Dating Anxiety

[Hollsmaur]

I’ve been single for almost 9 months doing nothing but focusing on myself. And then when I least expect it.. bam! I have just been to a festival, and I got talking to a security steward behind the stage barrier. We flirted (I was slightly drunk) and he even kissed me goodbye. He also ushered everyone out the way to get me closer to the barrier so I could see the stage better the day after we initially met bare in mind the place was jam packed with people and he managed to spot me from within the crowd. He also gave me a staff food voucher card (I know not much but the food was extortionate so it was helpful). We exchanged numbers but I never thought too much into it, just one of those things. However I have been home for almost a week and he’s been texting me every day, and suggested we meet up next weekend. (we live 120 miles apart). I asked if he could call yesterday, he said yes and we spoke on the phone for 1 and 1/2 hours non-stop, no awkward silences. He doesn’t have any social media, so I can’t even see what kind of a person he is, whether he has children, a women already.. absolutely nothing! I know social media isn’t for everyone, and they used to manage just fine without it in the old days, but times have changed and I don’t know many 25 yr old men who don’t have even a dormant Facebook somewhere.. and all I can think is what is he trying to hide? I’m trying not to overthink this too much. Now the thing is I am quite an anxious person, especially when it comes to dating. I’ve been in bad situations in the past, I’m scared to get hurt again. I’m pretty sure all he’s interested in is sex at this point in time (he talks about it a lot as do I) so I don’t mind hooking up, but if that’s all he’s interested in, I will just do it the once and wish him well.. its a bit of fun but if it’s not leading into anything I don’t want to know. But why would he travel 2 and half hours just to have sex with some random festival chick? Could there even be anything in it or he’s just a very spontaneous man? Dating/meeting strangers gives me anxiety so bad. My sister has also told me not to meet him, and now I’m questioning the whole thing. What’s everyone think!? Men confuse the hell outta me

[boltnrun]

7 minutes ago, Hollsmaur said:

But why would he travel 2 and half hours just to have sex with some random festival chick?

Because not all random festival chicks are willing to have sex with a stranger.

I hope you're not meeting him in a hotel and you're not having him come to your home. Just because he's fun to talk to on the phone doesn't mean he's a safe person to be alone with. If he's dangerous you don't want to be trapped in a hotel room with no escape and you don't want him to know where you live.

Also, what are your plans if you do choose to have sex with this random festival guy? Will you insist on condoms? Do you have a backup birth control method to prevent pregnancy? Will you have follow up STD testing in case he has something like herpes or HIV?

It's highly likely you aren't the only "random festival chick" he's hooked up with. You'll basically be having sex with everyone he's had sex with, so keep that in mind.

12 minutes ago, Hollsmaur said:

Dating/meeting strangers gives me anxiety so bad.

If this is true, why are you doing this? Possibly being exposed to an incurable STD or being trapped in a room with someone who could be dangerous isn't going to lessen your anxiety.

[MissCanuck]

41 minutes ago, Hollsmaur said:

But why would he travel 2 and half hours just to have sex with some random festival chick?

Have you met men?

(No offense to the boys here, but some of you will go to great lengths for sex.)

41 minutes ago, Hollsmaur said:

Dating/meeting strangers gives me anxiety so bad

Then this doesn't sound like a great idea. You have no idea who this guy is. He might be fine and just a horny young guy, or he might be a total player who regularly beds festival ladies and has a girlfriend and a criminal record. The point is, are you going to be able to handle the huge unknowns here? 

If you decide to meet him, do not give him your address and do not meet him anywhere private. 

[Kwothe28]

If he doesnt have a social media, does he even exists at all? 😁

29 minutes ago, Hollsmaur said:

But why would he travel 2 and half hours just to have sex with some random festival chick?

I know a guys who would drag themselves through the field of hedgehogs just to have sex with a girl. 

If you are OK with having sex with strangers, sure. But dont count on it as something serious. Yes, he could have a double life. And probaby 5 other girls. So you need to be extra careful with guys like that. Meaning public place to meet and all.

[gamon]

2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I know a guys who would drag themselves through the field of hedgehogs just to have sex with a girl.

I was going to also respond to the whole "why would a guy travel 2 hours for sex" thing but it's been covered by others especially in the post above.

