Does he want his ex back? I’m flying out to be with him for VDAY in a few hours.

[Jibralta]

1 minute ago, Beckydee90 said:

You would spend 4 days straight during. Valentine’s Day weekend with someone just for sex?

It doesn't matter what Wiseman would or wouldn't do. What matters is that there absolutely are people out there who would spend 4 days straight with someone during Valentine’s Day weekend just for sex. They'd do it without a second thought. And if that's not ok with you, be careful.

1 minute ago, Beckydee90 said:

Why do you think his ex isn’t over him? I thought she walked away after he said no to therapy.

That's the impression that I get from some of the things that you've written. But it doesn't really matter what her position on the matter is. He's clearly still involved with her on some level.

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Beckydee90 said:

 spend 4 days straight during. Valentine’s Day weekend with someone just for sex?

That's exactly what he's doing. Why not have some fun and no strings sex to help him feel better?

Obviously he is long distance and still talking to his GF, so enjoy.

Are they serving food on aircraft these days? How long is the flight?

Did he pay for your ticket? If not he got a good deal with in-call sex, if so... oh well still a less expensive option.

[Spawn]

 

Sometimes in our lives we talk to someone for their advices and either we take it or we go through the grind. When we go through the grind we may make mistakes and keep making them until we learn. Sometimes we just have go through the ***. Understand one thing in life you will make mistakes today, tomorrow and in future too, but when you learn the lessons never ever go that path again, protect yourself, love yourself.

[East4]

And you, Becky, do you want to be with somebody who frog leaps from one woman to another? It is also a warning for you that a woman who knows him intimately (his ex) considers him in need of therapy.

Given his confusing behavior, I think she is onto something. I think he is using you and you are young and naive and let yourself being used for sex and as emotional tampon. Aim higher. This man is not datable and he is too old for you. Don't throw yourself at men like that, before getting to know them better.

Who paid the air fair to go visit, do not tell him it was you (or your parents). Why are you serving yourself on a silver plate to this man? What has he done to win you over? Apart from texting sweet words to you, while he is obsessively checking his ex social media, even while you are there in his home. I know you are young, but this is not an excuse to not use your brain. All the facts and red flags are openly on display for your to see, but you obviously prefer to live in denial.

I think we can try to reason with you until we are blue in the face, but you won't listen before he uses you as a peace of meat and then ghosts you, or send you a "i am not ready for dating you" text.

Please, do yourself a favor: pack your bag and go back home. Leave this guy checking his ex IG in peace. 

[Beckydee90]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's exactly what he's doing. Why not have some fun and no strings sex to help him feel better?

Obviously he is long distance and still talking to his GF, so enjoy.

Are they serving food on aircraft these days? How long is the flight?

Did he pay for your ticket? If not he got a good deal with in-call sex, if so... oh well still a less expensive option.

He and his ex aren’t still talking. 
 

a 30 year old man would have a 22 fly out, spend 4 days, and Valentine’s Day weekend all for sex? Why not spend time with someone local if that’s what he wanted?

[Jibralta]

4 minutes ago, Beckydee90 said:

a 30 year old man would have a 22 fly out, spend 4 days, and Valentine’s Day weekend all for sex? Why not spend time with someone local if that’s what he wanted?

Because you're already willing. Why should he do the extra work of finding someone when he already has someone?

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Beckydee90 said:

He and his ex aren’t still talking. 
 

a 30 year old man would have a 22 fly out, spend 4 days, and Valentine’s Day weekend all for sex? Why not spend time with someone local if that’s what he wanted?

You seem to make a big deal out of Valentine's day. ALL CAPS. Mentioned over and over and over.

To him you're a fresh young piece of momentary distraction.

It's a lot cheaper and easier than having to wine and dine women for a while before a whole weekend of free sex, so why not?

Is he paying for your travel expenses? Did he give you flowers?

Has he been sneaking off to the other room or bathroom to text her?

After all, you showed up, had sex, lunch and then he left you sitting alone in his living room so he could "take a nap"?

[Beckydee90]

2 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Because you're already willing. Why should he do the extra work of finding someone when he already has someone?

Why not another weekend? Why a romantic holiday weekend? Men will avoid VDAY weekend like the plague so that you won’t get the wrong impression.

