mk45328 Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 Long story short: He left his wife and his unhappy marriage, and he started dating me a couple months later. We fell head over heels in love with each other. We've lived together for a year and enjoyed a wonderful, happy, drama-free relationship. I've supported him nonstop through this divorce process. We recently reached the final hurdle of the divorce becoming final. The sudden transition and financial/emotional burden (due to not seeing his kids as often, selling the house, drama and hatred from the ex, etc) took a huge toll on his mental health. He left me yesterday. He told me he needed space, needed time to think, to fix himself and his life, and that he was going to stay with his parents until he is ready to find an apartment of his own. I'm beyond devastated and heartbroken. This was no ordinary love- this is the man I know I belong with. I felt it in my soul- he is God's match for me. I'm absolutely shattered. He later told me that he feels in his heart that his decision was irrational. He asked me to just give him time to think. I professed my undying love for him. I told him I'd give him all the space he needs and that I would wait for him until he tells me not to. And that was the end of our conversation. I won't be contacting again, as difficult as it will be. But I have no idea how long he will need, what he will end up wanting, and whether I'm making the right decision to wait for him. Am I torturing myself? Am I setting myself up for another devastating heartbreak? I just don't know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 24 minutes ago, mk45328 said: We've lived together for a year He left me yesterday. He told me he needed space, needed time to think, to fix himself and his life, and that he was going to stay with his parents until he is ready to find an apartment of his own. Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. He was willing to screw over his wife and kids and use you as a free bed and breakfast with benefits while he sifts through the divorce. Be glad he moved out and you only wasted a year on a snake like this. He'll cheat on the next one too. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media. Put this in the past as a portrait of the kind of man who selfishly careens through the lives of others. So to avoid this type of creep in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 18 minutes ago, mk45328 said: He left his wife and his unhappy marriage, and he started dating me a couple months later. We fell head over heels in love with each other. We've lived together for a year and enjoyed a wonderful, happy, drama-free relationship. I've supported him nonstop through this divorce process. With him recently getting out of a Marriage /long term relationship- then YOU happen along, he jumped right into it- which was NOT a good idea. So often, when this happens, is a rebound. They end as fast as they start.. and yes, it hurts! 😞 His mind was not in the right place. he does not have it in him to 'give' whole heartedly to you. He never worked on accepting and going through the 'grieving' process. He just jumped into another relationship - (selfish imo). And so often, when they do this... with their heart/emotions still stuck in their broken, last relationship, what they're doing is spilling their emotions on into their new partner, of which they do not truly have any feeling for. 18 minutes ago, mk45328 said: this is the man I know I belong with. I felt it in my soul- -Yes, you feel it, BUT from his end is much different, which is why he pulled away now 😞 He is not at where you're at. 19 minutes ago, mk45328 said: I won't be contacting again, as difficult as it will be. Good. Do not reach out, but let him be now. He has a LOT to sort out internally. He does not need any prodding. He's experienced a break up of a marriage and now, a year long relationship? I'm pretty sure his mind is overloaded with stress. Probably, for your own good.. is keep away from this hot mess. And work out your own feelings from this experience, although painful, is necessary. (and let this be a lesson learned- never get involved with anyone who's recently come out of a long term relationship... they are NO good) 😞 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambert Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 you know the thing is... he just wasn't ready. And you can't force healing, being ready etc. if you know in your heart this is God's plan, Then why worry? You can't mess up God's plan. If that's your faith and what you believe. It's rather contrary to ask what you should do... in time all will be revealed. That is the beauty of faith. You have it to lean on in times of strife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mk45328 Posted February 17, 2021 Author Share Posted February 17, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. He was willing to screw over his wife and kids and use you as a free bed and breakfast with benefits while he sifts through the divorce. Be glad he moved out and you only wasted a year on a snake like this. He'll cheat on the next one too. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media. Put this in the past as a portrait of the kind of man who selfishly careens through the lives of others. So to avoid this type of creep in the future. By "supporting him", I meant emotionally. He took over the bills and rent when he moved in, encouraging and allowing me to tackle some of my debt. Also, he did not cheat on me. I apologize if I wasn't clear enough in my post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 He has a long, long road of healing. Let him have his own place because this is what should happen. He needs to adjust to living on his own without jumping from one person to another or one relationship to the next. Both of you will have the freedom to date if you wish later on down the line but remain cautious and do not let him move back in with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. He was willing to screw over his wife and kids and use you as a free bed and breakfast with benefits while he sifts through the divorce. Be glad he moved out and you only wasted a year on a snake like this. He'll cheat on the next one too. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media. Put this in the past as a portrait of the kind of man who selfishly careens through the lives of others. So to avoid this type of creep in the future. I agree. This guy used you as a therapist, sex partner. Etc... to move on from the ex. You don’t want more of this mess, you need to remove him from the pedestal. in the future, do not get involved with someone immediately out of a relationship, must especially a married man. Also, wait a least a year before moving in with someone, as you can see, insta-relationships rarely work. sorry, but this is done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 2 hours ago, mk45328 said: Am I torturing myself? Am I setting myself up for another devastating heartbreak? Yes, to both questions. Nothing will change and there is no happiness written on the walls here. As to what to do? Move on and hopefully learn from this, not to get involved with married men - it will almost always backfire on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 I dont think anyone can say with certainty what he will do. I dont know if he will reach out to you or not. And you dont know that either so you asked if you should move on? The answer is yes. He broke up with you for a reason. I think there were a lot of issues he had that he hid from you. Now that he is divorced he wants to be free and not back into another relationship. Just know that I dont think it was you or anything you did or there was nothing you could of said or done to have him continue being with you. Maybe her projected his love for his wife onto you, maybe he continued the marriage thru you, maybe he didnt want to be alone while going thru this and you were there and willing to be there. There could be many reasons but he wants to be free from any commitment. So let him figure things out. In the meantime, you must move forward and place yourself in a mental state that IF he decides to have you in his life, you can choose yes or no. Remember, you were there for him, but he left you when you needed him. Instead of trying to work things out together, he left you because he probably wanted to "find himself". He is free and he probably wants to feel like what it is like to just not have to answer to anyone, or worry about what another person feels about his actions, or anything like that, he just wants to worry about himself and thats fine. Let him figure things out. But if you move forward, you are not closing the door or signaling that he lost his chance. What you are doing it letting him know that he will have to earn you back. You are free to find another guy and he better figure things out quickly because you are going to attract guys who are ready to be emotionally available to you. This might be the best thing that can happen to you. I know it sucks, break ups are hard, but moving forward is good for you and him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 What is the meaning of he need space??? It doesn't needs for head over heels in love. If you really want to try on this relation then ask him directly and be prepared for whatever will his answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 12 hours ago, Capricorn3 said: Yes, to both questions. Nothing will change and there is no happiness written on the walls here. As to what to do? Move on and hopefully learn from this, not to get involved with married men - it will almost always backfire on you. Agree. You got rolled up in a rebound. It's the worst. Been there, done that. That blissful euphoria that you experienced with him was his coping mechanism for dealing with the demise of his marriage. You can tell this is the case from the abrupt way in which it completely evaporated when his divorce was finalized and reality could no longer be denied. I doubt he will return. He may not have intentionally used you, but that is what happened anyway. In time, you will give up on him and feel better. There's no shortcut here, unfortunately. In the future, avoid men who are recently out of long term relationships. They make terrible partners, even if they were unhappy in their previous relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 Textbook rebound. Research the term and the consequences of setting yourself up for it. Nobody who is rebounding will admit to it, or even necessarily KNOW that that's what they are doing. But most people who leapfrog into another relationship before stabilizing solo will have an eventual epiphany and give the same speech, "You are a wonderful person, but I really should have taken the time to be on my own to 'find myself'." That's why it's up to each of us to look out for ourselves rather than rely on someone else's lousy judgment. Divorces are crazy-making. Have you noticed? Positioning yourself in the thick of someone else's associates you with that upheaval. I'd skip the whole 'waiting' idea. I'd grieve, heal and move myself forward. If ex ever decides that he wants to catch up with you, he'll have no problem letting you know that. Hopefully you'll have reached your own higher ground by then, so you'll have a whole new perspective on how to handle that if you ever need to cross that bridge. But putting your life on hold to live inside a fantasy about someone else's choices is not healing, and it's not in your best interests. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 Sorry OP, but the others are unfortunately right: you were his rebound. When you are "emotionally supporting" your own partner through the end of his marriage, well, your relationship was never on solid ground to begin with and was going to end sooner or later. Maybe you will meet again someday, but I would not place yourself on hold for him. He's not doing the same for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinydance Posted February 21, 2021 Share Posted February 21, 2021 On 2/18/2021 at 11:07 PM, Jennifer said: What is the meaning of he need space??? It doesn't needs for head over heels in love. If you really want to try on this relation then ask him directly and be prepared for whatever will his answer. I agree, why does he need space if he's really in love with you? If he feels the same as you and thinks you're "the one"? I think both emotionally and mentally he can't actually be in a place where he really knows what he wants. He started dating you only two months after breaking up from his ex wife! I don't think he could have been over it that fast! I think you came at a convenient time, when he needed a shoulder to cry on and somewhere new to live. And he had all that from you. I find it suspicious that now that his divorce is finalised, he's decided to leave you and move out. If he really wanted to be with you then now he's free and divorced, but instead he dumped you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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