gamon Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, Batya33 said: I think it's relevant to the OP to see what not to do. Trying to manipulate someone into aborting a fetus as you did and using deceit and lies is extremely harmful. It would have been much more harmful to me if she didn't abort the fetus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 11 minutes ago, gamon said: It would have been much more harmful to me if she didn't abort the fetus. Obviously that's not how morality and common decency works when choosing how to treat another human being and also here a potential child. Anyway I don't want to hijack this thread -I made my point to the OP above that I hope he acts in a moral, ethical and decent way despite being scared. That's when it's most important to do the right thing -when it's hard to do so -when it involves not making it all about yourself, for example. It's a tough situation for sure and it might not even be his child given how he described the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamon Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 Who said anything about morality, decency and how to treat another human being and a potential child? I was thinking only about myself and my best interests, and I didn't want to be a father at 15 and hey abortions happen. All the time. There's a lot of folks that don't give a rat's ass about a potential child, like it or not, morally decent or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 1 minute ago, gamon said: Who said anything about morality, decency and how to treat another human being and a potential child? I was thinking only about myself and my best interests, and I didn't want to be a father at 15 and hey abortions happen. All the time. There's a lot of folks that don't give a rat's ass about a potential child, like it or not, morally decent or not. I'm just trying to help the OP. So I've given you my opinion on your choices and have nothing else to add. You can continue to try to defend your actions with your excuses and irrelevant comparisons about how you think other parents treat their children/deflecting and I have the same opinion in particular so that the OP makes choices that are consistent with doing the right, moral thing in this stressful and unfortunate situation. It all might turn out that she is not actually pregnant, wants to terminate and/or it's not his so we don't have all the information. I won't be responding anymore and understand you think you behaved in an appropriate way to the person you had sex with who got pregnant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamon Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 People don't always do the "right moral thing", and advising someone to do this is no more meaningful or correct than another poster suggesting they do what is their own best interests regardless of the effect it has on another person or persons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 4 minutes ago, gamon said: People don't always do the "right moral thing", and advising someone to do this is no more meaningful or correct than another poster suggesting they do what is their own best interests regardless of the effect it has on another person or persons. Of course they don't -never said otherwise. I am in particular advising the OP about what I would do about the woman he had intercourse with who now might be carrying his child. Individual to his situation. You gave him advice that I feel would be potentially harmful to the OP and the mother of his future child (if it is his child) and so my advice is different from yours. We can agree to disagree and again I know you believe you did the right thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 Why is this a political debate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Why is this a political debate? It's not in the least! I didn't see anyone write anything political -if you were referring to what I wrote -not political -i was commenting on the OP standing up to the plate, communicating with her, finding out if he is the dad and being honest in his communication and actions. That's apolitical - I have no political opinions here. OP -the other option if she wants to continue with the pregnancy is adoption - I mean that might not work but I'm not sure if anyone mentioned it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamon Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 The question was asked in the original post as to how he might convince her not to have the baby. I answered, giving my own personal experiences from when I was a teenager in the same predicament. Another poster decided to pass judgement and stated that my decision was harmful and morally wrong. I felt the need to respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 3 minutes ago, gamon said: The question was asked in the original post as to how he might convince her not to have the baby. I answered, giving my own personal experiences from when I was a teenager in the same predicament. Another poster decided to pass judgement and stated that my decision was harmful and morally wrong. I felt the need to respond. I felt the need to implore the OP not to use your approach (I wrote why above and recognize that you are comfortable with what you chose to do, how you chose to react and comfortable advising the OP on how to proceed) and I don't think a man should try to convince a woman to terminate a pregnancy or to have the baby. It's her body, her choice. I also don't think a woman should try to convince a man to have a vasectomy as that too involves a surgical procedure but with a pregnancy that's even worse IMHO. I feel very comfortable giving my opinion to the OP on whether it's ok to convince a woman as to how to deal with her body, her pregnancy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamon Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 Of course it's her choice. That's why if he doesn't want to be a young father and be paying child support for the better part of the next 2 decades he's gotta change her mind somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 Just now, gamon said: Of course it's her choice. That's why if he doesn't want to be a young father and be paying child support for the better part of the next 2 decades he's gotta change her mind somehow. I respectfully disagree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 CONDOMS. This is why they make them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 ABSTINENCE--It's free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 1 minute ago, Jibralta said: ABSTINENCE--It's free! Yup. I did that as a teenager. