can i say this?

[buckley]

Just wondering/needing your guys advice....

 

my ex and i of almost one yr broke up 4 months ( almost 4 months) ago. he initiated it for common reasons i.e not ready fir serious etc. im also his first ever gf, were both 22

 

he always fond it v hard to talk about his emotions and well, i always tried to understand and never pushed it.

 

we have managed to stay friends, he calls every now and then and w etalk just like normal...i think we have found it ok to be friends because i want what he does and have never begged, pleaded or hounded him in slightest way about our break up...........i let him initiate all contact also......

 

the thing is, now we r friends i feel like i need to tell him things to feel like we really r friends, i never let out what i felt/thought cos of his difficulty in talkin emotional matters......and now its like he had his say but what about mine!!!

 

when we broke up i still cared so much about him in that supportive gf role that i never stood up for myself and instead wnated the break up to be as easy for him as possible, so basical i just kissed him good bye and let that be it.....but now i feel like i want to have my say.....i feel like we arent and cant be friends really until we discuss and move on.......i wnat to tell him i dont want him to feel bligated to be my friend and that although i know he found it very diffucult to tell me how he felt, that now i feel unsure about what our rship ever meant......and because of that i feel numb, i feel nothing, i definelty DONT feel like were friends cos of it, its like i have to let everything out and make sure he knows how i feel now, what i felt then etc for us to be able to be friends for real and also i dont have great memories of us cos i dont know what it ever meant, cos he never told me, he showed me but never told me.... n that sucks and i want him to know thats how i feel, that i feel like we arent friends n not close n thats cos of him not ever tellin me i meant somethin n us breakin up n me never havin said what i felt/thought

 

does anyone else understand this, what im feelin?

 

is it a bad idea?

 

what we he thnk of it? will he think im just not over him? hes a v understanding person, and weve never had any fall outs or anything like that at all

[socalguy123]

take some time to yourself. like a week or month, to gather your thoughts, and really put things into perspective. also, to help him understand you need your own space..

 

 

and let him have the truth. friendship is nothing if you're not being honest with each other. and if you can't be honest, you don't have a friendship. your feelings are true here. just remember, and you wont' forget this, because of how much you are considerate of him--whatever you do, be kind about it. (i'm such a hypocrite). don't be rude or petty, you've done so well so far. you want to be honest, but kind, because that's the best way to get a message accross, without making someone defensive. and the reason you're doing this is because i think you do value him as a person, and you want to keep him as a friend. so you could preface your talk as "i really appreciate your friendship. i want you to know, i've had some time to think the past over, and because i want to be honest... bleah blah bleah"

 

anyway, just my $.02 . feel free to not follow my advice, as i don't know if it really is the best, but i would do things this way.

 

cheers

[buckley]

wow.....

 

here i was thinking noone would understnad why i feel this need and u do.........u said all the things u thought about me and they were all true....it IS cos i value him as person, we were v close, we never fought BUT i did i htink, consider his feelings too much in the way that i never told him how i felt ( if it was negative) cos i didnt wnat to bring up difficult conversations......u see he suffers depression here n there n he has MAJOR idfficulty exspressin emotion but gosh he used to try so hard, he reall did , n that is why i always just wnated to support him n never push him n never start diffcult conversations cos i know he found it hard n i know how much he tried.......i believe its why we broke up....he knew he couldnt give what i needed....i needed to hear things......not just see them, even tho actns speak louder then words we all need to hear it sometimes.......

 

i feel like i have robbed not only myself but him because of me holding back....and its true it bothers me cos we need honestly for friendship........its so typical ofus to still be friends n still respect each other so, hes very much like that, and i adore him so much because of who he is

 

i have written what i will say, n it is all kind making sure he knows it isnt puttin any fault on him or me but simply how i feel, not what i know, but hwo i feel.......n that i need to tell him so i can feel like he knows and i know where we are at........

 

thankyou for understanding where i come from its helped alot.....i will take time to ponder more, ill prob wait till he calls me n sus it out and tell him i need to tell him...

 

its just right now i fele i never exspressed how i feel n i do feel like we arent close anymore cos of it, just a feel i have, i also

feel like i want to explain to him what he meant to me and how im grateful and how i feel like im loosing all emotion of our time togeher because he never told me things......n its hard.........

 

so anyways thankyou