Not sure if I should focus on her happiness in the long or short term

[Leila22]

7 minutes ago, Krombopulos said:

She won't be paying me at all, being the experience, time spent with her and her happiness is all the payment I need. I will remain anonymous and will wear a mask.

 

We didn't talk about rather or not someone else would be there. I'll definitely be sober, not a big drinker, plus I don't want alcohol to dull the sensation

if thats what you want to do then go for it :) . okay that's okay if your not a drinker not many people are :) 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

That's the date, yes, but there's more to it than that. I'll also be cooking dinner for her and she said afterwards I can stay a little while and she'll make sure I'm okay

Why would she have to make sure you’re ok?  Ok in what way??

[Krombopulos]

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Why would she have to make sure you’re ok?  Ok in what way??

Mentally and emotionally. I asked if we could cuddle a little while afterwards and she was all about it

[Leila22]

1 minute ago, Krombopulos said:

Mentally and emotionally. I asked if we could cuddle a little while afterwards and she was all about it

hugs. 

[Batya33]

59 minutes ago, Krombopulos said:

Mentally and emotionally. I asked if we could cuddle a little while afterwards and she was all about it

So she sees herself as your caretaker -she is doing you a favor by spending time with you because she feels sorry for you and like a parent she will cuddle with you after to make sure you're ok (like giving a child milk before bed).  This may make her happy -she may enjoy being motherly - but it's not relevant to her wanting to date you as an adult dating another adult.

[boltnrun]

I hope your parents or your employer don't see this video. How humiliating would that be?

Or, let me guess...you'd be willing to risk your parents and your employer finding out because the chance of being with her is worth it.

 

 

[Krombopulos]

7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I hope your parents or your employer don't see this video. How humiliating would that be?

Or, let me guess...you'd be willing to risk your parents and your employer finding out because the chance of being with her is worth it.

 

 

I'll be wearing a mask and I have no tattoos

[itsallgrand]

6 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

I've thought about therapy before but it's too expensive and at this point in my life I don't feel like I need it. I wouldn't describe myself as depressed or "in a bad place".  My words don't do disturb me however I know my way of thinking isn't normal. Is it that bad though? The thought of being with this person makes me really happy, I'm improving myself for her, the thought of her makes my rough days a little more bearable and it's not hurting anyone.

It's harmful to yourself, even if you don't see it that way right now. 

Sure, therapy is expensive, but so are strippers. It's about priorities. You obviously have troubles with prioritizing yourself.. It's tricky when the issues you need help with in therapy are the same ones interfering with you to prioritize therapy. And it has to be you who decides. 

If you are looking for advice, mine would be to pull back from the strip club and this woman. Do not go through with unpaid sex work. Don't put money or time into her nor the club... put it towards yourself. 

 

[Krombopulos]

I saw her tonight and she said that our "date" is on hold because she thinks she's about to get a boyfriend #SadBoyHours . It's a real bummer and I'm not sure where to go from here. My immediate thought is to just keep doing what I'm doing(studying, working out etc) and maybe things won't work out between them but the rosy picture I had in my head is starting to fade now that I know there's a 50/50(if not worse) chance this won't work out. Fingers crossed I can keep up my good habits nonetheless, so I can be good enough for someone one day.

Getting to experience that date with her I imagine would be the first time in my adult life I'd experience actual joy. I think that's why I was so excited. Like I'm very grateful for my family, my savings account and my health but looking back the few times I've experienced *joy* are few and far in between. Is that normal? I've had friends who've dragged me to concerts before, hated it. Not interested in travel, at all. Even had some prior relationship, but wasn't passionate. Not like I would have been if this had worked out.

As for not having my own real opinions about things, I still don't comprehend how that's a problem. "Hey, what do you feel about the new Dave Chappelle special?" "How are you voting in the mid-terms", like I don't know. Let me ask Gina (obviously not her real name). My opinion on these things are truly insignificant so I prefer to just align them with whoever I'm with/going for so I can make them happy, something that actually matters to me, you know? Is that so off? 

