I am interested in a popular and highly attractive guy at my college

[Joanna-02]

My college returned to normal for the most part a few weeks ago, with regular lectures, and I have noticed a boy in my college class who is drop-dead gorgeous - he honestly looks like an extra attractive supermodel, so it is very hard to avoid staring at him.
The problem is, all other girls seem to feel that same way about him (he is about 6'5 and muscular, and has short dark hair, and that type of look seems very popular among girls at my school, including myself), so it is very hard for me to find a chance to talk to him in peace.
He always seems to get approached by girls out of nowhere, and those girls will often try to suggest a date or get to know him, and ask him if he wants to meet at the weekends or take a walk in a park and things like that.

I have tried to give him a bit of a hint on a few occasions by making tender eye contact with him from a distance for as long as I dare and smiling a little bit;
however, I don't think that he will end up making the first move, since he gets lots of spontaneous attention from more forward girls.
I have noticed that he has given me the eye a bit on a few quick occasions when I have passed him - I often hear that I am cute and pretty, so hopefully he thinks the same way about me.

The two main things that intimidate me from flirting with him are partly that he his looks make me feel... inadequate (like I feel that I have to be as pretty as possible to measure up to him, since he is VERY attractive), and I also feel that there is a huge risk that I will get rejected, or that he will dump me very quickly for another girl, but I try to prepare myself for that.
He does seem to enjoy all the attention from the other girls a lot, but he doesn't seem arrogant, and he hasn't struck me as a player type or anything yet, so that seems like good signs, but I am not sure where to start with him.

[smackie9]

Be that girl that is different from all the others... a girl that doesn't give him attention he so used to. Be untouchable. look good, confident, get in his space to get noticed but don't notice him. The more mysterious you are the more interesting you will be to him. 

Just a side note: there's a possibility he's gay. 

[Joanna-02]

15 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Be that girl that is different from all the others... a girl that doesn't give him attention he so used to. Be untouchable. look good, confident, get in his space to get noticed but don't notice him. The more mysterious you are the more interesting you will be to him. 

I do often find myself trying to look "cute" and a bit seductive when I know that he looks in my direction, such as fixing my hair a lot, looking at something with tender eyes and a bit of a smile, pretending to adjust my bra or my pants (just to draw his attention to me, hah), and things like that.
However, he mostly just takes a look at me for a brief moment and then forgets about me, usually because another girl starts talking to him and trying to distract him, or something like that.

  

15 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Just a side note: there's a possibility he's gay. 

I have heard from a few girls that he is straight, and apparently he has dated a couple girls, so he is probably straight.

[Jibralta]

17 minutes ago, Joanna-02 said:

I do often find myself trying to look "cute" and a bit seductive when I know that he looks in my direction, such as fixing my hair a lot, looking at something with tender eyes and a bit of a smile, pretending to adjust my bra or my pants (just to draw his attention to me, hah), and things like that.

Why don't you try talking to him instead of gesticulating randomly? If he's not approachable, what's the point?

[Joanna-02]

4 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Why don't you try talking to him instead of gesticulating randomly? If he's not approachable, what's the point?

I don't really think about it that much when I do it (a little bit maybe, but not much);
it is mostly my subconscious way to get his attention, since I often feel way too shy and kind of intimidated when I do see him.
But I also realise that he probably won't approach me if he already gets approached by a lot of other girls, so I should probably be more upfront with him.

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Joanna-02 said:

I don't really think about it that much when I do it (a little bit maybe, but not much);
it is mostly my subconscious way to get his attention, since I often feel way too shy and kind of intimidated when I do see him.
But I also realise that he probably won't approach me if he already gets approached by a lot of other girls, so I should probably be more upfront with him.

I don't think it's subconscious -you're choosing to flirt by making eyes at him.  Putting his looks aside what about him do you like and what do you think you have in common with him?

[Joanna-02]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think it's subconscious -you're choosing to flirt by making eyes at him.  Putting his looks aside what about him do you like and what do you think you have in common with him?

I am not sure yet, but the way he interacts with girls and other people seems to indicate that he is very well-mannered and charming, and this combined with his looks are why I feel that I want to approach him.
So at the moment, he is certainly someone that I would enjoy meeting in a "physical" way, but I am also interested in seeing if things will go further if I get to date him.

I guess I just have to try to approach him, and make sure to stand out among the other girls.

[mylolita]

Hey Joanna!

