We just broke up, how to move on and lose feelings for her

[Jav698]

Hi all, this is a long thread so please bear with me. I was in a relationship with a girl about 6 years ago, we were only together for around 4 months and things were going well until I found out she was engaged. One of my friends found out and when I confronted her she denied it but I found out it was true after seeing him on her social media so I deleted her off everything even though she tried messaging me just before her wedding. She eventually ended up getting divorced a year in to her marriage, that was around 5 years ago. Around last year we got back in touch and we got back together as she seemed to have changed a lot, but a while in to the relationship she revealed that she did have quite a few boyfriends before then and that she had slept with a few. I was understanding and things seemed to be going fine after and we even planned for marriage, but then I noticed how much of a rush she was in to get married and how she said she always misses me. But lately we have argued a lot and she has really wound me up to the point where I didn't want to speak to her, she knew I wanted my space but to get my attention she ended up blocking me off everything. When I asked why she blocked me she said she didn't want me to have access to her if I can't commit to her, even though she has a lot of random guys on there! She eventually unblocked me. My own family wasn't happy about my relationship as my mother wasn't keen on her but I eventually persuaded her to accept (I realise now how stupid I was). A few months later, I noticed her being open again about other guys but instead of saying anything I stayed quiet. When she asked why I was quiet, she insisted that I can talk to her about anything so I told her that I wasn't happy with how open she is with other guys, she then went on to say how she didn't want to be with someone that is insecure as her ex husband was the same. I was quite annoyed at this point as she has said herself in the past that she is insecure too and she always had mood swings and emotional issues due to her endometriosis which I was always understanding of, it hurt that she couldn't be understanding of my mental health. So then she went on to complain about me not committing to her, at this point I had enough of it and said that if she wants to end it she should do it now so she went ahead and blocked me off social media. She didn't block my number but now I have blocked hers so she can't get in touch with me. I told my mother that we had broken up so she shouldn't get in touch with her mother to sort wedding arrangements, at that point my mom informed me that she rang her mom a couple of weeks ago but she said that she was busy and that she would ring back later which she never did. I was tempted to unblock her and have a go at her for saying that I was the reason things weren't progressing. But I though forget it, I no longer want anything to do with her anymore. Did I make the right decision and how do I move on?

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Jav698 said:

 she didn't want to be with someone that is insecure as her ex husband . she went on to complain about me not committing to her. I told my mother that we had broken up so she shouldn't get in touch with her mother to sort wedding arrangements.

Is this an arranged marriage? Why are her and your mothers talking about wedding arrangements?

Delete and block her and ALL her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Ask your mother to stop chitchatting with her or her people.

It's wasn't working so it's good you ended it.

Is this the same woman?:

 

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, Jav698 said:

things were going well until I found out she was engaged.

This is your foundational information about this person, yet you opted to involve yourself with her again, anyway? Her current behavior only confirmed that she's a flake, yet you opted to plan marriage with her?

Yes, I'd say that walking away is the best decision you've made, and I'd certainly skip any confrontations with her. You can't 'argue' someone into mental health. Instead, use this as an important lesson to raise your own bar and avoid dating unstable people.

Head high.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Jav698 said:

I was in a relationship with a girl about 6 years ago, we were only together for around 4 months and things were going well until I found out she was engaged. One of my friends found out and when I confronted her she denied it but I found out it was true after seeing him on her social media

You should never have let this mess of a woman back into your life, OP. 

Now would be a good time to work on yourself, and practice building better boundaries and self-respect. The absence of both is what got you back into this chaos again, and you can clearly see it was a mistake to try again. 

Delete and block her for good, and tell your mother to stop all communication with her and anyone associated with her. Perhaps also consider some professional counseling for yourself so you can make healthier choices in the future. 

[SooSad33]

On 11/7/2021 at 5:18 AM, Jav698 said:

When she asked why I was quiet, she insisted that I can talk to her about anything so I told her that I wasn't happy with how open she is with other guys, she then went on to say how she didn't want to be with someone that is insecure as her ex husband was the same.

Okay, so the hubby wasn't too keen on her guy trail either.

And for her to tell you that you can feel free too talk about anything? Obviously not!

She is just no good.  And way too unsettled.  Is all no good for you.

You now work on accepting she is toxic to you and just hold back from any contact.  I know you see it all too.

So be strong.  No more contact to work on healing from this nasty experience.  And do NOT just accept someone's invite to a marriage.. not this fast!

Take your time getting to know them.  No need to rush.. right?

Give it time.. and in time those mixed emotions will ease.

 

 

[Usa1ah]

Stay broken up and never get back with her.