You (Op) just gotta know how guys think!

[Batya33]

Why do you think his reaction to you means he is a person who is spontaneous? Or spontaneous in a good way ?  If he’s talking about sex with a woman he met once then know that is his main focus. Don’t go there with the silly excuses of “all people want sex when they’re attracted “ or “it’s 2022 and people feel freer to share what they want with sex!” 

Nope. If he wanted to properly date you he’d never ever risk offending you with being overly familiar and oversharing.  maybe he uses a different name on his social media as his employer might not want employees to have their real names since he works in security. Who knows. Who cares. If you want a hookup then make sure you fully accept the downsides of STD and make sure your loved ones know where you’re  meeting him for intercourse and make sure you have your own way home. Also maybe he figures if you get pregnant or sick you won’t have a way to pin it on him. Maybe it’s worked for him before 

also you know monkey pox especially if he also sleeps with men. 
so is the pleasure of sex or being sexual worth the great risks to your safety?

the only way I’d meet is if he’s willing to start over “I feel uncomfortable that I gave you the impression I’m ok with a casual hook up. I’m not. I want to get to know you properly. How about we meet up half way for lunch on a weekend and get to know each other better?”

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Have you met men?

(No offense to the boys here, but some of you will go to great lengths for sex.)

I was involved with a guy who drove four hours round trip just to have sex with me. I'm no beauty queen or uber hottie but he knew he was going to get some when he made that drive.

So yeah, some people will go to a lot of trouble. Ever see the movie "The Sure Thing"?

And some people don't consider the risk. I personally don't think a hookup is worth risking my health or my life, but some don't even think about that in their eagerness to get laid.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Hollsmaur said:

I’m scared to get hurt again. I’m pretty sure all he’s interested in is sex at this point in time (he talks about it a lot as do I) so I don’t mind hooking up

This makes no sense. If you want a secure relationship date locally with men you can get to know better and where mutual feelings can develop. It may have been a flattering and exciting encounter but you're not his first groupie. Google him.

[Andrina]

4 hours ago, Hollsmaur said:

My sister has also told me not to meet him,

If you think you're the only woman he's given "special treatment" to at these events, you're really naive. But let's look at both scenarios. If you're wanting long term with someone, just know that there are so many cons that's it's not worth entering one, especially when you're young and likely meeting singles your age left and right. Once the newness wears off, one or both will grow weary of traveling such a long distance, and who can afford that with these gas prices. And as you're seeing, the distance makes it impossible to know who you're dealing with. 

If you want a hook up, still, it's best to do that locally, where you can take your time to know a little more about a guy to get a better picture if it will be a safe situation. Be realistic if the pros of having hookups outweigh the cons, and if you can emotionally handle them.

I highlighted what your sister has suggested. Sounds like she really loves you and can see things from a more objective perspective than you. You're enjoying the attention, but you mention being hurt in the past so I'm not so sure you'll enjoy this one hookup as an easy-breezy lark. I agree with your sister, and also your gut, since you have reservations. Believe me, I've heard horrible new stories of people who didn't listen to their gut and suffered grave consequences. It's not worth it. I'd tell him you changed your mind about meeting up with him and then I'd delete him as a contact.

[catfeeder]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

9 hours ago, Hollsmaur said:

I’m scared to get hurt again. I’m pretty sure all he’s interested in is sex at this point in time (he talks about it a lot as do I) so I don’t mind hooking up

This makes no sense. If you want a secure relationship date locally with men you can get to know better and where mutual feelings can develop. It may have been a flattering and exciting encounter but you're not his first groupie. Google him.

Yeah, consider what it does to your head to pretend not to care about hooking up because you're afraid of being hurt by wanting more for yourself.

While there are never guarantees of not getting hurt, it makes no sense to trash your own hopes along with your body in advance of allowing someone else to do that.

It will still hurt, you'll just need to dig that up down the road in therapy.

Head high, and I hope you'l reconsider this.

