My boyfriend can’t control his temper, advice needed.

[Rosebloom]

Hello all, my boyfriend and I got in an awful argument and when we do he looses his temper so quickly from 0-100. We go from arguing to him screaming at me. No matter what I try to say or defend my opinion calmly  it doesn’t matter and it’s all my fault. 
we are fighting because I forgot to make our dogs vet appt and now our dog is out if meds and he is pissed at me. The dog is fine and a vet appt has just going to be next week instead of sooner. He is upset I didn’t make the appt sooner I get that and waited too late. But in no way did he need to slam the table and scream at me for my faults, I was shaking and always get shakin up with he yells at me like this. We can’t ever talk to eachother when he gets this mad. And He never puts a hand on me or is there any violence but his temper form 0-100 is a big concern for me. Just the other day he almost fought someone over the person next to him not giving him enough room via parking.  The guy gave him attitude and he blew up threading to fight him until someone came to break it up. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and still find it hard dealing with his short temper. Any advice? 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Rosebloom said:

 him screaming at me.

 he is pissed at me. . 

did he need to slam the table and scream at me for my faults,

always get shakin up with he yells at me like this.

when he gets this mad. 

He never puts a hand on me or is there any violence but his temper form 0-100 is a big concern for me.

he almost fought someone over the person next to him not giving him enough room via parking.  

He has zero problem controlling his temper and zero anger issues. He's abusive.  Does he 'scream and point out faults' to his friends? His family? His coworkers? Of course not.

He's abusive. Don't  bother trying to reason with him. Don't bother defending yourself.

You need to enlist the help of family and friends to extricate yourself from this. Be honest with your trusted people about what a monster he really is.

He's a dangerous loose canon. There's no physical violence...Yet.

[Seraphim]

This is abuse and it is long since time to leave. 

[East4]

Abuse comes in many forms, not just physical. Yelling at you, berating you and making you shake with fear is psychological abuse, par excellence. Abuse escalates over time, it never gets better. For your own safety, you have to leave this individual. You do not deserve to be treated this way. I noticed that you are trying to defend him, which most victims of abuse do, to justify why they stay with the abuser.

26 minutes ago, Rosebloom said:

He never puts a hand on me or is there any violence

Threatening you, blaming you for everything, insulting you, tormenting you, IS violence: emotional and psychological.

[Hollyj]

He is abusive.   Do your friends and family know?

 

Get out!

[Lambert]

This is abuse.  He can control his temper.  He is choosing not to.  Growing up my mom had a vicious temper. And then as an adult, my best friend and my serious bf, both had vicious tempers.

Because of my mum, I thought people just sometimes have bad tempers. 

Then one day I just got sick of being treated like this.  When I always try to fight fair, choose my words wisely, etc. Here I was working hard, considering them and their feelings.  Respecting them to not go below belt. When gosh, wouldn't it have just felt so great to go there and then just claim, "I'm a Scorpio or I have a temper."

No! fix your temper or watch me leave your butt. Which is exactly what happened. I got fed up and never looked back.

Fortunately, my mom has mellowed with age and as an adult she does not scream at me or anything like that. but I'll tell you, I don't let anyone disrespect me. Verbally or physically. Deal breakers.

The bad news is, I still get mad at myself for putting up with those tempers. You might not think it's damaging you, but it is. 

I have come to realize a few things... people with tempers figured out that this works to get their way, they cannot deal with their own emotions and they're generally low on the empathetic scale aka selfish.

Ditch this guy. You don’t need him. There are better guys to choose from..  I don't care what else he has. 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Rosebloom said:

 I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and still find it hard dealing with his short temper. Any advice? 

That's because you shouldn't be "dealing with it", OP. 

You should have gotten rid of him ages ago. 

[catfeeder]

Unfortunately, this won't get better--only worse.

When someone flips their lid, they don't own self control, and that's dangerous.

He may not intend to harm you or someone else, but it's going to happen unless you get yourself out of there.

[gamon]

If and when you make the wise decision to leave him expect him to flood you with apologies, remorse, and promises that it will never happen again. At which point you could say "get yourself into therapy and/or anger management classes and let's see how it goes" (but still leave and don't even consider going back to him until you see positive changes over time).

[Batya33]

Why do you tolerate these kinds of reactions? Also he is putting your life at risk if he does the "road rage" thing and you are with him at the time.  Honest- if my husband forgot to make the appointment you mentioned I'd be frustrated too because in our situation I am the Maker of Appointments to the nth degree so if he agreed to take something off my plate and then forgot in a way that was careless I'd be frustrated. 

But how it would go down is as follows -I'd express my frustration, he would apologize, he would likely tell me how he was going to make it right and shortly after that we'd move on.  But there have been times he's tried to make lame excuses for being careless and that is frustrating.  I tell him that - I don't hold back.  I don't think I should.  But not by losing it.  Will my voice get louder - probably-- I am a loud person but I won't lose it.  Or do the personal attacks etc.  I keep it to the issue.  

So -no matter what his behavior is unacceptable.  AND I also want to know -when you mess up what is your reaction - why is it an argument - maybe in this case you thought he was supposed to and it was a miscommunication.  But if you've agreed to do X task and you don't do X task I would simply and directly apologize and explain how you are going to make it right (here you did -the dog will go to his appointment). 

If you try to make excuses or deflect responsibility then it's understandable for your partner to express frustration -without losing his temper.  Do not be with someone who loses his temper in any regular way (yes, everyone loses it once in a blue moon, and whenever that happens a sincere and quick apology is essential and the person should take steps to calm themselves down preventatively) and certainly not like he does.

  And at the same time I would avoid arguments (even with people who do not lose their temper) where it's because you didn't give a sincere apology for messing up.  I didn't see that in what you posted - just from what you wrote you seemed to defend your mistake by saying it was no big deal as it's rescheduled.  But please know that rescheduling can have a domino effect on your and your partner's lives that might seem like no big deal to you but might to your partner. 

Again he should not lose his temper.  You shouldn't ever walk on eggshells -and in any partnership it's important to own one's mistakes and do your best to make it right and acknowledge when you inconvenience your partner or add stress (i.e. your dog having no medicine can feel stressful to the owner).  I think you should leave him.