Have You Ever Liked Someone So Much, You Shake When They Contact You?

[sadchick83]

I went on a very impressive first date about a month ago. Like ridiculously romantic - invitation to the beach to watch sunset with a bottle of wine and drinks afterwards. He gave me the most beautiful kiss just as the red sun disappeared from view.   Due to me having to travel and him having to travel and deal with a complicated death in the family, our second date was only last Saturday.  We kept in-touch a bit (through texts) while away and he mentioned he would like to meet up for dinner once we both returned.  Also, I bumped into him at a local restaurant the day before he texted me for date #2.

When he texted me to meet up last week, I literally started to shake, like uncontrollably.  I have had a few guys ask me out in the last few months, but none who have made me feel like this.  Sure I am happy of a guy I like texts for a date, but this is crazy.

Before our second date I had to take a tranquilizer and have a vodka, or I would have been convulsing in front of him. I also noticed his leg shaking on our first date and his hands were shaking a bit about 2 hours in to the second date when he showed me something on his phone. Maybe the feeling is mutual?

To make matters worse, he just move and hour and a half away for a new job (but family is still here and is very close to them) and is 20 years my junior! I am not really looking for comments regarding the age gap, because you simply cannot help with whom you have an extreme liking.

He texted me a few days ago to mention he would message me when he is back. Can anyone relate to this type of attraction?  I really don’t want to make it a habit of having to tranquilize myself prior seeing him.  Has anyone ever experienced this type of physical reaction with a date or partner? And what did you do to control it? I would like to enjoy this feeling, but at the same time quell it at a few degrees.

 

 

 

 

 

[Andrina]

I've only shaken when very angry or upset, so no. I find it odd that he would choose to ask someone out where you live when he knew he'd soon be moving that far away. Just speaking for myself, I'd put online dating on hold until I moved to my new location.

If it were me, I'd wait even longer to be intimate with someone like this. I'd first see if he'd be putting effort into this long distance relationship and see if he really wants to get to know you without knocking boots--has the patience.

Your chemistry and attraction might have you racing too fast and you might regret your actions if your expectations don't pan out how you wished.

I'd enjoy the moments with him with a wait-and-see attitude. Let time tell you all you need to know. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Seraphim]

Adrenaline. 

[sadchick83]

Andrina, I don’t know that he was sure he was going to take the new job, and we didn’t meet online, he approached me at a restaurant, actually I was facing a wall for the 30 or so minutes before he walked up and introduced himself.

I mentioned being disappointed about the move, but he said he would be back in 2 weeks and that I could come visit him.

 

[Andrina]

I would be cautious about this situation and my advice remains the same. Sometimes men create a phony out, like saying they are moving, so they can speed in and out, and the family death might be true or not. You don't know him at all. Hope for the best but remain cautious. He could be inventing things so that he sees you at his convenience because he already has a gf/wife. Maybe he's decent. Either scenario is possible. Keep your feet on the ground and let him prove himself because it sounds like your strong emotions will overtake your brain. Facebook can sometimes reveal important info. Good luck.

[sadchick83]

Thanks Audrina, I will be cautious, but for the record, the death was in an obituary and the job is listed on his LinkedIn. I live in a small town, so would be impossible to hide/have a gf or wife.

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, sadchick83 said:

Has anyone ever experienced this type of physical reaction with a date or partner? And what did you do to control it? I would like to enjoy this feeling, but at the same time quell it at a few degrees.

Ah, this is a nice problem to have, but I get it.

Factor in that you've had enough circumstances come between you to add uncertainty--which can ramp up some background anxiety. Kind of a Romeo and Juliet effect.

Trust that you'll be able to normalize this over time. Your mind may be rational, but as you've noticed, this doesn't automatically assuage whatever emotions your body may be reading and reacting to.

I hope you'll write more if it helps and let us know how things are going. This is exciting, and I don't see a point in trying to pretend otherwise--your system knows, so see what kind of relaxation techniques you can find and try out to lower your reactivity in a natural way.

Focus on the heart area with regard to breathing and meditation, as this energy center regulates all others. Do NOT focus on the stomach, as a concentration there can have the opposite of a healing impact. Your body can be calmed by a focus on your breathing. Slow that by holding to a count of 4, exhaling to a count of 4, holding again to a count of 4, then inhaling to a count of 4. (This is called Square breathing, you can look it up.)

Fingers crossed for you!

[Lambert]

I was thinking could this is be a major red flag? because you don't even know this guy, but it's already 'so special'. 

