boltnrun Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 1 minute ago, Chick95 said: Even though after the first time it was only 3 days and we then decided to move to a house together and got a car together? That's irrelevant. You are now broken up and are being used for his convenience. Trust me, doormat behavior never works to reattract someone. They lose respect for you when you allow them to treat you poorly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, boltnrun said: Your parents refuse to allow you to stay with them? Your brothers/sisters also refuse to help? I had a situation recently where I had to give up my apartment and I had 3 offers from family members. I'm sure when you explain the situation (be honest! Don't sugar coat or leave things out) someone will let you stay. My parents live in a different part of the country and my sister has 2 children in a 2 bed apartment with her boyfriend. If she had a house she probably would Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 2 minutes ago, Chick95 said: Even though after the first time it was only 3 days and we then decided to move to a house together and got a car together? His heart isn't into you. He is the one who wants to break up with you while you're giving him sex at his convenience. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 1 minute ago, boltnrun said: That's irrelevant. You are now broken up and are being used for his convenience. Trust me, doormat behavior never works to reattract someone. They lose respect for you when you allow them to treat you poorly. So I should just get over it and carry on with my own life? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, Chick95 said: My parents live in a different part of the country and my sister has 2 children in a 2 bed apartment with her boyfriend. If she had a house she probably would Is it impossible for you to relocate? You have no way to transfer or find a new job where your parents are? You know what they say...when you want to do something you'll find a way. If you don't want to, you'll find an excuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 1 minute ago, boltnrun said: Is it impossible for you to relocate? You have no way to transfer or find a new job where your parents are? You know what they say...when you want to do something you'll find a way. If you don't want to, you'll find an excuse. My dad is critically ill I've explored every option when it comes to my family letting me stay with them it's not fun being in a house with a guy who loves u but doesnt want to be with you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Why did him and his ex split up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, smackie9 said: Why did him and his ex split up? They split up several times during the 4 years when they were together. Partly due to them losing the children coz of the grief and partly to do with it being a very toxic relationship due to his ex having bipolar etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, Chick95 said: They split up several times during the 4 years when they were together. Partly due to them losing the children coz of the grief and partly to do with it being a very toxic relationship due to his ex having bipolar etc She kicked him out 5 days after giving birth to their son and it was incredibly toxic and difficult even when I got with him for about 7 months Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 6 minutes ago, Chick95 said: My parents live in a different part of the country and my sister has 2 children in a 2 bed apartment with her boyfriend. If she had a house she probably would If you were my sister I would give you my sofa to sleep on and help in anyway. I'm not getting this...it's only for a few months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, smackie9 said: If you were my sister I would give you my sofa to sleep on and help in anyway. I'm not getting this...it's only for a few months. I know but at the end of the day if people cant they cant I've already come to terms with the fact I'm gonna have to stay here I just dont know how to do it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 4 minutes ago, Chick95 said: My dad is critically ill I've explored every option when it comes to my family letting me stay with them it's not fun being in a house with a guy who loves u but doesnt want to be with you Did you ask your sister? Again, if you really want to stop being used for sex you will find an alternative. Even if it's getting an Air BnB or a short term rental. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 1 minute ago, Chick95 said: She kicked him out 5 days after giving birth to their son and it was incredibly toxic and difficult even when I got with him for about 7 months So you are saying you got with 7 months after they split? and it was toxic relationship continued? like why date someone in that situation? why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, boltnrun said: Did you ask your sister? Again, if you really want to stop being used for sex you will find an alternative. Even if it's getting an Air BnB or a short term rental. Yeah I've asked I could stay at hers for a couple of days but that would be all she could offer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, smackie9 said: So you are saying you got with 7 months after they split? and it was toxic relationship continued? like why date someone in that situation? why? No they had been split up for over a year when I got with him. When she found out about me all hell broke loose I already knew him through my mate so I knew he was a genuinely nice guy and we were already mates. She used to use the kid against him eventually it died out and I get along with her now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Well I guess you ride this out for the next 4 and half months and see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 If you choose to stay, make sure you cut off the sex and anything else you've been doing for him. Pay your share of the rent and bills but otherwise stay in your room or visit your sister as much as you can. He will try to convince you to continue to give him free sex. Let him know that you only have sex when you're in a romantic, committed relationship and if he wants sex he will have to commit to reconciling. Otherwise, no more sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 me personally would stop paying for anything.... so you can move out. Do go out and eat, refuse to do any house cleaning/cooking shopping, go out a lot, not talk to him, hide in your room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 38 minutes ago, Chick95 said: He has said repeatedly he loves me and wishes he could be with me but that he has got too much going on in his head Yet he doesn't have "too much going on in his head" to keep you between the sheets. What does that tell you? As long as you continue to accept the demotion to FWBs, he'll keep the crumbs flowing. It's time to raise the bar, and send this clown packing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 It would be best to ask him to leave. Can you afford living on your own? Whose name is on the car? How much other stuff is co-owned? Stop talking about kids. Stop talking about his exes and babymamas. Living in this limbo is a waste of your life if you want a stable relationship and family one day. Do both of you work outside the home? Stop living as a couple. That means no sex. No babysitting his kids. No shared anything. No being his housekeeper. Are you staying because of finances? He is derailing your life with his instability and chaos manufacturing. He seems mentally abusive and manipulative . His stories about exes sound like nonsense. Sounds like she was smart to kick him out. She didn't steal his kids. Does he pay child support? Do your best to get out of this situation. It's a losing proposition if you want a happy life and stable family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 Why are you having sex with a guy who broke up with you? Cut that off!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 5 hours ago, Chick95 said: I want him to realise what a mistake he made by leaving. He has always said he knows how good our relationship was and how lucky he was to have me in his and his sons life. It all came out of the blue. I dont quite understand as we arent together but not much has changed except the fact we sleep in different rooms and dont have intimacy unless it's in the bedroom. How can he realize it if you are giving him sex and still living with him. That makes no sense. You are giving him the benefit of a relationship without one. He is using you and you need to start respecting yourself, as he clearly does not. Move out and cut off all contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 5 hours ago, Chick95 said: So you think its completely over? He did this to me about a year ago when things got bad between us which makes me think he might change his mind and he did this to his ex as well Do you want to do this every year? This guy sounds unstable. You need to be finished. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 40 minutes ago, Hollyj said: Do you want to do this every year? This guy sounds unstable. You need to be finished. Bingo. OP, you are in serious denial. This has never been a solid relationship and I would bet any money he’s got someone else on his radar. You need to wake up and find your dignity, girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 IMO, he moved on too quickly... he isn't ready at all. To be involved again and/or have kids. ( he's still affected from his last relationship). So, none of this is doing you any good. You cannot fix him. And if this is what's going on, he hasn't got much to 'give' mentally/ emotionally. You can tell with what they do, not what they say. He's pulling away, giving the hot & cold = confusion. None of this is good for you. (to block you, yet agree on sex? ridiculous..) Give him nothing. *He has broken up with you* - This means he does not want to be involved with you- can't do it* Then do not continue with him in any sense! Ever hear of the saying.. 'It's all or nothing'? Be stronger than this. Respect yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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