[Jibralta]

5 minutes ago, Beckydee90 said:

Why not another weekend? Why a romantic holiday weekend? Men will avoid VDAY weekend like the plague so that you won’t get the wrong impression.

It makes it easier for him to get you in bed. Just because you think Valentine's Day is significant doesn't mean that he does. And it's obviously very significant to you. So, you're a particularly easy target for someone who really just wants to get laid. If he looks at you like you're disposable, he won't really care what impression he gives you.

[Beckydee90]

1 minute ago, Jibralta said:

It makes it easier for him to get you in bed. Just because you think Valentine's Day is significant doesn't mean that he does. And it's obviously very significant to you. So, you're a particularly easy target for someone who really just wants to get laid.

It just seems like a lot of time to be around someone who just wants sex. He could’ve had someone local if he wanted sex.

[MissCanuck]

20 minutes ago, Beckydee90 said:

It just seems like a lot of time to be around someone who just wants sex. He could’ve had someone local if he wanted sex.

Oh, Becky. 

You have a lot to learn about men. 

[East4]

Becky, on a side note,  for your safety, please do not confront this man in any way, shape, or form about his ex, while you are in his house, far away from home. Do not ask any questions, because this will anger/annoy him and you do not know how he may react. 

Do your parents know that their young daughter is spending 4 days with an older man, who she does not know well? Are your parents aware where and with whom exactly you are? Were you clear with your parents that you are travelling  to just  get used for sex in the home of a guy that is nearly a stranger for you?

I would have been very worried as a parent, if I knew my daughter was doing what you are doing...

I wish you safe return back home.   

[Beckydee90]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

Oh, Becky. 

You have a lot to learn about men. 

I’d like to learn though. Why wouldn’t he have someone this him weekend who is local if wanted sex? It doesn’t make sense to me.

[Lambert]

19 minutes ago, Beckydee90 said:

I’d like to learn though. Why wouldn’t he have someone this him weekend who is local if wanted sex? It doesn’t make sense to me.

Because you give him too much credit.

Do you care if your steak was flown in or local? 

Local sex requires work, dates, going out and meeting people. 

You find him attractive but I think a lot of woman would hear his story... recent break up of a long term relationship and see it as a total waste of time. 

Why don't you want someone local? Cause maybe you can't find one?  Probably the same for him. 

Also for a lot of guys valentine's day is a joke.  They don't mark it. They don't care... they might go along for the woman.... did he give you a valentine? 

 

[Jibralta]

54 minutes ago, Beckydee90 said:

I’d like to learn though.

The first step is learning that not everybody thinks like you. Some people have different values, and that is their right. 

Something that doesn't make sense to you may make sense to another person. 

If you don't agree with someone, move on. You are not the standard for human values. It's not your place to approve or disapprove those values. 

Your job is to take care of yourself. To do that, you must find someone whose values coincide with your own, not waste time debating over other people's business.

54 minutes ago, Beckydee90 said:

Why wouldn’t he have someone this him weekend who is local if wanted sex?

He may get off on the idea that you've actually flown yourself out to be with him. It may give him something to brag about, "Hey, I'm so hot that this chick flew all the way out to be with me. I didn't have to do anything. They're just throwing themselves at me."

[maritalbliss86]

On 2/13/2021 at 8:38 AM, Beckydee90 said:

So does he still want to be with his ex?

I haven't read all the replies, just skimmed some that seem to be trying to get you to think he only wants sex... but do whatever you think you want to do.  

I've always heard, and I think it's right, that the best way to officially get over someone, is to fall in love with someone else.  

So he may just be trying his hand at that... he might be giving love a second chance with you.  And maybe it's not, "popular," but I do think this old adage is right.  There's nothing that helps you get over your ex faster, than falling in love (hard) with someone else.

[maritalbliss86]

22 hours ago, Andrina said:

The other high risk is that now this would be a LDR for you. Always a great risk of failure there if you already haven't started the LDR as a longterm couple

I agree with the long distance thing being the main cause of potential failure.  In my mind, it's more of a risk than the potential rebounding.