[smackie9]

He probably does have some kind of social media but he uses a different name. He doesn't want chicks digging around in his personal life nor try to contact him later. 120 miles away...Come on now. You know this ain't gonna be something serious. If you are that vulnerable, what the hell are you doing chatting up some total stranger, a guy that travels all over the place, lives far away and you can't find any social media with the name he gave you. It's a no brainer hun.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/1/2022 at 1:04 PM, Hollsmaur said:

 have just been to a festival, and I got talking to a security steward behind the stage barrier. We flirted (I was slightly drunk) and he even kissed me goodbye. He also ushered everyone out the way to get me closer to the barrier so I could see the stage better the day after we initially met bare in mind the place was jam packed with people and he managed to spot me from within the crowd. 

[Rose Mosse]

On 9/1/2022 at 10:04 AM, Hollsmaur said:

I’ve been single for almost 9 months doing nothing but focusing on myself. And then when I least expect it.. bam! I have just been to a festival, and I got talking to a security steward behind the stage barrier. We flirted (I was slightly drunk) and he even kissed me goodbye. He also ushered everyone out the way to get me closer to the barrier so I could see the stage better the day after we initially met bare in mind the place was jam packed with people and he managed to spot me from within the crowd. He also gave me a staff food voucher card (I know not much but the food was extortionate so it was helpful). We exchanged numbers but I never thought too much into it, just one of those things. However I have been home for almost a week and he’s been texting me every day, and suggested we meet up next weekend. (we live 120 miles apart). I asked if he could call yesterday, he said yes and we spoke on the phone for 1 and 1/2 hours non-stop, no awkward silences. He doesn’t have any social media, so I can’t even see what kind of a person he is, whether he has children, a women already.. absolutely nothing! I know social media isn’t for everyone, and they used to manage just fine without it in the old days, but times have changed and I don’t know many 25 yr old men who don’t have even a dormant Facebook somewhere.. and all I can think is what is he trying to hide? I’m trying not to overthink this too much. Now the thing is I am quite an anxious person, especially when it comes to dating. I’ve been in bad situations in the past, I’m scared to get hurt again. I’m pretty sure all he’s interested in is sex at this point in time (he talks about it a lot as do I) so I don’t mind hooking up, but if that’s all he’s interested in, I will just do it the once and wish him well.. its a bit of fun but if it’s not leading into anything I don’t want to know. But why would he travel 2 and half hours just to have sex with some random festival chick? Could there even be anything in it or he’s just a very spontaneous man? Dating/meeting strangers gives me anxiety so bad. My sister has also told me not to meet him, and now I’m questioning the whole thing. What’s everyone think!? Men confuse the hell outta me

The distance is 120mi. Count this person as the least of your options or priorities. If he’s ever in your area and you have an hour of an afternoon to meet inbetween other commitments, that’s fine. Anything else, not interested. It really doesn’t matter what he wants. 

[reinventmyself]

 . .and 120 miles is just enough of a distance to prevent you two from passing each other on the street and getting a peek at his legitimate life.

Never hook up with someone with the hopes it turns into something else.  If you are ok with a one time hook up, then go ahead with some precautions.  But the mentions of not wanting to get hurt suggests your emotions would be involved.  Casual hook ups don't include emotions.  It's a little contradictory.

[jul-els]

This connection is about sex. Nothing more and nothing less. If that’s what you want, that’s fine, but if you expect anything else you’re going to be very disappointed. 

[dias]

On 9/1/2022 at 8:45 PM, MissCanuck said:

Have you met men?

🤣😂 it's nature, survival of the species and the rest 😂🤣

[Jibralta]

On 9/1/2022 at 1:45 PM, MissCanuck said:

On 9/1/2022 at 1:04 PM, Hollsmaur said:

But why would he travel 2 and half hours just to have sex with some random festival chick?

Have you met men?

(No offense to the boys here, but some of you will go to great lengths for sex.)

Hmmm, yes....

[SherrySher]

On 9/1/2022 at 11:04 AM, Hollsmaur said:

But why would he travel 2 and half hours just to have sex with some random festival chick?

Think of it like this: You're really hungry, there is food 2.5 hours away.

That's as basic as it gets being a guy and sex. 

Also, if dating/meeting a stranger gives you anxiety this bad, why on earth would you allow him to be intimate with you? 

 

[SherrySher]

He has no social media, sure.

I doubt that very much. 

He's also security for different events. There's a good chance that you're not the only woman he has hit on like this, and won't be the last.

It does sound like a hook up, nothing more. As long as you're realistic with what it is and don't get emotionally attached because if you do, I think you could potentially be hurt.