Keep your head on straight.

Dont read so much into his shaking.... you can only know for sure your own experience.  He might just be like that. He's much younger than, maybe a little immature or inexperienced?

Long distance is hard no matter what, even more so when starting out that way.  it's so easy to fall for the situation in your head, not what's in reality. 

Big age differences are also a challenge. 

Be cautious as you would with any new guy and recognize the obvious challenges that might make this more of a fling.

Things that are "meant to be" show that through the test of time. 

Why do you take tranquilizers? Do you have a medical condition that maybe these feelings could be a warning of something else? 

Do you often mix tranquilizers with alcohol?

 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, sadchick83 said:

Before our second date I had to take a tranquilizer and have a vodka, or I would have been convulsing in front of him.  I really don’t want to make it a habit of having to tranquilize myself prior seeing him.  

It seems your instincts are telling you something is off about this if you need tranquilizers and alcohol to be with him.

A lot of people have what's described as butterflies when newly infatuated, but the use of tranquilizers and alcohol means you're becoming dependent on them mentally and physically.

Read up on benzodiazipine dependence and withdrawal symptoms.

[Rose Mosse]

I’ve never shaken this way. I hope you are all right.

If you are not comfortable “tranquilizing” simply don’t. Don’t give in to the urge to drink for example. Ignore the urge to drink or take anything beforehand. Call a friend or listen to some favourite music, clean the house, meditate outside, go for a long walk or a swim. Find other ways to regulate your breathing. I hope it works out for the both of you. 

[sadchick83]

Thank you for your responses/good advice.  I will definitely post again when he comes back into town. By tranquilizers I am just taking 0.5 mg of Ativan. I had anxiety when one of my parents died and they allowed me to take the edge off.  I only take one a few times a year if I am really upset.  I do cardio, eat healthy, actually so healthy for the last 15 years, that I am due for some fun.  I can go 6 months without a drink, so I’m not an addictive person.

I will definitely try to relax the next time he contacts me by working out or do some meditation.

Lambert, I think he is special, but I don’t think “we" are so special because we have only been on a couple of dates. But, I agree, have to keep my head on straight and just go with what happens.

 

[LaHermes]

15 hours ago, sadchick83 said:

Like ridiculously romantic - invitation to the beach to watch sunset with a bottle of wine and drinks afterwards. He gave me the most beautiful kiss just as the red sun disappeared from view.  

I worry when I read things like this, OP.

A much too fast startup, IMO. 

 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, sadchick83 said:

I am just taking 0.5 mg of Ativan.

Drinking too much alcohol at one time can be lethal, and taking too much Ativan at one time can be too. When the two are used simultaneously, things are especially precarious because each drug intensifies the effects of the other. This effect is enhanced by the liver, which struggles to filter the alcohol and the drug at the same time, leading to increased intoxication.

You're playing with fire.  If you need alcohol and benzodiazepines to date, there's something seriously wrong.

[smackie9]

That's sexual tension.....have sex and everything will calm down.

[Batya33]

Yes, I have - and I suggest weil method of 4-7-8 breathing and a warm bath -no meds.  It doesn't mean you're right together just that there's a high level of attraction and chemistry.  I dated someone in my early and mid 20s I felt this way about -he also was so virile and hot and he was my first.  We had intense chemistry together for a very long time, dated on and off for a few years.  15 years after we broke up we each got married - to men.  Turned out he was conflicted in his early-mid 20s about his sexual orientation (could have fooled me -zero signs of it, awesome sex life) and after we ended things about a year later he started dating men.  So the shaking and chemistry didn't mean we were right together. 

I felt that shaking thing with two other guys.  One was a player (I was in my 30s) and the other ended up having an anger disorder (also in my 30s) so dealbreakers on both accounts.  With my husband I don't remember shaking but that was because I'd known him for so many years before we got back together -I felt a very similar intensity but the shaking I think was more about this being someone I was over the moon about but also someone I didn't know at all so that was the source of the "adrenaline".  I did "shake" the first time my husband and I kissed when we got back together -something like that but again I think it's due to the not knowing the person that often triggers the shaking.

I hope you continue to get to know him and enjoy that!

[waffle]

3 hours ago, LaHermes said:

I worry when I read things like this, OP.

A much too fast startup, IMO. 

 

My experience is anything that starts out with this high intensity will inevitably crash and burn just as fast.  Add in a very significant age difference and then you mix drugs and alcohol with it . . . none of this sounds like a positive experience.

