friendship gone downhill after 8 hrs.

[fleecy]

I've been long-distance friends w/ this girl for 8ys. We attend a convention together once a yr. Mostly we've gotten along fine, until these past 3 yrs. We've had some disagreements that I personally considered over minor things. To her they are major. I had never meant to hurt or ignore her feelings or wishes, but I still get the impression she thinks I did w/ evil intent beforehand. I have tried to explain that we have very different perceptions of these things & apologized many times. But all I get back from her are more 'sins' I have committed & that I am being manipulative & only trying to 'justify' my actions. -This convention is only 2 weeks away & I am stuggling over what to do. Options I've thought of are: 1.Go ahead & call her & try to resolve this once & for all before the convention. Even though this might mean we may not be on speaking terms at the event, which I don't want. 2.Suggest we 'suspend' the disagreement until after the convention, either discussing it at the end while we're both there or wait until we get home. 3.This may be too much but; while at the event try to find a 3rd friend to act as mediator, or even perhaps a few friends, & discuss it at the end of the convention. --I guess I just find it very hard to relate to her feelings since I don't view these as major problems & she does. I think she has over-reacted & has blown them all out or proportion. Also it hurts my feelings as well to think that she views me as a manipulator where my only objective is to hurt her. -If anyone has any other suggestions I'd be most happy to hear them. Thanks

[Heretic]

It sounds to me like she's over-reacting. I can't say for sure but I'll put money on the fact it's best to resolve this beforehand. I speaj from experience that someone with a mindset like that can truly ruin your fun at the convention and possible drive you away from it forever.

 

The first thing she'll do is try to gain ground with everyone she can. She'll tell them you're an awful person and not to be trusted. By the time you try to find someone who will listen to you and mediate their opinion will be so biased you're wasting your time. In the end everyone will think you're a jerk and try to avoid you. It's an awfully mean thing to do to someone but this girl sounds like she'll do it.

 

I suggest giving her a few days to cool down then try to fix things as best you can.

 

Good Luck.

[fleecy]

I do appreciate the advice. I don't like to think my friend would be that vicious, but anger can bring out the worst in people. We do already have a mutual friend who still talks w/ both of us (via phone & email) & shows no signs of favortism either way. She just wants a peaceful solution. I do plan to call my friend to talk everything out before the convention. -I just hope we can put all this behind us & focus on the positive aspects of our friendship. I feel like I've tried my best to make ammends. Sometimes I think she just wants to know she's 'won' the argument & I don't see it that way. We had some misunderstandings, they happen, you apologize, you move on. Maybe she wants me to promise I'll never hurt her feelings again. I don't see how that's realistic though. I find it very difficult to understand her very high scale of sensitivity. I suppose it's because I consider her to have had a rather sheltered life. While other friends & I have been through much tougher times w/out so much drama. -I will probably end up writing down what I plan to say to her over the phone. I just want some peace in this situation. Thanks again

[pi_anochik]

I agree that you shoudl get it over with beforehand. She's definitely over-reacting. Just try to resolve it so you guys can go ahead and have a good time at the convention!