[boltnrun]

You didn't have a date. You were going to allow her to perform a humiliating sex act on you and film it so she could make money. And then she was going to allow you to make dinner for her because, why not get a free dinner out of it?

Your chances were not 50/50. More like 99/1 against.

And no, a woman would not appreciate you not having opinions and thoughts of your own. You would come across as not having any substance.

Now that the bad news is out of the way, how about the good news? You are working on things that will improve your future. That's great! Getting an education and being independent is always good. Continue doing those things for yourself, not for some woman who doesn't rate you making such an effort.

And while you're at it, how about finding some interests besides going to the strip club? Having things you're involved in will make you more attractive and also gives you the chance to meet decent, nice and attractive women. A win-win.

[Kwothe28]

Man, Ive told you that SIMPs dont get girls. Its just like that. There is a guy that paid 10k dollars just to meet his favorite OnlyFans girl. She used that money to go on a trip around the world with her boyfriend. Its just like that, you shower her with attention and cash while some ***boi gets to take her home. Partly because, you dont have a spine. Otherwise you wouldnt beg her to get Fed in the ass just so she could make money on that. Other part is because "user-usee" thing going on. You are there to be used by her and nothing else. As soon as you realise that, you will maybe get out of that cycle and try to find somebody that appreciates you instead of still hoping for somebody that only wants to use you.

Anyway, its not the problem that you dont have a strong opinion on certain things. I am a centrist, I dont have strong opinions on both extreme left and extreme right stuff and even find some of them idiotic for example. But you dont have "a opinion" and just "leech" on someone elses in hopes they like you. For example why not have an opinion on Chappelle thing? Watch the special, see if jokes are funny or offensive and form an opinion on that? Could lead to an interesting conversation with somebody even though you may not agree on that issue.

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

I saw her tonight and she said that our "date" is on hold because she thinks she's about to get a boyfriend #SadBoyHours . It's a real bummer and I'm not sure where to go from here.

This is for the best. 

You would've got your heart trampled on, because you viewed this as a romantic opportunity and she clearly did not. This wasn't going to become more, because she doesn't feel that way about you, man. 

However, I have a feeling you don't really care. You seem to want any shred of attention, even if it means throwing your dignity down the terlet. 

[Capricorn3]

6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

However, I have a feeling you don't really care. You seem to want any shred of attention, even if it means throwing your dignity down the terlet.

^ Yep. That was my impression too.  One gets a strong sense of someone with very low self-esteem and desperation - neither of which will ever lead to a successful, happy or healthy relationship.

OP, focus on your studies and look into therapy to help you figure out all of your issues.

[Tinydance]

I think the issue here isn't just that she's a stripper and "adult entertainer" in an of itself. If you don't care about her sex work/porn/stripping and you accept it then if she wanted to be your girlfriend then I guess it could work out. I think the main issue here is that she's not actually interested in you.

She must be a beautiful woman because she's able to make money from her looks by stripping and doing whatever it is she's doing on Only Fans. So I get it, she's very attractive and you're infatuated. It's OK to have a crush on a stripper, after all they're there to entertain their clients and create this "fantasy" for them that they're a guy that can actually "get" beautiful girls like them. I think there's a fine line though between just having a crush and attraction and actually being deluded and thinking that this woman is interested in you.

There are no signs at all from your posts that she has interest in you. She just needed to make a sex video for her Only Fans and she didn't actually choose you, you volunteered yourself. She agreed to do the video with you because she needs content for her Only Fans to make money. Her "relationship" with you is only to make money, through you being her stripping client and also through using you for her Only Fans. She has a boyfriend now so I think now it's really time to start seeing the reality, that you most likely don't have a chance with this girl.

