How do u know you're in love, and when should u say I Love u

[Double J]

I've been with my g/f over 2 months, and I've never been happier. She is everything I could ever ask for and more. It's the first relationship I've ever had that has fulfilled me emotionally, physically, and on every other level. The past relationships were all flops with the wrong kind of girls - immature ones with personal problems that always had an issue to interfere with creating a meaningful relationship. I guess those were simply the wrong girls at the wrong times - a trial and error type of thing. It happens to everyone.

 

With every day that goes by, I feel more attached to this girl. I've been infatuated by girls in the past, but I don't really think I've ever been in love. I felt I was in love with my elementary school sweetheart, but that wasn't real love - just a major little crush that we all have. Before this current relationship, I thought I was going to fall in love with a girl I spoke to online with for 3 years and then met in person. She was beautiful physically, but her immaturity, commitmentphobia, and personal insecurity issues sabotaged everything I felt for her - she was just a wreck and is still one to this day. I feel in my heart that I am in love with my girl now, but I'm not sure, and I know that she's confused too because she's never loved a guy before, much less been in a truly serious relationship of this calibur.

 

So my question is - how do you know? And, if you are in love, when should a guy pop the magic words (Or should he?)

[Strandysmommy]

You know...I don't know if I have any solid words of wisdom for you. My boyfriend posed it like this one night as we were falling asleep: "Would you be freaked out if I told you I think I am falling in love with you?"

 

Now, all that week I caught him at several points almost saying "I love you". Just getting in those little moments when words can slip out. At the same time I had been feeling the same way. Not consciously thinking "I love him, I am making a deiscison to love him." More of a "I love this man" floating into my head and then "oh, how did THAT get there?" The pieces just fell into place.

 

Now the big conterversy seems to be "it's not love, it's infatuation, it's the honeymoon phase...yada yada yada". I have many friends who are now married quite happily and they realized they were in love at various junctures of thier relationship. One couple in particular were engaged after 2 months of dating. So it IS possible, I would just study your girlfriend. See what her affections for you are before you say those 3 little words. I think...I don't know I think you'll just know the feeling is mutual. I guess it's like proposing: rarely will a guy (or girl) do it if they're not 99% sure the other will say yes.

[Day_Walker]

In a logical sense you dont really know, its possible that you make a choice on the best informatipn provided at that time that you believe you want to go all the way with this person. Usually when people say they have found the one its based on how that person makes you feel, which isnt how it should work. When a person can make you feel a certain way that feeling will always be able to be duplicated. If you love a person because of the person they are, then you have a better understanding of what love actually means.

[BillyJean714]

When a person is in love with another person, their main concern is making the other person happy. They find satisfaction in pleasing their partners, because in turn, it makes them happy. They think less of their ego. They put the other person ahead of themselves. This is different from being a pushover, because they are aware of their limits, yet, at the same time the other person reciprocates. The feeling is mutual and needs are in congruence. Sharing each other's happiness is all that matters. This is what's called 'Unconditional' love. Unconditional love results in true love. It's when the love that they give is given and not asked for. Seeing their partner's happiness results in bringing out their best potential. It's the feeling that ignites passion for personal growth. Unconditional love just happens. Theres no way to force it.

 

The distinction of being 'in love' verses 'infatuation' goes deeper than the obvious. When a person's infatuated, they're arroused by the thought of their partners physically. It does not mean that this cannot be the foundation for being 'in love.' Every relationship needs some sort of physical chemistry to start off as catalyst. Otherwise, they are just friends and not lovers. And of course, physical attraction is subjective and varies upon each person. Nothing is wrong with infatuation. But, it is still very important to remember that infatuation does not always result in true love.

 

So what leads infatuation to true love? Time. Understanding a partner, being able to connect with each other on both an intellectual and emotional level, not just physical. It's rare that people just find others that they click with, but when they find the right one, the feelings of being in love and loving that person come naturally.

 

Me personally, saying the words "I Love You" within the first 2 months of the relationship is a bit too soon, because love develops over time. Sometimes people say that they "Just Know." But that feeling of just knowing, realistically, isn't that easy. It takes a lot of commitment on both partner's sides. Times of hardship really show if the person loves the other person or not. To know if you're in love, that's an answer that you're heart can only tell with time. Of course, being in love is separate from just hormones acting upon emotions.

 

If there are any doubts about saying I Love You don't say it until you truly know. That way, when you do say I Love You, it will have more meaning. But, this also depends on how serious you this person is to you, marriage wise. To me, if a guy were to see me as marriage potential, then the words I Love You wouldn't come so easily. But, if he were to view me as a sex object and is trying to get game, then I love you is easy for him to say. In some cases, he may just say I Love You just to pacify my doubts, but I still think that it's best to say it when he really means it. By then, I cherish those words even more because I see the sincerity behind it. But these are just my opinions based on personal experience.

[SandyD]

It´s funny how saying "I love you" came so easily for me in past relationships. The guy would say it no later than a month in, and it was as easy to say as "Can I have a glass of water?". It was something to say, like "You look beautiful today", to make the other person feel good, to feel connected. Horrible, I know. Now I know better.

 

Because the truth is... all those guys who said they loved me... well, they didn´t really. How can you love someone you barely know? So they were just words, spoken out of infatuation and giddiness. The way I think about love, just so you have an idea of how deep it is, is imagine the love you have for your family, for your parents. That is true love. Of course, there are other components to romantic love that you wouldn´t share with your family... he he he, but in essense, that is what love is.

 

I´m in a new relationship. I´m in love, he´s in love. But do we love eachother? My answer to that is... we will. As we get to know eachother better, as we share our lives, being there through good and bad, as we deepen our bond... love is in the process of happening. I´m in no rush to say those words, and I don´t think he is either. It will mean something when we do say it, it won´t be trivialized like it´s always been in the past for me.

[valenski]

When you are in love you know it, whenever you think to yourself am I in love? you get a funny tingle I guess thats one of the signs, you have found someone special and want to tell them you love, try telling them without actually saying I love you directly. You might find its not easy to explain that overwhelming feeling you feel when you do.

[Zerohero]

Even if you are "In love" don't say so.

 

Wait till after a good 4 - 8 months I say.... trust me 8)