Dee Posted October 22, 2021 Share Posted October 22, 2021 My ex (LDR) only has come to me to satisfy his “sexual” needs. I will admit the times we had together the sex was AMAZING,but that’s it. I notice it was more ME trying to build a deeper emotional and mental bond but he kept me at arms length. He said “I love you” he said “I like you” first he even pursued the first meet Up, but he broke it off with me. Said he turned his feelings off and that I did not deserve him. Which the deserving part I feel Is a cop out because I KNOW WHAT I DESERVE(now I realize it’s not him) after a month of me chasing after him because I do honestly love him saw a whole future with him..well I’ve distanced myself hardly contact him. He has blocked me From snap FB and even my telephone number (which sucks but he did me Favor) only Communication we have is the messenger app(I have signed off and deleted the app) I met him on and tik tok. Our past convos he tells me how depressed he is and he isn’t even the same man I fell for. Our interaction has been dry, but yet he still wants a friendship with me and does not want to lose me As a friend. SO CONFUSING! 🙄 how do I know if he will ever come back? If he does come back how would I prepare myself emotionally for his return? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted October 22, 2021 Share Posted October 22, 2021 Sorry this g happened. End it. Don't be friends or chase uninterested shallow men. Invest you time by getting a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and talking to and meeting local decent men. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted October 22, 2021 Share Posted October 22, 2021 59 minutes ago, Dee said: Our past convos he tells me how depressed he is and he isn’t even the same man I fell for. Our interaction has been dry, but yet he still wants a friendship with me and does not want to lose me As a friend. SO CONFUSING! 🙄 how do I know if he will ever come back? If he does come back how would I prepare myself emotionally for his return? This seems very painful for you and he blames you for a lot of the things that have gone wrong. Why would you want such a person to come back into your life? You say that you now know what you deserve so go on and ditch this individual. He doesn't belong in your life. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 22, 2021 Share Posted October 22, 2021 Don’t ask yourself whether he misses you. Ask yourself whether you miss yourself- meaning - don’t you miss being a person who knows her worth and wouldn’t ever justify mistreating yourself with the lame excuse of “but I love him!” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted October 22, 2021 Share Posted October 22, 2021 He's got you as a place holder when the well runs dry. Dump this chump. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 "I am just coasting" guy from the last thread? I am sorry but he sounds like a troublesome individual. That trully does need a good therapy. You say that he has only come for sex so he might go back if he wants that again. But I wouldnt count on anything emotional from that guy. Stop the contact. You need to forget and move on, you will never do that by constantly continuing to contact him hoping that something will change. Also, people who want friendship dont block you on everything. So again, cut all that and try to accept its over. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 4 hours ago, Dee said: My ex (LDR) only has come to me to satisfy his “sexual” needs. I will admit the times we had together the sex was AMAZING,but that’s it. I notice it was more ME trying to build a deeper emotional and mental bond but he kept me at arms length. He said “I love you” he said “I like you” first he even pursued the first meet Up, but he broke it off with me. Said he turned his feelings off and that I did not deserve him. Which the deserving part I feel Is a cop out because I KNOW WHAT I DESERVE(now I realize it’s not him) Enough said.. and he has blocked you. So, you respect yourself and remove this type of person from your life. You realize you know what you deserve... then move on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 He doesn't miss you the way you miss him, sadly. He has always kept you at a distance, based on your own description, so he wasn't invested like that to begin with. Thus, he is not going to come back in any meaningful way. Maybe for some sex or attention but not a relationship. Don't bother trying to be friends with him either. That will only hurt you when he bounces again or starts dating someone else altogether. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 This is the distance guy who you visited once for 6 days and who got drunk,angry and started throwing furniture around? You need to delete and block him. He's crazy. Focus on your own wellbeing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Posted October 23, 2021 Author Share Posted October 23, 2021 I have resisted every urge to cave into him and seek him out I’ve done good.Staying focused on things that make me happy and people in my life who I make happy ❤️ I appreciate you all trying to get me to see the light. I’ve seen it and I’m not looking back. He DOESNT care no matter how depressed or how happy I made him he doesn’t care and never will. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 16 hours ago, Dee said: I have resisted every urge to cave into him and seek him out I’ve done good.Staying focused on things that make me happy and people in my life who I make happy ❤️ I appreciate you all trying to get me to see the light. I’ve seen it and I’m not looking back. He DOESNT care no matter how depressed or how happy I made him he doesn’t care and never will. It's not your job to cure another's depression or make him into a better person. You saw that his limits were all about sex, and his ploy of keeping you as a friend is a placeholder in case he gets an itch for some casual sex. The guy is right--you don't deserve his mistreatment, you deserve to find someone better. You can't find better when you're willing to settle for scraps. That's the thing to change. Decide what YOU WANT from a relationship. Discuss what you are looking for UP FRONT when you meet someone, and don't settle for anyone who isn't looking for the exact same thing. Consider putting off getting sexual with anyone until you both learn where you stand with one another--and where you want to stand with him. You'll thank yourself later for not bonding too intimately, too early, with anyone who is ONLY willing to spend time with you IF you offer sex. That's the kind of guy to learn how to screen OUT rather than trying to convert him into your fantasy. That's a recipe for getting used and getting your heart broken. Head high, and write more if it helps. