You should be asking yourself why you think this is a good idea, because in reality it isn’t. 

[HLDrago]

17 minutes ago, jul-els said:

Why would you want to be involved with someone, romantically or platonically, who’s married and hits on his clients? You’re not thinking it through. You should be asking yourself why you think this is a good idea, because in reality it isn’t. 

I don’t mean to take up for him but it really wasn’t like that. Getting to know each other was what when on during my appointments as well as getting care. Yes we met at the gym so he could show me stuff and say hi to me but we didn’t do anything or he didn’t hit on me. Is it hitting on me just to show up though? I am asking cause I really don’t know. But the whole feelings beyond future friends didn’t come until we started making physical contact via hugging or massages and the whole dramatic hug didn’t happen until I was discharged from his care a few minutes later. So he technically didn’t do anything really wrong. And what if his marriage is as messed up and on the way out like mine? I don’t know because he has never told me. I found out via a coworker that I am also friends with. Anyways just to check to be sure I pulled up marriage records for our state and it is true! But if he only wanted a fling or secret friendship or something why didn’t he just tell me? 

[jul-els]

1 minute ago, HLDrago said:

I don’t mean to take up for him but it really wasn’t like that. Getting to know each other was what when on during my appointments as well as getting care. Yes we met at the gym so he could show me stuff and say hi to me but we didn’t do anything or he didn’t hit on me. Is it hitting on me just to show up though? I am asking cause I really don’t know. But the whole feelings beyond future friends didn’t come until we started making physical contact via hugging or massages and the whole dramatic hug didn’t happen until I was discharged from his care a few minutes later. So he technically didn’t do anything really wrong. And what if his marriage is as messed up and on the way out like mine? I don’t know because he has never told me. I found out via a coworker that I am also friends with. Anyways just to check to be sure I pulled up marriage records for our state and it is true! But if he only wanted a fling or secret friendship or something why didn’t he just tell me? 

It’s irrelevant why he did what he did. Hugging you is hitting on you. Do you not know this? I think you do, but for some reason you’re choosing to deny it. I know you’re unhappy in your marriage and maybe you’re lonely, but you can do better than this.