Confused after Break Up

[Marieqq90]

I had the most amazing relationship. We met each other as exhcange students in a different country and I waited half a year to tell him that I like him. He is the most funniest person I ever met.
In total we were together a bit more than 4 months.
We immediately became a couple the night I asked him, two weeks in he asked me if we are official. He told his parents, his grandfather, his friends. 
I was his first girlfriend and he was a bit younger than me. He treated me really good. He remembered all the small things I told him, he listened to me, he showed me physical affection (in public and in front of friends) he gave me many compliments everytime we saw each other, he put me first, time was passing so quick whenever we saw each other (he said that too), we never ran out of things to talk, we didnt fight once, he brought me home almost everytime even if it was not on his way and also the sex was very good. I felt very very loved throughout this whole relationship. 
He told me that his friends said he seemed more confident since he was together with me and I could feel myself being more confident as well. 

After 1 month and a half out of nowhere he said we need to talk what happens when we go back to our home country (we live in neighbor countrys by the way)
He said he doesnt see himself in a long distance relationship and he said he likes me a lot but he is not in love with me. That was a really hard pill to swallow. We had a long and (for me) unsatisfying talk and I went home confused. two days later he texted me that he was too harsh and he wants to talk about it again if I am okay. 
So we talked and this time it was better. He said he had the feeling that I maybe already have bigger plans for us and because he didnt know where it was going he didnt want to give me hope and he was that direct because he thought otherwise I would have hope. He said he missed me (because we didnt see each other for a week) and I told him we are just 1 month into our relationship and we should enjoy it and see what comes. 
So we agreed on that. 

We had many trips together after that, many cute moments and we grew really close in my opinion and even more affectionate towards each other. Also people from outside perceived it that way. 

One week before leaving our exchange year country he asked to meet very late at night. I had a bad feeling because it was unusual since for the last two weeks we lived quite far and he had a curfew, but when we met he was like always, he kissed me, we fooled around for one or two hours and I was really relieved.
Also the day before we had booked a hotel for the two of us and he was normal during sex and talks. But then he said we should talk about what happens when we go back. 
I told him my opinion didnt change and I want to try long distance, even if it doesnt work out in the end I want to try it and we dont live that far away from each other. 
He said his point of view didnt change as well and he repeated the same things than last time. That he doesnt feel love for me. 

For me that was really crushing, I thought, according to his behaviour that his mind changed or that I was at least worth trying. 
I asked him if he ever was in love before and he said yes two times and that he doesnt have the same patterns with me than the other two girls, he doesnt feel his heart beating and the excitement he felt for the others. 
I felt defeated, what else could I add when he says he doesnt love me? 
So he asked to hug me because he could see I was feeling unwell, I cried a bit and suddenly he cried too 
He said we can talk about it again if i want to 

We did 4 days later, this time I was more prepared and I told him everything that I wanted to say and I made sure to tell him I'm not here to push him to change his mind and I said everything that I wanted to say.
That I dont really understand and that when I look back I feel loved and he behaved so much like he did and so on.
It didnt change anything. I asked him if we could stay in contact (because I couldnt bare the fact not to talk to him) he agreed and we even met one more evening to hang out as friends (which was nice but also hurtful, but it was my request) 

After coming back home we texted like once a day but then one time he didnt reply for 3 days.
I felt crushed that I went from his priority to this in a matter of days...
I became a bit better but then when he texted me after 3 days I was sad again 

So I told him in a nice way that It hurts me more than I thought to text him and that I need distance and he was very understand. 

He was really understanding and told me he completely understands and I should take as much time as I need. After 10 days he texted me again regarding some pictures that I asked him to send. In those 10 days I was really miserable and only thought about him. So I texted him back and then he took another 10 days to reply.....after that we exchanged messages for a few days and now im being ignored again.

 

Its been 1 and 1/2 months now since the break up and I still cry about him, I really miss him and I cant really believe that he doesnt have feelings for me. I still want him back....we parted in good terms and our relationship wasnt toxic

Im slowly losing hope on what I can do...we are in different countries so theres not that much I can do 

I wanna know how other people perceive my relationship and if you have any advice for me on what to do. 

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Marieqq90 said:

After 1 month and a half out of nowhere he said we need to talk what happens when we go back to our home country

Sorry this happened. It seems like a lovely relationship/4 mos.

He was straight forward about an end point being when you go back to your respective countries. 

Is it possible he has a GF back home?

Stay friends, but move forward as far as dating locally.

[catfeeder]

I'm so sorry you're hurting. You're starting to 'see' now what you could have recognized back when this guy began exiting at month one.

Honey, this guy was never fully invested. He was kind and attempted damage control multiple times, but the only real way to cut damage is to rip the band-aid off and get the pain over with.

Most people are NOT our match.

No matter how much we might wish for a person to be The One, that feeling needs to be mutual. It can't be coaxed by us or contrived by them.

This is also no reflection on you. Whenever someone is unable to view you through the right 'love' lens, that speaks of their limits rather than of any deficiency in you.

Everyone is calibrated differently, and the RIGHT person for you will recognize and appreciate your unique value in a way that is mutual with your vision of him.

Everyone else will see you as a great person, but not necessarily their mate--and that's how most of us see one another. Even with friendships we all have our limits--most people are NOT our best friend, even if they view us as fabulous and worthy.

Head high, and trust that you will rise from this grief to the degree that you DECIDE to thrive. You will thank yourself for choosing resilience, and you will make yourself proud.

Make the right decision, and write more if helps.

[Tinydance]

I'm really sorry that you're hurting so much. This really sucks. I know you probably don't want to hear this but from everything you wrote it seems that this guy just wanted to have a "holiday romance". As he said to you, he did like you and obviously he was enjoying your company and sex. But he just didn't love you.

I think unfortunately some people when they travel have a mindset that because they'll leave that country in the future, they don't need to have a serious relationship and that just having a companion or "friends with benefits" is OK. Maybe if he was in his own country then he would have been more serious about only dating someone he loves. But here it seems he had that "it can be fun while it lasts" mentality.

I guess he was trying to make your time together nice and so he was acting affectionate and being good to you. I guess he never lied to you because after 1.5 months he told you how he honestly felt and that his plan was not to continue the relationship when he went home to his own country. I know you loved him and that's why you wanted to continue the relationship. But he told you how he really felt so you had the choice to stop seeing him.

I think if you actually don't keep in touch with him and don't contact him, in time you will move on. You know what they say, "time heals all wounds".