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Posted October 25, 2021 Author Share Posted October 25, 2021 Today I’ve felt eh my therapist told me basically everything everyone else is telling me. How toxic he is this that and the other. I see it I know it but I’ve been so broken by it. I feel worthless honestly. How did I not see it before I got deep? How did I not see he just wanted sex. I brought this up to him a month ago when he broke up with me he said “if I wanted sex I would have looked locally” I figured thats him gaslighting or just telling me what I want to hear. I’m not even hurt by the break up it’s the fact he had me fooled and used me. The fact he took my kindness and love just to abuse it. The fact he’s blocked me from majority of contact when it should have been ME to block him and move on,but yet I’m the one left heartbroken. I wish I could share SS of his response to me..how manipulative he is. It hurts that I was a fool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Posted October 25, 2021 Author Share Posted October 25, 2021 On 10/22/2021 at 7:24 PM, smackie9 said: He's got you as a place holder when the well runs dry. Dump this chump. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Posted October 25, 2021 Author Share Posted October 25, 2021 Just now, Dee said: Is there a way to post a screenshot of something he said to me a while back when he broke up with me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted October 25, 2021 Share Posted October 25, 2021 2 minutes ago, Dee said: Is there a way to post a screenshot of something he said to me a while back when he broke up with me? When you post look on the bottom of the text box for this: Drag files here to attach, or choose files... Other Media Accepted file types: gif, jpeg, jpe, jpg, png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Posted October 26, 2021 Author Share Posted October 26, 2021 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: When you post look on the bottom of the text box for this: Drag files here to attach, or choose files... Other Media Accepted file types: gif, jpeg, jpe, jpg, png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 On 10/24/2021 at 10:59 PM, Dee said: I see it I know it but I’ve been so broken by it. I feel worthless honestly. How did I not see it before I got deep? My heart goes out to you, and I hope you'll opt to quit beating yourself up. When we really want someone or something, that can blind us to the harsher truths about them. But that's not based on some personality flaw in you, it happens to everybody, at one point or another. So how we respond to the experience is what makes--or breaks--each of us. We either gain new tools for moving forward with more confidence from a lesson learned, or we stay stuck from the barrier we create 'around' the experience. Consider exactly how 'broken' you'll allow yourself to be--and for how long. Consider his worthlessness, and decide whether you'll choose to be damaged OR resilient in spite of him. Your best revenge is to adopt a goal of making yourself proud with your resiliency and ability to bounce back from this. You CAN create a learning tool from this that will serve you as you navigate FORward and build a fabulous life for yourself. The guy can be a blip on your radar, or he can be your symbol for squelching yourself, playing small and deciding that you're too damaged by this experience to push beyond it to find BETTER. I hope you'll shoot for pride over ego damage and opt to THRIVE instead of hide. Head high, you can do this. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 On 10/24/2021 at 7:59 PM, Dee said: Today I’ve felt eh my therapist told me basically everything everyone else is telling me. How toxic he is this that and the other. I see it I know it but I’ve been so broken by it. I feel worthless honestly. How did I not see it before I got deep? How did I not see he just wanted sex. I brought this up to him a month ago when he broke up with me he said “if I wanted sex I would have looked locally” I figured thats him gaslighting or just telling me what I want to hear. I’m not even hurt by the break up it’s the fact he had me fooled and used me. The fact he took my kindness and love just to abuse it. The fact he’s blocked me from majority of contact when it should have been ME to block him and move on,but yet I’m the one left heartbroken. I wish I could share SS of his response to me..how manipulative he is. It hurts that I was a fool. I'm sorry to hear this. Let this pass - all that pain and disappointment and anger will fade if you let it. Don't hang onto these emotions. It will fade as soon as he is it out of your life and you start spending more time with people who love you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Posted October 26, 2021 Author Share Posted October 26, 2021 8 hours ago, catfeeder said: My heart goes out to you, and I hope you'll opt to quit beating yourself up. When we really want someone or something, that can blind us to the harsher truths about them. But that's not based on some personality flaw in you, it happens to everybody, at one point or another. So how we respond to the experience is what makes--or breaks--each of us. We either gain new tools for moving forward with more confidence from a lesson learned, or we stay stuck from the barrier we create 'around' the experience. Consider exactly how 'broken' you'll allow yourself to be--and for how long. Consider his worthlessness, and decide whether you'll choose to be damaged OR resilient in spite of him. Your best revenge is to adopt a goal of making yourself proud with your resiliency and ability to bounce back from this. You CAN create a learning tool from this that will serve you as you navigate FORward and build a fabulous life for yourself. The guy can be a blip on your radar, or he can be your symbol for squelching yourself, playing small and deciding that you're too damaged by this experience to push beyond it to find BETTER. I hope you'll shoot for pride over ego damage and opt to THRIVE instead of hide. Head high, you can do this. Your words wow! I don’t even know you but your words hit me deep. i am setting goals for myself and choosing to put HIM in a chapter of mY life that I have closed. He allowed me to see him for what he is. I cannot hold on to his toxic traits. He isnt worth anymore of my heart ache. I’ve got bigger things to focus on. THANK YOU for your kind words💖 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Posted October 26, 2021 Author Share Posted October 26, 2021 6 hours ago, Rose Mosse said: I'm sorry to hear this. Let this pass - all that pain and disappointment and anger will fade if you let it. Don't hang onto these emotions. It will fade as soon as he is it out of your life and you start spending more time with people who love you. It’s time I put him in the past and close this chapter of my life. Thank you ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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