 

Okay, sounds like quite the guy! You really have your heart set on this one then? Any other reason but that he is mind blowingly cute? 😉

 

This may be an unpopular suggestions but - I would do absolutely nothing. Nothing but look amazing, be yourself, do whatever you do, speaking up in class, enjoying the things you enjoy to do, have your own interests… all these girls throwing themselves at him, it’s a bit desperate, and he’s probably enjoying it but, no one wants what is easy, it’s like, the human condition. If he finds you attractive he will notice you, you don’t need to go out of your way with constant eye contact or anything like that. If he really likes you, he will approach you, I really believe that, especially a confident guY who might enjoy the chase, especially when he rarely has to get into one. 

 

If you really really must approach him, can’t contain yourself, I would suggest needing to go to him to ask for help with something. You car tire is punctured, you can’t find a class here or there - anything, because it gives you a good excuse more than just hi, and also, if he is an alpha type, then he will secretly be perked up by you being submissive and needing him in some way. There is a reason for the “damsel in distress” stereotype.

 

Love games ay! Ideally, don’t play them! 😉 But if you have too… show off your figure, be yourself, you are the magnet you are with your own unique pull, just be sure of yourself, he will come too you if it is meant to be!

 

All the best with your dream guy! (Is he even better looking than Jude Law in Talented Mr Ripley?! I can’t believe it… 🤣)

 

Lo x

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Joanna-02 said:

I am not sure yet, but the way he interacts with girls and other people seems to indicate that he is very well-mannered and charming, and this combined with his looks are why I feel that I want to approach him.
So at the moment, he is certainly someone that I would enjoy meeting in a "physical" way, but I am also interested in seeing if things will go further if I get to date him.

I guess I just have to try to approach him, and make sure to stand out among the other girls.

Many people are well mannered and charming.  I wouldn't bother if your main focus in on what he looks like.  That's because you'll be competing with his harem and putting him on some sort of pedestal (which you are already, based on his looks).  It might be thrilling and a challenge at first but ultimately you'll end up with at most a quick date with him perhaps because right now he has his pick.  "If you get to date him?"  That's terrible.  Don't you want to be in a situation where you each "get to date" each other -where the man sees you as a special person he wants to get to know and even feels lucky for the opportunity -and the feeling is reciprocal? 

He's being approached plenty.  You'll be one of the crowd.  I would approach him only if you have a specific reason.  Like you and he are involved in the same activity and you ask him if he wants to get a bite to eat after your shared activity.  

Here's a story. In college a friend of mine worshipped a classmate similar to how you feel.  She was a little sister in his fraternity.  1980s, no internet, etc.  She basically followed him around from a distance.  Went everywhere he went - whether it was a ball game, a party, whatever. 

She showed up wherever he was.  Eventually they started dating. She was over the moon.  They were serious for a few years and she imagined marrying him.  Until her best friend swooped in, came on to him and they became an item and later married.  Broke her heart. 

It seems to me when it starts out like that -woman approaching man because man is deluged with female attention and looks like a model - the man most likely will never really fall head over heels, really have the same spark because the woman will feel she won the prize.  And he won't. 

I do think women should approach men especially in school -it's a natural approach -but not because your approach is mostly based on his looks and he's being approached by many other classmates -not when you have the mindset you do.  Not a good look, not a turn on for him.

[Joanna-02]

  

10 minutes ago, mylolita said:

If you really really must approach him, can’t contain yourself, I would suggest needing to go to him to ask for help with something. You car tire is punctured, you can’t find a class here or there - anything, because it gives you a good excuse more than just hi, and also, if he is an alpha type, then he will secretly be perked up by you being submissive and needing him in some way. There is a reason for the “damsel in distress” stereotype.

Oh, that is a great tip!
I will try that when we have our next lecture on Thursday. ^-^

Yes, he has struck me as the alpha type, since he has a natural ability to become the center of attention and seems to end up as a leader type without even trying when he works with other people in our class.
So he would probably feel a bit of an extra ego-boost and feel like a hero if I asked him for help with something.

Maybe asking him to guide me to some classroom that is a bit far away might be a good idea?
This would give me some time to talk to him, and maybe flirt a bit.
Maybe also adding something like "oh by the way, would you like to do something together tomorrow?" or something like that.
  

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Many people are well mannered and charming.  I wouldn't bother if your main focus in on what he looks like.  That's because you'll be competing with his harem and putting him on some sort of pedestal (which you are already, based on his looks).  It might be thrilling and a challenge at first but ultimately you'll end up with at most a quick date with him perhaps because right now he has his pick.  "If you get to date him?"  That's terrible.  Don't you want to be in a situation where you each "get to date" each other -where the man sees you as a special person he wants to get to know and even feels lucky for the opportunity -and the feeling is reciprocal? 

He's being approached plenty.  You'll be one of the crowd.  I would approach him only if you have a specific reason.  Like you and he are involved in the same activity and you ask him if he wants to get a bite to eat after your shared activity.  

