Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 My boyfriend of a year and a half has just broken up with me. We are both on the tenancy at our house for another 5 months so are still living together. He broke up with me saying he needed to be alone due to past trauma he had gone through. Is there anyway I can get him back? We are still being civil and friendly and intimate but sleeping in separate rooms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 what is the "trauma"? we need more accurate details or we can't help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 He has lost 2 children to his ex girlfriend and he also has a child to her. We were planning to start trying for children this year and when I brought up the subject again he said he didnt want the relationship as he was in too much pain from losing the children. His ex missus has just had another child to her current partner so I dont know whether that has brought up all his past trauma again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Why are you still having sex with him after he broke up with you? Are you hoping the sex will make him change his mind? Please, please do not become pregnant while in this situation. It won't work out the way you might imagine it would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 I'm not planning on getting pregnant as I'm still on contraception and he was the one who said we could carry on having sex as 'we both have needs' which is the way he put it. Does that mean he is just using me for sex? He says he wants to be civil as he has a child and I've been involved in his life and have a great bond with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Yes, he is using you for sex. "Needs" are his need to get off, not love or emotional closeness. What about what you want? Do you just want sex and to "bond" with his child or do you want a real love relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 I want him to realise what a mistake he made by leaving. He has always said he knows how good our relationship was and how lucky he was to have me in his and his sons life. It all came out of the blue. I dont quite understand as we arent together but not much has changed except the fact we sleep in different rooms and dont have intimacy unless it's in the bedroom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Continuing to give him commitment-free sex will not convince him he made a mistake by leaving. He gets all the benefits he wants (sex) while not actually having to be in a relationship with you. Why would that motivate him to recommit to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Yeah I understand that my problem is it's so hard to just shut off from him. He still acts like he is in a relationship with me without having the label on it. Its difficult coz I still live with him. So how do u suggest I proceed if i want him to come back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 You want him to feel what it's going to be like WITHOUT you. That means, no more interaction, moving out, stop having sex, etc. I agree, having sex with him is not going to convince him to reconsider your relationship. Sorry to say this but that's just dumb. Cut him off completely. He's just using you not only for sex, but paying for the bills, baby sitting his kid (if they are at that age) and doing the chores. Only he benefits, not you. He needs to miss you. and maybe that will make him think about it. But dear there is no magic spell words or actions to change someones mind when it's already made up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 He has also blocked me on all social medias but still has photos up around the house of us and on his phone background and sometimes randomly sends me messages whilst I'm at work I just feel like I'm getting mixed signals all the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 1 minute ago, smackie9 said: You want him to feel what it's going to be like WITHOUT you. That means, no more interaction, moving out, stop having sex, etc. I agree, having sex with him is not going to convince him to reconsider your relationship. Sorry to say this but that's just dumb. Cut him off completely. He's just using you not only for sex, but paying for the bills, baby sitting his kid (if they are at that age) and doing the chores. Only he benefits, not you. Financially I cant move out till june which is crap. Do I just show him I'm moving on and dont need him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, Chick95 said: Financially I cant move out till june which is crap. Do I just show him I'm moving on and dont need him? Go sleep on someone couch til you do find a place or move back with parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, smackie9 said: Go sleep on someone couch til you do find a place or move back with parents. I would do this but I dont have anyone that can offer me that or I would have done. I have suggested he move out but he is refusing to do so which is why I find it confusing as if it was me who had broken it off and I had an option to go somewhere I would. It just seems like he wants the relationship without having the relationship if you get what I mean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 3 minutes ago, Chick95 said: He has also blocked me on all social medias but still has photos up around the house of us and on his phone background and sometimes randomly sends me messages whilst I'm at work I just feel like I'm getting mixed signals all the time No he's just making it looks like there's hope having pictures around....why have you leave when he's still getting benefits from you? I assure you he's most likely talking to other women hence the reason for blocking you from all social media. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Stop being intimate. It's over. He's made it clear to you that he wishes to break up with you. Get his message. He's just using you for sex. When you can afford it, don't live together anymore because it's mentally unhealthy for you. Make a clean break and move on with your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, smackie9 said: No he's just making it looks like there's hope having pictures around....why have you leave when he's still getting benefits from you? I assure you he's most likely talking to other women hence the reason for blocking you from all social media. I know him pretty well and I'm pretty sure there is no one else Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 You know what....put it out there and see.....you would be surprise what people are able to do if they knew you needed help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 1 minute ago, Cherylyn said: Stop being intimate. It's over. He's made it clear to you that he wishes to break up with you. Get his message. He's just using you for sex. When you can afford it, don't live together anymore because it's mentally unhealthy for you. Make a clean break and move on with your life. So you think its completely over? He did this to me about a year ago when things got bad between us which makes me think he might change his mind and he did this to his ex as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, smackie9 said: You know what....put it out there and see.....you would be surprise what people are able to do if they knew you needed help. I have done most of my friends have children or boyfriends etc and cant accommodate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, Chick95 said: I know him pretty well and I'm pretty sure there is no one else Famous last words. Been on the boards for almost two decades.....more often that not, there is someone or they are planning. I have to ask what is this trauma? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherylyn Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 2 minutes ago, Chick95 said: So you think its completely over? He did this to me about a year ago when things got bad between us which makes me think he might change his mind and he did this to his ex as well He hasn't changed his mind since a year ago. He's just using you for sex. Yes, I think it's over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Just now, smackie9 said: Famous last words. Been on the boards for almost two decades.....more often that not, there is someone or they are planning. I have to ask what is this trauma? His trauma is losing 2 children to his ex. We had been planning to try and when I brought it up again he lost it and said it was over his ex has just had another child so I dont know if that has brought all the grief back up. He has said repeatedly he loves me and wishes he could be with me but that he has got too much going on in his head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chick95 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 1 minute ago, Cherylyn said: He hasn't changed his mind since a year ago. He's just using you for sex. Yes, I think it's over. Even though after the first time it was only 3 days and we then decided to move to a house together and got a car together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Your parents refuse to allow you to stay with them? Your brothers/sisters also refuse to help? I had a situation recently where I had to give up my apartment and I had 3 offers from family members. I'm sure when you explain the situation (be honest! Don't sugar coat or leave things out) someone will let you stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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