[Krombopulos]

My plan is to have this "date" with her and woo her into seeing me as more than just someone to shoot a video with, using my humor, cooking skills, my body(I'll probably fast the day of just so I won't bloat) and sweetness. I get that it's a long shot,  but I WANT to try. I want to say I gave it my best efforts. I'm striving to get a certification soon for programming and I've been dieting pretty strictly as well all in the hopes of impressing her when the time comes. And if it doesn't work out and at the end of the day if I'm still not good enough for her at least it's inspired me and gave me some motivation. The only downside is now when I fail I'm doubly stressed out because I feel like I'm failing her. I worry about getting sick because that really sets me back in my efforts.

Funny aside; I was offered a Covid vaxx at work back in the spring. So I called my girlfriend at the time and asked her if I should get the shot and she straight up refused to tell me what I should do. Geez! No wonder that relationship didn't last! 

[Batya33]

42 minutes ago, Krombopulos said:

My plan is to have this "date" with her and woo her into seeing me as more than just someone to shoot a video with, using my humor, cooking skills, my body(I'll probably fast the day of just so I won't bloat) and sweetness. I get that it's a long shot,  but I WANT to try. I want to say I gave it my best efforts. I'm striving to get a certification soon for programming and I've been dieting pretty strictly as well all in the hopes of impressing her when the time comes. And if it doesn't work out and at the end of the day if I'm still not good enough for her at least it's inspired me and gave me some motivation. The only downside is now when I fail I'm doubly stressed out because I feel like I'm failing her. I worry about getting sick because that really sets me back in my efforts.

Funny aside; I was offered a Covid vaxx at work back in the spring. So I called my girlfriend at the time and asked her if I should get the shot and she straight up refused to tell me what I should do. Geez! No wonder that relationship didn't last! 

It's extremely concerning that the situation you describe is one that you think has any benefits to you from a mental health perspective, any opportunity for growth much less one that you should put your "best efforts" into.  If you truly want to try to win this person over in this situation - or win anyone over other than perhaps in a job interview -that is a huge red flag and a strong sign that you need professional help.  And you need it yesterday.  If this is what inspires you, you need professional help.

[boltnrun]

I thought she called off the "pegging" session for her Only Fans video.

[Capricorn3]

3 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

Funny aside; I was offered a Covid vaxx at work back in the spring. So I called my girlfriend at the time and asked her if I should get the shot and she straight up refused to tell me what I should do. Geez! No wonder that relationship didn't last! 

Ok, now I'm seriously starting to think you're messing with us.  This is ridiculous.  What, you can't make your own decisions?  You need HER to tell you what to do? Really? But yes, if this is how you behave in a relationship, then yes it's not surprising your relationships don't last.

OP, you need professional help.  I don't think anyone here is able to help you.

[lostandhurt]

I have read all the way through this thread and it doesn't seem like the OP needs advice at all.

He says he let's others decide things for him but had decided to take it in the butt from a stripper so she can video it and make money off of the sale.

He decided to cook her dinner afterwards all on his own.

Seems like he has a plan and intends on sticking to it (pun intended) but he is an adult and it is his life choices to make.  They aren't the choices I would make or anyone I know but hey those videos come from somewhere right?

  My only advice to you OP is why put all your eggs in one basket?  Why not cultivate other options with other women that aren't so elaborate.  You know like asking a woman to meet for coffee or a drink.

Just a thought...

Lost

[Krombopulos]

10 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I thought she called off the "pegging" session for her Only Fans video.

She said it *might* be called off. The emphasis was added by her, not me

[Andrina]

Pay for a Dominatrix woman's services, since your passivity, desperation, and routine of going to strip clubs will never attract a mentally healthy partner. With no improvement to your mindset, you will have to pay for sex the rest of your life, so yes, work on getting a good career to afford this.