Here's a story. In college a friend of mine worshipped a classmate similar to how you feel.  She was a little sister in his fraternity.  1980s, no internet, etc.  She basically followed him around from a distance.  Went everywhere he went - whether it was a ball game, a party, whatever. 

She showed up wherever he was.  Eventually they started dating. She was over the moon.  They were serious for a few years and she imagined marrying him.  Until her best friend swooped in, came on to him and they became an item and later married.  Broke her heart. 

It seems to me when it starts out like that -woman approaching man because man is deluged with female attention and looks like a model - the man most likely will never really fall head over heels, really have the same spark because the woman will feel she won the prize.  And he won't. 

I do think women should approach men especially in school -it's a natural approach -but not because your approach is mostly based on his looks and he's being approached by many other classmates -not when you have the mindset you do.  Not a good look, not a turn on for him.

Yes, I guess this is the tricky part with a guy like him;
he will constantly have a bunch of girls to choose from, and I will be one in the bunch.
But I will try asking him for help with something on Thursday. ^-^

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Joanna-02 said:

Yes, I guess this is the tricky part with a guy like him;
he will constantly have a bunch of girls to choose from, and I will be one in the bunch.
But I will try asking him for help with something on Thursday. ^-^

Yes.  You can ask him for help with something and, again, really ask yourself that other than your impression that he is well mannered and charming whether your main focus is what he looks like and you would feel awesome being seen with him.  If that's all it is I wouldn't bother.

[mylolita]

1 minute ago, Joanna-02 said:

  

Oh, that is a great tip!
I will try that when we have our next lecture on Thursday. ^-^

Yes, he has struck me as the alpha type, since he has a natural ability to become the center of attention and seems to end up as a leader type without even trying when he works with other people in our class.
So he would probably feel a bit of an extra ego-boost and feel like a hero if I asked him for help with something.

Maybe asking him to guide me to some classroom that is a bit far away might be a good idea?
This would give me some time to talk to him, and maybe flirt a bit.

BUT JOANNA!

 

Once you have asked for his help and in a very normal sweet I’m in a bind way (no goo goo eyes!) don’t re-approach him again! Because you only approached him that one time because you had no one else to turn too!!! Because if you keep going back the reason is lost.

 

By the way I don’t advocate games abs hooking guys I am just going with the teenage flow here and saying if you really must but as Batya has said so brilliantly, men like to get the girl, have the chase, make the approach… if you take that away from him it’s just making it so easy and, I don’t know, loads of other girls doing the same?

 

I now kinda want you to fall for the cute nerd now just because this guy seems too perfect. Yes! No one is perfect. Word of caution too this tale! 
 

All the best luck,

Remember, he would be lucky to have you! Don’t think he is above you.

 

Lo x

[greendots]

Hey Joanna, do you have any classes together? Gives you plenty to start talking. "Hey, aren't you in my class, what do you think of XYZ." Alternatively, you can make yourself visible by participating in class. Otherwise, as others have suggested ask for his help on something.

Just don't be passive. Passivity has led me nowhere with many guys. Not all men will approach you.

ETA: As for all these girls approaching him - well, being good looking doesn't mean he finds them interesting enough. He could also be gay.

[Joanna-02]

Thank you, everyone. ^-^ 

22 minutes ago, greendots said:

Hey Joanna, do you have any classes together? Gives you plenty to start talking. "Hey, aren't you in my class, what do you think of XYZ." Alternatively, you can make yourself visible by participating in class. Otherwise, as others have suggested ask for his help on something.

Just don't be passive. Passivity has led me nowhere with many guys. Not all men will approach you.

I will definitely try asking him for help with something, that is a great idea. ^-^

[poorlittlefish]

If you succeed in hooking this incredibly attractive guy and you start something, how will you feel about him being someone who has girls coming onto him everywhere he goes?  Guys that good looking can be very narcissistic/conceited/untrustworthy and one day you might look back and feel glad that you ended up with someone else.

[Jibralta]

11 hours ago, Joanna-02 said:

it is mostly my subconscious way to get his attention

It's not subconscious if you are aware of what you are doing. Stop reading PUA sites for dating advice. 

10 hours ago, Joanna-02 said:

he has struck me as the alpha type

I am starting to wonder if you are actually a girl, or just a guy masquerading as a girl to get insight into what you hope are 'cues.'

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Joanna-02 said:

I have tried to give him a bit of a hint on a few occasions by making tender eye contact with him from a distance 

It's ok to have a crush. However you need to be friendly and talk to your fellow students more. Be more approachable.

Stop staring at him. It's creepy. 

Basically, if a guy is not asking you out, he's not interested.

