EXTREME NERVOUSNESS

[Priya_1801]

Hello Everyone I am a teenager and I am 17, Some months ago I went into this online relationship with a man, seriously a man whose age is 23, now I met him through some game where we could actually talk and I could talk in front of 3 guys including him I was very confident and in his eyes also I impressed him but now I have lost that all after the day i got into relationship with him. He proposed me and he is very attractive and matured I just said yes in flow but yeah I did like him but didn't go too far and I never knew that what was going to happen after. It seems like I was not quiet ready for the relationship maybe. I used to get scared and nervous later on, on his texts and when he used to call me. I never used to give my efforts and I used to feel guilty too but there were feelings for him it's like I am not able to express myself. I go blank when I am in his presence, my hands get cold and my heart beats so fast. It's not the only thing that happens I kind of get jealous when I see her female friends when they are very friendly and I feel like I wish if I could be with him too. Then I see his brother and other friends whom have great personality too I feel they would definitely think me I am boring and I am dumb, What if my boyfriend talks about my personality I would be so embarrassed. I never felt this , this is the first time I am feeling intense Fear with excitement because I feel my boyfriend is special to me. I feel guilty everyday and regret that I am not putting any efforts and whatever happens I am responsible for that, I told him about my nervousness he said "You have to talk about your problems with me not just sit ideally with your problem" And I said him many times that I really wanna talk to you but I can't I get nervous so he said "Please stop this" I am just giving up everyday I feel so embarrassed and what is he thinking about me. It's just not about talking I could not even get sarcastic around him I just don't know what's happening. Happened first time in my life. 

Extreme Fear. 

[Pleasedonot5]

OP, have a physician evaluate you for anxiety. The symptoms and experiences you described are similar to (albeit more severe than) the ones I experienced when I first developed anxiety, which was around your age. I have generalized anxiety disorder. 

Some tactics that may help your situation:

Help Communicating / Interacting with Your Partner

- Visualizing. You want to have a conversation with him about the way you are feeling. Before hanging out and having the conversation, close your eyes and imagine yourself having the conversation with him. Picture yourself doing well at it. This is a technique used by performers, athletes, and laypeople alike to "practice" before an important event, performance, or otherwise. 

- Debunking. You are currently letting all of these worries and self-criticisms roam around your mind unfettered. Your negative self-talk ("what if I am not good enough; what if I screw up; etc.") acts as your own personal prosecutor. Well, if you put yourself on trial, you need a defense attorney. Argue back against your negative self-talk. ("Well, he seems to like me and I can tell as much because reasons xyz; it is so unrealistic that he would leave me because I communicate that I am anxious; etc.").

Trying to ignore the negative self-talk/fears is a fool's errand: ever try not thinking about something? It is the best way to ensure you think about it all the time. Instead, let those thoughts in and then "debunk" them. It really diminishes the power of those thoughts. 

Alleviating Anxiety Symptoms

- Grounding. When you experience symptoms of anxiety, such as fear, worrying, panicking, that burning feeling in your chest/throat: (1) look around and identify five things you can see. Mentally tell yourself things like, "I can see the clock... I can see the painting... etc. (2) Listen and identify five things you can hear. Mentally tell yourself things like, "I can hear the humm of the air conditioning... I can hear the people talking nearby... Etc." (3) Identify five things you can do as you do them. Mentally tell yourself things like, "I can move my wrist... I can flex my abs... Etc." as you do those things. 

This should temporarily help alleviate symptoms of anxiety. It is like an anxiety "first aid" that works like a charm. 

Paradoxical Intention. This is another mindfulness technique which may help alleviate symptoms of anxiety. For this technique, try to feel one of your anxiety symptoms. For instance, one of my main anxiety symptoms is a burning or tightening feeling in my chest/throat area. I actively, mentally try to induce the burning or tightening feeling in that area. Paradoxically, it goes away. 

--

To reiterate, though these strategies may help, please see a physician and have them evaluate you for anxiety.

I hope this helps. 