[Krombopulos]

So I just wanted to thank everyone for the advice and concern, I appreciate it. I went to the club again to see her and I realized she really does have zero interest in being with me. I earned a computer programming cert. (which she heart reacted on facebook when I shared the news), she knows I speak Spanish as a second language and she's seen my lean and athletic body via my Instagram yet I can tell 10/10 she doesn't see me as a romantic partner and never will. In my mind, I've done everything right. I wish I could just ask her what she wants me to be so I can try to obtain it, but I doubt she wants a guy like that. Although I'm kinda disappointed, it's okay. At this point I believe even the idea of shooting that video with me wasn't one-hundred percent sincere and that it'll never happen. Again, kinda disappointed but it's whatever. She'll always have a special place in my heart but it's just not gonna happen. Like tonight when we went back for a private "dance", instead of dancing I was able to give her a back massage and just sit with her for a little while and it's one of the nicest times I've had a in a really long time. 

Hopefully someday I'll meet someone who appreciates me, what I have to offer and my versatility. I still see no real value in my opinions or identity, as long as someone makes me feel good, makes me feel cared about, then I'd rather just agree with them on everything save for maybe a few key areas. It would actually make me feel better not having to think about things and letting my beloved tell me what to think. I know a lot of you have said my chance are bleak with such a mindset but as you can tell from the details I disclosed above, I do have a life and a personality. Some of you may envision me as this brooding "simp" but it's simply not the case. Chances are if you put me in a room with 10 other guys you wouldn't be able to point me out and say, "IT'S HIM!"

I know it was said that I need therapy, I still have to disagree. After all that's been said, do I really sound like someone who needs it?

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

I know it was said that I need therapy, I still have to disagree. After all that's been said, do I really sound like someone who needs it?

Yes. 

 

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

I know it was said that I need therapy, I still have to disagree. After all that's been said, do I really sound like someone who needs it?

If you are not just a troll, you are kinda delusional. You want somebody who will appreciate you. While you are paying the stripper money to massage her. Instead of her earning that money with lap dance or something. I am not against you paying for her service, but you dont even get what you paid for. In short, she is using you while not even doing her job. And you fully expect from somebody like that to appreciate you. 

You can go for some other kind of girl that will maybe appreciate you. But you still lack basic self-respect and the spine to actually earn that respect. You are maybe thinking how boasting with your body or degree is enough. In all actuality, it doesnt even matter when you cant make it matter. As soon as people see how spineless are you, they will just use you or leave you to find somebody that they can respect. 

Also, therapy is for somebody who wants to change. You clearly dont want that, you want to make the same mistakes while expecting a different outcome. So, enjoy your life like that.

[Andrina]

From WellandGood.com: Constant yessing is a great way to guarantee an experience of inevitable burnout. Someone who is saying yes to everything (like dinner, drinks, dates, extra work, your cousin’s dog wedding on a Wednesday) can't possibly want to be doing each item on the to-do list. To this point, saying no requires courage and conviction because it puts you at risk for being “unlikable” and certain personality types find it cognitively difficult to not be agreeable. That leads to “poor decision-making, anxiety or difficulties in interpersonal relationships,” according to 2016 research published in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience.

Sound familiar? Your whole life needs an overhaul. Therapy, a life coach, a passion for something like a hobby or volunteering opportunity. A support system of guy friends.

I can tell you that not one woman I know of, including myself, would ever date a guy who pays for lap dances and regularly goes to strip clubs. I would never date a guy who has no opinions of his own and is in a sense sucking out my identity and absorbing it into his own. That's creepy and stalker-like. A person with no opinion is boring. It doesn't mean you have to have one if you're not into a particular subject matter, but what do you have to bring to the table as far as starting an interesting conversation?

It's also frustrating if a woman expects you to plan a date and you're asking her all the time, what do you want to do? Where do you want to eat? You're the queen, so let your rulings be heard through the land. Newsflash: the only thing a doormat is good for is to wipe the mud off your shoes.

Keep doing what you're doing and you will find yourself exactly where you are now: alone.

When more than one person gives the same sort of advice, maybe it's time for you to listen.