Is she interested or not?

[JonClark]

So I went to visit my family who live in another country. I have many friends there so I went to a bar where I saw this beautiful bartender who I thought was attractive. We didn’t speak but I saw her look at me while she was talking to my friend (who she knew). After they finished talking I asked him who she was and he said she has a boyfriend.

A few weeks later, the last weekend before I traveled back home, I went to the bar again and there she was. I went to the bar to order some drinks for my friends and there was instant connection between us. I can’t describe it but it was awesome. About an hour later she had a small break and went out for a cigarette so I followed her and spoke a bit to her. After about a minute she asked me for my Facebook and gave it to her. The next day she texted me if I was up for a drink after work. I met up with her, we went to another bar and spent the whole night there. She didn’t mention any boyfriend or anything. I followed her home, took an Uber and that was it.

The next day she texted me “coffee tomorrow?” and I agreed. We went to get some coffee, talked and again it was a pretty solid date. I told myself I wasn’t going to make any moves in case she does have a boyfriend (even though she didn’t mention him at all) so when we parted ways, I just gave her a hug.

The next day, three days before I was going back home, I texted her if she wanted to hang out and she agreed right away. Then shortly before the date she told me her friend would be joining us a bit later. Her friend joined. I was a bit mad she was interrupting us but it turned out to be okay. I still don’t know why she couldn’t have declined meeting up her friend knowing I was leaving in two days but yeah.

In the middle of the night I get a gif from her saying goodnight.

The next day we didn’t see each other but we texted all day. She sent me a cute photo of a dog with the caption “have a nice trip. Be safe and remember you have someone to come back to”.

The next day while I was traveling back home we text and she says something along the lines of “it’s a shame you aren’t here :(“ with a sad smiley. The next day I texted her that I arrived safely and she asked for some photos of my dog (an ongoing topic between us because she loves dogs and so do I) and I sent her and she… hasn’t responded since. It’s been a couple of days, she’s been online but has completely failed to respond.

So I don’t know. From experience I’m suspecting this has something to do with her allegedly having a boyfriend. What do you guys think?

 

 

 

[jul-els]

I don’t know. There’s an entire ocean between you, so I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about it. 

[JonClark]

32 minutes ago, jul-els said:

I don’t know. There’s an entire ocean between you, so I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about it. 

There's actually only one country between lol.

Also, it's like 15 hours away by car. 

[jul-els]

Just now, JonClark said:

There's actually only one country between lol. 

Ok, well, there ya go. If I were you I wouldn’t spend time worrying about it. 

[Kwothe28]

You should have done something while you were there. Heck, she probably expected you to make a move there. Now, its kinda late. And, as you can see, she moves fast. She is a waitress, probably has like 5 guys a night coming onto her. She wont wait for you to make a move.

[Wiseman2]

It's a holiday fling and you both know that. Keep in touch if you want but this isn't dating or a relationship.

[Tinydance]

Well I think you could have actually asked her in person if she has a boyfriend and see what she says. I think she probably did want you to at least kiss her before you left. Maybe you should ask her if she's single now. But if you don't go back to your home country pretty soon I think unfortunately she'll probably just move on. Also you probably can't really be in a relationship unless you move back there? 

[MissCanuck]

Nothing else is relevant until you find out from her if she has boyfriend. 

If she doesn't, consider how feasible a long-distance situation would be when it takes 15 hours to drive there. 

If she does have a boyfriend, then there's nothing to do but drop her altogether. 

[smackie9]

She didn't bring up her BF but you could have. 

[catfeeder]

Asking whether someone is married or has a partner is pretty standard stuff, so why did you avoid asking?

Also, inviting her friend means she wasn't trying to hide you. 

I'd just ask her, but without mentioning what your friend said. That would show her that you believed she had a BF but were willing to date her anyway. That doesn't speak well for your respect for relationships.

[JonClark]

2 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Also, inviting her friend means she wasn't trying to hide you. 

Is that good or bad?

 

[SooSad33]

You two went out a couple times, had some chit chatting, lunch & a hug.

I say it's done.  You left to go back home.

I doubt she is interested in anything long distance.  As mentioned, she is a waitress & has many more around her daily.

I'd leave all alone now and carry on.

 

[Andrina]

I've travelled a lot in my lifetime, and know that no matter where you are, when you're out and about and meeting lots of people, there will always be someone you will feel chemistry with. 

But LDRs are the hardest form of dating there is, and have a very high failure rate when the relationship hasn't begun locally (such as when a person has to temporarily move away for an education or work).

If she's so attractive, why would she want to make an arrangement to date someone where you two rarely see each other in person, and lots of money would have to be spent for visits? 

With texting and social media, it seems like a person is close, yet they are really so far away. It's like an optical illusion, in a way.

Local dating is usually the wiser way to go when dating.

 

[Wiseman2]

On 8/16/2022 at 1:35 PM, JonClark said:

Is that good or bad?

It doesn't mean anything. In fact,it doesn't matter if she has a BF or not because it's a nonviable situation.