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, Priya_1801 said:

 I am 17. I go blank when I am in his presence, my hands get cold and my heart beats so fast. I am feeling intense Fear with excitement because I feel my boyfriend is special to me.

Have you met in person? Do your parents know you have a 23 y/o BF? 

[Batya33]

OP this not a boyfriend.  You are feeling anxious because you are infatuated with a fantasy and you have no idea if he is 23 or 33 or 17 or has a criminal record, etc - he is a complete stranger for safety purposes. Has he asked you for money or tried to send you money through an online account? Please cut off contact for your personal and emotional safety.  He is a stranger.

[Capricorn3]

5 hours ago, Priya_1801 said:

Hello Everyone I am a teenager and I am 17, Some months ago I went into this online relationship with a man, seriously a man whose age is 23,

  He proposed me and he is very attractive and matured I just said yes

When you say he proposed to you, do you mean as in marriage proposal and you said yes?? Are your parents aware of this?  You're 17.  Will your parents approve of this?

[SooSad33]

Trust your feelings... It does NOT feel right.

When you are involved with someone, you should not feel this way.  You are experiencing anxiety.

As mentioned, consider talking to your doctor if this happens a lot in general.

And yes, maybe being with someone this age when you are only 17 is not too good for you 😕 .

So, is maybe time to just stop all of this now.  Take care of YOU.

[Priya_1801]

5 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

When you say he proposed to you, do you mean as in marriage proposal and you said yes?? Are your parents aware of this?  You're 17.  Will your parents approve of this?

No like propose in a girlfriend

 

[Priya_1801]

2 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Trust your feelings... It does NOT feel right.

When you are involved with someone, you should not feel this way.  You are experiencing anxiety.

As mentioned, consider talking to your doctor if this happens a lot in general.

And yes, maybe being with someone this age when you are only 17 is not too good for you 😕 .

So, is maybe time to just stop all of this now.  Take care of YOU

I clearly understand that being someone with this age is not right everybody is saying me this, but we chose to be with each other nobody actually forced but with time I don't know what has happened to me I just, I go blank, fail to express my emotions, feels like If i even want to talk..I take up the guilt and then it feels it is is not right to know what he is doing because me out of the blue moon comes and ask him about what is he doing sounds like an formality. 

[Capricorn3]

3 minutes ago, Priya_1801 said:

No like propose in a girlfriend

 

Okay, thanks for the clarification.  Will your parents approve?

[Priya_1801]

6 hours ago, Batya33 said:

OP this not a boyfriend.  You are feeling anxious because you are infatuated with a fantasy and you have no idea if he is 23 or 33 or 17 or has a criminal record, etc - he is a complete stranger for safety purposes. Has he asked you for money or tried to send you money through an online account? Please cut off contact for your personal and emotional safety.  He is a stranger.

I understand not every person we meet online is someone who would keep us in danger. I am aware that no word should be trusted from him neither he can be trusted untill he comes to visit me. Cut off the contact is not that easy. We both decided to be in this relationship and nobody forced. Relationships have problems but at least you should try to solve it. It takes a second to break but to be in the relationship takes more than that. 

[Priya_1801]

3 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Okay, thanks for the clarification.  Will your parents approve?

Yeah they would but it's been not that many months and I am quiet young so I didn't tell them about this. 

[Capricorn3]

Have you met him in real life? Or only online?

[Priya_1801]

11 hours ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

OP, have a physician evaluate you for anxiety. The symptoms and experiences you described are similar to (albeit more severe than) the ones I experienced when I first developed anxiety, which was around your age. I have generalized anxiety disorder. 

Some tactics that may help your situation:

Help Communicating / Interacting with Your Partner

- Visualizing. You want to have a conversation with him about the way you are feeling. Before hanging out and having the conversation, close your eyes and imagine yourself having the conversation with him. Picture yourself doing well at it. This is a technique used by performers, athletes, and laypeople alike to "practice" before an important event, performance, or otherwise. 