[Kwothe28]

19 hours ago, sadchick83 said:

Has anyone ever experienced this type of physical reaction with a date or partner? And what did you do to control it?

When I was younger I did it with Slivovitz. One small glass before the date and you are set to not have date jitters. And did those Orbit gums after for breath, everybody had those then. However, your case, that is quite severe. To have tranquilizers just for a date is not something you should do. OK, you really like the guy but its really not natural to have that reaction. 

Also

19 hours ago, sadchick83 said:

I am not really looking for comments regarding the age gap, because you simply cannot help with whom you have an extreme liking.

I am sorry but yes you can. You may like the person but still see huge red flags like age gap or even distance. You just choose not to do it. Also, I will second to manage your expectations accordingly and slow down. Somebody who drives fast has more chances to crash. In your case you are doing 250kmh at highway fast.

[sadchick83]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes, I have - and I suggest weil method of 4-7-8 breathing and a warm bath -no meds.  

I will try this Batya - keep it in my calming repertoire for next time.

I felt that shaking thing with two other guys.  One was a player (I was in my 30s) and the other ended up having an anger disorder (also in my 30s) so dealbreakers on both accounts.  With my husband I don't remember shaking but that was because I'd known him for so many years before we got back together -I felt a very similar intensity but the shaking I think was more about this being someone I was over the moon about but also someone I didn't know at all so that was the source of the "adrenaline".  I did "shake" the first time my husband and I kissed when we got back together -something like that but again I think it's due to the not knowing the person that often triggers the shaking.

These are interesting examples, especially the one who came out.  I agree, the chemistry could lead one to the wrong person.

 

 

[boltnrun]

Please do not mix prescription drugs and alcohol.  One of my good friends died at the age of 40 because he was doing this.  His liver failed.

Do you know what his relationship goals are?  You said you are 20 years older.  Has he said if he wants children?  No, not necessarily with you (WAY too soon!) but eventually?

Do you view him as Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?  Or Mr. Fun Time That Will End Sooner or Later?

[Honeycomb8]

I've had a couple of shots of hard liquor cos I was so nervous around a guy. 

But keep your eyes open and don't get too infatuated BC he's a stranger. 

 

[sadchick83]

On 9/12/2021 at 8:50 PM, boltnrun said:

Please do not mix prescription drugs and alcohol.  One of my good friends died at the age of 40 because he was doing this.  His liver failed.

Do you know what his relationship goals are?  You said you are 20 years older.  Has he said if he wants children?  No, not necessarily with you (WAY too soon!) but eventually?

Do you view him as Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now?  Or Mr. Fun Time That Will End Sooner or Later?

Bolt,

I had the smallest amount of Ativan and bit of vodka.  Advice taken, I won’t do it again. 

I was with someone (for almost 7 years) who uprooted me from my country and I ended up away from my family with a job I can really only do in the USA.  I don’t want to get into the details of my failed LTR, but basically I am of the school of thought that many people don’t need up with whom they thought.  Most relationships don’t end up permanent, as I sorely discovered, so I choose to live in the moment.  If they person makes me happy, albeit nervous, I am good.  I try not to analyze what may happen in the future.

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, sadchick83 said:

Bolt,

I had the smallest amount of Ativan and bit of vodka.  Advice taken, I won’t do it again. 

I was with someone (for almost 7 years) who uprooted me from my country and I ended up away from my family with a job I can really only do in the USA.  I don’t want to get into the details of my failed LTR, but basically I am of the school of thought that many people don’t need up with whom they thought.  Most relationships don’t end up permanent, as I sorely discovered, so I choose to live in the moment.  If they person makes me happy, albeit nervous, I am good.  I try not to analyze what may happen in the future.

So then enjoy the shaking - you don't care what it portends, if anything, for the future so enjoy the thrill of the moment.

[LaHermes]

18 hours ago, sadchick83 said:

I am of the school of thought that many people don’t need up with whom they thought.  Most relationships don’t end up permanent, as I sorely discovered, so I choose to live in the moment.  If they person makes me happy, albeit nervous, I am good.  I try not to analyze what may happen in the future.

Many people do not end up with the right person for the simple reason that they did not look too deeply, or did not WISH to look too deeply at what they were getting into. A "thinking" person will make the right choice.

Your relationships did not end up "permanent". How do you know that most relationships do not end up "permanent".

No one can read the future.  The future isn't here yet! But you would do well to analyze and look more deeply into the present, YOUR present. You will be aware that our present configures our future.