Caan Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 - I am in the circle of a relationship. I don't know when I break up and leave away from him is right or wrong. - We date through social media and meet outside for more than 7 months. 5 months later I asked him about the relationship between both. He just got a reason " he doesn't more think about define, and he doesn't have the ability to care for me. And he likes me. - I love him and try to understand because He is depressed and has PTSD. He said I try a little time. So I try to hope he will change - I just hope he sees I try and understand it. During our dated, I always feel sad ( maybe I hope too much for something and made me hurt myself). - I dont hope much, I just want him shows me I'm important to him same as he said to me. He should reply to my messages instead of being silent. Give me a simple gift or wish for valentine's day instead of silence. Actively look for me instead of me looking for him. - He know me sad, hurt. He was always sorry when he made me sad. He just spends a little time for me (about 1 time/ week or 1 time/month) - When I dont find him then he will dont find me. If he doesn't like me why doesn't he say it? why does he say we are in a serious relationship -I know it's not okay but I love him. He doesn't treat me badly but the feeling he has for me, i don't feel. When I noticed I was crying too much I shut up and left hoping he would find me. But finally is no. - Was it selfish of what I did while he was sick? If I try will it change him? how can i get out of thinking about him and hurt myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 Woman, this man is not that into you. You're not as valuable to him as he is to you. You deserve better. Also, he won't change. He is what he is and that's all the best treatment you'll get from him. So stop this circle. Break up and free yourself to find men who will value you more as a gf. When do you leave? Whenever you want to. Today if you're feeling like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 Have you read the book 📚 "He's Just Not That Into You"? It doesn't matter what reasons he has or mental health issues he has. Don't chase men who are not interested in what you are interested in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caan Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you read the book 📚 "He's Just Not That Into You"? It doesn't matter what reasons he has or mental health issues he has. Don't chase men who are not interested in what you are interested in. I haven't read the book yet but I will find it and read it. I try dont chase him. I give all the space and time to both. Am I wrong right from the start Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caan Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 29 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said: Woman, this man is not that into you. You're not as valuable to him as he is to you. You deserve better. Also, he won't change. He is what he is and that's all the best treatment you'll get from him. So stop this circle. Break up and free yourself to find men who will value you more as a gf. When do you leave? Whenever you want to. Today if you're feeling like it. I tried to leave, but my thoughts are still with him. I try to make myself as busy as possible, but when I rest, those things come back. He once said he was showing signs of wanting to commit suicide because of depression. I left not knowing if I did the right thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 Okay. You do the right thing when you honour your feelings, needs, and respect yourself. You do the right thing when you commit yourself to a man who is mutually committed to you. Do not fall for his mental illness excuses. He's trying to guilt trip you. And, He sounds very negative/toxic btw. No wonder you're doubting yourself. My ex had mental illness too, and other people on this forum. Our exes threatened to suicide as well! Guess what? They're doing fine and they survived. They have to. And, fyi, it's nasty when someone uses their mental illness as an excuse to guilt their partners. This man is not for you. So again, it's wrong to stay in a one-sided relationship. It's wrong to be treated the way he treats you. It's not equal. It's right to seek your worth and be happy in a relationship. You know what to do next. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 This isn't really even a relationship, OP. It's you trying to date a guy who is not that interested in you. I know you like him a lot but he's making it very clear that those feelings just aren't mutual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 2 hours ago, Chaan said: During our dated, I always feel sad This would be enough for a break up for me. You are at the beggining stage of the relationship. At first few months you are suppose to get to know each other and pretty much guarantee to have fun doing it. Its new and exciting and it should be at least fun. Otherwise, what is the point to date someone? Instead, he is depressed(or at least he says so) and you are miserable. If he cant even show you that he cares and makes you feel bad and in the first few months, that is a sure sign that you should be gone from there ASAP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caan Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 Can I ask one more question? he said i'm important to him, and please be patient for a while, will i give up too soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caan Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 he was the one who suggested we get to know me, he said I was important to him, I thought he was telling the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caan Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 I don't know if I hope too much for his feelings, actually he doesn't treat me so badly, it's just that I don't feel his feelings for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrina Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 Subconsciously, we choose who we think we deserve in life. You're lacking low self worth to think this misery is all you deserve. Be alone and read articles and books to learn skills of self-love. If you don't, your man-picker skills will stay the same and the next guy will be just as unhealthy for you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCh0c0 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 26 minutes ago, Chaan said: Can I ask one more question? he said i'm important to him, and please be patient for a while, will i give up too soon He said you're important, but his actions say otherwise. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 42 minutes ago, Chaan said: he was the one who suggested we get to know me, he said I was important to him, I thought he was telling the truth. His behaviour is telling you that he isn't serious. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 5 hours ago, Chaan said: - I love him and try to understand because He is depressed and has PTSD. He said I try a little time. So I try to hope he will change - I just hope he sees I try and understand it. During our dated, I always feel sad ( maybe I hope too much for something and made me hurt myself). Sorry, but if he has PTSD and depression, he will not change, unless he gets some professional help ( maybe even medicated as well). But, YOU cannot 'fix' him. I am sure he does 'see' you are trying, but I feel he is not able to 'give' what he should be giving to you. In this amount of time with him, now you can see how he is... Is maybe best you suggest he get in for some therapy and talk to his doctor. Is not easy to live like that - be struggling and have no support to try & get a little better. Las thing he needs is to be involved, at this time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 5 hours ago, Chaan said: Was it selfish of what I did while he was sick? If I try will it change him? how can i get out of thinking about him and hurt myself It’s not selfish to want more or need more especially in an intimate relationship. When you both meet are you sleeping with him? Stop sleeping with him and meeting with him. Don’t contact him again or look for him. If he guilts you one day or tells you he’s depressed direct him to professional help or encourage him to see his doctor. Or, you can block him permanently. You’ll hurt for a few days and the dust will clear. It’s much better than meeting with this man knowing he doesn’t care about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caan Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 20 minutes ago, SooSad33 said: Xin lỗi, nhưng nếu anh ta bị PTSD và trầm cảm, anh ta sẽ không thay đổi, trừ khi anh ta nhận được một số trợ giúp chuyên nghiệp (thậm chí có thể được điều trị). Tuy nhiên, bạn không thể "sửa chữa" anh ta. Tôi chắc chắn rằng anh ấy 'thấy' bạn đang cố gắng, nhưng tôi cảm thấy anh ấy không thể 'cho' những gì anh ấy nên cho bạn. Trong khoảng thời gian này với anh ấy, bây giờ bạn có thể thấy anh ấy như thế nào ... Có lẽ tốt nhất bạn khuyên anh ấy nên tham gia một số liệu pháp và nói chuyện với bác sĩ của mình. Không dễ để sống như vậy - hãy đấu tranh và không có sự hỗ trợ để cố gắng và trở nên tốt hơn một chút. Điều anh ta cần là tham gia, vào thời điểm này. He even got addicted to codein. He know that. Before he told will stop medice and he dont want such a bad situation. When i recommend then He uncomfortable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 Yeah, you cannot make him stop or change anything... this is his battle. I am sure inside he knows all of his issue's he needs to work on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 45 minutes ago, Chaan said: He even got addicted to codein. He know that. Before he told will stop medice and he dont want such a bad situation. When i recommend then He uncomfortable Stop talking to him. His drug problems and mental problems are not your problem. He has friends and family and doctors and hospitals to take care of him. Stop. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 Quote he doesn't have the ability to care for me. This is all you really need to know. I'd tell him, "I understand, and I need to walk away while we both still think highly of one another. If you ever develop the ability to care for me, you can let me know. If I'm still available then, maybe we can meet to catch up. Meanwhile, I wish you the best." Then you're done with this nonsense, and you're free to go pursue someone who will treat you better. You've left your door open if this guy ever wants to bring you the kind of relationship you want and deserve, but you're not hovering around someone who refuses to give that to you. Hovering only devalues you to him, and it devalues you to your Self. Make a better decision, and you will thank yourself later. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caan Posted September 7, 2021 Author Share Posted September 7, 2021 10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Đừng nói chuyện với anh ta nữa. Vấn đề về ma túy và vấn đề tâm thần của anh ấy không phải là vấn đề của bạn. Anh ấy có bạn bè và gia đình, bác sĩ và bệnh viện để chăm sóc anh ấy. Ngừng lại. He had a family incident since childhood, it was a problem that caused him psychological impact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2021 Share Posted September 7, 2021 I don't understand vietnamese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caan Posted September 7, 2021 Author Share Posted September 7, 2021 51 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: I don't understand vietnamese. sorry I mistake I mean : He had a family incident since childhood, it was a problem that caused him psychological impact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted September 7, 2021 Share Posted September 7, 2021 Whatever his traumas and personal problems are, you cannot have a relationship with someone who just isn't interested in having on with you. You need to let him go. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caan Posted September 7, 2021 Author Share Posted September 7, 2021 52 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: Whatever his traumas and personal problems are, you cannot have a relationship with someone who just isn't interested in having on with you. You need to let him go. thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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