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 1 hour ago, Jibralta said: ABSTINENCE--It's free! 🤣 a little too late for that advice. 3 hours ago, Seraphim said: CONDOMS. This is why they make them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 OP, you can certainly state your point of view. You can tell her your concerns about being parents at this point in your lives and why you think it isn't a good idea in a straightforward and caring manner. What would NOT be a good idea is to try to pressure, intimidate or threaten her with a breakup or other dire consequences. One question women who go in for a pregnancy termination are asked is "Is anyone making you do this?" And if she chooses to proceed with the pregnancy, for sure a paternity test after the child is born is called for. And if the child is yours, you will need to put together a financial plan to help support your child. I do hope you've learned a valuable lesson; if you are not ready to be a father, use condoms every single time and do your best to ascertain the woman is regularly using a reliable form of birth control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: a little too late for that advice. No, it's not. He is going to come across other girls in his life. They can get pregnant, too. He will have the option to use condoms or abstain in those cases, as well. No need to leave a litter of children or a pile of abortions behind him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 9 minutes ago, Jibralta said: No, it's not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: The OP never returned and his dilemma was right now. Just because he hasn't responded, doesn't mean he isn't reading. His 'dilemma' can be repeated the future if he's not careful. Also, other people can learn from his mistakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamon Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 4 hours ago, boltnrun said: One question women who go in for a pregnancy termination are asked is "Is anyone making you do this?" Hmm didn't know that. If you intimidate or coerce to abort make sure you tell her that if asked at the clinic, it was entirely her idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 Just now, gamon said: Hmm didn't know that. If you intimidate or coerce to abort make sure you tell her that if asked at the clinic, it was entirely her idea. OK, that's just wrong. Unbelievable! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 21, 2021 Share Posted March 21, 2021 Mod Note: Please remain respectful, and avoid engaging in personal arguments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LotusBlack Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 On 3/20/2021 at 9:02 AM, SherrySher said: Wiseman, while I enjoy reading most of your posts, I do ask kindly if you consider your audience. Firstly...no it is absolutely "not on her". This man laid down with her, he chose to have sex even with the risks and he impregnated her. He is as much responsible for this baby, as she is. This is his his child too. You can't just push a woman into an abortion clinic and say "oppsie's" and expect her to be okay with going through with it, especially by strong arming her. If she can't or doesn't want to put her body through an abortion, then this "man" should step up and take care of his child!! If this young man is so concerned about creating children, then perhaps he should get a vasectomy. Then there is 100%..NO RISK of pregnancy, ever. Secondly there are a lot of people on here that were born and raised by single Mum's who were quite young when they had them. Babies don't ruin lives. All it means is these people have to step up and start being responsible, work, pay bills etc..much sooner than they anticipated. There are also many young parents who went on to finish a degree, work to get an excellent career and are doing really well. Having a baby at a young age does not mean it will end badly. It depends on how much you want to succeed in life, even if that means waiting till your baby is a bit older. This! So much this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LotusBlack Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 On 3/20/2021 at 5:02 PM, Batya33 said: Not true. I did, my friends did -at that age. I chose not to be sexually active even when hormones were pumping. Also not an excuse just like it's not an excuse when a teenager bullies or beats someone up because he was acting on impulse. The same for me. I chose to wait until I was 22 before engaging in sex for the first time and specifically because I wanted to make sure I had a fairly healthy level of maturity to deal with whatever consequences arose from doing so despite the protections put in place to prevent such things. People can make good choices, even just knowing to hold off on doing something because they are aware they are not able to handle a potential situation at that time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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