gojira86 Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 hi, i've met my ex in a club a couple of days ago which i still have strong feelings for her, but at the same time i don't want to get back together as she was toxic and manipulative (i still don't see the manipulation but everyone i know told me that she is, maybe that how good she is) We were celebrating my friends' birthday and i got really drunk, and for some reason she was provoking me and trying to get my attention. to cut the story short when the club was closing i don't remember what she told me, but i got angry and i started shouting "saying her name is a <removed>>, i want everyone to know." that was so out of character from me, i never lost control of myself in my life, but i'm going through rough times and i just passed covid and i'm still hurting from the break up. i was in a good place of getting over her, but now i feel so guilty, and ashamed of myself for doing what i did, and i feel like i moved from being wronged to being in the wrong. what should i do? i'm trying my best to get her forgiveness but rightly she won't speak or see me, she sent me a text saying that she forgives me, but i don't think she did. this is the last thing that i needed as now i'm back thinking about her, and i can't sleep at night. just to be clear, i don't want her back, i just need to know that i got her forgiveness and respect back. any ideas how to take it from here? sorry for the long post, any advice would be appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 22 minutes ago, gojira86 said: i got really drunk, and i got angry and i started shouting "saying her name is a <removed>, i want everyone to know." Did they remove you from the place or at least did your friends get you out of there and home safely? Stop hanging out in the same places. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gojira86 Posted January 17, 2022 Author Share Posted January 17, 2022 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Did they remove you from the place or at least did your friends get you out of there and home safely? Stop hanging out in the same places. thanks Wiseman for the reply, they didn't remove me as we were going out, the place was closing. thankfully only 1 friend was left with me, and he took me home and stayed with me for a few hours. we live in a small to medium city, we will see each other eventually, and that place we never went to together. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 18 minutes ago, gojira86 said: she sent me a text saying that she forgives me, but i don't think she did. I think you should take her word for it. Certainly don't continue to harass her. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 What you do is realize that this is your closure once and for all. Yes, she is toxic and being around her brought out the absolute worst in you. This is literally your flashing neon sign that you and her need to stay far away from each other forever. As for forgiveness, she doesn't owe you that BUT she did tell you that she does forgive you, so it's on you to accept that and have enough respect for her to believe her and take her at her word. When you ask for something and are given that, refusing to accept it or believe it and continuing to question and demand more is actually toxic behavior on your end. Knock it off. Don't demand respect for yourself when you are being disrespectful in this situation toward her by refusing to accept her forgiveness. The reality is that this is not about her, it's you who needs to forgive yourself for slipping up and acknowledge what I said above - you and her are a toxic combo. Leave this all in your past and move forward. Closed chapter. Since you live in a small town, maybe avoid her for awhile as your are still so raw from the break up. If she shows up where you are, leave. Do it until you can actually ignore her or simply stop caring completely. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gojira86 Posted January 17, 2022 Author Share Posted January 17, 2022 2 minutes ago, Jibralta said: I think you should take her word for it. Certainly don't continue to harass her. thanks Jibralta, i haven't contacted her. and i will keep it that way. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gojira86 Posted January 17, 2022 Author Share Posted January 17, 2022 thanks you Dancingfool for the important advice. This so true, i can't forgive myself and move on. i don't know how to achieve that and i'm feeling all the guilt right now. as for the closure, i've already had my closure with her, i wasn't in touch with her and i was doing better. and you're right, she always brings the worst in me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 27 minutes ago, gojira86 said: just to be clear, i don't want her back, i just need to know that i got her forgiveness and respect back. any ideas how to take it from here? Do nothing. Absolutely nothing and take what's left of your dignity and stay away from her or any mutual circles. If they bring her up or feed you information about her don't take the bait. Respectfully ask that you are not included and you do not wish to gossip about her. What you say anymore has very little value, especially considering what happened. Put this behind you and let your actions speak louder. You will receive respect from others when you treat others with respect. Don't go out of your way seeking forgiveness and respect. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gojira86 Posted January 17, 2022 Author Share Posted January 17, 2022 5 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said: Do nothing. Absolutely nothing and take what's left of your dignity and stay away from her or any mutual circles. If they bring her up or feed you information about her don't take the bait. Respectfully ask that you are not included and you do not wish to gossip about her. What you say anymore has very little value, especially considering what happened. Put this behind you and let your actions speak louder. You will receive respect from others when you treat others with respect. Don't go out of your way seeking forgiveness and respect. thanks for the advice. that is exactly what i'm doing, nothing. but the weight of the guilt is not getting any lighter. and as dancingfool stated, i need to forgive myself, i just can't do it right now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 21 minutes ago, gojira86 said: i need to forgive myself, i just can't do it right now. Give it time. The best way to show that you are truly sorry (and to forgive yourself) is to not do it again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 There's nothing more you can do, OP. You have apologized, it seems, and she says she forgives you. That's as much as you can expect. Let some time pass and the guilt will start to subside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenfox4 Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 3 hours ago, gojira86 said: hi, i've met my ex in a club a couple of days ago which i still have strong feelings for her, but at the same time i don't want to get back together as she was toxic and manipulative (i still don't see the manipulation but everyone i know told me that she is, maybe that how good she is) We were celebrating my friends' birthday and i got really drunk, and for some reason she was provoking me and trying to get my attention. to cut the story short when the club was closing i don't remember what she told me, but i got angry and i started shouting "saying her name is a <removed>>, i want everyone to know." that was so out of character from me, i never lost control of myself in my life, but i'm going through rough times and i just passed covid and i'm still hurting from the break up. i was in a good place of getting over her, but now i feel so guilty, and ashamed of myself for doing what i did, and i feel like i moved from being wronged to being in the wrong. what should i do? i'm trying my best to get her forgiveness but rightly she won't speak or see me, she sent me a text saying that she forgives me, but i don't think she did. this is the last thing that i needed as now i'm back thinking about her, and i can't sleep at night. just to be clear, i don't want her back, i just need to know that i got her forgiveness and respect back. any ideas how to take it from here? sorry for the long post, any advice would be appreciated. Stop contacting her and seeking her approval. You've apologized, she knows you were drunk there's nothing you can do about that now other than learn a lesson. Right now, I believe you need to focus on healing (to get over her), and contacting her repeatedly when she's not getting back to you isn't going to help in that process. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 On 1/17/2022 at 12:39 PM, gojira86 said: i just need to know that i got her forgiveness and respect back. any ideas how to take it from here? Whoa. I'd take a step back, Jack. She didn't even need to say that she forgives you. So quit while you're ahead. The only person who can help you to feel better about yourself is you. It might help to recognize that we ALL make mistakes, and most of them aren't all that memorable to anyone else. Blip on the radar of life. So you can make healing easier on yourself, or you can make it more difficult by drilling yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of and imposing further insult on a woman who owes you nothing. If you believe that choosing misery over healing will somehow influence this woman, or keep her tied to you in some way, that's a mistake. Head high, and make a better choice. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caesar45 Posted January 21, 2022 Share Posted January 21, 2022 Well first of all you want her back because if you dont you wont be making that action at the party plus you never cared about her apolgy. If you really really didnt cared about her you would be like "Well she got what she deserved" and laugh it out with your friends. Be honest with yourself first come on I am a men too I can relate to you dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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