Focus on making friends. Start talking to boys more. Focus on other guys.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't label someone as more likely to be "narcissistic" just because he is good looking in some conventional sense but the OP's main motivation here is his looks and "popularity" and then -as an afterthought really -his "manners" when he is surrounded with his harem.  So the OP might want to rethink whether she really would want to "win" here and what she would win.

[smackie9]

16 hours ago, Joanna-02 said:

I do often find myself trying to look "cute" and a bit seductive when I know that he looks in my direction, such as fixing my hair a lot, looking at something with tender eyes and a bit of a smile, pretending to adjust my bra or my pants (just to draw his attention to me, hah), and things like that.
However, he mostly just takes a look at me for a brief moment and then forgets about me, usually because another girl starts talking to him and trying to distract him, or something like that.

  

I have heard from a few girls that he is straight, and apparently he has dated a couple girls, so he is probably straight.

That's good news then! So what girls did he date? What do they look like? Might give you an idea what he is attracted to.

[smackie9]

15 hours ago, Joanna-02 said:

I am not sure yet, but the way he interacts with girls and other people seems to indicate that he is very well-mannered and charming, and this combined with his looks are why I feel that I want to approach him.
So at the moment, he is certainly someone that I would enjoy meeting in a "physical" way, but I am also interested in seeing if things will go further if I get to date him.

I guess I just have to try to approach him, and make sure to stand out among the other girls.

If you did get to date him, how are you going to handle it when all these girls are constantly hitting on him because that part of him will never change. 

[waffle]

Are there any other guys in class?  Specifically, ones that don't have groupies standing in line waiting for their chance to giggle at him?  Would you be open to any of them?

[boltnrun]

I don't know that physically attractive people are all necessarily narcissistic. From my experience many of them have been given special treatment all their lives so they've become accustomed to it. One of my coworkers called it "Pretty Girl Syndrome" (or pretty boy syndrome). My friend has this "syndrome". She's beautiful so she is used to people falling all over themselves to do things for her. And when someone doesn't she is legitimately confused. Like, "why is this guy not into me?? Everyone else is!!"

I dated an extremely good looking man. In his case he was very into himself. Women were constantly throwing themselves at him. He liked it because he got a lot of sex and special treatment out of it. He even complained to me because I wouldn't do his laundry for him. He said "other girls always want to do my laundry for me." And I said "good for them! There's the wash machine." He was actually angry! Because I didn't fawn over him nor did I consider myself exceedingly lucky that he deigned to date me. And he went nuts when I dumped him lol.

Think about why you like this young man. Is it because he's good looking? Or is it because he's a decent, caring, intelligent and kind person?

[Betterwithout]

I am a guy, so thought I'd chime in from the male perspective....

It's funny, I was shy back in my college days and I regret not learning confidence earlier.
For men, most women EXPECT us to be confident, but that doesn't come easy especially if your not a 10/10.     This guy seems like a 10/10 and most 10's get the confidence day one of puberty.
I find it interesting that many have suggested showing yourself as a non chalant, confident women and others suggested to be more forward and flirty or the damsel in distress submissive type.

I think this wonderful world of chemistry plays a huge part, the way you present yourself and they way they present themselves have to align with what each other are looking for.
There is the whole Alpha Male, Beta Male thing too.

Anyhow...it took me many decades to learn this simple human connection tool....

"It's all in the eyes"!!!! 

The eyes represents the biggest clues if someone is interested  
and it comes in all variations....

men are visual creatures.  if you look good, they want to look longer.

In order of most attracted to least attracted: 

-Long glance, smile, look away, look back, smile  
-long glance, smile
-glance, smile
-long glance, look away
-glance, look away

Keep this in mind next time you see him.
 
PS:   I would love for you to keep us in the loop on how this turns out.
It's a fun part of life.

[Joanna-02]

5 hours ago, smackie9 said:

If you did get to date him, how are you going to handle it when all these girls are constantly hitting on him because that part of him will never change. 

That worries me a bit.
I mean, I realise that I am mostly physically attracted to him at the moment, however it is a very strong physical attraction, so I am very tempted to try to make contact with him and then maybe develop something from there.
He also seems very charming and humble, and those are of course very good signs, and this makes him extra interesting.

However, it also seems as if he is the promiscuous type.
I have only known about him for about a month, but there have been several instances after school when I have seen him leave school with different excited girls, and often with his arm around their waist and his hand on their belly, or this was what it looked like to me.
So it seems a bit as if he might be like a boy toy to a lot of girls, and that their primary goal is to have sex with him when they get the opportunity.
If that is how it is, then I am not sure if I want to take any chances with him, although it would definitely be great if it did work out.

[mical]

Easiest is to sit close by him and say you won’t be at next class and if he could send you the notes, then give your contact details…

If he does a good job you can say thanks and that you owe him a drink / coffee in return 

Then later you can always suggest studying together.