- Debunking. You are currently letting all of these worries and self-criticisms roam around your mind unfettered. Your negative self-talk ("what if I am not good enough; what if I screw up; etc.") acts as your own personal prosecutor. Well, if you put yourself on trial, you need a defense attorney. Argue back against your negative self-talk. ("Well, he seems to like me and I can tell as much because reasons xyz; it is so unrealistic that he would leave me because I communicate that I am anxious; etc.").

Trying to ignore the negative self-talk/fears is a fool's errand: ever try not thinking about something? It is the best way to ensure you think about it all the time. Instead, let those thoughts in and then "debunk" them. It really diminishes the power of those thoughts. 

Alleviating Anxiety Symptoms

- Grounding. When you experience symptoms of anxiety, such as fear, worrying, panicking, that burning feeling in your chest/throat: (1) look around and identify five things you can see. Mentally tell yourself things like, "I can see the clock... I can see the painting... etc. (2) Listen and identify five things you can hear. Mentally tell yourself things like, "I can hear the humm of the air conditioning... I can hear the people talking nearby... Etc." (3) Identify five things you can do as you do them. Mentally tell yourself things like, "I can move my wrist... I can flex my abs... Etc." as you do those things. 

This should temporarily help alleviate symptoms of anxiety. It is like an anxiety "first aid" that works like a charm. 

Paradoxical Intention. This is another mindfulness technique which may help alleviate symptoms of anxiety. For this technique, try to feel one of your anxiety symptoms. For instance, one of my main anxiety symptoms is a burning or tightening feeling in my chest/throat area. I actively, mentally try to induce the burning or tightening feeling in that area. Paradoxically, it goes away. 

--

To reiterate, though these strategies may help, please see a physician and have them evaluate you for anxiety.

I hope this helps. 

Thankyou so much for taking out time to actually reply me, I really appreciate you. I actually know the grounding method and I have tried to do that , then breathing but when I am in that situation I panic alot, ALOTTT and I don't know what should I do I go blank. It's like being in an interview but when the interviewer asks you a question you just stay quiet even when he says Say something you are just quiet. And then you feel guilty. 

[Priya_1801]

2 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Have you met him in real life? Or only online?

I just met him online and we actually video called too. There is nothing he never even asked me for the nudes or something. I don't know what is this fear of. 

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, Priya_1801 said:

I don't know what is this fear of. 

Stranger danger. 

You don't really know this person. Your fear is your gut is trying to protect you. 

[smackie9]

Is it in fact you have limited experience and you are dating an adult? Kinda hard to fit in with his friends them being more mature. You feeling since they are more mature, their expectations of you would be quite high, hence why you put yourself down, call yourself dumb. You feel like a fish out of water.

[Tinydance]

Can you speak to a doctor or counsellor about your anxiety? I know this is your life but I don't think having this online boyfriend is probably very good for you. If you're still at school I think he's too old for you. Also if you can't meet because he's in another country or something like that then sorry but what is the point of having this relationship? You could find a boyfriend in real life who is close to your age.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Priya_1801 said:

 I panic alot, ALOTTT and I don't know what should I do I go blank.

You are under 18. Asking random people on the internet for medical advice won't work. You need to stop lying to your parents and being a sneaky kid. 

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, Priya_1801 said:

I just met him online and we actually video called too. There is nothing he never even asked me for the nudes or something. I don't know what is this fear of. 

That means he is a complete stranger for all safety purposes.  It's your body telling you to act in a safe way.  Interacting to this extent with an older stranger is not acting in a safe way.

[Priya_1801]

10 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Is it in fact you have limited experience and you are dating an adult? Kinda hard to fit in with his friends them being more mature. You feeling since they are more mature, their expectations of you would be quite high, hence why you put yourself down, call yourself dumb. You feel like a fish out of water.

Yeah this is the reason. 

[smackie9]

8 minutes ago, Priya_1801 said:

Yeah this is the reason. 

This is quite normal. Mom talk: this will take getting used to. It may or may not last but keep learning, and experiencing things in life. It's not all bad, you will get through it. Things that seem big, will become small.