[maritalbliss86]

Ok... not sure why you lied about your age... unless you thought it'd make people criticize the relationship overall and see it differently (which does say something).

The rebound phenomenon is odd to me, mostly because I've seen so many examples that counter that argument. 

It is actually a common thing for a person to be dating seriously, break up, and then the next person they meet is the one they marry.  I've rarely seen examples of the rebound thing. 

I even knew a man who thought he was cursed, because after women would date him seriously, they'd break up and then find the man they quickly marry afterward!  

And I've heard of that happening to women, too... that their longtime finance (so a serious realtionship here) leaves them and then promptly finds the, "Perfect Woman," to wife up and marry!  It's awful actually... and maybe people protect their egos by saying the next relationship will be a rebound, instead of it actually working out better and leading to marriage.

[boltnrun]

I'm sure you're going to seize on the ONE PERSON who said you two may end up married and ignore everyone else (including your best friend and cousin) who said he is obviously still hung up on his ex and that that fact it's Valentine's weekend isn't significant.

Did he say "I want to spend Valentine's weekend with you"? Did he pay for the flight? Did he buy you flowers, candy and a romantic card? 

You have decided he has feelings for you and has you there because he wants to have a relationship with you. You are refusing to hear anything that doesn't align with your insistence that he has no feelings for his ex and he wants to be with you instead. 

Sometimes people have to repeatedly touch the hot stove before they finally realize it hurts.

[Andrina]

I know you won't answer this question, since you haven't answered any of the numerous ones asked, but since checking on his ex through social media isn't a dealbreaker now, will it ever be for you? And when? Two weeks from now? Two months from now? Never? 

Your low standards in a man is holding a mirror up to your low self worth. Subconsciously, he's all you think you're worthy of.

[boltnrun]

Are you super anxious to have a boyfriend? Do all your friends have boyfriends and you're the "only" single one? Are there no interesting young men where you live? Do you work or go to school?

[maritalbliss86]

57 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'm sure you're going to seize on the ONE PERSON who said you two may end up married and ignore everyone else (including your best friend and cousin) who said he is obviously still hung up on his ex and that that fact it's Valentine's weekend isn't significant.

 

LOL I mean I could be wrong of course, I am so sleep deprived that it only just now occurred to me that she's there with him!  That this is V-day weekend 😂😂😂

I mean... she's already done this, right?  Maybe she'll come back and let us all know what happened. 

Curious Cats would like to know!

 

Edited to add: I still stand by my initial thought that the long-distance would be the relationship killer, rather than the risk of rebound

[Hollyj]

5 hours ago, Beckydee90 said:

You would spend 4 days straight during. Valentine’s Day weekend with someone just for sex?

That’s what you would be doing, we would not. 

[boltnrun]

5 hours ago, Beckydee90 said:

It just seems like a lot of time to be around someone who just wants sex. He could’ve had someone local if he wanted sex.

A guy I used to see told me sure, he could have "found" sex but why bother when I was so willing to drive 4 hours round trip to bring it to his doorstep?  He called me "convenient".

You actually got on an airplane (did he pay for the ticket?) to bring yourself to him.  Doesn't get more "convenient" than that.

I can see, however, that you're determined to try to make this situation a love story.

[Rose Mosse]

Social media and the gossiping seems to be confusing the situation. Look at his behaviours yourself and come to your own conclusions. If he's distracted or still has ties to his ex or her family, this isn't good. 

He walked away from someone he was prepared to commit to for life and refused counseling or acknowledging his issues. Does this not read to you at all like a massive red flag? This person has tremendous issues with himself and acknowledging himself. 

Keep things simple and clear. Because he spends a weekend here or there means very little if you cannot sense his whole heart or soul isn't with you. You have doubts as previously mentioned or you wouldn't be here. Why the need for so many discussions with friends and forums? There are doubts, whether you're in denial or not. There is nothing wrong with hearing input from others but stay in tune with your own confusion and doubts. 

I think you're in too deep with this person and already emotionally attached. This will probably run its course. It'll be a very bumpy ride if your expectations are high. Keep them low and don't overinvest if you enjoy his company. Look at him as a person. Maintain your boundaries and don't be a doormat if he mistreats you or disrespects you or neglects you. You deserve better than that.