What would you do?

[Pink26]

Hi! I was just wondering what you all think . I lost my job . I have a friend with a handicapped son .  I never met her son before . She is looking for someone who can watch her son . She knows that I have been looking for work and thought of me which is very sweet . She said that she’s looking for someone to take him on walks . he needs bathroom help and help with food . He’s 22 yrs old . Her and I reconnected on Facebook she was my brothers ex . I also don’t know how he would feel about me working for his ex . Anyway I really could use the money . I have no experience with handicapped kids . I’m afraid I feel like it’s a huge responsibility. I would rather wait for something That I would have more experience in . Plus if it didn’t work out . I would not want to hurt our friendship but she’s offering me a decent amount of money to do this . I don’t know what to do 

[Seraphim]

What is his disability?

[Seraphim]

If you are looking after him will it be in his own home since you are having troubles in your marriage ?

[Pink26]

Yes at his home . He was born with water on his brain 

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, Pink26 said:

Yes at his home . He was born with water on his brain 

Okay ,but this doesn’t address his limitations and abilities. Do you know what these are ? What is he capable of doing and understanding? What is he not able of doing or understanding ? You need a comprehensive understanding of this to be effective in being his caregiver. What does he like and dislike? Can you handle a situation effectively if he has a situation where he melts down? Does he have complex needs … etc etc 

[Seraphim]

Also do you have First Aid and CPR? And ideally a police check with a vulnerable sector check. 

[Pink26]

Well I did tell her I needed to think about it . She knows that I have no experience. The more I think about it the more I’m realizing that this is a huge responsibility for me . Although I would like to be able to help her that I would have to decline . Thanks for your help 

[melancholy123]

First off he is not a kid at 22. He is a full grown man so he may well be a lot bigger and stronger than you are so do you think you could handle him?

I think you need some kind of training, especially first aid, before you take on a situation like this.  What do you do in an emergency?  It's not as simple as you could use the money.

[Pink26]

Yes I Agree 

[Capricorn3]

It's a huge responsibility. If I didn't have any experience of care-giving and/or First Aid etc, I wouldn't do it.

[Pink26]

Yes I Agree 

[Seraphim]

My son is Autistic and while he doesn’t have complex physical or mental needs he does require a lot emotional support and depending on the situation one on one support for daily needs. My son has no intellectual disability. 

I have cared for many people with different disabilities and complex needs and those who are typical, and being able to anticipate their need and requirements is difficult if you have no experience or training . 

[Pink26]

Thank you everyone for your help 

[Rose Mosse]

This is not an option if you’re not qualified to help. It’s better to find something else and skip this headache.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Pink26 said:

 she’s offering me a decent amount of money to do this.

Either make a commitment to take the job or not. Give her a straight answer.

She is trying for a win win situation where you need the money and she needs the help.

Do not take the job if you feel you can't handle it. This isn't about exes. It's about a handicapped man who needs assistance. Take it or leave it, but don't say yes then quit and leave her in the lurch.

In the meantime look for other jobs.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Seraphim said:

Also do you have First Aid and CPR? And ideally a police check with a vulnerable sector check. 

I just was going to ask this. (Especially if he has difficulties with swallowing or other food related limitations). He's not a "handicapped kid" -at least, that's just not in the vernacular anymore -he is a person with a disability.  And that will help your mindset.  A person first, with certain limitations.  If you don't have significant experience with children (I understand you do not as far as children with disabilities) I wouldn't even attempt this. 

Physically can you lift him -will you have to if he has issues with the bathroom? Where would you be walking -and does he run away or attempt to?

Certainly you can do background stuff -prepare meals, clean her house, do laundry, stay with him for short periods of time, etc. 

Also would you have to administer or monitor medications or injections?

I am surprised she asked you and I know the $ is good but I wouldn't take on this level of responsibility.

[catfeeder]

I would NOT do it. Once you take the job, there's no way out without hard feelings, and it could really hurt the son.

Unless you are wild about spending the rest of your adult life in this career, at this location, there is no way that I'd even consider it.

I'd thank friend for considering me, but I don't consider the role something I'm trained for or could do for the long haul.

Hold out to find something that is socially, emotionally and developmentally fulfilling. If you can't afford to wait for that, take a temp job you can exit at will. You will thank yourself later.